Chapter 5: : Chapter 5

I wake up to the faint smell of fresh coffee and blink, disoriented. It takes me a few moments to remember that I’m in Archer’s guest room, and I draw a steadying breath as my mind begins to replay Theo’s words. Fresh waves of something that can only be described as grief wash over me at the thought of Theo with Kristen, and I squeeze my eyes closed, wishing I could fall back asleep and escape the thoughts that torment me.

I turn over in bed, my mind torturing me with images of the three of us together—except he’ll be holding her hand, and each time he thinks I’m not looking, he’ll lean in to steal a kiss, all the while wishing I wasn’t there at all. Things will never be the same again, and I’ll have to pretend I’m happy for them while silently mourning everything I thought I’d have with Theo, everything I waited so patiently for.

I knew it’d hurt to hear him admit he’s dating Kristen, but I underestimated how badly. There’s only been one other occasion when my grief ran so deep that not even painting could dull the pain—when I found out Tyra had been missing for a week and no one knew how to tell me. It’s a jarring feeling to be so disappointed in myself for feeling the way I do. Losing her the way we did was far worse than what’s going on with Theo, yet it hurts nearly as much. It makes me feel pathetic, and self-loathing rapidly consumes me.

I throw the covers off and sit up, my heart squeezing painfully as I reach for my phone, finding dozens of messages from Theo waiting for me, most of them requests to let him know I arrived at Ezra’s house and that I’m fine. I bite on my lip as I scroll through them, only to pause when I notice that there’s one more message—from Kristen.

Kristen

I’m sorry. Please, can we talk?

I tighten my grip on my phone before throwing it onto my pillow, welcoming the sudden flames of anger that ignite deep in my gut. She knew about my feelings for Theo, and though I wasn’t entitled to him in any way, I can’t help the tinge of betrayal I feel.

I’m shaking as I walk to the en suite bathroom, finding a towel waiting for me. Archer. I bury my face in my hands and draw a steadying breath as I recall the way I cried my heart out last night and the way Archer just held me, offering me quiet support. I can’t believe that I admitted as much as I did. What was I thinking, telling my older brother’s best friend that I was tired of waiting? That I wanted to be kissed in the back seat of a car? My heartache must’ve temporarily made me lose my mind.

Mortification keeps my dejection at bay as I get ready, unsure how to face Archer after everything I said last night. I don’t want him to pity me, but how could he not after the way I fell apart in his arms? I should’ve gone to Ezra’s house after Archer offered to let me in last night, instead of letting him persuade me to stay in his guest room. I squeeze my curls and stare at myself in the mirror for a moment, trying my best to find one single positive in this situation. At least he didn’t realize that I’m The Muse. The way he behaved last night made it clear that he didn’t even suspect me, and that’s a definite win.

My cheeks are still burning by the time I walk into the hallway, following the smell of coffee to the kitchen. I freeze when I find my brother leaning against the counter, a mug in his hand. The wrinkled suit he’s wearing makes me suspect he came straight home once he realized I was here, and fresh guilt hits me right in the chest.

He looks up when I walk in, his eyes filled with concern. “Serenity,” he says, putting down his coffee to offer me a hug.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur, hugging him tightly. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Ezra pulls back to look at me, his gaze searching. “I’m just glad Archer was home. I change my door code every few months and didn’t think to tell you. Are you okay?”

I nod and force a smile, despite the way my fragmented heart bleeds. “I’m fine. I just…I just don’t really want to talk about it if that’s okay?”

Ezra sighs, but thankfully, he nods. “You know I’m here if you ever need anything, don’t you? Anything at all. You’ll never be alone so long as you have me, Serenity. I know I haven’t been around as much as I should’ve been, but I’ll work on that.”

My eyes widen at his serious response, and guilt settles in my stomach. Truthfully, Ezra was never meant to know I’d gone to his house in tears. I knew he was on a business trip, and I went to his house because I needed to be alone. I never meant to make him feel bad for not being there last night when I didn’t even expect him to be.

I begin to reply, only to pause when I spot Archer standing in the corner, gray sweats hanging low on his hips, paired with a white tee. His eyes meet mine, and he throws me a sweet smile. The pity I’d expected is nowhere to be found, and I smile back, relieved to find him looking at me the way he usually does.

“I made you pancakes,” he says as he grabs a plate and loads it up. “Sit down and have some food.”

I nod and welcome the change of topic gratefully, my eyes widening when he hands me a plate of fluffy pancakes topped with chocolate and strawberries. It looks like the kind of thing you’d get in a restaurant, and I glance up at him gratefully. I’d forgotten how good of a cook he is. He hasn’t stayed the night at my parents’ house in nearly two years now, after all.

Ezra joins me at the breakfast bar quietly, concern etched into his face. It’s clear he has questions, but I’m not sure I can answer them without bursting into tears all over again.

“Part of the reason I came here is because I have some good news to share,” I murmur eventually, staring at the creamy color of the latte Archer gave me. I never realized he knew how I like my coffee.

“Oh yeah?” Archer says, his expression kind and encouraging. I never told him specifically what made me cry last night, and I wonder if he knows how grateful I am that he didn’t demand answers beyond making sure I was physically unharmed.

My gaze moves between the two men, and I try my best to smile. “In two weeks from now, I’ll officially be an intern at Serenity Solutions.”

Ezra blinks in surprise, and then the biggest grin lights up his whole face. “No fucking way,” he says, chuckling. He looks up at his best friend, pure disbelief in his gaze, and I follow his line of sight to find Archer looking at me with the most incredulous expression. I watch as his disbelief makes way for pride, and he shakes his head.

“Serenity,” he says. “Thousands of people apply every year, and HR selects ten.”

I shrug, unable to hide a hint of smugness. Ezra wraps his arm around me and squeezes, pure glee radiating off him. “I’m so proud of you,” he says, smirking. “But you know we’d have given you a job if you wanted one.”

I nod. “I know, but Theo and I…” My smile slips, and I force it back into place. “Theo got in too, and it was important to us both that we made it because we deserved to.”

I note the way Archer tenses in my peripheral vision, and Ezra’s expression sobers too. “He got in too, huh?” Archer says, something akin to irritation sparking in his eyes.

“Does that mean you’re moving here?” my brother asks, his voice filled with excitement.

I nod hesitantly. I spent so much time trying to find places Theo and I could potentially rent, but I can’t afford any of them on my own. My heart wrenches as I imagine Theo doing with Kirsten what I thought I’d experience with him—viewing places together, decorating and turning a tiny flat into a home.

“I’ll clear my guest room for you,” Ezra says. “I handle all of the company’s implementations, so I’m hardly ever home. I’m gone for weeks at a time. You’ll mostly have the place to yourself, but Archer will always be next door if you need him.”

I look up and begin to shake my head, but Ezra shoots me a stern look, shutting me up before I’ve even had a chance to object. “You know Mom would worry about you endlessly if you lived anywhere else, and honestly, I don’t want you living in some kind of shithole when I have a perfectly good room for you.”

“He’s right,” Archer says. “Besides, if you don’t enjoy living at Ezra’s, you can always move out. Give it a try, Serenity.”

I nod hesitantly, and my brother grins, clearly pleased. “It’s settled then,” he says, his voice brooking no argument.