*Seraphine's POV*
Noxodius has been missing for nearly a week now. He refuses to return, and honestly I'm too afraid to be near him now. We communicate through the phone, which he rings like clockwork. He's expressed his shame and remorse one hundred times, and I know that he was being possessed, but I can't help but remember the things he showed me from before. All those people he slain or tormented. I hardly have slept for images of that dead girl and the fear of every noise.
While I worry for him, I also fear him coming for me. Every sound or shadow cause me to lurch and jump. I have this feeling of an impending doom, like someone is out for me or going to betray me. Barima had told me once that before she got her premonitions, that she developed a strong paranoia, and that paranoia turned out to be advanced intuition. This does little to comfort me, only adding to my ever growing list of worries. Along with Noxodius possibly appearing out of nowhere.
Tgat possibility has caused unrest with the staff. They officially hate me now. They spit at me and flip me off behind everyone's back. I have taken over cooking for myself. I'm sick of Adam offering me poisoned dishes with his hopeful eyes thinking that I cannot read his mind now. I saved him, and still he shits on me. I even tried to save that woman, and I bet of I were successful she'd have shit on me too. I am over their ungratefulness. I will never intervene for their safety again.
"Come down and eat. They are all waiting for us downstairs mama Sera." Axar insists. I reluctantly agree and follow him down.
Once downstairs and in the kitchen I dutifully slip to fridge and cabinets to figure out what I'm going to make. Axar tries to get me to eat the food the staff prepared and I beg him just to eat what I make. I have zero trust in the food they prepared. I begin to chop ingredients for omelets when I tune in to Adam and Axar. I grip my knife as I tiptoe towards where they are talking. Axar sits, a giant plate of breakfast before him. Adam smiles a devilish smile, and I know that look. I move closer and closer until I am in front of them with everyone's eyes on me.
"Axar scoot that plate away. I need to have a word with Adam." Adam is indignant as he stares at me.
"You are not my boss. Whatever you have to say to me you can spill it right here. I don't trust you alone with me." I laugh at his audacity.
"Do you really want me to say it here?" I speak loudly. "As for being alone with you, I would touch or feed from you if I were dying you ungrateful little coward."
"That man tried to kill me because-" I've had enough of this.
"He tried to kill you, but I saved you. You have also tried to kill me. Would you have saved me? I think not."
"You are a dangerous liar! Master Nomias is too kind to let such people into his home." I seethe as he smirks in satisfaction of himself. He must think he looks bold to harass me in front of everybody.
"Sit down."
"Fuck you." I slam him down into the chair and I put his hand on the table. He fights trying to strike my stomach as I pin his hand.
"No thank you. Now then, you have two options. Eat that food, or let me stab your hand."
"You can't do this! Nomias!"
"Call to Nomias. Have him come here to read your thoughts. Third option on the table." I see Ezekiel and Nomias's amused eyes in the corner, everyone else watches me in horror. I won't back down though. These people have tormented me for days now. I've even heard them outside my room at night. "I'll give you to the count of ten. I'm sick of letting you all slide." I think of Nox and his menacing wording and I try to sound just as condescending and cold as he can. "I take earlier words back. You look appetizing Adam, and while I'll answer to Noxodius, I will not be controlled by something I could eat."
"You are being paranoid. After what your boyfriend, if you'd call him that, did to me you are just looking for ways to get back at me."
"Why would I get back at you? If not for me you'd have died. I should've let you. Now choose."
"Read my mind. Have Nomias read my mind. Throw the food away." He drops his head. Nomias stands and approaches him with an unreadable look.
"That food looks tasty. Are you sure you wish it to be thrown away?"
"Yes. None of them deserve it."
"Why don't we have Brody to eat it? He can save it for lunch."
"No!"
"Any particular reason why Brody can't have it?"
"It's...it's poisoned..."
"Why would you try to poison the boy, or Seraphine when you know she is pregnant? Why when I have been kind to you would you try to kill my guests?"
"You let them kill us!"
"I did not. I expended great energy to keep you all alive. I was trying to mend two others when he ran off. I thought he was subdued. I should have sit back and let natural selection take place. How many of you would have survived then?" Adam tenses as he glares back at Nomias.
"We would have banded together to protect ourselves. We would've taken him down."
"Then you should have done it. Now then, if you value the life Seraphine saved for you, you'll follow me into another room so we may talk. The others involved will be dealt with too." Nomias snatches him by the throat and hauls him to his feet. The man gulps audibly and scrabbles out of the kitchen. He has the mood about him of a man who knows he's flirted with death. I feel guilty in a way, because I almost want to see him go. Had he poisoned Axar I'd have tortured him in every way I could have imagined. I shiver in rage just thinking about what could have happened.
"They will be gone for a while I'm betting, we should eat. Follow me to the stove." I motion Axar into the kitchen, and the others to follow us while I finish cooking.
After eating we talk for several hours. Nomias finally enters to tell us that the staff involved had their minds wiped of their experience here and he had set them back out in the city. He words this like they were wild animals and I can't help but crack a smile at the thought of him setting stray 'mortals' out. It's some what relieving now to know that they won't be plotting, stalking around my door or trying to feed me poison with a smile on their faces. They also get to live to see another day. Nomias is adamant to point out that the only reason they were soared is because I've been aching and he didn't want me more upset.
Mom and Ezekiel go off to talk. Axar and Alexavier go to find games. Nomias disappears to enjoy his 'company of the female kind', as he worded it. Which he does several times daily. After missing a call from Noxodius I head upstairs to my room with snacks, intending to unwind. I'm tired and flustered still. Nox's absence and Yeomorah's presence presumably within the next forty eight hours has me crawling in my skin. I want to know my role, what will I be expected to do once we are there? Of course I want to protect myself, but I also worry that if it came down to it that I couldn't protect myself or them either. This is all my fault.
I set the snacks down on the dresser. I open the drawers until I find the photos with Barima, Nox, and Axar. I need to get some with the others. Should anything happen to any of us, these might be of comfort. I unravel the one Nox had wadded in rage, and I linger on that lone tear. In my mind I wonder about how he truly feels about me. Outside of his obsession and my being his favorite source of food. What would it be like to get to see into his mind someday? To know how deep his feelings run. We've had plenty of conversations before, but all on huge topics. I never thought to ask him the tiny things like favorites, hobbies, fears if there's any. I dry my face and I grab the phone to call him back, but I hear ringing in the nursery.
I open the little nursery door cautiously and there is Nox. Sorting through bags of clothes and toys. He is so melancholy and unusual. He senses me, but he doesn't move as I close the gap between us. I decide not to say anything, I just kneel behind him with my arms around his back. He moves his neck so that I can nuzzle into him and he breathes deeply. He turns his head to face me and I can see his injuries looking over him.
"You're injured. Here." I gingerly step around him and start to heal wounds. "How did you get these?"
"Some from our grandfathers, ancient bastards still have it. Others are from me..." I wait for him to fill me in. "I came to in the hall not long after Ezekiel began chasing me. I realized what I had done and when I left I became irate with myself and I just started slashing I suppose. I dug my claws into my hands accidentally though trying to calm myself."
"Why didn't you come back or tell me this when you'd call?"
"I thought you were conversing with me out of pity. That you felt obliged because the baby and nothing else."
"That's not true. I worried over you. I care for you. You've done things that make me sick and repulsed by the sight of you, but I've never been able to force myself to hate you like I had wanted too. The things you done though, that time was not of your own will. That makes a difference. I'm not guarding my mind, you may read it so you know I'm being honest if it helps you." He shakes his head.
"I believe you. I need to ask though how you are feeling now? Anything other than cramps?" I sigh.
"Mood swings. Hormones. Irritable. I embarrassed myself today. That Adam, I was going to stab him. I just got tired of his-" He laughs softly.
"You were going to stab him? If its any consolation they do say females can become more aggressive while pregnant. " I fill him in and after his desire to kill Adam subsides, he chuckles at my little tantrum. We talk about favorite colors, hobbies, places he's visited and events he's seen. I try to get all of the information I've longed to know out of him, which he eagerly obliges. We continue to talk as we put away the baby things he had brought and that's when he decides to drop a bomb on me.
"Seraphine." I look to him as he tucks folded blankets into a drawer.
"Yes?"
"You had asked about fears earlier, I had said I feared nothing, but I lied. I have developed a couple fears recently." I do not press him, knowing how Nox has trouble admitting to having what I consider normal emotions and reactions. He collects a breath. "I'm scared of not being in control of myself. This has never happened before. I am the master of mind games and now I am mere puppet. I'm scared of defeat. I'm scared to lose the only being that has ever made me love, or have a conscious." He reaches out to twirl a green ribbon of hair around his index finger and strokes it with a thumb. "I'm scared that you're going to stop seeing a silver lining in me. That you'll realize I really don't have any redeeming qualities and that you'll leave me for another. I'm sullen and pedantic. Without you I lack even the slightest of what humans call a personality. Until you, I had only lived to indulge and scheme. I'm afraid of Axar's premonitions. I don't want to be the cause of your death, my son's death. I killed you once and I'll never forgive myself."
"Our son?" I ask.
"Our son. Yes. Sera, there is one more fear I have..." I clasp his clawed hand in both of mine. He looks down for a moment. Even the slightest bit of submission in Nox is grounds for alarm. I know this is something big. "I'm dying Sera. I've been weakly and disoriented even when I'm not possessed. I don't want to die. I'm afraid. This world is all I have ever known. I don't want to leave it now that it finally has something to offer me. For ages I have been bored, reclusive, restless. I've roamed aimlessly, desperate for even the slightest thrill to sate myself. Starving for something beyond sex, blood and energy. Now I have it and I can't bear to leave it behind. I want to see it into fruition."
I can't speak for my wavering lip, so I just pull him into me and lay his head against my chest and until I can hear his heartbeat begin to slow again. I feel the wetness on my shirt from his tears, but remembering how furious he was over the tear in the photo I do not address it.
"The baby items...that's why you've been sneaking all these things in here and you get defensive if I mess around them."
"I was uncomfortable with the idea at first. Then it grew on me. I looked forward to it. I fear that I might die or be killed before he is born and I wanted to enjoy him now. I wanted to do these things so when he is older he can be told that I provided for him, that maybe I loved him too. I want him to know me. I was afraid you'd find that ridiculous." He finishes arranging everything and he walks to my bed to lay down.
He raises his arms to me, just as I had him that first night. I remember like yesterday in my stupor that I had thought him a dream. I raised my arms to him, for him to come lay by me. I study him cautiously before I crawl across the mattress under his waiting arms.
"It's not ridiculous. It might be the most relatable thing, the most normal thing you've done. I'm not sure how demons of any sort parent or plan pregnancy, but humans buy things to prepare before baby is born too. We often read to the baby in womb, and collect gifts and photos of loved ones for them in albums to show them when they are older. We always describe and remind them about loved ones passed. We crave legacy. We all like to feel honored and remembered, should anything happen to you he will know you as if you were here. I will show him my memories, well a select few." His eyes glint devilishly with understanding. "Don't think I will let you go without a fight though. We are in this together now. You aren't leaving me here alone to raise your demon spawn." I smack his forehead in play.
"You would fight for me?"
"Yes. And I'll fight you or with you too. Depends on my mood swings." He reaches behind him to the nightstand to retrieve the camera. It flashes in my face.
"I propose that we start picking names and taking photos within the next two days. Also, let's get you fed. I bet you are as hungry as I am." I motion for the snacks I had set down and he shakes his head.
"No. Feed from me, and I'll feed from you."