As rain pours outside, Hao puts a raincoat over himself that he borrowed from my closet
"What am I even supposed to say to Cho when I get back?" Hao asks, putting the hoodie on, hiding his face
"Have you never lied before?" I ask
"Of course I have"
"Okay, then you'll know once she asks you. Never plan out your lie beforehand" I say, picking up his bag to give it to him, and Hao nods
"Right. Hey, could you keep my bag for the night? It'll get wet if I go outside with it" Hao asks. I nod, putting his bag back on the ground
"Sure. Are you sure you don't want to stay over?" I ask. Hao shakes his head and smiles lightly
"No, don't worry about it. I'll be fine as long as my phone doesn't get wet" he says and I laugh. Hao opens the door and waves to me lightly, before turning away and walking into the cold rain. I watch him round the corner to walk to his house, and close the door carefully
"He's gone?" I hear Jude ask, and I jump up after seeing her right behind me
"No, Jude, he just went out to inspect the rain" I say, rolling my eyes. Jude nods
"Can you make me some food?" she asks. I look at her and sigh. As I'm about to say no, I remember what Hao told me a few hours ago. Maybe it's time that I actually take care of my sister. She's still a human being, and a vulnerable one if I may add
"Sure. What do you want me to make?"
"Wait, really?" Jude asks, surprised
"I won't do it if you don't tell me what you want to eat"
"Sorry. Just some soup is fine. My throat sorta hurts" Jude says, patting at the front of her neck. I nod and head to the kitchen
"I'll call you when the food is ready"
---
"Thanks" Jude mumbles as she takes the soup from my hands, placing it on the dinner table and sitting down. I feel surprised to see how she puts her phone away, looking up at me
"Aren't you going to eat?" she asks
"I'm good. I ate many snacks before this" I reply. I can't help but see how Jude looks disappointed while nodding, so I take a seat
"I'll accompany you" I say. Jude nods, but doesn't smile. I know she's happy, but just doesn't show it.
"How's school? Are your grades okay?" I ask, not knowing how to start a conversation
"They're fine," She says, her mouth stuffed with food. I nod. Should I ask her about them? It is my job as an older brother..
"How about the... uh- the bullies?" I ask. Jude looks up, face suggesting frustration and agitation
"They couldn't be more annoying," Jude says, rolling her eyes halfway. I laugh
"You're not supposed to be joking about bullies. Why did you get yourself in that situation anyway?"
"I dunno. I felt bad for Yujin. He seemed so helpless, and because I know that I could put up with it longer than him, I just decided to step in their way" she says. I look at her, thinking deeply. How is it that such a rude girl can be so kind to people she doesn't even talk to
"Are you Yujin's friend?"
"No. I tried to talk to him a few times, but he avoids me. I guess he feels guilty" Jude says, shrugging. I nod. We stay in devouring silence for a while, until I feel a certain pang of guilt
"I'm sorry" I mumble. Jude looks up from her food, face confused
"Huh? What are you sorry for?"
"I dunno. I kinda feel guilty about not being there for you when - yknow - you were going through stuff" I reply
"Damn, what's gotten into you?" Jude says, a laugh escaping from her
"I don't know. I talked to Hao today, and he told me his perspective about being a younger brother"
"and?"
"He made me realise that it's difficult for people when they feel alone and separated from their siblings, especially the youngest ones"
"Hm" Jude replies, seeming as if she is in deep thought, pondering while looking at the table
"So I feel kind of bad that I haven't really socialised with you up until now"
"It's fine though? I mean, I get why you didn't want to talk to me in the first place, and honestly, I felt the same thing. I didn't like the fact that my mom wanted to marry your dad, and I'm sure you weren't happy with it either" Jude says. I nod, glad that she understands
"There's more to it, of course, but yeah that's practically it. Are you seriously okay with the fact that I never really spoke to you before?"
"I mean, I was the one who ignored you in the first place. So no, not really." Jude says. I nod, and silence fills the room once again.
I wonder. Jude doesn't seem to have good friends. Jude doesn't seem to socialise with her own mom. She also doesn't socialise with anyone in general. So who does she talk to when she's going through fear and pain? Who did she talk to when she felt lonely? Did she not?
"Doesn't it bother you?" I ask, breaking the silence
"What?"
"That you have no one to lean on. You don't have anyone to tell your problems to"
"Of course it bothers me. But I've learnt to live with it. My mom has been single for various years, but I barely ever saw her. I got bullied a lot at my old school as well, and went along with the wrong crowd of people. They taught me to not trust anyone, so I keep to myself" Jude says. I'm surprised by how fast she opened up to me about her past, and I'm eager to listen and understand the difficulties
"But what about the times you saw Agnes? Didn't you talk to her?" I ask
"Nah. When she was home, she would follow me everywhere. She would watch my every step, and stay in my room while I worked. I don't know why, but I didn't trust her for my life after all of that"
"Damn, that sucks. What about your dad?"
"I tried talking to him once. I know where he lives, but once his wife saw me, she closed the door on me. I've never wanted to go back after that. It felt horrible seeing how both of my parents just moved on so quickly, while I was still stuck in that one house in which we all lived together" Jude says. I nod, feeling sympathy. The story sounds relatable to me
"What about you?" Jude asks. I know what she means... she wants to hear my story
"Did your mom ever tell you how they met?" I ask. Jude nods
"Yeah. At a club"
"Yeah. My mom found out that my dad cheated on her two years after they met. They divorced, and my mom decided that I should stay with my dad since she had no money to take care of both of us. I was there between the screaming matches, and I couldn't do anything about it. My mom was kicked out, and I was furious when I saw you and Agnes enter this house" I say, going back to the memory of Jude and Agnes moving into the house, using it as if it were theirs
"It must have been horrible seeing us walk in here"
"It was. I hated seeing how Agnes would sleep in the same side of the bed that my mom used to sleep in. I hated seeing you in my mom's music room. I hated having lunch and dinner with you. I practically hated everything whenever I was here. Eventually I learnt to live with it. I still don't like your mom though.."
"Understandable. I don't like her much either" Jude says. I look at her, seeing her sad eyes
"Jude... just know that from now on, you have someone to talk to about your problems, yeah?" I say. Jude smiles lightly
"Yeah, thanks Hanbin. It's been a while now" she says. Her eyes are watery, but no tears fall out. It breaks my heart. Exactly how much pain has she gone through?
"Jude... I'm here"
â¡â¡â¡
whatt????? more than 10k reads??? I rll never thought that the story would be this loved! tysm guys! I'll make sure to update as much as I can to repay you for reading my ff ð
Also, if you couldn't tell, I'm the youngest sister. Idk I'm really putting my emotions into the character of Jude tbh. And no, I don't get bullied at all, but when it comes to being neglected from my sibling, I just wrote what I hoped my sibling would say to me. So I practically just put Hanbin as the character of my own sibling for this chapter
Also, I'm so happy rn bc this is the first day that I actually had no work to do other than Fridays, so I rll wanted to write. I feel so free lmao. Classes and exams have been killing me, and I have 2 in Thursday (chemistry and politics) and for Friday I have one as well (math). Ngl tho I feel pretty confident bc I've been studying so much
(stream 'ringo' by itzy)
first song that I've heard in a while by itzy that is actually so good. Tbh their latest comebacks haven't rll been my taste in music, but this shit's so fucking good I'll listen to it on repeat