Shifa had brought plain rice-curry and a large box of kheer. I watched her unpack and didn't offer to help, she made two rounds to the kitchen because she kept forgetting something. First, the spoon then the water while I just sat with my legs tucked in below my weight. She didn't seem to mind though and even passed me a small smile when she caught me staring at her. At last, with everything nicely done, she took her seat across me on the floor and crossed her legs over the ankle.
Taking a long sniff, she practically melted, "Ah, kheer!"
Her dreamy exclamation brought about a tiny laugh from my stiff throat, and she snorted. Picking up my plate, I took a bite and despite the creamy taste of the food, I couldn't force myself to enjoy it. Shifa usually said stuff with a smooth easiness that drove me crazy. Why did her mother forbid her to attend her own brother's engagement ceremony? And not only that, from what ummi told meâshe made it out to be Shifa's wrongdoing. I had easily accepted the lie, too. Assuming that it might be Shifa's fault, seeing her living, I had undoubtedly judged her character. I couldn't change the fact that I still held my prejudices against her, no matter how ardently I tried to deny it.
Swallowing the mouthful, I asked, "Why?"
A veil of confusion fell over her beautiful face, "Why what?"
"Why did your mother do that?"
If someone I barely knew asked me such a private question, I would have scoffed on their face, but Shifa merely shrugged, paying more attention to her bowl of kheer than my invasiveness, "She just did. She had a point though, so I didn't argue."
I tried to pinpoint the disappointment, the anger or even just sadness in her expressions but found nothing other than pure ecstasy, that apparently the kheer was giving her. She had very weird obsessions and I declared myself even weirder for finding them endearing. I waited for a full ten seconds and allowed her to chew on the rice before I threw another question at her.
"What point? What could be enough for her to stop you?"
"You keep asking me those stupid questions. Look at me, I would do nothing for my mother but bring scandal and disapproval to her. And nobody likes this combination."
I felt the weight of her words burdening the air and Shifa's tight smile finally showed some resignation. I didn't know what I had expected when I dared to ask her this but still, I believed it was wrong of her mother to do that. My opinions were bisected thenâher mother was right, though. Shifa's hair barely touched her shoulders, and she didn't wear any hijab while her mother went around parading in a yashmak even to the tailor's shop which was owned by a lady, but they could have come to a middle ground. Perhaps Shifa could have worn the hijab while she was there. It would be ideal since she only had to stay for two days, surely, she could have easily done that.
"But your hair could be concealed in a hijab."
"That was the whole point. I didn't want to."
"But why?"
Shifa stopped eating and placed the spoon back in the bowl, she frowned and slowly bobbed her head as if analyzing a difficult math equation, "Why do you wear it? Have I ever asked?"
Oh. "No."
"Exactly, then you have no right to ask me why I don't."
The warmth quickly crept to my ears, and they probably resembled a fully ripe tomato. I didn't dare to look up from my plate and the embarrassment kept my heart pounding. Why did I have to do that? Of course, I acknowledged the fact that I was being too nosey, and I shouldn't have asked her something so personal. She obviously didn't go with the rules set by her family and that must be a salty place for her.
"Your ears are red. I am sorry, did I embarrass you?"
"What?", consciously, I touched my ear even though I knew they were burning.
"Your ears. They get all red when you feel... you know. It wasn't my intention-", she threw her hands around, trying to elaborate further, "-it's just kind of hard to talk about it."
I was not sure what to think. How did she notice that my ears reddened whenever I felt embarrassed? Why was she not angry at me for invading her privacy? Why did she feel the need to explain? There was so much activity happening inside my brain that I didn't hear Shifa calling for my attention the first time and she had to bump a spoon on the table.
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"I can tell you why I hate wearing a hijab if you tell me why you don't."
There was a huge grin on her face which helped me relax and stopped me from assuming the worst but seeing her at that moment also made me feel ashamed of finding her adorable when one day I was going to marry her cousin. And officially become her sister-in-law.
"Are you going to say something or not?"
Shifa raised her brow, seemingly to be still in the good mood and I smiled.
"Okay. Uh, I can't lie and say I love it all the time, there are some occasions when I wish I could just take the veil off, but those moments are rare. I feel safe, somehow, I don't know why but I had worn it ever since I could remember and now, I feel bare without my hijab."
"When are those occasions?"
I laughed and shook my head, "No, your turn."
A look of disappointment settled on her face but she still nodded.
"Well, I hate it when I am the only one being forced to cover my head while my brothers can go around with bare heads and not get lectured on the virtues and manners for it."
I nodded and tried to understand but it was difficult when I never felt the same. Shifa chuckled and I looked up, "What?"
"Your face. You look so confused right now."
Touching my face, I squinted my nose, "I do?"
"Yes. Stop thinking about it and eat, the food had gone cold, and I have a lot of work to do later."
That reminded me how I still had no idea what she was studying, "What's your major?"
"History. And don't say boring."
I threw my head back and laughed since I was going to comment on how boring the subject was. Nothing further was said, and we ate in silence, Shifa offered me some kheer in the most lukewarm manner one could use, and I had to decline but my refusal earned me a grin which made up for the lost dessert. She was still in the process of finishing the whole bowl of it when her phone rang. The foreign song echoed in the room. She glanced at the screen and immediately frowned but picked up the call. She didn't leave like she usually did whenever her phone rang.
"Hello?"
I watched her nod her head and humming, twice she caught my eyes and narrowed her gaze away. The call lasted for a minimum of two minutes.
"It was Jihan bhai, he wants to video call, would it be okay? Wahab is with him, too."
I didn't know why she added Wahab's name but what problem would it be for me if they wanted to see each other?
I parted my lips to reply but she quickly said, "Wahab wants you to be here. That's why I asked."
Her phone rang again, and she didn't pick up, instead, her stare remained on me. I didn't want to be the cause of the tardiness, I began to tie my shawl over my head but since one of my hands was stained with curry, it was getting tough to do that with only one hand. I was busy hurrying but then Shifa took hold of my shawl and without a word tied the knot below my jaw. Her cold fingers, in the process, grazed my cheeks and then the base of my neck. She noticed my slight shudder and immediately retrieved her hands; she took a step back and gestured me to sit on the sofa. I did the deed with an absent mind, I kept replaying the act and without a warning, my lisp stretched into a secret smile.