"What did I tell you about messing around with Jeno?" it was boarder-line ninja like how quick Jemma appeared in front of her brother and the witch of the west. Penelope raised an eyebrow at her, but before she could part her mouth to respond, Jemma was already pulling him through the crowd.
"Hey!" Penelope called out.
Jeno would have pulled free, or at least questioned his sister's motives, but being in the witch's presence was more boring than disturbing. He recorded nothing useful, and she had countered three of his escape plans. Once they reached the outer part of the crowd, Jemma tapped her foot impatiently.
"I don't know if you're trying to settle some score with Parker or something, but it has to end now. Penelope's bad news."
Jeno rolled his eyes. "Aren't you the one who forced me to come here? And if you think so ill of her, why are you friends with her?"
"As you may have noticed, being her enemy should be avoided at all costs." Jemma folded her arms as she looked up at her brother. "Besides, last I checked, you're the one that hates her."
"Last I checked, you're wasting your time schooling me when you could be entertaining your jarhead boyfriend. There are a lot of girls here. And it is Valentine's Day." He probably shouldn't have taken joy in watching Jemma pout, but it had been an uneventful night. When she shook her head, he figured his manipulation efforts had failed. Drat.
"Whatever. Just go dance with someone else." Her eyes scanned the space before locking in on their target. The corner of her lip jerked upward, but it was hard to see in the flashing neon lights. "Like that random chick." She pushed Jeno into the female who appeared to be hurrying away from their direction. With a small salute, Jemma faded into the crowd.
"Sorry about that," Jeno said, grabbing the girl's arm to keep her from falling. But when his eyes landed on hers, he didn't feel particularly apologetic. Just shocked.
"Mirenâ" she capped his mouth before he could get her name out, her eyes suddenly harsh and capable of murder. In the same moment she wiggled out of his grip and started in a dash for the exit. She had made it outside when his arm found hers again.
Shit.
Then he was dragging her down the street. She technically could have cried bloody murder. After all, he was an adult now. Then again, she was an eighteen-year-old named Sara. She closed her eyes. Double shit.
His ember eyes were both pleading and furious. But she didn't have to explain herself, did she? He had fucked up. Not her.
"As fun as it is staring at you, it's getting late," she said casually, as if she hadn't been legally missing for over a week now. "So I'm going to head out."
"Do I really mean nothing to you?" Jeno replied, his voice more brooding than she remembered. "I looked everywhere for you. The others were worried sick!"
"If you really thought I was going to move to Cambodia or something, than you deserved to be worried," she spat, folding her arms. "I'm not you. I'm not cruel."
Jeno closed his eyes. "If you're really going to point fingers at me, then you should revaluate your definition of cruel. I never betrayed you. I made a decision you didn't like and you ostracized me for it." Miren snorted.
"I think I'm the only one who's been ostracized here." Her eyes narrowed. "Last I checked, you're not the one living a double life because you were literally bullied to death. Not to mention, you're the one who encouraged this whole charade to go on." She shook her head. "All for what? Because you liked me? Newsflash, it would have been a lot easier to like me as a girl."
"I just wanted what was best for you," he pushed, wondering why he was pushing anything. Miren was supposed to be reasonableâthat was one of the attributes he admired the most about her. "You came to me, remember? You needed someone on your side, and I've always been there since then."
"Not when it came between me and Theodora." Her gaze shifted to the couple-happy streets. It was sad; they could have been like them. Instead, they were doing this. And this was going nowhere. Quickly. "If you had just let meâ"
"Stop pretending that was a foolproof plan," Jeno retorted. "I don't care if Wallace agreed with you. You know you were taking a chance we couldn't afford by exposing her. All I wanted to do was wait it out. I didn't know Penelope would do that. And you can't condemn me for that."
"Stop. Lying." She hated how much taller he was, how it felt like she was losing despite how rational she was being. "You never even considered what I had to say! The second you heard Theodora was involved, you shut me down. You forgot about my feelings and everything I'd gone through. And for what?"
The air was too toxic to breathe; yet it felt like an eternity before Jeno could muster up a response.
"I don't know," he admitted, pressing his lips together. "It was like picking between you and Chara. You know I can't deny how important you are to me. But it would be wrong to exploit her for your own purposes, wouldn't it?"
"Don't you dare compare Chara to that bitch."
Jeno gritted his teeth. Of course she didn't know that her own best friend stabbed her in the back. His gaze hardened on her. "So tell me what you gained from your prolonged field trip. Did you get some clarity on how immature you're being?"
"I never said I wasn't sixteen." Miren rolled her eyes. Even in the dark light, Jeno could tell that her eyes were too wise to condone her actions.
"But you could have told me where you were," he said softly, feeling his anger die down the longer he looked at her. "I just wanted to know that you were okay."
"If I did, you would have found some way to track me down," she said, her hands balling into fists. "And although I wanted you to seek me out in the past, I really needed some time alone."
"And two weeks wasn't enough?"
Miren clenched her jaw, her anger flowing through her like a demented aura. "Jesus, Jeno! Don't you know how fucking furious I am? I thought I lost everything before. I thought it wasn't possible for anything to get worse. And then it did." Tears streamed from her eyes, but she refused to wipe them away. "So you want to know why I had to leave? I'll give you a clue. It wasn't because I was incredibly distraught or something. It was because I finally felt capable of murder.
"If I ran into Penelope, or even your gremlin of a girlfriend then, I would have killed them in cold blood." She was shaking almost violently. "I've never felt so insane before. I thought I had really lost it. So I turned off my phone and locked myself away. I didn't even know that the party was supposed to be here. Axel just dragged me in. But I'm sorry for hurting you..." Her eyes were stage beyond sullen as Jeno hugged her, her soft sobs muffling against his shoulder.
"I don't know how many times I can apologize," he said, brushing a hand through her hair. "But you have nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad you're okay." He breathed her in, dreading the moment he'd have to let her go. "Come on. Let's leave."
She shifted from him, shaking her head.
"I can't." The boy could only blink at her. "I don't want to go back to our previous arrangement."
"And why is that?" he hated how offended/concerned/pathetic he sounded, but he thought they had gotten past the hard part of this conversation.
Miren bit her lip, wondering if she could even go through with her words. It would be so easy to shake her head and take her words back. It would be even easier to forgive himâit was his birthday after all. Not to mention, the physical and emotional attraction for him was thereâit would always be there. Oh, how simple it would be to just kiss him, to agree to come back...
But she wouldn't be coming back as herself. If she were, they could go back into that dancehall and pretend to have a good time despite how much they loathed social events. No, she could never have that, not when her original identity was in greater shambles than it was before. All because the same boy she could have seen herself falling in love with apparently didn't love her as much as he thought he did.
So of course she had nothing to say that would ease either of their pain. She offered him an apologetic look before shifting to the tips of her toes and kissing him softly on the lips. It was a slight shock to both of them, but Jeno quickly came to his senses, pulling her closer as he widened his mouth against hers, kissing her as deeply as he could.
And it wasn't so much that she didn't enjoy the exchange, she just knew that she couldn't. Her hands balled into fists against his chest, and she fought the urge to kiss him back hardâto just lose herself and be found at the same time.
Unfortunately, the urge to breathe came, and she parted, turning slightly to hide how glazed over her eyes were. Stupid teen girl hormones. But Jeno tilted her face back in his direction, his eyes more intenseâmore breathtakingâthan they had ever been. Damn.
"I'm not ready to come back," she blurted, feeling his soft breath on her lips. He was so close that it was practically given that they would start lip-locking again. And if they did, she really wouldn't be able to stop...
"You're out of your mind if you think I'm letting you leave again." His grip fell to her arm, and Miren fought the urge to groan. She hated hurting him, but couldn't he see how unstable she was?! True, Theodora mand Penelope had wronged her big time, but a (less evil) girl like them would still a better match for him than her. She turned around, forcing herself to ignore his agitated expression, his fiery eyes that burned with a passion that both terrified and comforted her. But the only way he could truly love her would be if he were as messed up as her.
And he wasn't .
"I'm not ready to come back," she just repeated. "I don't know if I want to return to Rinzen. And I don't know if I want to be with you." Her yes narrowed against his before shifting to his lips. His perfectly kissable lips. She closed them in a hard squint. Damn him. "Even if my body thinks otherwise."
A small sigh escaped Jeno. It was hard to tell whether he was annoyed or upset that they had made so little progress. He knew that nothing in Miren's life was easy. Then again, she constantly insisted on overcomplicating something as simple as the way he felt about her.
"I'm not Penelope or Parker or even Theodora," he said softly, stroking her cheeks. "And I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you before." He pressed his lips on her forehead and she reopened her eyes slightly. "I'll do whatever you want to do. I just want you to be happy." His eyes touched hers. She had never seen him look so hopeful before. "Even if happiness is overrated."
"And I just want you to have peace," she replied after awhile, her gaze shifting to a wave of people  several blocks before them. One of the theaters had just ended its performance. We could have gone to a play. She gritted her teeth. "But let's be rational. Nothing about me is peaceful. You deserve better than what a relationship with me would entail."
"You don't get to decide the terms of our relationship," Jeno reasoned, shaking his head. "You don't get to decide that something won't work until you've tried itâuntil we've tried it."
"Why?" she blinked at him like she was the one confused. And she was. The universe wanted them to be together, but she didn't. And even if it was just a small pit in her stomach that resisted, it was still enough. The people who "loved" her always turned against her. She didn't know how it was going to happen with him, but it would.
After all, hadn't he already turned against her?
"You can date any girl," she said, her voice almost too low, too tragic to hear. "So why me?"
"Why not you?" he snapped. "You are worthy of being loved. So just tell me why you don't want me, and I'll move on. But I know you do. Why would you have kissed me if you didn't?"
Miren's eyes widened. His proclamation of his love and affection would have had most girls swooning, but instead she just felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.
"That's because I want to want you," she said softly, her grip tightening on his shoulders as she gazed into his eyes. Her hands then shifted upward, tilting his head toward hers so he could see how serious she was. "But I can't. I'm not who you think I am."
"Then tell me," was his reply to her challenge. His eyes landed on her mouth; she had been wearing lip-gloss, though some of it had smeared from their little make-out session. One that he hoped would resume sooner than later. "I don't care about The Incident or whatever role you had in it." He took hold of one of her hands, pressing his lips on her knuckles. "I just care about you."
"And I understand that, but this isn't some Lifetime movie, Jeno. If I tell you what really happened, you're going to hate me. So stop acting likeâ"
His mouth sealed over hers, silencing her. She would have been pissed, but even she was sick of listening to herself talk. Still, her mind and body wanted two very different things. That's why her brain was screaming as she made out with him shamelessly. With tongue. Pressed against the exterior brick wall of the nightclub. You know, that Jeno and Jemma's party was at...
It was stupid, and risky and someone was probably going to see them. But it was hard to care when Jeno's kisses traveled southward and he started to suck on her jawline, her neck. She bit her lip, sighing as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"We...need...to stop," her brain said. But her hold tightened against his back as her lips found his again. Bad body.
"You're right." He kissed her hard one more time, before releasing her reluctantly. Miren sucked in the aroused air, but the gesture was a mistake. It was filled with fairy dust. Because despite the fact that Jeno was standing right in front of her, he wasn't real - he was a fantasy. A union between them wouldn't last, and it wasn't because she didn't want it to. It's just that it wouldn't, for reasons she didn't particularly care to go into. Which made the smile on Jeno's lips especially painful to look at. He pinched her hand. "Are you hungry? I can take you toâ"
"I'm sorry, but this doesn't change anything," Miren said, moving almost effortlessly from his grip. Two seconds ago she was ready to live her life on her own conflicted terms. Now, if Jeno actually wanted to "take her" she'd probably let him. But he wouldn'tâbecause he was a good guy. And she was a bad girl.
"I'm not playing this game with you anymore, Miren," Jeno replied, his smile deflating just as fast as it came. "You're going to eat something and then we're going back to Rinzen." He wanted to add "to make-out some more" but it seemed implied.
"You're not the boss of me."
"I never said I was," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm just saying that you don't always have to pick the difficult option. Not with me."
"I'm not an idiot."
"Then stop acting like one." Miren scoffed at his words, but mostly because he was right. Truthfully, she would never hate kissing him; she would never hate being in his presence. But he wouldâhis feelings were like an anchor, and she was sinking. And when he took hold of her hand again, she was confident she was drowning.
"Miren."
Her mouth widened to respond when a couple from the theater bumped into them. Followed by another, and another. She said something, but her words were lost in a sea of lovers eager to make the most of their Valentine's Day night.
Then she was gone.