"She's crazy," Taro declared, folding Sage's jumper and putting it in the cupboard.
"She's just old."
"And crazy."
Sage disappeared into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Taro was still in his bedroom when he was done getting ready for bed. "Do you need something?" he asked, folding the duvet over and sitting with his back against the cushions.
The fire was still lit. Taro's eyes looked rather mischievous with dancing flames in them. "I need you to tell me your boundaries, or I'll keep overstepping them until I'm fired."
Sage linked his fingers. You should be fired already. "Just go to bed."
Taro tilted his head. "So, no boundaries?"
Sage should have told him that even asking such a question was highly inappropriate. Deep down in his repressed heart, he admitted that Taro was right, he did enjoy being dressed by him because he was young and attractive, and also gay. "Wake me at eight. Don't be late again." Or you'll end up being fired for your lack of punctuality, not your wandering hands.
Taro bowed his head. "Night then, Sagerian."
Sage could practically see Taro's smirk as his footsteps faded down the corridor. He's too cheeky for his own good.
That night, Sage fell asleep with a small smile and had good dreams about meeting people that made him happy. In his dreams, they were always men, and in his dreams, he was free to flirt in front of others, and in his dreams, he didn't care that the man he flirted with was his Valet, Taro Vinea, the man with piercing green eyes, the posture that ballet dancers were jealous of, a face that would make everyone turn their heads and stare in awe-
"Prince, hello?"
Sage woke suddenly when someone shook him. Taro Vinea leaned over him. His eyes were just as bright in real life, and just as pretty. Sage squirmed away from his hand and turned around, curling up in his duvet, so he could blush in peace.
"You told me to wake you at eight," Taro said when Sage didn't get up.
"Not so roughly."
"I do try and shout you, but you just don't wake up." Taro opened the curtains to Sage's south facing bedroom. The morning sun peeked in and Sage scrunched his eyes shut.
"I would like some tea, please."
Taro pulled the cord twice.
"And a bath."
While Taro disappeared inside the bathroom, Sage sat up and rubbed the embarrassment from his face. He had dreamt of his Valet in a way that made him giddy and light. Sage was disappointed that he had been woken, and that he couldn't make the dream his reality. Stop Sage. He's your Valet.
Sage couldn't stop. Even when he was in the garden with a book, or helping the castle's gardener with potting the plants, or keeping a very stern frown when Taro dressed him for dinner. He couldn't stop thinking about what if.
What if I hadn't stopped him when his hand slipped inside my shirt? What if I flirted back? What if someone caught us? What if I didn't care about the consequences? What if I wanted him? What if I was allowed to want him?
Sage stared hard at Taro's back while he rummaged around for a tie. He forgot to stop when Taro faced him, and the Valet tilted his head. "What have I done now?"
"Sorry?"
"You're looking at me like I've tread mud in here or something." Taro raised a brow. "You're going to fire me, aren't you?"
"No."
"You sure?"
Sage nodded his head, but Taro pressed further.
"Well, you're quiet. You're quiet when something has happened. Lay it on me, I'm your Valet, I'm meant to keep all your secrets. I'm like an extension of your own head."
Sage wore a small smile. "Very observant of you."
Taro smiled too. It wasn't his usual cheeky smile, but a soft caring one as though he was genuinely curious. "Is it me? Am I the reason you're quiet?"
Sage's gaze flicked to the mirror. He tugged lightly on the bottom of his dark green waistcoat. "Partly." His heart thumped. Just be truthful. "You've summoned a lot of serious thought about my future, and a lot of confusion. I think I was prepared to accept that I had to live my life as a lie. You've made me realise that I'm not strong enough for that."
"This is a really big issue for you, isn't it? This not so straight thing."
"Of course it is. I'm not just being dramatic when I tell you this alters my entire future."
"I know that, but maybe it doesn't have to be so hard for you if you just come out."
"I can't just come out." The thought alone made Sage's chest feel tight.
"You'll have to one day. I won't let you live a lie." Taro's voice was serious. "Alright so, you're not ready right now, that's fine. It's also good that you're realising that you can't live a lie, but don't waste like ten more years fretting. Let me help you get comfortable with yourself."
"You're my Valet."
"That doesn't mean I can't be your friend. Do you even have any of those? It seems to me that you can't trust anyone, and I understand why. You're Prince Sage or whatever. People would literally sell their soul just to leak an embarrassing picture of you online." Taro grabbed his forearms, so Sage eyes stopped avoiding him. "You don't need to be so worried about another guy flirting with you. Just accept that you like it. There's nothing wrong with enjoying another man's touch." Taro tightened his grip on Sage's arms. "Even for a Prince who is next in line to be king, you're doing nothing wrong."
Sage didn't realise how much he needed to hear that, with the connotations stuck to those words, he wanted to cry. Taro must have noticed the wave of emotion because his hands moved to his back and tried to pull their bodies together.
"Don't be stubborn. Let me hug you," Taro said in his ear and enclosed him in his arms.
Sage wasn't going to return the gesture, but the comfort, and the contact, and the situation blended so perfectly, he couldn't help himself. Taro was tall like him, so Sage rested his chin on his shoulder and slowly wrapped arms around his back too.
Taro's hands rested between his shoulder blades and on his lower back. They moved in small reassuring circles. His breathing was slow against him too, calming and soothing.
Sage never hugged anyone this way. If he had to hug people, it was a pat on the back and a one second body contact. There was usually no intimacy in it, no meaning, no emotion.
His hug with Taro somehow meant more than it should. Just the way Taro held Sage with such confidence and security, Sage felt comfortable. When he closed his eyes, it was as if his dream seeped into his reality.
Only that morning, Sage was so sure that his dreams would always be out of reach. He always dreamt to hold another man, but he had always hoped it was someone he had met in the parties his parents arranged. He had hoped it was with someone his parents knew and would accept.
Instead, Sage held his Valet, a man he barely knew. Life is a web, and we are merely flies dodging its consequences of not looking where we fly. Sage thought of what his grandmother used to say to him, his father's mother, the woman who didn't apply so much pressure to him, and allowed him to act like a normal human being around her.
He felt caught in Taro's web. Once stuck, he was there to face his fate. He couldn't fire him, he couldn't tell him to stop, he couldn't lay boundaries because he didn't want any. Sage wanted to see how far Taro would go, and how far he would blindly follow.
"See," Taro said, pulling back and smiling. "You enjoyed that. I can tell because you didn't fire me."
Sage pursed his lips and dropped his gaze. He knew he blushed, and he knew Taro saw it. "Thank you." For seeing that I needed comfort. Sage cleared his throat and stepped back, picking up the tie that his Valet had dropped.
Now he had returned to the real world, where his Valet dressed him for a fancy dinner he was having with Lords and Ladies who lived close. His parents didn't want him to get lonely, but Sage just really wanted to be by himself for a while.
He tucked his tie under his waistcoat. Taro closed his white cuffs with silver cufflinks with tiny emeralds in the centre. He wore smart black trousers with his dark green waistcoat, and smart shiny black shoes.
He fixed a certain dark curl at the front of his head, and wore some Dior Cologne that was supposed to smell like peppery lemon and amber wood. Sage liked the citrus scent, and the spice, and so did Taro.
The Valet sniffed the air and paused to watch Sage stride back to the mirror and adjust his collar. "You smell like a lemon tree," he commented.
Sage's hazel eyes flicked to him lazily. "Thank you?"
"Yes, that was a compliment." Taro scooped up his clothes and shoved them all in a wash basket. "I'll see you downstairs. I quite like being a servant."
"The Royal's gossip is entertaining sometimes," Sage said with a sigh. When it's not about me.
"No, it's so I can stare at you."
Sage looked at him in the reflection of the mirror. Taro winked and Sage's heart skipped a beat. "You need to be careful. You were too close to me when you served me yesterday. I'm trying to trust you with my secret, so please be more mindful of it."
"So, only flirting in the bedroom, got it."
Sage turned around to glare and Taro stopped leaning against the door.
"Alright, I promise that I'll be more careful. Sorry that I wasn't yesterday." Taro bowed his head.
"Thank you," Sage said for the second time that evening. They smiled at each other before the Valet slipped into the corridor and hurried away.
Someone knocked on his door only fifteen minutes later to tell him that guests had arrived. Sage was ready and waiting with his best smile. He could already feel the polite small talk working its way up his throat. Sage was good at talking to people he didn't know. He was very good at steering the conversation away from himself. He was prepared to find out everything he could about the high-status people filling his entrance hall.
As he walked down the open staircase, he heard one voice that made him panic.
"Sage!"
As soon as his feet touched the marble floor, he was engulfed by a woman. "Lady Liniana," he said, wriggling out of her tight grip. "What a nice surprise."