Chapter 10: CHAPTER 9

I wanna start this out and say

I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice

Just a little bit of regret

- You should be sad, Halsey

The weather these days was not on Ellie's side. When she left Jodie's property not even an hour after arriving, cupcakes and leftover chocolate cake in both her hands, it was snowing heavily. Thus, she ditched her original plan to stay outside for as long as possible.

When Ellie entered the house, she prepared for Quinn to metaphorically jump at her throat the minute she stepped into the living room. Strangely, something entirely different happened: Quinn was still sitting on the couch and quickly looked away from Ellie when she entered the kitchen and set down the baked goods on the table. It might have been just an illusion but she looked like she had been crying.

"I brought some cake," Ellie said, "you can eat some if you'd like."

"From the café?"

"Yes," Ellie could barely stop herself from adding a snarky 'from the lesbian'. Instead, she went to her room without another word. Weirdly enough, Quinn did not even sound annoyed or angry, as far as one could tell from three words only. Maybe she was not homophobic after all? Ellie remembered the conversation from a few days ago and shook her head. Who would react that way if it were not out of dislike for the LGBTQ+ community? What other reason would Quinn haver to dislike the café? She had explicitly said that she stopped going there because Jodie was in a relationship with another woman. Then again, why did she care? Homophobic or not, Quinn hated her anyway.

In the days following the closing of the café, Ellie spent as much time outside as she possibly could. She still left around the same time she usually did and took a long morning walk around the village, walking on the hills behind the house until she reached the broad road that led to the village. After taking a long stroll, she payed a visit to Mister Saunders, staying away from the house for as long as possible. Most of the times though, the weather was the reason why she returned home earlier than she wanted to.

But it also seemed like she was not the only one who dodged potential conversations in every way possible; Quinn was avoiding her, too. One or two times she excused herself from dinner, something she had never done before. She stayed in her room most of the times even when Ellie was home instead of occupying the living room like she had done before. When they walked past each other in the hallway or met by coincidence, Quinn avoided eye contact and looked the other way. She did not do this in her usual arrogant way but more in a shy and uncertain way.

Once or twice, she looked as though she was about to say something, like when they met in the hallway upstairs after being called downstairs for dinner. Quinn looked anxious and would open her mouth but then close it again. They would get interrupted or Quinn would snap back to reality and the moment was over, the two girls going separate ways again. On top of that, Quinn seemed like she was lost in her thoughts often. She did not react when her parents said her name and looked off into the distance more than usual.

Finally, the first day of Quinn being allowed to ski again came. Doctor King had visited her the previous day and — to both Ellie's and Quinn's joy — had declared that tomorrow she could go out again. Her foot had healed apparently very nicely and apart from a special 'sock' to stabilize her ankle, it was as good as new.

Since she did not have to avoid Quinn that day, Ellie slept longer on her first 'free' day. She expected Quinn to have gone skiing first thing in the morning, meaning that she would not have to leave the house herself to avoid her host.

But when Ellie came downstairs in her pajamas around 9:30am, rubbing her tired eyes and running a hand through her unbrushed hair, she was shocked to find Quinn sitting at the dining table. She was fiddling with the handle of her tea mug and looked like she was thinking deeply about something. Why was she here? She had not noticed Ellie yet so maybe the latter should just go upstairs and stay there until Quinn left. If she even planned on leaving. Before Ellie could truly contemplate disappearing in her room again though, Quinn looked up and gave her a wonky smile. A smile?

"Good morning!"

Since when did Quinn act friendly towards Ellie? She had never once wished her a good morning before.

"Morning," Ellie replied politely but not without a little bit of caution in her voice. She decided to just grab a bowl of cereal and sit at the table together with Quinn. She was hungry and if the other girl could not stand Ellie's company, Quinn would be the one who had to leave. As soon as Ellie sat down, Quinn got up again. Instead of going upstairs though, she went over to the kitchen counter and turned the kettle on again.

"Tea?"

"Um... okay."

Quinn nodded and rummaged through a cupboard before she retrieved a few packs of different teas.

"What would you like?" She asked almost timidly, "Black, lemon-ginger, strawberry...?"

"Lemon-ginger sounds good," Ellie replied and watched as the other girl took two teabags out of the package.

"That's my favorite," Quinn said quietly and waited for the water to boil before she filled her mug, as well as a new one for Ellie, and brought both of them over.

"Thank you."

They fell silent while Quinn warmed her hands on her mug and Ellie ate her cereal. Quinn looked as though she would've liked to say something but Ellie found the silence rather peaceful and comfortable. It gave her time to process what was happening here right before her eyes. Quinn was nice to her. She had not said anything mean or degrading yet, she had wished her a good morning and she had even made her tea! Voluntarily!

When Ellie was done with her cereal and took a sip of her now pleasantly warm tea, Quinn shifted a little on her chair and cleared her throat before finally speaking up.

"I... I was wondering if maybe you'd like to spend some time together," she asked, halfway mumbling and stuttering, as if she was trying to get the words out at fast as possible before she changed her mind. Ellie could not help but give her a perplexed look.

"It's just that... I've got tickets for the cinema in Lone Pine," Quinn hastily continued, "and Dash said that he didn't have time so..."

She anxiously looked at Ellie, waiting for the other girl to answer.

"Wouldn't you rather go alone? Or go skiing?" Ellie said at last, slowly and very confused. Quinn shook her head.

"I just don't want the ticket to go to waste — don't worry, you don't have to pay for anything, it's already paid for."

Ellie nodded as Quinn trailed off and then tilted her head.

"Why not go with one of your other friends?" She was still very suspicious of this situation and Quinn's sudden change in behavior.

"They don't have time, either," Quinn said, "besides, it's a romance and none of them are really into it. If you don't like romance either that's fine, you don't have to go, I just thought..."

She stopped mid sentence, avoiding eye contact with Ellie.

The latter was very conflicted? Should she go? What if this was just another way for Quinn to ridicule her? Was all of this a plan? But why should Quinn go all out for this? Maybe Ellie should ask to see the tickets. Surely Quinn would not actually spend money on this if all she wanted was to laugh at Ellie.

"Can I see the tickets?" Ellie asked, "What movie is it?"

Quinn seemed to be very relieved to hear Ellie not decline immediately. She scrambled to get up, almost knocking over her chair in the process.

"I'll go get them!" She announced as she was already halfway upstairs. Only moments later she was back, thrusting two pieces of paper under Ellie's nose. The tickets were real and they were indeed for a romance. Should she agree to go? Quinn had not said anything mean during the last few days — the bar was low but she did manage to meet it. Maybe it was at the time to giver her another chance.

"Okay, I'll go with you."

"Great!"

And maybe it was just Ellie's perception of the situation but Quinn seemed a little too excited over the agreement of the girl she had hated just a week before.

They went to the cinema around lunch time and to be honest, Ellie though that the whole ordeal was rather awkward. After breakfast, they had brushed their teeth one after the other and then stayed in their room until Quinn knocked on Ellie's door when it was time to go. The bus-ride to Lone Pine that took approximately one hour was filled with uncomfortable silence. They sat next to each other without talking, Quinn at the window, Ellie closer to the aisle. She looked out of the window a lot, directly past Quinn who either stared ahead or also watched the landscape outside. It was quite a beautiful day, sunny yet freezing cold and the window was a little fogged up.

In the cinema, Quinn bought a bucket of popcorn for the both of them and also paid for both their drinks. They went into the (only) cinema room long before the movie started and both stared at the white screen as if the movie was already playing. Of course they did not talk during the movie and when they excited the room, Quinn threw away the full popcorn bucket — neither of them had eaten more than a handful of pieces. Ellie herself had refrained from eating more because she wanted to leave some for Quinn but she had no idea why the blonde girl had not eaten anything, either.

On the way back, they sat in silence as well. Ellie had the window seat this time but did not want to turn her head away from Quinn. The last time they had said something to each other had been 20 minutes ago when Quinn had announced "that's our bus over there" and Ellie had replied with an "alright". Ellie thought about what she could possibly say, a topic she could pick as a conversation starter but nothing came to mind. Truth was, she knew basically nothing about Quinn, apart from the obvious things: that she liked to ski, who her friends were and where she worked but that was it. And if Quinn had the same thoughts, if she too was thinking about how to converse with Ellie, she probably noticed that she knew nothing about Ellie either.

Ellie had assumed that this day was just an exception, that tomorrow, they would go back to hating each other or, at the very least, ignore each other's existence. She had assumed Quinn was really just looking for someone to give the second tickets to or that the blonde girl had a spontaneous case of memory loss and confusion that would cure itself before the next morning.

But when she came downstairs the next morning, a little earlier than the previous day, Ellie found Quinn sitting at the table again.

"Good morning," Quinn chirped happily, "I made you some tea!"

Indeed — there was a second mug on the table, still steaming a little. The smell of lemon-ginger tea filled the room.

"Oh, um... thanks."

Ellie quickly got herself her usual bowl of cornflakes and then sat down on the chair she always sat on. Quinn managed to keep quiet for only a few seconds, taking a quick sip of her tea and then setting the cup down almost violently.

"Have you ever gone skiing before?" She asked hastily.

"No, never," Ellie replied. She was a little surprised at Quinn's continuous efforts to spend time with her. First the cinema and now this? And why was Quinn so keen on eating breakfast together all of a sudden?

"Why did you ask?" Ellie asked when Quinn did not say anything for a little while. Quinn fiddled with her mug and then played with her fingers until she finally met Ellie's eye.

"I... I could teach you, if you'd like — how to ski, I mean."

Ellie was aware of how stupid she must have looked in this moment. Her mouth was hanging open a little bit and she could not really comprehend the words Quinn had just said to her.

"You want to teach me how to ski?" She repeated in disbelief.

Quinn nodded.

"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?" Ellie could not help but ask. Only a week ago, Quinn would have probably kicked Ellie out if she had been given the chance or insulted her at every opportunity and now she was being nice? And she wanted to spend time together? Ellie was a kind person, sometimes even a little gullible and she always gave people a second (or third, or fourth) chance but this was unusual. What was going on in Quinn's head?

"What do you mean?" The blonde girl asked. And seriously, what was it about her playing dumb (or being dumb) in situations like these?

"I've been here for one month now and ever since I got here, you seemed to hate me," said Ellie quietly, "and now you're being really nice — which is great but I just can't help but wonder: why? What changed?"

"Oh..." Quinn looked down where her hands were still fiddling with her mug. Ellie kept her gaze on the blonde girl, waiting for her to answer.

"I'm sorry," Quinn finally said, "I guess I realized how much of an asshole I've been."

She hesitated a second and Ellie tilted her head, giving Quinn a kind smile. If the other girl wanted to apologize, Ellie would be there to hear her out. So she waited.

"I know that the way I treated you was awful," Quinn began without looking up, "I guess — I know — that it wasn't your fault at all. It's just that my parents didn't really talk about all of this with me. All of a sudden you were here and I had no say in it. I felt betrayed and that my privacy was being invaded. And you were an easy target because you were around most of the time."

Quinn looked up and met Ellie's eye.

"I know it doesn't excuse my behavior," she said, "and I'm really sorry. In the past week, I realized that I never even gave you a chance and that we're probably in this together, you know, as the children who probably had little to no say in this whole situation."

"Okay," Ellie said. Quinn's apology and the reason for her actions was a plausible one and Ellie found herself relating to what Quinn had said at the end. It was true that she too did not really want to come or and that it was her parents's decision. Still, she would have never let out her frustration on Quinn. And even though she had apologized, that did not make her words unsaid and the things she had done undone.

"You're still mad at me," Quinn said. She did not sound accusing, if so, her tone was more matter-of-factly. Ellie shrugged.

"I can't just forget everything that happened," she replied honestly.

"I know. And I understand that," Quinn nodded, "but I wanted to tell you anyway. And I thought that maybe we can start from the beginning again and try to get along this time? If you can forgive me?"

"I don't know... but we can try." Ellie gave Quinn a smile and the green-eyed girl returned the gesture. She looked just like Ellie felt: relieved. Even though she was not over everything that had happened, she was inclined to believe Quinn and she had hope for a better future.

For a few seconds, the two girls were silent before Quinn spoke up again.

"So, would you like to join me today? My friends and I want to go skiing."

She must've thought that Ellie did not look too enthusiastic because she quickly continued:

"I promise it's not going to be like your second day here when I just abandoned you. We're all going to go slow with you and teach your the basics."

"I don't know," Ellie said slowly, "I don't want to hold you guys back and you're all so much better than me."

"Don't worry about that!" Quinn beamed at Ellie, "It's going to be fun."

"I'm sorry, my decision stands," Ellie smiled at Quinn to show her that she was not mad, "but it would be great to learn it one day, maybe just you and me."

"That would be nice," Quinn replied, "sorry if that was a little pushy of me."

"Don't worry about it," Ellie shook her head.

"And it's really okay if I leave you? I mean, I just told you that I would like to spend time together and here I am, leaving again."

"It's okay, I'm sure I'll survive a few hours without you," Ellie winked at Quinn who blushed furiously, "have fun today."

"Thanks!"