Wahab called me as soon as I got home from campus and without changing out of my clothes, I picked up his call. Seeing his name flash on the caller ID, I almost fainted with nerves. It was in open that he might be upset with me, but I still hadn't talked to my mother to know the cause of this, and his call indicated that there would be a long and harsh tirade. And I would have apologized but I had known Wahab for more than a year, he wouldn't just tell me the reason for his anger, instead, he liked to wreathe around the topic until I gave up and admit my mistakes. But this time, I didn't even know my mistakes. How was I supposed to deal with this and not end up making him madder at me?
"How are you? I am sorry I couldn't call you more, everything's been so busy with Jihan bhai's engagement and all."
So, he went with the niceties first. I took my time in answering, "I am fine, what about you? You sound tired."
I heard the chuckle from him, and once again a new rush of emotions whirled inside me, I loved his laugh, but I adored Shifa's too.
Pressing the phone between my ear and shoulder, I walked inside the doors and Shifa was already sitting cross-legged on the floor, her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose and a book on her lap, I saw the teacup discarded beside her, probably empty and smiled when she looked up. Her eyes darted between the phone and me before she mouthed 'Wahab?', I offered a small nod and snorting through her nose, she gave me a thumbs-up which made me wonder if she knew something.
"I am tired. Have you talked to my mother? She said she'd call you, did she?"
As my mind failed to conjure up a single error that might have occurred, his straightforwardness rushed my feet into my room and with a last glance at Shifa's back, I closed the doors before speaking.
"No, she didn't. Is she with you? Let me talk to her."
He sniggered and put me even in more confusion. Was he upset with me or not? He clearly seemed the part last night on video call but now he was acting as if it didn't happen. I tried to join him, but my heart was too twisted with tension that even his contagious laugh didn't invoke any emotion of happiness in me. Then his voice changed, a bit strained, he asked, "Are you alone? Is Shifa with you?"
"No, she is not. Why?"
I took off my hijab and ran my fingers through them, feeling instantly at ease.
"No reason, what is she doing?"
"Uh, studying. For her exams."
Why was he asking about her and not me? I had no time to ponder though, he kept asking questions about her for a good minute and after I intentionally gave it away in my voice that I was getting a little irritated by this, however, I was certain he wanted to hear something controversial but discussing Shifa with him was off the table, then he suddenly remembered he hadn't inquired about me, his fiancée. The person he called.
"Oh, and what are you doing?"
Taking a breath of relief, I said "I actually just got home and still hadn't changed."
I hoped he would cut the call short after knowing that and he did, quickly saying that he'd call sometime later and have his mother talk to me about something. I did not ask what as I had planned to call Ummi and surely, I would get every information I needed from her, and that too without really probing. After he hung up, I changed my clothes and went to the living room. Shifa was standing by the kitchen counter, making more tea and I watched as she poured into two cups. Noticing my presence, she looked up and narrowed her eyes.
"Done talking? I made you some tea, too."
"Thank you. I needed myself a cup."
Shifa just made a gesture that might have been a smile, but the tightness of her lips gave the falseness of it right away. I thought of saying something to her but then she picked up the cups and walked directly to the sofa, I took that as an invitation and sat down on the right corner. Whether had chosen to give some mercy and I only had a shawl wrapped around my shoulders while Shifa wore a dark green woven sweater and checkered pyjamas. Her hair was open and framing around her faceâI wondered how someone could look so out of the world in their simplest form.
"Why are you staring? In some places, it's considered really rude."
My lips parted and an apology set almost on the tip of my tongue but her wide grin urged me to redirect the words into something similar to match her own playfulness, but my eyes remained on her and soon her grin faded. I wanted to reach out to her or just comfort her but the fact that she was trying to hide behind a smile made me refrain from uttering a single word. She turned her body away in the slightest and took a small sip of her tea. I couldn't sit there and pretend she was fine.
"Shifa, are you okay?"
"Yes, you?"
She didn't look at me while answering and I sighed, loud enough to let her know I wasn't pleased with the reply and upon hearing it, she met my eyes and this time, her smile seemed realâeven just for a second. I raised my brow and hoped my face showed the concern I held in my heart. I had seen her red-eyed enough to want to know what caused it. She dropped her gaze and focused on the cup between her hands. I could literally feel the tension in her body.
"My mother called right after you left for college. Nothing else happened, don't worry."
Nodding my head, I tried not to ask for anything further than she was not willing to offer. Watching her taking another sip of tea, I raised my cup to my lips too and the strong aroma of tea filled my senses with a subtle delight, and I decided â I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me and it clearly showed that she was, not completely but in small, elusive ways, perhaps the same fear ran in her mindâthat I would end up ratting her out to someone she knew. I possessed no right to call her thinking wrong when I had told Wahab about my own mistake of going out without his permission in fear of him finding it out from Shifa. And I wouldn't lie, I still had my doubts about the matter but at least I was attempting to overcome it and trust the person I was living with a little more.
"Shifa?"
"Hm?"
Waiting for her to look my way, I held onto my words until her head moved and her eyes met mine, "Let's play a game."
A peal of laughter exploded in the silence of the cold room and a grin formed on my lips just watching her head tipped back and mouth open in obvious amusement. It felt good to make her laugh and at last when she surpassed it, she spoke, "What game? I have an exam coming up in two days."
I shrugged, "I'll help you revise but say yes to the game?"
I saw her eyes wrinkling around the corners and my heart elevated to know that I was the cause of her happy mood, even if it was to last only for a little while. She bobbled her head from side to side and said, "Okay, if you promise to help."
"I promise. I'm really good at studies."
"I can tell, believe me. So-", she shifted her torso and grabbed the grey blanket from the floor with her free hand, swiftly spreading it over to cover both our legs, "-What game are you suggesting we play? I hope it's not any board game, I suck at them."
"No, a guessing game. It's really easy. You ask a question about yourself, and I have to guess the answer then I'll have to repeat the question and you guess. We get only three guesses. Okay?"
"Okay, you go first."
I made a thinking face, "What's my favourite colour?"
She laughed and shook her head as if I had just told her the funniest joke ever, I had nothing to complain about. First, she took a long sip of her tea and furrowed her brows, in the perfect posture for a thoughtful intellectual, I barely controlled my own giggle.
"Uh, blue?"
I shook my head and enjoyed the tea. Her face seemed to concentrate too hard on the answer and I took that time to admire her features. Then, she squealed, "Right! Black?"
Another shake of my head and Shifa palmed her forehead before looking up and nodding, "Purple? I can't be wrong this time."
"You're wrong. It's white."
She scowled and started lamenting about how white could be someone's favourite colour and I just chuckled. She appeared rather invested in the game and it made me feel all tingly and giddy and proud to have turned her fake smile into a real one.