Chapter 36: Chapter 35. Promise You’ll Never Leave Me

BLAKE

A week had passed since I last saw Claire.

The morning I woke up alone in the shed, my heart pounded in my chest. But after reading the note she left, I calmed down. I figured she needed some time to think.

I gave her space until the second day. That’s when worry started to creep in. I tried to reach her, but she didn’t respond. I even tried calling Nancy, but she didn’t pick up either.

My mind started to race with worst-case scenarios. What if someone had hurt her? Or worse, kidnapped her? Like Logan.

Maybe I was too calm about her being the White Wolf. But to me, she was still Claire. Unique, talented, independent Claire. She was hurting, so I gave her space.

I didn’t freak out or treat her differently. Hell, I even kissed her! I found myself smiling at the memory, licking my lips, longing to feel her warm lips against mine again.

School was dull and restless without her. It was February ninth, and Valentine’s Day was just around the corner. I had planned to ask her to be my Valentine, but she was nowhere to be found.

No one knew where she was, not even Ashley.

I was at home, dad at work, Anya at school, and mom in the kitchen, when my phone rang. I let out a deep sigh and answered it.

“Hello,” I said, not bothering to check who was calling.

“Blake,” a feminine voice filled with hope responded.

Confusion washed over me. I glanced at the caller ID and saw it was Nancy.

Hope surged through me. I quickly put the phone back to my ear, sitting up straight. “Yes. Yeah, it’s me. Do you know where Claire is?” I asked, my voice filled with anxiety.

There was a pause before she finally answered. “I think. I haven’t seen or heard from her in a week. I tried her parents, but no one answered. I even went to her house, but it was empty.

“I’ve been worried sick. I’ve tried contacting everyone she knows—which isn’t many people. But… I’m guessing she told you?” Nancy asked, her voice uncertain.

I nodded, understanding what she meant. “Yes, I know she’s the White Wolf, and I swear I won’t tell anyone,” I promised, knowing I would never do anything to put her in danger.

“Good. That makes things easier. I have two theories. One: She was kidnapped by Logan or a rival. Two: Something happened and she left,” Nancy said.

I raised an eyebrow. “But what if her family went on vacation and that’s why no one’s home?” I asked, the thought suddenly crossing my mind.

A bitter laugh came from the other end of the line.

“Trust me, Blake. Claire’s parents barely spend time with her at home. Why would they take her on vacation?” Nancy spat out, her voice filled with bitterness.

It was clear she didn’t like Claire’s parents.

I slumped in disappointment. “So where do we start looking?” I asked, already picturing us on a wild goose chase to find Claire.

“Everywhere she’s ever been. Starting with… the gym.”

CLAIRE

The liquid burned as it slid down my throat. It left me parched and made my hangovers worse, but it was worth it for the numbness.

I knew I was drunk. But I wasn’t the angry kind of drunk. I was calm, emotional. I leaned against the brick wall, my foot dangling off the edge of the building I was sitting on. I was on the roof of an apartment.

After leaving home days ago, I went straight to the gas station. I bought six twelve packs of Jack Daniels and any other alcoholic beverage I could find, using my fake ID.

I made myself comfortable on the ledge of the roof. I sat there, drinking, watching the sunsets and sunrises. Drinking to forget the pain and rejection.

I didn’t care about anything anymore. School, boxing, getting caught, Blake, Nancy… my parents. It was just me.

I took a deep breath, leaning my head back against the wall and closing my eyes tightly. I had lost track of how many days I had been here, but it was more than three.

I spent all my time here, crying, drinking, thinking, sleeping. I only had two more packs of alcohol left, and I was starting to slow down my drinking, wanting it to last.

Wanting the numbness to last, needing my mind to stop thinking about all the lies I had been told.

A bitter smile crossed my face as I remembered the good times with my parents. And now. I found myself wondering, for the millionth time, was it all lies?

Did my parents ever really love me, care about me? Did they ever really want me?

Tears slipped down my cheeks as my eyes remained closed. I sniffled, taking another gulp of the intoxicating alcohol.

The numb pain was better than the real thing. It was better than feeling like my heart had been ripped out, better than the beatings, better than the constant feeling of emptiness.

It was the best feeling I had ever experienced.

A sob escaped my lips as I hiccupped. I wiped my nose with my sleeve, setting down the bottle of beer in my hand.

I pulled my legs to my chest and curled into a ball, crying. I cried for everything. The hurt, the pain, the rejection, the lies, the betrayal.

A scream tore from my lips, and I gripped my hair, shaking from the stress. The alcohol suddenly stopped working.

It was as if it had disappeared. I could feel everything. My bruises, my scars, my imperfections, all the pain. I could feel it all.

“Please make it stop. Make it stop, God, make it stop…” I cried, whispering the words to myself. My head pounded and my lungs burned.

I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. Another scream escaped my lips and I tugged at my hair, finding some relief in the pain. And then, everything stopped.

I was numb again. But this time, it wasn’t the kind of numbness I usually craved. This was a hollow, empty numbness. And I wanted to feel something else. I wanted to feel pain.

I wanted to rewind to when I was fifteen, lying in that bloody tub, taking slow, shallow breaths.

As my heartbeat slowed, blood seeping from each cut, my skin growing paler by the second, until I finally blacked out. But this time, I didn’t want to wake up.

I took a deep breath, my nails scratching at my skin until it was raw and red.

“...That girl of yours is no daughter to me.”

“...The little brat...”

“...She’s just seeking attention.”

“...Nobody here loves you!”

“...Why didn’t you just try to kill yourself again, huh? Maybe this time your dear old dad wouldn’t be there to save you!”

My body shook with each memory. All the comments, the words, the voices… so many voices.

Heavy breaths escaped my lips as hiccups continued to wrack my body. My head was spinning, but I couldn’t stop crying. It was one of those times when you try to will yourself to stop crying, but you just can’t.

The tears kept flowing, my nose kept running, and my body kept shaking, no matter how hard I tried to stop it. It just wouldn’t stop.

Slowly, I leaned my body to the side, feeling the cool cement against my skin as my shirt slid up, exposing some of my stomach and side. But I didn’t care, biting my lip as I tried to stop the tears.

Everything was just so hard! Why did everything have to be so hard!

Why did I have to box, why did I let my pride get the best of me, why did I let my heart be taken, just to be broken. Why did I have to live?

By the time the tears finally stopped, I was lying on my side, looking down at the thirty-foot drop from the roof to the ground.

For a moment, just a split second, I imagined a world without me. A world where I was dead, and I saw Nancy and Molly as the only ones mourning. I saw my parents and peers filled with guilt and pity.

I saw Ashley feeling a twinge of guilt before quickly moving on from my death. And I saw Blake sitting by my grave, silently crying and whispering the one question everyone would ask: Why?

Suddenly, I felt guilt. Guilt for making Blake, Nancy, and Molly so depressed. For leaving them without saying goodbye, for giving up on my life. For leaving everything I ever loved. Even if they were people I used to love.

Slowly, a single tear slipped from the corner of my eye and slid down the side of my face, onto the brick ledge I was on.

I didn’t bother to check my phone. By the setting sun, I could tell it was around eight o’clock.

I didn’t know when I would finally get off this ledge, clean up, and continue on with life but I knew it wouldn’t be soon. I knew I still couldn’t face what I used to call home.

I knew I couldn’t look at my mother the same way ever again, or even my father if I ever saw him again.

My teeth clenched at the thought of him. At the thought of him with his new wife and child.

So, he was too lazy to take care of his first child, so he decides to take care of his other child, first?!

I thought bitterly. It felt like he never loved me. I knew he loved my mom, and I knew he thought he was doing the right thing by being with that other woman, but he didn’t realize how it would really affect us.

And then, Selena’s voice echoed in my mind: “Why didn’t you just try to kill yourself again, huh? Maybe this time your dear old dad wouldn’t be there to save you!”

She was right. My dad wouldn’t be there to save me, neither would my mother. I could finally make everyone feel my death. I could finally make them happy!

I could leave this world and that would solve all my problems. My absence would fix everything.

Everyone except Nancy, Molly, and Blake would feel pity and guilt, while Molly, Nancy, and Blake would all take my death harder than anyone else. I could see Molly and Nancy mourning together.

Nancy planning revenge on my parents and everyone who ever hurt me. I could see Blake starting to fight, to box, to hurt people to relieve his frustration and stress. I could see Blake being more hurt and angrier than I thought.

He liked, or had liked, me. Of course, he’d be hurt, but I couldn’t understand why he’d be angry.

I wiped my tears away, sitting upright. Slowly turning my head to the side, I saw that I still had some beer left. I debated with myself if I really wanted to finish it or not.

If I tried to drink twenty-four more beers in just three days like I did once, I was sure to have a terrible hangover, or alcohol poisoning.

Still slightly tipsy from the alcohol in my system, I stood on my wobbly legs, only to fall down. Three more tries, and I finally got my legs working enough to stand.

I grabbed the last two twelve packs of my beer, and walked down to the ladder on the side of the building.

It took some time, but I eventually made it all the way down. My legs began to feel numb and wobbly the more I walked. I was swaying from side to side, burping out loud and giggling sometimes at random thoughts.

I slowed down when I saw the headlights of a car. My head tilted to the side as a yawn escaped my mouth.

Thinking nothing of the car, I continued my walk, only to be stopped by the screeching of tires. I dropped the beers and hissed, covering my ears at the noise.

Then, I looked down and began to pout, looking at my shattered beer bottles on the ground. “Aw. My beer…” I slurred, suddenly dropping to the ground, only to be caught by a pair of strong arms.

I giggled and sighed at the same time, loving the warmth that enveloped me.

“Claire, are you drunk?” a gruff voice asked, shock in his voice.

“Yup,” I answered, popping the P as I hiccuped again. “Oops.” I giggled.

My eyes looked over and I found myself staring into the stormy grey eyes of Blake. As I looked closer, I was amazed by the small specks of blue in the middle of his eyes, making them even more captivating to me.

I lift my hand, brushing it gently against his cheek. “You’ve got such beautiful eyes.” I yawn, snuggling into his side as he lifts me up completely.

Suddenly, a thought strikes me. I look up at him, my eyes wide and glassy from the alcohol. “Blake?” I whisper.

He sighs, meeting my bloodshot gaze.

“Yes?” His voice is soft, mindful of the quiet around us.

“Promise—” I falter. “Promise you won’t leave me, like everyone else has,” I plead, yearning for someone to truly care about me.

He studies my drowsy face for a moment before nodding. “I promise, baby girl, I promise.”

He plants a kiss on my forehead, and I surrender to the blissful oblivion of sleep. I relish the tranquility, the first I’ve felt in a while, and find myself wishing that my dreams could become my reality.