Attraction, Curiosity, Fear, Attachment, and Commitment...
I smile as I lead Hao down a road with glaring cars speeding by. People with their own lives just pass by us, and don't know the upcoming feeling of joy that overwhelms me into a continuous smile. I look at Hao, who is looking back at me with a sweet smile. I sigh at the feeling, the butterflies dancing around us, not on my stomach. I feel calm instead, rather than a certain feeling of nervousness
~Attraction~
I see Hao batting his eyelashes, looking towards the horizon as we walk. The sun is present above us, but the only warmth that I feel is from him. Even if the sun illuminates the place from kilimoeters away, I can only see the light in Hao. From that one time that I thought 'no matter what he goes through, and no matter what hurts him, he'll keep a shine somewhere in there to protect, and he will never abandon it. He will fight to protect it.'
Well, I changed my mind. He will not protect it, at least not alone. I will be there
He tilts his head as he sees me watching, and I hear my heart thumping against my chest as our eyes intelock. His eyes look dark, but something within makes me gulp. Beauty.
He's so beautiful
His hair brushes against the light wind, something that I've never seen before. He's not out of reach anymore, and better yet, he is here right next to me.
Something about the way he breathes, he smiles, he looks at me, he smiles again, he takes my hand in his.
I smile back, fazed by the beauty of such a boy, someone who I thought I would never have. He leans his head backward as he stretches, and I watch with fondness I have never felt invade me. A beauty has never made me feel in such a surreal ardour, my heart beating aggresicely as I catch my breath.
Such a magical beauty. The calmness of a lake. The eyes of the galaxy. The voice of a serene book of poems. The smile of a soothing lullaby. The lips of a perfect kiss. The clothes of a passionate person. The person who immitates my other half. My other heart. My key to love.
"Hey? Are you ok?" Hao asks, waving one of his hands in front of my face. I wake up from my trance of observing him. I smile and nod, not finding the words to express my words.
"I'm perfect"
"Where are we going?" Hao asks, staring at the few cars that pass by us. I laugh
"Going to buy ice cream" I say. Hao jumps up in happiness
"Really? Why? It's not even that warm" Hao says
"You like ice cream" I say before pecking his lips, making him quiet down. His ears turn red and I laugh at myself. It's still a feeling that I'm not used to, but I feel the need to do it once in a while. It's a feeling that could make my day, no matter what happens.
Hao smiles before running in front of me. A funny smile is playing on his lips, teasing me to follow him. I laugh and comply, running right after
~Curiosity~
As I see his smile, I can't help but smile back. It contains a different variation of feelings, surprise, confusement, joy, tranquillity.
I still can't figure him out. I don't think anyone has been able to.
Many still see that perfect boy, and sometimes I do too. But that's not all I've seen of him. No, I've seen him truly crying, angry, happy, fearful.
I've seen it, but I know that I haven't seen it all. And surprisingly enough, I don't mind it. Normally, it would have bothered me not knowing everything about a person before fully dedicating my time to them. But I'm not bothered.
Why? Because no one is perfect. Of course there are things that I will find out about him that might not be very convenient to anyone, including me, but there are also things about me that should be fixed. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, and no one is perfect.
I'm not afraid of learning him as an open book. No, I'm looking forward to it. I want to know more. I want to know everything, and I will do it patiently, at his and my pace.
I want to know his fears, what makes him happy, what makes him sad, what makes him angry, what makes him curious, what makes him feel comfortable, what makes him calm. I want to know it all, and I will someday. It doesn't matter to me if I will know him completely in a year, a month, a few days, a few years, or until we die. But I will know him, no matter what.
Hao walks up to the man by the ice cream stand, ordering for both me and him. He asks for chocolate, and asks for mint chocolate from me. My favourite.
He knows me, even though it's not everything. But he knows me, just like I know him.
I know that he also wants to know me. I know that he will go at a pace that makes us both feel comfortable. But nevertheless, we will both end by knowing each other.
~Fear~
We sit down next to each other, on the bench that we claimed as our own. We've been using this one all the time that we hang out with each other. I look at the bench close to ours, alone.
Maybe, one day, the bench will also be the seat for two people who like each other. Maybe one day, it will be the bench that will hold an argument between a couple. Maybe one day, it will have a lonely person thinking about love on it, debating on what it really is. Maybe one day, it will hold a person confessing to the other.
But today, the bench who will hold the confession will be the one that we sit on. It will be the only one that I will truly care about. Just like Hao. He's the only person that I will like. He will never be replaced, and I'm fine by that.
Is he though?
Is he ready?
I know that I am, but what about him?
Is he unsure?
Is he affected by an unfamiliar feeling?
Am I too much?
I swallow my feelings and look at him. He looks back at me, and all the fear that stands within me vanishes me.
It's fine if he's not ready. I am, and I will tell him. If he isn't ready, I'll respect it. This boy deserves the respect of the world, and I will give him time.
I will always come back for him. No need for fear.
~Attachment~
"Hao?"
"Hm?"
I continue to stare at him. The eyes of the opposite look back at mine. They have a conversation of their own.
I sigh, turning my body towards him as well.
He tilts his head in confusion.
I scoot closer to him
I tell him that I like him
He tells me that he knows
I tell him that he is the most beautiful person I've ever seen
He thanks me
I tell him that I want to know more about him
He tells me that he also wants to know more about me
I feels his hand hold mine
I tell him that it's fine if he needs time
He tells me that I'm his time
I tell him that I want to hold him forever
His eyes go wide
I tell him that I like him so
He smiles
I tell him that I'll do whatever it takes to win his heart
He tells me that I already did
~Commitment~
I intertwine our hands, rubbing my thumb over his fingers. We look at each other
I smile, he smiles.
I talk, he listens
I listen, he talks
I hug, he hugs
I watch, he laughs
I laugh, he watches
I love him, he loves me
â¡â¡â¡
omgg I love this chapter!! The story's not done yet but there's only one more chapter left so... ð
tysm for all of the support btw I love you guys sm <333
(stream 'wait' by Dino)