âKaylaâ
â Warning: Sensitive and emotional chapter ahead.
Greif, death and mental health issues.
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The world around me seemed to slow down, the hospital sounds fading into a distant hum as my brother's words echoed in my mind. Mom is no longer with us. The weight of those words settled into my chest like a heavy stone, pressing down until I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't. I had come all this way to be by her side, to hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her. How could she be gone before I even had the chance? My legs felt weak, and I reached out to steady myself against the counter, the cold surface grounding me in this cruel reality.
"No... no, that can't be right," I whispered, my voice trembling as I looked up at Henry, hoping, praying, that he'd take it back, that this was some kind of awful mistake. But the sorrow in his eyes told me the truth before he even spoke again.
"Kayla," Henry began, his voice breaking as he stepped closer, trying to reach out for me, but I instinctively took a step back, shaking my head in disbelief. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring the edges of his form as I struggled to keep myself from falling apart.
"No," I repeated, my voice barely audible. "No, I... I was supposed to be here. I was supposed to... say goodbye." My words trailed off into a choked sob, and I felt the tears spill over, hot and relentless, as the overwhelming grief consumed me.
I felt bile rise into my throat as I struggled to breathe. I felt so lost. Everything around me became so loud, and I couldn't focus as a violent panic attack tore away my sanity. I was confused, scared, and overwhelmed. I collapsed onto the floor, struggling to catch my breath. Suddenly, it was so hard to master the simple task of inhaling and exhaling the air my lungs so desperately needed.
I could hear my brother beside me, whispering comforting words as he tried to help me regain my composure.
"Kayla, breathe," he said, holding my head in his hands and forcing me to look up at him.
I could feel the hot tears spilling down my face, dripping down my neck. My vision became blurrier as I tried to focus on Henry's voice, trying to force at least a minimal amount of air into my lungs. But for some reason, I couldn't. The harder I tried to breathe, the more impossible it became.
"Kayla, please stay with me," I heard my brother's fading voice say before the darkness completely swallowed me.
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My hearing returned first, and I was met with a continuous, deafening sound. I could vaguely make out people talking around me, but I couldn't see anything.
The darkness that surrounded me was almost palpable. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt so heavy. I tried to move my right hand to touch my face, but for some reason, it was the hardest thing I had ever tried to do. My limbs were so heavy that it felt impossible to move even a single toe.
I tried. I waited a little before attempting anything else, focusing on my hearing. I could clearly hear my siblings talking, and it sounded like they were arguing with each other.
"This is all your fault," I heard my sister Kate say.
"How is it my fault? He's the one who said we shouldn't tell her!" replied the voice I imagined was my younger brother, Brandon.
"Yet. I said we shouldn't tell her yet. When Kate talked to her first, she almost had a panic attack. Imagine what would've happened if she found out just a couple of hours later that Mom had died," Henry said in turn.
"But if you had called and told her, she wouldn't have jumped on the first plane, and she wouldn't have shown up here, and she sure as hell wouldn't be lying in that bed right now," Kate argued.
"You saw how she handled the news. What would've happened if we told her and there was no one around to help?" Henry retorted angrily.
I wanted to scream at them to stop as I tried to understand what the hell was happening, but I was so weak it was hard to even move my lips, let alone get a single word out of my mouth.
I tried to move again, but a sharp, throbbing pain shot through my head, making me groan. They must have heard me because they immediately stopped talking and came near the bed.
"Kayla, hey, are you okay?" Henry asked, worry clear in his voice.
This time, I successfully opened my eyes, but the blinding light in the room made me shut them immediately. I groaned again, this time in response to the bright, harsh light. I brought my hand to my face and covered my eyes.
"Kayla, do you want me to help you sit up?" Brandon offered.
"No, I'm fine," I rasped, my voice hoarsed, my throat painfully dry.
"Kate, go get someone, a doctor or a nurse," Brandon shouted, making me wince.
I took a deep breath, my chest aching as I tried to gather the strength to sit up. Henry helped me gently, propping me against the pillows while Brandon hovered nearby, his face a mixture of concern and guilt.
I looked at him, then at Kate, who had stepped out of the room to find a doctor. It was overwhelming, trying to process everything that had happened, the argument I overheard, the crushing reality that I had lost my mother, and the fact that I had collapsed right there in the hospital.
"I didn't mean to worry you," I croaked, my voice barely audible, but even as I said the words, they felt empty.
"Kayla," Henry began softly, sitting on the edge of the bed, "we were trying to protect you... but maybe we should have told you earlier."
I nodded weakly, unsure of what to say. A part of me felt anger bubbling up at being kept in the dark, but another part of me understood. They were trying to shield me from pain. It was just... too late.
Before anyone could say more, the door opened, and a nurse entered the room, her face calm and professional as she checked my vitals. "How are you feeling?" she asked kindly.
"Like I got hit by a truck," I muttered, managing a small, humorless smile.
"We'll take care of you," she reassured me. But deep down, I knew there was a pain that no one could heal.
As the nurse finished checking my vitals, Kate returned with the doctor, who examined me quickly but thoroughly. "You experienced a severe panic attack, combined with exhaustion," he explained. "Your body just shut down."
I nodded, though the words barely registered. All I could think about was my mother, and how I'd never get to see her again, never get to say goodbye.
The doctor gave instructions to my siblings, but I barely heard them. I was lost in my thoughts, drowning in sorrow.
As the nurse and doctor left, my siblings gathered around me, their faces etched with worry. I wanted to tell them I'd be okay, but the truth was, I wasn't sure if I ever would be.
All I could do was stare at the ceiling, feeling completely and utterly empty.
The silence in the room was suffocating, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I could feel the weight of my siblings' concern, but I couldn't bring myself to meet their eyes. How could I, when everything inside me felt shattered?
"Kayla..." Henry spoke softly, his voice trembling. "We're here for you. We'll get through this together."
I swallowed hard, tears welling up again. I knew they were trying to help, but it didn't feel like enough. Nothing did. I had spent my whole life leaning on my mother's strength, and now she was gone. How was I supposed to stand on my own without her?
I wiped at my eyes, feeling the weight of their gazes on me, waiting for some kind of reaction. But all I could manage was a faint nod. I didn't have the strength to say anything else.
"I just... need some time," I whispered, my voice breaking.
They nodded silently, respecting my need for space.
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