Chapter Forty Four - Goodbyes
Milo's P.O.V -
"How mad is he?" I ask Lucy over the phone. "On a scale from one to ten, one being he's not mad at all and ten being he's going to murder me."
"I don't know." She sighed. "A six?"
"Six is high." I frown.
"I'm not good at scales." Lucy argued. "If anything he's more upset than mad. He doesn't think you care about him, or at least not as much as he cares about you."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "But that's not true."
"I believe you, but you do have a tendency of not showing people how you feel." Lucy said. "So maybe you should try to be more open with him."
"I can do that." I mumbled thinking about her suggestion.
"Really?" She questioned. "Because I've known you for fifteen years and you still don't tell me shit."
"I tell you more than I tell Lincoln." I replied.
"There's no way that's true." Lucy insisted. "Who do you talk to?"
"Why do I need to talk to anyone? I can sort out my problems on my own there's no reason to plague anyone else with them." I shrugged laying back on my bed.
"Maybe you should just try it, talking to people feels great and not going through your problems on your own creates a lot of comfort." She explained.
"Yeah whatever." I huffed. "So if I talk to Lincoln about feelings and stuff he won't be mad?"
"Actions speak louder than words." Lucy replied. "You need to show him you care."
"Okay I get it." I didn't get it.
"Good." Lucy said before pausing as there was noises in the background. "Alright Wyatt is back so I'm going to go, but think about what I said."
"Yeah okay, bye Lucy."
"Bye Milo." She said before hanging up.
***
It's been a couple days and Lincoln hasn't spoken to me other than a few messages updating me that his trip was going well and that he was safe. I gave him the same reassurance knowing that he needed to know that I wasn't in any danger.
"You've got your passport?" My mum had been interrogating me with questions, it was the first time I was taking a flight without her.
"Yes mum." I sighed.
"And your ticket?" She asked.
"I've got everything, I promise." I told her. She stared at me for a moment before nodding.
"When you get back my friend will be there to pick you up, they'll take you to the kennels to pick up Buddy and then you'll go home and get some of your stuff and then they'll take you to their house." She explained.
"Which friend?" I mumbled not wanting to live with any of my mothers friends in particular.
"You know Leslie from the church right?" My mum asked with a smile.
"Yeah I know who she is." I sighed.
Leslie was a strict catholic woman who goes to church with my mum, her husband attended but I could tell he wasn't actually religious. She has a son but he left for college this summer, which I guess meant there was room for me.
"Don't make that face, it'll be fine." She told me. "Now go say goodbye to the family, you need to head to the airport soon.
I said goodbye to my cousins, Marco's children had been allowed to stay here for Christmas and I was incredibly jealous of them. I wanted to stay here with my family, with Nonno, for the holidays but my mum wasn't letting me. I wanted to argue with her on the topic but I knew she was under a lot of stress and worry so I didn't want to add to it. Anyway, when have I ever won an argument with my mum before.
I said my goodbyes to Marco and Zola, Roberto was the one who was going to drive me to the airport so I would say goodbye to him later. Marco's wife hadn't come on the trip, I hardly ever see her. She works a lot and struggles to get time off.
I hugged Nonna tightly and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I told her I was leaving and that I loved her and I kept a smile throughout, even when she called me Alfie.
Nonno almost made me break down in tears in front of my entire family. This would be the last time I saw him. That's what my mum wanted, she didn't want me to be here when he got worse. So this was truly my goodbye to my grandfather.
Despite being across the world from me I was close to him. A lot closer than I had been to my other grandfather. I would call Nonno each weekend as a kid and he'd test me on Italian words to make sure 'I didn't get too American' as he put it.
"Goodbye Nonno." I hugged him but he hardly acknowledged me. "I'm going to miss you so much, I love you."
I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't prepared to be saying goodbye to Nonno, but ending on 'I love you' seemed like a good idea. I knew that I'd be filled with regret in the future and that all the right words would come to me later.
I stayed hugging him for a long time not wanting to let go, I couldn't let go. Letting go meant never seeing him again.
"Milo you'll be late for your flight." My mum spoke in a quiet soft voice.
I clenched my eyes shut as I slowly pulled away from him, I placed another kiss on his cheek before turning around. I willed myself to walk towards my mum rather than pulling Nonno into another hug.
My mum had a single tear rolling down her cheek as she stared past me at Nonno but once we made eye contact she forced a smile.
"Roberto is already in the car with your suitcase." She said.
"Okay, goodbye mum." I said to her before looking around at everyone one more time. "Goodbye everyone."
My eyes landed on Nonno sat in his armchair and my chest tightened. He was staring at me and his mouth twitched like it had with Luca. He was trying to smile at me.
I smiled back at him before turning away and leaving the house as quickly as I could on crutches.
While in the car I didn't allow myself to think of my family or Nonno at all knowing that I would begin to cry in front of Roberto. So instead I remained focused on what it would be like to live with Leslie for weeks or months.
I gave Roberto a quick hug and a goodbye and he soon drove away. I navigated the airport, fortunately getting rid of my suitcase early on. It was difficult to pull while on crutches. I got through security and once I sat down in a fast food restaurant waiting for my flight to board I broke down in sobs.
I pulled the hood of my hoodie over my head and rested my head on the table hoping that no one would see me.
I only stopped momentarily when I received a phone call from Lucy asking if I was at the airport yet. I told her that I was and which restaurant I was sat in before hanging up quickly as I didn't trust my voice not to give away that I was crying.
I began to cry again, this time I pulled my feet up to rest on the seat and buried my head into my knees. My body shook but this time my crying didn't make a noise fortunately.
It wasn't long until someone slid into the seat opposite me in the booth. Lucy. I felt some comfort in knowing I wasn't alone but my embarrassment built in my chest and I started willing myself to stop crying.
When someone sat down beside me I frowned into my knees, who was this? Maybe the first person wasn't Lucy after all.
"Milo." A familiar voice whispered as a hand landed on the side of my head.
Lincoln.
Why was he here? Was he getting the same flight as us? God I hope so.
I felt my body instinctively lean into him and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap. I buried my head into his chest my tears beginning to soak his jumper.
"Lucy, we should leave them alone for a bit." Wyatt spoke, he hadn't sat down so I could only assume he was stood at the end of the table.
I lifted my head and my eyes landed on Lucy's hesitant face. She stared at me with concern, I gave her a reassuring smile which she returned. She soon got up and left with Wyatt.
"Lincoln." My voice wobbled.
"What's wrong Milo?" His arms pulled me closer to him.
His question made me cry heavier. I gripped onto his jumper as I cried. We stayed like this for a few minutes.
I began to calm down when I became focused on Lincoln's hand rubbing up and down my back in a soothing motion.
"Nonno, my grandfather, he's uh," I paused so that I wouldn't sob again. "he's really sick, and I'm not going to see him again."
"Shit Milo." Lincoln sighed placing a kiss on the top of my head. "That's awful."
I pulled away from him wiping at my eyes quickly. "I'm fine."
"You don't have to be fine Milo." Lincoln stared at me.
I looked at Lincoln's face with a genuine smile. "I've missed you."
His face softened and the concern washed off his face. "I've missed you too."
I kissed him gently before pulling away. He rested his forehead on mine and smiled at me.
"Do you have the same flight as me?" I asked him.
"No, ours is an hour after yours." He whispered.
He kissed my forehead before pulling away slightly. I didn't realize why until Lucy and Wyatt sat down in the booth.
"Hi." Lucy smiled at me.
"Hey." I said moving off Lincoln's lap.
He frowned slightly but didn't say anything.
"How was Italy?" I asked propping my head up with one hand.
"Really nice actually, a bit colder than I thought it would be." Wyatt shrugged.
"It's incredible here." Lincoln told me. "We should come back soon."
I smiled and nodded at him. He frowned suddenly and looked around.
"Where's your mum?" Lincoln asked clearly confused.
"She's staying to help my grandparents, I'm not sure how long she'll be gone for. Months probably." I mumbled looking down at the table.
"So you're living by yourself?" He asked with worry.
I shook my head. "I'm staying with one of the women from my mum's church. I don't really know her that well."
Lincoln tensed in his seat. "So you're going to live with a stranger, that doesn't sound safe Milo."
"She's not a stranger, my mum is friends with her and I've spoken to her a few times." I shrugged glancing at him.
He looked concerned and I was worried he'd have a panic attack like Wyatt had told me he's been having lately. I gripped his hand and squeezed it.
"I'll be fine and I'll come visit you every day because my mum isn't there to stop me." I smiled at him.
"If she's from your mum's church she won't let me over will she?" Lincoln furrowed his eyebrows.
"No, I don't want to risk her finding out." I explained. "For my mum's sake."
Lincoln nodded slowly. "But you can visit me?"
"Of course." I said confidently.
"Milo." Lucy nodded towards one of the airport's screens on the wall. "Our flight's boarding."
"Okay." I told her before turning to Lincoln. "You'll see me when you get back okay?"
"Yeah." He gave me a weak smile and stood up so I could get out of the booth. "See you soon Milo."
I hugged him and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I noticed that Lucy and Wyatt were doing the same.
Lincoln looked reluctant to let go of me but eventually he pulled away and look at me with a soft smile.
"I love you Milo." He gripped my hand and kissed my forehead.
I grinned at him warmth spreading through my chest.
"I love you too Lincoln."