"Hao!" I say, loud enough so the boy walking in front of me can hear me. He turns around and a small smile plays on his lips
"Hey" he mouthes, waving a little before looking back at the boy boy next to him. It's the boy that Cho talked to me about. I've seen them together before, but I've never actually talked to the boy
I jog up to them, confused that they continued walking after Hao had already seen me
"Hao! I've been looking for you" I say, placing my arm over his shoulder. Hao looks up at me and laughs awkwardly. I look at the boy next to him and smile
"Hey, I'm Hanbin," I say
"I know" the boy answers, looking slightly annoyed.
"You do? How?" I ask, my arm still over Hao
"All the girls in our class have had at least one phase where they liked you. You didn't know?"
"Really? Damn, I guess I'm popular" I say. Hao coughs and I look at him with a raised eyebrow "Any objection?"
"Nope, not at all," Hao says, obviously trying to hide a laugh. I laugh in return and look at the boy expectantly
"Oh, right. My name's Jun" the boy, Jun, says. I smile in response and let go of Hao to get a better view of him
"Are you doing anything this afternoon?" I ask. Hao nods
"I need to finish a piece of art that I'm working on"
"Isn't school finished for you too though?"
"Yeah. They're still giving us stuff to do during the summer though" he answers.
I nod. Not gonna lie, I really wanted to talk to him about what happened with Cho yesterday. I don't know how to approach the subject, or how to explain anything without telling him that I like him. But what if I do want to tell him? How would he react?
"I mean, if you want you can come along with me. I have one class left" Hao says quietly. I immediately bat my thoughts away and nod
"Sure. I finish class at 7 today though..." I reply
"I'll just meet you at the art studio then. I'll send you the address later, ok?" Hao says. I nod and smile at the boy next to me, but he doesn't look.
"We'll get going then," Jun says, giving me a quick smile, then taking Hao by the arm and dragging the boy away.
As I watch them leave, I see Jun say something to Hao, whose face and ears turn red in a matter of a second. He's blushing.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Ricky was wrong. Maybe Hao likes Jun.
---
It's dark already, the wind hitting my shoulder as a gust of fresh air pushes past me. I walk towards the building that Hao had sent me the location of. It's clearly old, vines rotting onto the walls and climbing upward. The walls are white, but dust makes certain areas seem darker. The street is silent, with barely any houses around. I open the door to the old complex, and I am met with a small space of narrow wooden stairs.
I climb onto one staircase, half expecting it to creak. Surprisingly, it stays silent, as if to guard my presence. It is dark at the bottom, but a faint blue light flows from the top of the stairs and brings me vision. The calm and silent space smells like fresh paint and nature, with beautiful small pieces of art carved into the sides of the white walls.
I climb to the top and walk into a remotely big room. It's empty, art supplies crowding the edges and sides of the walls, but the middle of the room is unoccupied. The white of the moon falls upon the empty space, making it feel less isolated. The blue light comes from the window, which is large and goes from the bottom of the wall, all the way to the top. It makes a width of the whole wall, and gives a clear view of the grass and unattended houses below. Cotton curtains hang over the window, and flow messily around from the wind hitting at its back. In front of the large window, a boy is painting over a canvas on an easel. He has brushes sitting on the floor next to him, along with two palettes, and a pencil over his ear. He strokes onto the canvas with careful easiness, gliding it from one side to another. Hao leans over the painting, pushing his head to one side, and then to the other. He freezes, leaning his head back to inspect the artwork.
I get a clearer view of Hao's painting. It's odd, like every other thing he does. The last painting I saw, was colorful, and abstract, with an incredible choice of colors. Here, it's bleak and weirdly simple, but it stands out. The colors are dark, almost all of them being a shade of grey and black. In the middle a yellow dot stands, and glides to the bottom of the canvas, where it roughly fades. The colors surrounding it are messy, despite the same color range. Nevertheless, there is a space at the top left that is pitch white, clearly the space where Hao hasn't painted on yet.
"It's beautiful," I whisper. Hao wheels around on his chair to look at me. He gives me a sweet smile and gets up
"Thanks. I didn't finish yet" He says. I smile in return and walk to the middle of the room, being able to see the canvas better
"So this is where you paint?" I say, looking around the room. Hao puts his hands in his pockets and nods
"I guess"
"Is it yours?"
"It's my grandma's. She said that I could use the building however I wanted, so I just made it into a place for art. There are dance studios and singing studios in the other rooms as well" Hao says. My eyes light up at the thought of a dance studio
"Dance? You do dance?" I ask. Hao shrugs
"Sometimes. I'm not that good at it though, I just like it" Hao says
"I bet you're lying" I respond, nudging his shoulder lightly. Hao laughs quietly and looks up at me
"I'm definitely not," he says, and I laugh in return, not leaving my gaze from his eyes. He looks back at me, eyes glistening.
This is where I believe in destiny and fate. Moments like these. Hao is standing before me and I can't feel happier. A warmth is stuck in my heart, and what is supposed to be the jittery excitement of a crush, has turned into a calm desire for someone I love. It's moments like these, where fate seems more real than ever. I believe that, as long as I'm here with Hao, I'll be fine, and the light that is inside him is enough to warm the whole world.
Hao doesn't take his eyes away from mine, and they almost feel glued. I jump from his right eye to left, over and over again, until I look at his lips.
"Hao?" I whisper, to where it is barely audible.
"Hm?" He whispers out, and I'm barely able to make it out. I feel my heart thumping at my chest, and feel it at my throat, anticipation bringing nerves to my body.
"Can I kiss you?" I say. Hao stays silent for a while, and as time passes, I feel my heart beating faster. Maybe this wasn't the right decision? What if I did get it all wrong?
"Yes"
"What?"
"You can kiss me"
And so, I lean in.
It's not harsh, or desperate. It is soft and slow, our mouths expressing feelings we can not express through words. I feel Hao sigh into the kiss, making me relax. It all happened at once, and my brain runs through various emotions but freezes constantly. All I can think about is that his lips are connected to mine. I feel his arm round by my shoulders, his hands connecting at my neck. I lightly release his face and place my hands on his waist, pulling him closer. I want it. I've wanted it for a long time now. And now that I have it, it feels like I'm on cloud nine. It feels so peaceful, perfect, everything I could ask for. I don't want it to stop. I feel Hao smiling into the kiss - this is definitely my favorite smile that I've seen so far from him.
Hao disconnects our lips and looks up at me, the light in his eyes makes me feel something. An inexplicable feeling. It feels... beautiful. A world in his eyes, among the whole universe, knowledge within them, fear, and passion. His eyes are beautiful. They engulf me in a spell of wanting, a spell of vulnerability, and a spell of love.
"Hanbin.." Hao whispers. I continue to stare at him, my eyes passing from his right to the left, and so on. I hum, half focused on what he has to say, have enchanted in his narrow eyes
"This isn't right... Cho..." Hao trails off, but I know what he means. I always do.
"I know, Hao. I know" I whisper back, brushing a strand of hair off of his face
"Let's just not think about what is right for a moment. Let's think about what we want," I say "What do you want, Hao?"
Silence fills the dim art room, a faint breeze pulls through the slightly open window, blowing a sweet hissing sound. Hao doesn't look away from my eyes, the moonlight's shine still on him, making his skin look abnormally pale, but nevertheless beautiful
"I want you." He says slowly, and freely, formed as the sound of a gorgeous dream. I smile lightly, my heart thumping against my chest. I feel his heart, doing the same. They beat at the same time. I get him. I understand what he means. I always do.
And so, I nod and kiss him again.
â¡â¡â¡
Happy Halloween guys!! Long chapter cuz I felt the inspiration ð¤ð
Anywayyy, I'm in a pretty good mood cuz I went biking this morning and I love biking. I feel so free rn bc I won't be having any major exams for the next two weeks so I'm rll at peace lol
Also, I'm so happy because I get to watch horror movies todayyyy. I love watching horror movies but I don't like watching them alone, and I'm barely ever in the spooky mood, so I take today for granted
(stream 'happy death day' by xdinary heroes)