Chapter 31: Doppelbanger: Chapter 31

“Hmm,” Vangie mutters watching her dad rush out of the door without a backward glance. “That was weird.”

“Him didn’t even ax me what I want. How rude,” Willow complains, resting a hand on her hip and cocking it out to the side.

Jeff’s rapid departure has me feeling all sorts of insecure. He went from appearing happy and content to full-on panicked. Maybe what just happened in the shower was too much? I shouldn’t have thrown myself at him while the girls were home. I knew he wasn’t ready.

“I’m sure he just had something important to take care of, girls. Maybe a work call or something on his way out. Who knows?” I’m trying to sound cool as a cucumber as to not worry the kids more than they already are, but I’m secretly burning up inside.

To pass the time, I decide to give the girls makeovers. We start with manis and pedis. Then full makeup and hair. By the time we finish, he’s still not back. It’s been hours, and the store is only a few miles away.

“It’s not like Dad to be gone so long and not call. You think he’s okay?” Evangeline asks, clearly upset by her father’s odd behavior.

“I’m sure he’s fine. Why don’t you go put Willow down for a nap, and I’ll clean up this mess?” I wave my hand, gesturing to the lipsticks and polishes littering the counter. Willow really had a field day with my Kaboodle.

Once the girls have disappeared up the stairs, I grab my phone, and with my heart lodged in my throat, call him.

“Hey, Tink.” Jeffrey answers on the second ring. His voice is strained. I can tell he’s trying to sound like nothing’s wrong, but he fails miserably.

“Jeff?” I hate that my voice cracks when I say his name and I absolutely despise feeling vulnerable. “Is, umm. Is everything okay?”

After a slight pause, he sighs. “Yeah…I just needed a minute to clear my head. I’m sorry for leaving like that…I uh—I went to visit Jess at the cemetery.”

“Because of me?” My heartbeat is drumroll in my chest as I await his response.

“I’m not sure how to answer that.”

The back of my throat begins to burn. “The truth, Jeffrey.”

“The truth is that I miss her.” I know this already, but hell if it doesn’t hit me like a hammer to the chest. “And I’m struggling with the feelings I have—for you,” he adds, sounding completely defeated.

“Do you want me to go?” I don’t want to, but I don’t want to be an added source of pain in his life either. This isn’t supposed to hurt like this. My heart shouldn’t feel so tight in my chest. I shouldn’t feel so afraid.

“No.” His answer is brief, but immediate, and said with enough conviction that I believe he really wants me here. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. It’s not realistic for me to expect his feelings for his wife to just disappear because I’m in the picture. So, I stay.

“Okay,” I whisper, squeezing the phone tightly in my palm. “See you soon.”

“Was that my Dad?” Vangie asks, sneaking up behind me, nearly scaring me half to death.

“Yeah.” My hand draws to my chest in surprise and I take a few deep, soothing breathes, and force myself to smile. “He said he’d be back soon…What do you say we get started on this movie marathon without him?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her toward the living room.

Vangie and I watch the new movie with Jack Black, Kevin Hart, and The Rock, since it’s not at all appropriate to watch with Willow. I try really hard to focus on not thinking about Jeffrey, which is totally counterproductive. This sick feeling in my chest just won’t go away.

Midway through the movie, Evangeline gets a bad case of cramps, so I fix her up with the heating pad and some meds and curl up beside her on the couch.

“Did you talk to my dad yet about taking me to the doctor for birth control?” Vangie asks.

“No. I didn’t get a chance, but I’ll talk to him soon, okay?”

“Birth control?” Jeff’s voice roars from behind the couch.

Evangeline and I both jump up, staring at each other with stunned faces. I didn’t even hear him come in. “It’s not what you—” Oh, God. That sounded so bad. So, so, so bad.

“She’s fucking fourteen, Gina!” Jeff’s eyes are hard and accusing. “Who gave you permission to talk to my little girl about getting on birth control? That shouldn’t even be a thought in her head at this age.”

“I wasn’t—” I try to defend myself, but Jeffrey is pissed beyond reason.

“Don’t!” he shouts, cutting me off again. “I know what I heard. Don’t even try to convince me otherwise.” He runs a shaking hand through his hair, glaring at me. And it hurts. Dear God does it pierce my soul to be sneered at with such derision by the man who’s come to occupy my every waking thought.

“Just listen to her, Daddy,” Evangeline begs with huge tears pouring down her face. She looks like a little doe caught in headlights. No clue where to turn or what to do.

“Go to your room, Evangeline.”

She hesitates, looking to me with helpless bewilderment.

“Now!” he shouts, stomping his foot. I have never seen him so angry, and as much as it hurts that he’s yelling at me, it pisses me off to no end to see the way he’s breaking his daughter’s heart.

“Just, go, baby. I’m fine.” I kiss the side of her face, breathing in her sweet scent. I try to commit it to memory, knowing this will be the last time I ever see her. My heart splinters in two as I watch her run off sobbing. I will not be the source of this kind of pain in his children’s lives. They don’t deserve this.

“I knew I couldn’t trust you.” His words are knives, cutting me deeper than I think he even realizes. He was already having a rough day and I know that he’s looking for any reason to explode, but I can’t do this. I do this.

“Did you?” Crossing my hands on my chest, I stare into his eyes with a heavy swallow.

“You’re not her mother. You had no right…” His head drops, shaking side to side. Then he points roughly up the stairs. “They had a mother. They had an amazing mother.”

“I’m aware,” I say, clearing my throat, fisting my hands at my sides to absorb some of the tension running through my body.

“Of all people to bring around my girls, I choose you?” He begins pacing the room. “A woman with no morals. A fucking sex therapist!” He spits my title out like it’s something dirty—something to be ashamed of, and I stand there with tears building in my eyes, too shocked to do more than take it. “I should have known with the way you reacted when I told you about them kissing on the cruise.” His head shakes at the memory, and he exhales a humorless laugh. “With the way you threw yourself all over me. My God, Jessica is probably turning in her grave.”

“If she’s turning in her grave for any reason, it’s for the way you just treated her daughter,” I say, finally catching my wits.

“Don’t you dare talk to me about how I raise my daughter. You have no fucking clue how to raise a child. And if that wasn’t obvious before, it is blatantly so now.”

I scoff. “You called and practically me to help you with her, and I came. Then, you called me again, and here I am. You obviously didn’t think me too bad of a role model then.”

“My mistake.”

I nod, staring right into his eyes as tears fall from mine. “Make damn sure you never make that mistake again.”

He snorts. “No worries. From now on, we stick to the original arrangement.”

“No,” I counter with a shake of my head. “From this moment forward, there is no .”

He has the audacity to look hurt. “What are you saying, Tink?”

“You told me to let you know if it became too much,” I say, slipping my feet into my shoes without losing eye contact. “This, Jeffrey, and you…it just became too fucking much.”

He follows me to the bedroom, watching me throw all of my things back into my bag, and he’s seething. It’s like there’s a raging bull in the room, sucking up all of the air. It’s stifling.

“I can’t believe this shit.” He runs his hand over the top of his dresser, knocking all of its contents to the floor. “You’re really going to punish me for being upset over what I just walked in on?”

“Jeffrey.” My voice is eerily calm. I just don’t have it in me to fight with this man. My heart is already breaking, and I haven’t even left yet. It’s taking all I have to keep from falling to pieces in front of him. “You’re not a child, any more than I am.” I give him a pointed look. “And I would never do anything to punish or hurt you. But this,” I say, eyeing his still-shaking form, “this is more than I can handle.”

“Don’t do this…” He grips my wrist, his face softening. And I want nothing more than to melt into his arms. For him to take it all back and kiss it better. But, I’m not naive enough to believe this won’t happen again.

“I didn’t,” I say, yanking my arm out of his hold and throwing my purse over my shoulder. “Goodbye, Jeffrey.”