"Will you just calm the fuck down?!" I snapped at Ryan.
We are currently at his place and he is still mad about the whole thing that happened at Aiden's place.
"No. I can't. And you know why? Because I know that you will never fucking leave him." he says glaring at me.
I just look at him unable to speak after that. I know I'll never let Josh go now that he is back but I don't wanna leave Ryan too.
I close the distance between us and hold his face gently while he stares at me.
" I know I'll never leave him Ryan. He is my bestfriend too not just my ex. But I'll never leave you. You are an important part of my life and I'm happy with you so just stop with all of this insecurity of yours. Please." We kissed afterwards and it turned out into a heated makeout session as usual.
"I need to go home." I tell him.
"Stay with me." he says.
"No. I really need to be alone right now." I spoke slowly which made him silent.
He didn't say anything and just took his keys and started walking out of the apartment so I followed him out.
We didn't talk during the ride though the silence was killing me. This is what he does when he is mad at me. He will not speak a word and will give me his famous silent treatment.
When we were near my home I decided to speak.
"Are you mad at me?" I whispered making sure he heard me.
"Yes." he replied not looking at me.
"What did I do?"
He didn't say anything and just kept on driving completely ignoring me.
"Ryan.." I called softly.
"What?" he snaps angrily at me so I just shut up afterwards.
What did I even do!? It's not like I stayed with Josh that he is being so mad.
I stepped out of the car when we reached my place and he came out too and gave me a peck just like last time when we fought.
I sighed and went inside while he sped out of the driveway.
I really don't want to barge into his office like last time.
Dear God...please don't let that happen.
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It has been seven days. Like seven fucking days and I haven't seen Ryan and this time it's not because he's mad at me but he is out of state for a business.
I so fucking hate him right now. He didn't even come to meet me or called.
When I called the next day after the incident, I got to know that he's already out.
Asshole.
And the worst thing of all? I still have to wake up early to attend boring fucking lectures. Okay I know this is a stupid reason but I'm just so pissed!
It has been a week and I have talked more with Josh and the more I talk the more he looks innocent.
He was just a victim after all because of his father.
We even decided to meet today at Starbucks like we used to before. So here I'm in front of Starbucks looking at my handsome ex.
You have a boyfriend bitch!
"Hey!"
"Hey you" I reply seating in front of him.
"So how was your day?" he asks smiling his gorgeous smile.
"Fucking boring" I said making annoyed face.
He chuckles deeply and stares at me and I do the same.
We talk for a while just laughing and enjoying each other's company when the Satan calls.
Why does this happen to me?
Bad timing!
I excuse myself and hurried out to answer the call.
I didn't speak even after receiving the call.
"Babygirl?"he asks.
No answer.
"I can hear you breath babe." he says.
Still no answer.
"Mayla?" he says sighing.
"What?" I snap angrily.
"Finally! I miss you." he says slowly.
"Oh really? You miss me? That's really funny considering you never called! Asshole." I yelled while some people gave me disapproving looks.
Like I care!
"I'm so sorry baby. I just have been busy so I wasn't able to call but I really missed you.I don't even get time to eat or sleep babe. I really want to be with you right now.I want you in my arms." he speaks softly.
Now I feel bad for him. He's been working constantly and he must be tired too and I'm being a bitch right now.
"I'm sorry Ryan. It's just that I miss you too. It hurt me when you didnt even come to meet me or called when you went away." I said.
"I know babe but it was really urgent." he replied in understanding.
"So when will you come back?" I asked raising my brows though he can't see.
"It will still take a few days princess."he said sighing tiredly.
I just hummed feeling completely sad and frustrated and I don't even know why.
It's not like we meet everyday when he's here but still I miss his warmth. I miss him.
"Babygirl?"
"Yes?" I reply.
"I'll talk to you later. I gotta go."
"Okay. Bye." I whispered closing my eyes.
"I'll see you soon baby." he said and after we hung up.
I don't even know why the hell am I behaving like this. I fucking feel like I'm deprived.
Deprived of his touch.
Deprived of his kisses.
Deprived of him.
I want him.
I so fucking need him with me.
I went inside soon after and still Josh was seating there.
"Sorry for that." I apologized smiling a little. A fake smile.
"It's okay baby." he says smiling.
"I need to go home Josh. Mom needs me for something." I lied and he even bought it and we came out.
He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes lovingly.
"I love you baby. I hope we can again be together now. " he says softly.
I am unable to speak as I feel my heart beating faster then usual even if it's not possible.
I feel him inching closer to me that I can feel his breath. His hands cup my face and I'm still unable to think properly.
Is he going to kiss me?
Its not like we haven't kissed before and I used to love it.
But now even just being this close to him, I feel uncomfortable.
This feels wrong.
I pull away before anything happened and stood there awkwardly.
He scratches his neck while his cheeks get a little pink.
"I'm sorry." he mutters.
"Its okay. I don't think it's right Josh. I have a boyfriend."I say it making clear that this cant happen next time.
"Do you even love him?" he says gritting his teeth.
I stare at him for a while and with confidence spoke.
"Yes. I love Ryan."
He nods not agreeing and went away.
I said that so he doesn't try to be with me again but I don't even know if I love Ryan.
Do I love him?
I can't stop thinking about him at all. Since the day I haven't seen him, I feel empty from inside. When he's mad at me, I get scared if he will leave me. And I cannot imagine my life without him.
So is it love?
And even if it is, does he love me?
But one thing is very clear. I'm in love.
I love Ryan Knights.
I'm in fucking love with Ryan knights!
And with this I call one person who can help me with what I want.
"Hey Nathan! I need your help."I said grinning.
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