*Sera's POV*
I don't know why I did that, or how I lived. I have no real fear of death in honesty, I never have known why. I guess living your whole life in survival mode just readies you for it. You become comfortable, dare I say, with the idea that you will eventually die. Depressing yes, but I've come to terms with it. I expected it years ago.
Cars honk and strangers yell at me as my boots practically burn their rubber as I flee from the car of people who currently cause me nothing but suffering. I gave them both my heart. I gave them everything to try to get just a smidge of their love, and just like everyone else they betray me and use me. I was just a pet, a food source. I was just a temporary home and guardian. I gave Nox my virginity, my energy, my blood and tears. I gave him memories and raw bits of my life. Even if it was under his manipulation, it still hurts to know he coerced this from me and it meant nothing to him. I had my soul exposed, and it meant nothing to him. As for Axar, I brought him home no questions asked and babies him. I have nothing, but I split it all with him, selling my best things to clothe and get extra food. Going without so he would have bigger portions, and never questioning what he was only to have him throw it all back in my face.
I hear Nox calling to me, and I force myself to keep up this new incredible pace. I had not even realized I was in the forest until I hear him stop pursuing me in the distance, and continue to shout. I continue on, slightly slowing to try to figure out what to do now and trying to keep track of where I am. I notice a yellow butterfly perched on a vibrant rose, the sun shines down illuminating it as it flutters it's wings on the rose.
"Sera...please..." I tune him out as I watch the butterfly. It only wants to live. It wants to fly, to eat, to rest peacefully knowing the next day it is free to fly and enjoy it's flowers and the warm sun on it's wings. It wants to enjoy the small things, it doesn't compete or envy. It doesn't want luxury. It's content in the moment, it only wants happiness and it's creature comforts. That's all I want too. All I've ever wanted. My tears burn as they spill out.
I deserve that too. I'll have that. I will do it all on my own. I'll figure this out and gain control of myself. I'll get a new job. A new place to stay somehow. I'll start fresh. For once. I'm going to put me first. I want to pretend Nox never existed, and purge him from my memory.
The idea hits me to get closer to the road way and follow it from the woods. Barima is dead. Her house is vacant now. I'll stay there for now and check her home for things I can use. From what I gathered earlier she looked to have nobody else living with her. No signs of other's belongings in the main house or even photos. I might be able to stay there a few days. It's adding insult to injury, but she is deceased and she stabbed me, so I push the thought aside and journey back towards Barima's house with purpose.
As soon as I feel I am safe to come to the road I exit the wood line and emerge, crossing the ditch and walking on the concrete shoulder opposite the white line. I am not far from Barima's house. It will not take me long. A few cars slow for me and men make lewd remarks on my figure as I jog. I've already killed one person today, at this moment in time my mood is foul enough I wouldn't feel bad to knock off a few perverts. A pickup speeds to catch me, then locks up beside me. I turn to study the man as he steps out of the truck.
"Hello miss. Couldn't help but noticing you jogging in dead of winter, and you don't have on athletic gear. You have to be cold. Were you heading somewhere close?" He looks concerned, more than lustful. He forces his eyes to stay on my face.
"It definitely wasn't ideal. I was actually heading home." I give him the area that Barima lived in, having remembered her info from our using the gps.
"Not far, but still quite a journey on foot. I can give you a coat, or give you a ride. I'd prefer the later, so I know you made it there safely. Plus, I like this coat." I can't help but chuckle at the man and I take him up on the offer. Not like I have to worry too much about stranger danger now. I can kill and drink people now. If anything strangers should be leery of me instead. Guilt bubbles in my gut as I remember that I'm going to crash in the house of a lady I murdered. I get in on the passenger's side and the man cautiously tries assist me, but I jump straight up into the seat like an antelope.
"Good lord honey. You can run, and you can certainly jump. Track?"
"Yes! I was always a track kid. Even now I like to run in my free time." Lies. All I ever run is my thoughts, mouth, and tights. Running isn't appealing when you realize you're burning calories you can't literally afford to replace.
"It has paid off. You are excellent at it. Very impressive!" He praises.
"Thank you for the ride..."
"Ryan. Call me Ryan. I should've introduced myself before we ever got in. Sorry."
"It's alright. I am Sera." I don't care enough to make up a fake name. If I get arrested later on or identified, at least I'll have free food and housing. Much more secure than my apartment complex where I would often hear people at night trying to mess with my door lock.
"So nice to meet you Sera. So, if you don't mind me asking, what brought you out on the highway in improper clothing in the cold?"
"Ah. Well, I just got dumped." I think of how to explain this in terms he'd understand. "My boyfriend and I kept a foster kid, and they both have been idd lately. Well, my boyfriend got angry when I accused of him cheating because I had a weird encounter with his ex. Next thing I know my kid is on his side and calling me names and they both said they regretted having ever met me. So I knew the rejection was coming and I didn't give them the satisfaction. I opened the door and got out jogging. I decided it best to bed it myself and just go home."
"That's rough. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I love kids, none of my own yet, but I couldn't imagine having a child tell me that. I guess though, with foster kids they just have to be cautious who they trust. They put up walls to protect themselves from disappointment and shattered expectations. I've always imagined it's so tough for them to risk opening up to their foster parents. It would be hard to put it all out there and be moved soon after. Day to day can be unpredictable for those children." My eyes water. This man is definitely wise.
"I honestly couldn't imagine. It hurt worse hearing him say that than my ex. He loves my ex though. Thinks the guy hung the moon when the man didn't even want to take him in at first. The man has better resources than me though. I can't fault the boy for wanting the nicer house, fuller fridge and better clothes and toys. I couldn't give him that..." Tge man turns to me with a sad smile.
"No, but you gave him love. Whether he reciprocated or not, he'll never be able to deny that. When he's older and mature he will realize how important that was."
"I-I hope so..."
"Trust me." Ryan soothes. He pulls into Barima's drive and looks at the house, hesitantly. "Well, we are here dear. If you don't mind I'd like to give you my number in case you need me. If you need to vent, a ride, or if that man comes by to bother you I expect you to call me." My heart swells a little. Nobody ever cared enough to check in on me before. He is a good man. I don't tell him I don't have a phone though, I don't want him to think I'm lying. I reach across to thank and hug him awkwardly, bumping my elbow on the dash. He rubs it and laughs at me.
"Thank you for everything! I really do appreciate it." He beams and ruffles his hair, face pink.
"You are welcome pretty girl. Take care of yourself."
"I promise!" He sighs as I exit and it takes him several minutes to leave the drive. Not wanting him to get suspicious I open the door and go inside. We never locked it thankfulky. He continues to wave and drive slowly on the road. I wave to him and jump playfully watching him laugh. Content at having raised his spirits, I settle in for my depressing tasks at hand.
I shut and lock the door and go to work exploring. I swipe her wallet and cellphone, entering Ryan's number and texting him a thank you. She had a good amount of cash, I might need that when I leave here. I prepare some food and sulk. It feels so wrong to be here. I hope Axar is doing okay now, that Nox will actually treat him well and provide for him. His words eat a hole in my head, and I cry the whole time I try to eat. I'm so sorry Axar. I am sorry Barima. I'll be better, I'll never do this again.
I decide to shower and borrow some clean clothes. Sleep doesn't find me, and I decide to explore again. I roam the house packing a suitcase for myself in the event I have to leave soon. I pack the chargers for the cell, food, water, clothes, a blanket, hygiene basics, and a couple pairs of flats should I break a shoe if I have to run. I set that by the door. The bookcase in the living room catches my eyes and I pull down several jars and crystals, a book or two and I start to read.
Protection spells, and various others sound so appealing right now. I should learn this stuff. In here are notes too, about other supernatural beings, moon phases, what crystals and herbs are best for what, how to summon spirits and talk with the dead. I grab the tiny jar with a proction spell and I attach it to a chain I later find in the spare bedroom. I continue to read and try to understand the knowledge before me.
I decide to pack these books and I go back for others. I grab several jars of herbs and such too. Several crystals who's importance I read. I grab a book on banshees, and another old book with marker on it's spine. It's so old the original print has faded. Incubi, succubi and demons. I drag it back to the room excited to crack it open.