I open my eyes again to find Ben looking at me with worry. Damn it, he's biting his lip again. It's like he knows that turns me on.
I blink in confusion for a moment, trying to remember where I am. I look at the white walls and things slowly come back to me.
"Sorry," I whisper to Ben. He looks at me in confusion. "For what?" he questions. "Said I'd stay awake," I say. He looks at me for what feels like eons.
"Just don't do it again," he tells me, winking with those green eyes. I look around the room and notice we're alone.
"Where'd the doctor go?" I ask. "He'll be back in a minute. I told him what happened earlier and he went to grab some papers or something. How are you feeling?" "Been better," I say, grimacing.
My head is still throbbing, but I don't tell him that. My body feels exhausted. He looks at me thoughtfully. "Why were you running so fast? You looked like you were really pushing yourself." I blush. "Well, I kinda saw this cute boy looking at me earlier... and wanted to get his number?" I say, searching his eyes.
The door opens, interrupting our conversation. I glance over at Ben, but he's looking at the doctor instead of me. He's probably straight and I just embarrassed myself.
"Jay," the doctor says, "good to see you're awake. I have some questions for you." I ignore my throbbing head and all of my thoughts toward Ben, trying instead to focus on what the doctor's saying.
"Okay, do you play any sports?" He starts. "Football," I say. "I see. Have you guys started your training yet?" "Yeah, we started this week actually." "Interesting." He says, tapping his pen on his clipboard. "What kinds of physical activities have you been doing this week? What has your schedule consisted of?" "Morning run, three hours of training, and an afternoon run each day." I list.
The doctor and Ben make eye contact. "Alright, I'll be right back. Wait here for a second." The doctor leaves the room again and it's just Ben and I. "Jay?" He says. "Yeah?" I think back to what I said to him. 'Stop getting your hopes up. He's probably straight.' I think to myself.
"Why have you been doing so many activities this week?" he asks. Okay, not what I was expecting. Not sure whether that's good or bad. I sigh and flinch when pain shoots through my head again.
My vision swims momentarily, then fades back to normal. I shake my head. Ben looks at me carefully. "Jay? You okay?" "Uhm, yeah." I lie. I'm already crushing on a straight guy. At this point, things can't get much worse.
"I just... needed to get out of the house," I say, which isn't really a lie. I'm just not planning on telling him why. Ben tilts his head at me, ready to ask the question I don't want to answer.
The doctor saves me by coming back in. "Here's the lowdown, Jay. You've overworked yourself. With training and what I'd guess is more running than you usually do, your body can't keep up. On top of that, you're not giving yourself the proper diet for so much work. You need to take things easy. I sent an email to your coach since I'm close friends with him. You have to take a week off and rest. No strenuous physical activities."
I sigh. I suppose I already knew something like that was coming. I just don't know how I'm going to tell my dad that.
"You're free to go now. Call me if you need anything," he says. As he leaves, he turns to Ben. "Don't forget, supper on Saturday is at 5. Your mother will not be happy if you're late."
He walks out, leaving me confused. "Wait, was that your dad?" I say. "Yeah," he says, nodding. "Oh," I say, dumbfounded. "Well, you ready to go?" Ben asks, looking at me as he stands up. "I think so," I say.
I stand up slowly, hoping Ben doesn't notice and thinks I'm feeling better. He opens the door and stops, turning around to frown at me.
"Don't think you're off the hook," he says to me. My heart starts racing, wondering what topic he's talking about. He grabs my arm, putting it around his shoulders. Oh, that's what he meant. But my heart keeps beating fast, being close to him again.
"Don't think I forgot," he says. We walk back out to his car, my arm still around him. He makes sure I'm all ready to go in my seat before going around and starting the car. "Do you want to go back to my place for a while?" he asks. "Sure."
I open my phone as he's driving to find 2 missed calls from my older sister. I send her a quick text: With a friend, won't be back for supper. We pull back up to his apartment and head inside. I plop down on the couch again.
"What do you want to drink?" he calls from the kitchen. "I don't need anything," I reply. "Nice try," he says, bringing out a glass of water for me. I groan at him. "Drink it," he commands, narrowing his eyes. I just sigh. "I'm going to go change, I'll be right back." He disappears down the hall.
Now that he's gone, there's nothing to distract me. I look around his apartment, trying to ignore how bad my head hurts. He's got 2 bookshelves by his TV that are overflowing with books of all sizes. A heap of shoes lays in the corner near the door. A sudden surge of pain interrupts my exploration. I grip my head in agony, and I'm frozen from splitting pain.
"Hey Jay," a voice calls from down the hall. 'Shit shit shit' I think. I can't even move right now, much less respond to whatever he's about to say. "Are you hungry? We can order a pizza for supper."
I can't move and pain is making it harder to breathe. It's suddenly gone as soon as it started, and I'm left panting for air. Ben walks around the corner still talking but trails off when he sees me. "Or we can... Jay?" He rushes over to me. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." I lie. He squints at me. "Then tell me why you're breathing heavily." I avoid his gaze. He sighs, running a hand through his locks. "Just... lay down, okay?" I comply. Those green eyes have me trapped to obey. It's like he's magic.
"You okay with pizza?" he asks me. I nod, still trying to regain my composure. "Okay, I'm gonna call in, I'll be right in the kitchen." He spots the full glass of water on the table. "And dammit, drink your water." He saunters off to the kitchen. That's the first time I've heard him get anywhere close to swearing, and not going to lie, it was kind of hot. Oh dammit. He's probably straight.
I look over at the glass of water he set on the table. It seems to be taunting me. I sigh, and fall back onto the couch, lying down. Ben walks back into the living room. "Hey." He says, sitting down by my feet. "Hi," I reply. Where's this going? He turns his gaze to meet mine. He seems to be searching my face for answers. And then he asks it. The question I didn't want to answer.
"Why did you want to get out of your house so badly?" I sigh, running a hand down my face. I ignore my throbbing head, trying to decide what to tell him.
"As you figured out, I play football. It's my senior year. College scouts are going to start looking for recruits, and my dad is set on me getting a scholarship. He's always talking about his expectations of what I'm supposed to be. It's like he has my whole life planned out for me. I don't think that's what I want to do with it though. His plan, I mean. I want to make my own life for myself. I just... don't know what that is." I pause for a moment, hesitant to continue. I look into his eyes. I hardly know him, but his eyes seem to hold a component of... trust.
I continue, conveniently leaving out information. "The thing is, I'm not... I'm not who they want me to be. I just can't tell them that. If I tell them what I really want to tell them, it will mess up everything." Ben watches me silently, nodding his head as I talk.
"So you needed to escape for a while," he says. "Yeah." I sigh. I tense up when pain shoots through my head. Ben's eyes are rapt on my face and his lips are moving, but I can't understand what he's saying. I try to pretend like I'm listening to what he's saying, but it's impossible.
My hands fly up to my head and I clench my jaw as I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to ward off the pain. I can feel his hand on my shoulder. I crack my eyes open, trying to look at him. Spots of black blend with a swimming image and a wave of dizziness overcomes me. My chest feels tight and constricted and my breaths are coming in uneven gasps.
I'm trying to focus on him, but I can't when everything else is overriding my system. I let out a groan, no longer able to keep anything hidden. His image flashes before my eyes, a quick concise snapshot of his face. His strange green eyes are filled with worry, his eyebrows wrinkled together in concern. He seems to be reaching out to me but I'm frozen. Everything spins and fades to black.
----------------------------------------------
When I slowly crack an eye open, I see Ben still sitting by my feet. One hand rests on my lower leg, and the other holds up his cell phone. "Dad, there's got to be something else we're missing. Look over his old files and see if you can find anything. One scenario like this shouldn't be doing this much damage to him."
He bites his lip, looking down. "Yes, I'm well aware of that. I've had him lying on the couch and I've been trying to get him to drink something. I ordered a pizza that should be coming soon." He looks up at the ceiling in worry. "I... I'll call you again later, okay? Just... please keep searching." He listens for a moment. "Okay, bye." Ben hangs up the phone, sighing.
He shakes his head, looking over at me. "Jay? Are you awake?" I let out a soft groan. "You really need to stop fainting." He grumps.
I open my eyes and glare at him, but he just grins. His eyes narrow after a moment, knocking the smile off his face. "Why didn't you drink your water?" I turn away. He sighs. "Jay, c'mon. Otherwise, I'm helping you."
I ignore him. "Fine, helping you it is." I don't say anything, but really, I'm grateful. I don't have enough energy to do anything. He pulls me into a sitting up position and lifts the cup to my lips before I can protest. Although he gives me small breaks, I'm forced to drink the entire glass. He sets the cup back on the table, curling his feet up on the couch.
Ben looks at me again. "What?" I say. "Just thinking," he says. About what? I wonder. About me? I lock eyes with him. He's straight, I tell myself, even though it hurts. He has no intention of getting with you. You're weak. You passed out from running you idiot. There are so many things I want to say to him.
"Are you-" He starts but is interrupted by the doorbell. "That's probably the pizza. I'll be right back." He climbs off the couch, leaving me to freak out a bit. There are a lot of ways that question could've gone. The one in the forefront of my mind- 'Are you gay?'