[Music Recommendation: "In Silence" by Janet Suhh (It's Okay Not To Be Okay OST)-available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~
[Please note: We're back to Senara's POV - when Kaiden picked "truth" and asked her what her question would be]
I looked forward to winning so much that I forgot to prepare what my question would be in case he picked "truth". I had lots of "dares" but not a single question! Well, not that there was nothing I wanted to ask himâin fact, there was too much I didn't know what to choose. Hmmm⦠This was probably one of the hardest choices I'd make in my second life.
"You don't have a question in mind?" Kaiden pressed on. "I have a couple of suggestions if you want."
"No, wait. I'm thinking. Hmm⦠It's just that, there's a lot I want to ask and I can't pick one."
"Alright. Pick whichever you're most curious about then."
As I deliberated amongst the hundreds of questions in my mindâfrom what his favourite colour was, to what type of girl he liked, a sudden memory came flashing back to me. And it was that time at the parking lot where I saw him talking casually with Marie. A sudden throbbing pain ached my heart again.
'Yes. Maybe I should do that, huh?'
My lips trembled a bit, and my heart continued to thump loud in my chest. I wasn't sure what expression I was making but⦠I toughened myself and asked him.
"Do you⦠have a girl that you like?"
Badump! Badump! Badump!
When I finally said it, my body started to be covered in cold sweat. I couldn't remember when was the last time I felt so nervous and scared at the same time. What answer would he give me? Would I be able to accept whatever truth came from him? It would be nice if he said "No", that way I still had a chance to make him fall in love with me. But if he said "Yes"⦠what should I do? And if he said "Yes", was it Marie?
Kaiden took a moment to ponder about my question. He seemed to be thinking hard about it. The ticking clock sounded so loud from the silence between us.
"W-was it too personal?" I asked him, losing all my courage from earlier. "Should I change the question to something lighter?"
"No, it's okay. You didn't ask who I like but if I liked someone. That was fine."
"Oh. Great." Ugh. That was the most awkward acknowledgement of all. I didn't sound great at all. "Iâah, I promise not to tell anyone, don't worry."
"It's fine. It's no secret anyway. It's pretty obvious in fact. Only the person herself doesn't know," he murmured.
"S-So that meansâ¦"
"Yeah. I do have someone I like. And I like her a lot."
A sweet smile covered Kaiden's face⦠He must have liked her so much, huh?
Meanwhile⦠my heart was crushed. I wanted to cry so bad.
But I had to hold it in. I couldn't just suddenly cry in front of him. He'd be shocked and pester me as to why I was crying. And I had no guts to tell him that it was because⦠I liked him⦠but he liked someone else.
'I knew it. I knew it from that moment I saw him talking casually with Marie. So that's why he said he never had a female friendâexcept me. It was because he never treated Marie as a friend. She was the girl he liked! Of course you wouldn't say that you're friends with the person you like. Ha-ha! I'm so stupid! I should have known. And that's why everyone knows her, too. If that's the case, then he should have asked her to be his fake girlfriend! But then again⦠maybe he couldn't because⦠he wanted her to be his real girlfriend.'
"T-t-that's great! I never thought you had someone you like," I tried my best to smile at him. I hope it was convincing enough. "She's probably someone so beautiful, brave, and cool andâ¦"
"Yeah. She is really beautiful, brave, and cool, and so much more."
There it was again, his sweet smile. A smile that looked so warm and endearing.
Then, I didn't know what got into meâ¦
"If that's the case, then why didn't you ask her to be your fake girlfriend? You could have spent more time with her and maybe developed your feelings with each other."
I had to admit, my tone sounded a bit angry.
I glanced at Kaiden's direction and he looked shocked. Of course he would. I was suddenly lashing out at him, out of the blue! We were just playing games and then I'm too weak to control my emotions, and now, I'm angry.
Yes. I felt angry for some reason.
Angry because⦠if he had someone he liked, why did he choose me to be his fake girlfriend instead? Because of that, I had the audacity to think that I had a chance with him!
Angry because⦠all this time, I had been chasing at nothing!
And angry at myself because⦠I lacked the capability to attract him.
Because from the very beginning⦠he already had someone else in his heart.
'Why can't it be me?'
Now, I understood how wretched Crystal must have felt when she said those words after she found out that Verrill liked someone else.
'Truly⦠Why can't it be me instead?'
"Senara? Are you okay?" Kaiden asked with a worried expression.
"I'm⦠I'm trying to suppress my yawn," I lied. I lowered my eyes and my head so that my fringes covered my eyes at least. "I think I'm feeling sleepy. I'm sorry. Is it okay if I go back and sleep? We can⦠ahm⦠continue this another time."
"Oh, I see. Sure. Let me accompany you to your room," he kindly offered. Then, he stood up, getting ready to go.
"No. It's fine. I can go by myself."
"Pft. No. Knowing you, you'll end up getting lost."
"Then a maid or anyoneâ"
"It's okay. Don't worry, it's not a bother. Let's go."
Running out of excuses, I just agreed and let him accompany me back to my room. I should still be able to hold out my tears for a few more minutes.
As we walked back to my room, my heart continued to ache at every step.