Chapter 22: : Chapter 22

My heart begins to beat a little faster as Theo and I walk to his flat, each heartbeat heavier than the last as familiarity hits me. “It’s so convenient that it’s walking distance to work,” Theo says as we walk up to the same building that now bears my artwork. “And it suddenly became more in demand just days after we signed the lease because The Muse was apparently here. Wild, isn’t it?”

Wild, indeed. Me being The Muse is one of few secrets I’ve ever kept from him. Many of my pieces depicted my feelings for him and I never wanted him to figure it out. Now I’m more glad than ever that he doesn’t know.

My stomach turns as we walk past my painting, and I begin to tremble as heartache threatens to overwhelm me. They’re living in the place that was my top pick for Theo and me, the same one I told Kristen about so many times that she could hardly stand to hear any more about it.

Theo grins at me as we enter the elevator, and I glance around, my heart heavy. “It’s nothing like your brother’s place, of course, but it’s charming in its own right.”

I force a smile for him, trying my best to hide my conflicted feelings. I desperately want to be happy for him, but my heartache clouds my good intentions, until nothing but vague resentment is left. Does he even realize how many hours of research went into the list I created? Every single place on there was in budget, within walking distance, in a safe area, and nice enough inside. I did all that research for us.

“Here we are,” he says, leading me to his front door. There’s a cute sign on it with both of their names, and I take a deep breath before following him in, my hands shaking.

“Serenity,” Kristen says the moment we step into the living room, her brilliant blue eyes filled with seemingly genuine hope. She reaches for her long blond hair, her movements betraying her nerves. “Hi, I…um…thank you for coming over.”

My heart aches at the sight of her, and it hits me then. I missed her—more than I realized, more than I’d like to admit. She throws me a hesitant smile, and I nod at her, grateful that she hasn’t tried to hug me like she would have in the past. “Hi,” I murmur, looking around their living room. “This place is really nice,” I force myself to say.

“Shall we?” Theo places his hand on the small of my back, and Kristen tenses just slightly. I step away from him instantly, but it kills me to do it. He and I have always been so close, and it hurts to now set boundaries that I don’t want between us.

Theo throws me a startled look and drops his hand, gesturing toward the dining table instead. I nod and take a reluctant step forward, wishing I could just go home. It’s not that I don’t want to salvage my friendship with both of them, but I just don’t want to do it tonight, when my wounds still feel fresh.

I’m well aware that I had no claim to Theo in that way, but I can’t help but feel betrayed nonetheless. Kristen is the one I shared all my dreams with, the only one that knew how badly I wished that he’d finally see me. She knew I was too scared to risk my friendship with him, but I suppose it makes sense that she never encouraged me to make a move. I didn’t even realize that she hadn’t until now.

“I made that lamb ragout you like,” she tells me, her hand trembling just slightly as she reaches for the pot on the table to fill my plate for me.

Theo jumps out of his seat and takes over from her, their eyes locking for a moment as his hand wraps over the one she’s holding the spoon with. “Let me,” he tells her, a sweet, intimate smile on his face, and it absolutely destroys me.

I look away, and Kristen seemingly snaps out of it, stepping back from Theo. “I, um, I forgot to grab the wine I bought.” She rushes away, her cheeks bright red, and I watch Theo as he stares after her. I never even stood a chance, did I? He’s never once looked at me that way, and I was foolish to hope he ever would.

“She’s nervous,” he tells me as he serves me some of the pasta Kristen made. “She’s been texting me all day, second-guessing every single thing about this dinner.” He hesitates, his gaze roaming over my face for a moment. “I’ve asked her what it is you two are arguing about, because I’ve never seen you go this long without speaking. She won’t tell me, but she assures me it isn’t about me or our relationship.”

He sighs and fills Kristen’s plate before his own, and all the while I wonder if she’ll keep her silence. The last thing I want is for Theo to find out about my feelings from his girlfriend. Would our friendship even last if he knew? Or would he distance himself from me out of respect for Kristen? I thought I had so much to lose, only to find out that I might as well have taken my chances because I now stand to lose just as much, with far less to gain.

Kristen walks back in and holds up a bottle, trying her best to smile. “I bought you a cabernet sauvignon,” she tells me, her eyes filled with hope.

“Thank you,” I tell her. “I love a good cab.”

“I know,” she murmurs, her voice filled with regret as she pours me a glass.

I take it from her and stare at it for a few moments, trying my best to keep it together as I raise it to my lips, knocking back half of it.

Kristen tries her best to make small talk, and I try my best not to notice the way Theo wraps his arm around the back of her chair as he hangs on her every word. The worst part is that I’d normally have texted Kristen if I found myself somewhere I didn’t want to be, and she’d call me giving me an excuse to leave. Now she’s the one I want to get away from.

I sigh as I reach for my phone helplessly halfway through dinner, only to find a text message waiting for me.

Archer

have you had dinner yet?

I blink in surprise, the edges of my lips turning up into a smile. We’ve started to text throughout the day, and those little moments feel so intimate. There’s something thrilling about knowing that I’m on his mind, even as he sits in important meetings.

Serenity

I’m having dinner now

Archer

would you like me to come over? I know you don’t like eating alone

My heart skips a beat, my mood instantly lifted. Things have been amazing between us. Most of the time, we’re still us. We hang out, and occasionally he’ll come over simply to watch TV with Ezra and me. But when we do those same mundane things while Ezra isn’t home, he’ll turn toward me with that look in his eyes I can’t resist, and I inevitably end up in his bed. I’d been worried about being with him, but all of my fears have been unfounded. We’ve made it work perfectly.

Serenity

that’s really nice of you, Arch, but I’m not home

Serenity

and don’t worry, I’m not alone

I watch as text bubbles appear and disappear, a hint of impatience rushing though me.

“Serenity?” Theo says.

My head snaps up, and all of a sudden, I realize I’d just been staring at my phone for who knows how long. “Oh, sorry,” I tell him, just as another message appears on my screen.

Archer

who are you having dinner with?

Theo raises a brow, a hint of confusion crossing his face. “Who are you texting?” he asks. “I’ve never seen you smile at your phone like that.”

Kristen’s gaze snaps to him, and I watch as she leans in. “Don’t be so nosy, babe,” she says, her tone sweet and placating, but I hear the hint of insecurity she tries to hide.

She places her hand over his, and he grabs it, entwining their fingers before he lifts their joined hands to his lips to kiss the back of hers, their eyes locked. All the while, I just sit there and stare at them, wishing it could’ve been me he looked at that way.