*Sera's POV*
I haven't left this room since Nox attacked me in the hallway. I refused dinner. I vehemently denied to feed from him, and I have sent everyone out of my room who has entered thus far. If I can't have freedom what can I have? Not my home. Not love. Not my own free will. Not privacy either. I have caught Nox several times attempting to slip into my sanctuary here. I'm now too paranoid to shower. I finally found a full enough outfit to cover me head to toe, and I double layered. I admittedly regret shredding the clothes now. I have one now a sweater, jogging pants and a giant night shirt overtop of that.
I'm too wired up to sleep. I keep waiting for Nox to come sneaking in to harm me, or for Yeomorah or one of the other strangers from earlier to try to enter. I seen how they looked down on me earlier, like I am dirt beneath their feet. It was worth embarrassing myself to curse them, to kick that offensive hooker off her feet. And bite that man. At least now they know I am not trustworthy. Hopefully the majority will avoid me should I be drug out of this room. I only want to be alone.
I don't understand why everything has to be so hard. I only want to exist in peace. Is that so much to ask for? I wasn't violent. I was never a threat until that insufferable man made his presence known in my life. From the moment I met him my life has taken a downward spiral. I was just any other person before he came crashing in with his escalating obsession. Why me? He knew he could and would never love me. Why couldn't he just be like Justin and everyone else in my life and just replace me too? She's not my mate. I would never claim her. So why keep me then? I'm far too weak to go through the walls now or I would just get out of here and never look back.
I am sprawled out on the floor, half under the bed and rolled up in the blanket. I can't get all the way under it, and frustrated, I roll to the closet and work my way in then shut the door. I don't even care how ridiculous I probably look. I dont and can't care about anything. Pets don't have rights. So why should I care? I've come to terms with my fate if I stay here, obviously I won't survive. I've been at peace with this for a while. I stopped fighting it now. There are worse things than death. Loneliness, suffering, subservience, abuse. I could write you a book.
I feel Noxodius's presence before I even lay eyes on him. I burrow tighter into my blanket, I don't want to see him. This should have been my initial reaction to him. I should've screamed, ran and set fire inside that apartment with a truckload of sage. I should've sprinkled those salts like carpet powders. I wish one thousand times over I never met him. The door creaks open. I shake just feeling his eyes on my skin. It raises gooseflesh along my body. How can a man so alluring be so repulsive?
"Seraphine. It is time for you to feed." He tugs at my arm, and I curl up tighter to deny him easy access to my limbs. "Come. You cannot feed me if you don't feed yourself." Good. I'll take you down with me. I remain silent. I don't waste words on him.
He huffs and lifts me up from the floor. He presses me tight under his chin as his arms constrict around me. His heart races at my proximity. Subconsciously he strokes my arm with his finger as we go wherever. I'm still wrapped in the blanket and have yet to look out. I force my heart to slow, focusing on my disgust instead. I won't allow soft touches to sway me. His head nuzzles the top of mine, and I tuck my head as far down as I can. I hear his lips against the blanket. I swallow a whimper and steady my breathing. I will not cry. I will show no reaction to him. I will fake it until I really feel nothing for him. Still my lip wobbles and I nesrly bite the blood out of it in anger. I am stronger than this.
After what feels like an hour, we reach wherever he was going. I feel him deposit me into a chair before he takes his seat. The smell of warm food wafts through the blanket, and my stomach gives a soft growl. It gets no attention from me. I hear dishes clinking around and liquids being poured. My mouth is parched. I could really use a drink, but I will not have it.
"Get out of your blanket and eat. We have things to discuss." He snatches the blanket, tearing it as he pulls it from my face.
"I'm not interested, unless it involves me going home."
"You have no home."
"Home is anywhere you are not. Dump me out."
"Mama Sera, please eat for me?" I avert my eyes. I don't say anything.
"Eat!" Nox yells as he grabs a plate of pasta and begins to push it into my face.
"Stop! I don't want it!" In seconds the warm pasta and its cream sauce are all over my face and clothes. I try to stand but I can't get to my feet in his hold. "I need to change-"
"You're going to wear it for the rest of dinner." He slaps a cup of lemon water into my lap. It's cold and uncomfortable, but I don't make a face. "Tomorrow we go to Barima's house to get her back into her body. You'll wear the outfit I had earlier. If you don't allow me to dress you, or behave you wear nothing. I bought you such pretty things." I don't care what you bought. Look what you've done! What you're doing!
"Seraphine." My father asks cautiously. "You said there was a woman yesterday. What did she look like? It is very important."
"What would I get in exchange for this information?" I I sniffle. I'm not telling him anything for free. I know asking to be released is not an option, but I'd settle for not wearing my dinner right now.
"What do you want that is reasonable?" I think on this for a moment.
"I want to be treated like a person. I don't want to have to remain here wearing my dinner."
"Released early from the table to shower then?" I nod. "Deal. Now spill it."
"Tall. Fair. Auburn hair. Soft voice. She got my name wrong." I make it quick. His face pales.
"What did she call you?" I decide to withhold that information incase I need to barter later.
"I can't remember. I believe it was Ivory." I get up from my seat, staying out of arm's reach of Nox.
"Did she say anything else?"
"No." Noxodius is hot on my heels as I race to the room, desperate to barricade myself in before he can reach me.
I make it and hurriedly lock it. I wait for a moment before I am brave enough to shower. I lock the bathroom, double checking the knob. I run the shower first, rinsing away all of the grime. I wash thoroughly and condition my hair. I plug up the drain and run a bath now, letting my sore and exhausted body be soothed. I can hear him shuffling around the bedroom and I nearly hyperventilate waiting for him to leave, but he doesn't. I hear the bed dip beneath him. He's waiting for us. Barima says. I believe she is right.
I wait it out until the water is ice, and I tiptoe out of the tub. I hold my breath as I dry, lotion, all the hygiene things, and I barely drip the water to brush my teeth. I make as little noise as possible. I don't even realize I'm crying until I look up at my reflection. I look like lukewarm piss in a plastic cup. No wonder nobody wants me. Why would they settle? They can just keep me here like a dirty secret. This thought makes me cry harder. I dry my face and try to gain my composure. I know I cannot hide in here forever. I'd rather face him in a bigger room than face him while hoovering over a toilet or hiding in a shower. I tuck the towel around myself, wishing I had thought to bring clothes into the bathroom with me. I had counted on being alone though. I give myself a three count and I ease the door open.
"Sera..." He whispers as he notices the door opening.
I step out trying to conceal my shaking as I turn my back to him to pull the dresser drawers. They are empty. Empty. No clothes. Not even socks. Not even freaking underwear. I clutch the towel as I sink to the floor. I drop my head on my knees. This is life now. How pathetic? I'm going to have to sell out just to have clothing. All because I didn't want to be here. Maybe I should have lied? Maybe I should have played docile and stupid and ran while he had his guard down. To think I was trying to forgive him somewhat before that fateful trip to Barima's. There's no redeeming qualities in him. The whole man is trash. He sits beside me and I do not even move. He runs small circles on my back and my stomach twists in knots. I'm thankful not to have eaten.
"Do you want clothes Seraphine?" His voice is velvety, and soft. I swallow the limp in my throat to speak.
"No. I'll be fine."
"You can dress yourself."
"There's a catch." I whisper.
"Yes. All I'm asking is for you to room with me again. The clothes are all in there."
"It makes sense. Most dogs sleep in their owner's room. Do I sleep at the foot or pet bed?" His eyes hold guilt, but I question if it's fabricated.
"In the bed, like you once did." I steady my breathing, so my voice will be stronger.
"No. It's not worth it. I'll stay here." No longer than I'll likely be around, I'm sure I can manage. I'm not going to be dicked around for material things. I've lived on bare minimum my whole life, this will be simple once I get over the humiliation aspect of it all.
"Do you know how restless I was when you ran off? How hungry and worried I was? I was so weak."
"Do you know how worried I was that you'd find me? That you'd hurt me more?"
"Had you only complied I'd never have done any of that to you."
"Complied? I only wanted my opinions to matter. I wanted to be treated equally and respected. Your idea of compliance is to eradicate all free will. I don't want to be subservient. Instead all you've done is lie, manipulate and use me. You were never going to help me better myself. You just wanted to ground me, even when I've tried to forgive you." He sighs.
"You're correct. I even wanted to kill you once and I've often thought of just leaving you be, just like you want, but I can't. Far as the truth, I can't tell you what I don't comprehend. All I know is if I taught you to control yourself you'd leave and never come back to me. I don't want you to live without me. I am miserable without you. I have to have you, Sera. There is no other way now." I blink the tears away as he wraps his arms around me. "I know you despise me now. I can sense it."
"I wish you would have killed me. I can't help but despise you. You did this. All of it. If you had never used me, deceived me, had you never called me a pet, insulted, and humiliated me then I wouldn't have left. You were so good to me the first day or so, but it hurts to know it was all a ploy. I could have even loved you, I could have forgiven you for everything up till we got to Barima's. The way you treated me on the way home was inexcusable. I couldn't just sit there while you and that child walked all over me."
"Where were you trying to go?" He asks, hands tightening on my wrists, arms still around me. I can almost feel his guilt. I decide to tell him. Not that I'll ever be able to do as I had in mind anyways.
"I don't really know. I had nowhere in particular in mind. I was going to try to swipe Barima's cash, crash there then go as far away as I could go. I intended to find work and maybe a home there eventually. I found Barima's books when I couldn't sleep. Then I realized I might be able to bring Barima back. I wanted to fix my mistakes."
"You know I would have found you, don't you? I would have kept looking and I would have brought you home. I wouldn't have stopped."
"You even admitted that you thought of killing me or leaving me. If you couldn't go through with it why not just let me do it? I had already left. You could've just let it be." He dips his face into my neck, and I only slump. I know he's about to feed again. His cold heart thumps against my back furiously, and I hear him gulp.
"Because....I...I love you Seraphine. We will die before I let you go." His teeth find my throat and he pulls my head back. I'm far too tired to fight him, and I accept what's happening. This man thinks he loves me, but he is not capable of such emotion. He is a slave to his nature, and I will die by his hands.