Trouble Finds You - Juliet Simms
Oh Lord - In This Moment
Medicine Man - Dorothy
No Church in the Wild - Jay Z
I never thought about how I would die. It scared me to think of death and how every day someone in the world stops breathing. Their heart just stops beating, they're body shuts down and they become a lifeless shell. Your heart can stop beating, but your brain will still function for minutes after your death.
It takes four minutes for the brain to sustain extensive damage from oxygen deprivation. When the heart and brain both stop working, organs go into critical condition. Most organs are viable for 6 hours after cardiac arrest and brain death, except for skin, bone, and tissue which are viable for the first 24 hours. It's almost beautiful, how even when you're dead, you could help save another life from being lost.
I don't know how I'd want to die. I've never had to think about it. I've never dealt with death before. I experienced a different type of loss in my life, but nothing that came even close to death. Death leaves a permanent scar inside your heart. It almost doesn't seem real when someone you know dies. It's hard to fathom. You don't want to believe it. You can't.
If I died, I think I wouldn't want to feel any pain. I'd want to be surrounded by the people who loved me and I would want to go quickly. I would never want a slow, painful death. But I don't want to die yet, I have so much of my life to live. I have never understood the concept of deathâWhy do some of us die young and others get the privilege to live until they're old and grey? Why do the best ones always get taken away first? It's so unfair. It's cruel.
And when we die, where do we all go? Nobody truly knows for sure. Everyone has their own beliefs and interpretations of the after life. I believe there is a heaven where all the good people go. I don't know if it's the golden paradise that the Bible said, but there's got to be somewhere we go to spend forever in. To me, it's more comforting believing in some kind of afterlife, than nothing at all.
We eventually leave one life and then go to another. At least I hope we do.
Death is terrifying, but the mark you leave behind is even worse. You leave behind your old life, your loved ones have to continue to live without you. They have to deal with the aftermath. They deal with the grief and emotional turmoil of the scars you left behind. There are seven stages of grief: shock, denial, guilt, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. I've never grieved from a death before, but I've grieved the loss of someone who's still alive. I don't know which one is worse.
Everyone grieves differently, but it's human nature. Grief and loss is normal. It's the dark cycle of life. At some point, we all will die.
It's a bittersweet inevitable end.
Life is so precious, but it can be taken away in an instant. Most of us don't even realize that before it's too late.
My mind is clouded with worry and fear. My feet loudly pound against the pavement as I run through downtown. I run for blocks and blocks, not even paying attention to my surroundings and how many people I have to weave around. My adrenaline is pumping fast so I don't even feel the ache in my legs yet from all of the running. I don't care about how hard I'm breathing and how hard my heart is beating against my chest. I don't care about anything, I just need to get to him.
I keep thinking of the worst scenarios about what I will find once I get to the docks. Each one of them is worse than the previous. I don't think I've ever been as scared as I am right now. Knowing that there is a chance that I will lose the man that I love, it makes the hole in my heart grow bigger.
Tears fall from my eyes and I don't know if it's from how cold the wind is beating against my face or from my breaking, fearful heart.
Don't stop. I tell myself, trying to concentrate on my sprint instead of how difficult it is for me to take steady breaths.
I just have to keep running.
The tall buildings I pass get minuscule and when I finally get to the outskirts of downtown, I start coming to the part of the city that most people avoid. The docks is right outside the city, on the edge of the Michigan river next to the run-down neighborhoods that people tell you to not walk through even in daylight.
I slow my pace from a full sprint to a jog-like pace. I look around and feel a change in atmosphere, like I just entered a completely different world. The city-like buildings become more scarce and are replaced by shops, some still open and others closed with boards covering the windows. The brick on some of the buildings are blackened with dirt and grime and the outside walls are graffitied. The streets are lined with cars on both sides, but there's not many people out. The very few people that are out look at me in curiosity and concern as I jog past them, probably confused as to why this white girl is running through this part of town.
The houses are all small and one story. There's not much lawn space and the houses look like they're almost right on top of each other. Some houses have shingles missing and some have windows boarded up. Fences are in up in the front yards and trash cans are sitting near the sidewalk. I pass by an area that at one time was probably a small park, but now there's only two basketball hoops and a swing set with two rusted swings.
I know to get to the docks you keep going straight through this part and then you'll eventually hit the waterfront. Tre was the one who told me about the docks, but he never mentioned what went on there. He just said that the buildings were all abandoned and nobody ever went over there anymore because nothing's there. He never told me that it was the location where he always met the gang, but it probably would have been helpful if he had mentioned that piece of information.
My heart is pounding almost painfully in my chest now, but I force myself to not stop. I'm almost there. I try to check my surroundings as I jog through this unknown territory. I can see exactly why people say to not ever come through this part. It's run-down and seemingly abandoned by the city, like it was left behind to be ruined and destroyed. I feel a pang of sadness as I think about Tre growing up in this environment. It's different hearing someone explain it to you than seeing it for yourself. Seeing it firsthand makes you realize how terrible and sad it is that real people live like this all around the world.
I see a clearing in the distance where the neighborhoods comes to an end. The street keeps going, but the houses stop. I can see the river from here and I know that I'm close. I'm so close. I pick up my pace and now run in the middle of the street towards the waterfront. There's three large brick buildings right near the water that look abandoned. Graffiti litters the brick and windows are either smashed in or boarded up.
I slow down once I get right up to the first building. Once I stop, my body feels like it's on fire. My legs ache and my breath comes out in heavy pants. My hair feels tangled and my body is probably covered in sweat underneath my coat. I push my hair away from my face and start to walk forward to get around the huge building.
There's a drop off near the building and from behind, it looks like the buildings were old factories or some place that would receive large shipments coming off from barges on the river. I know I'm in the right place. I'm at the docks and I have no idea where Tre is. There's nothing around to give any indication that people are here, so I don't know where to go. There's chains and locks on all the building doors so I know that there's nobody inside. I don't want to yell out for Tre because who knows who could be with him. I stop in place for a second to try to get my breathing calm and I run a shaky hand over my face, wondering what the hell I am doing. I am walking into something that I know nothing about and who's knows what's waiting somewhere around here. I can't leave Tre though, so I push down the fear and anxiety that's creeping up.
I slowly walk around the first building, peeking around the corner before I go. It's silent and nobody is around so I keeping slowly walking. I feel like a lamb and I am consciously walking into the lions den. It's not that I'm trapped, I am walking into it on my own accord. Love makes you do some crazy shit.
Maybe I am fucking insane for doing this. But I'd rather be insane than live with the fact that I didn't do anything to help prevent the loss of the guy I love. I'd rather be insane living in a straight jacket, because at least I had tried my hardest and did everything I possibly could to help Tre.
I get to the second building that's a little smaller than the first one and my eyes glance around at all the broken windows.
A gunshot rings throughout the quiet air and my heart plummets.
"Tre!" I hear myself scream and before I know what I'm doing, my feet are moving and running fast past the second building. The gunshot sounded like it came from behind the third building.
"Tre!" I scream again, ready to run around the third building. I am not emotionally or physically prepared for what I could possibly see around the corner.
"Eva no!" Tre's voice yells as I run straight into the chaos.
Thick arms wrap around my waist and I gasp loudly. I almost lose my balance, but the arms harshly tug me back into a hard chest. I look up at my captor and recognize the man who's holding me tight. I remember Tre introducing me to him at the house party. Adam had asked me if I smoked weed and I declined. He seemed quiet and laid-back, but harmless. Adam doesn't look down at me, but he keeps his tight hold on me. It's so tight it feels almost suffocating.
I look out and see multiple men standing around, some with their hoods up and some without. I recognize some of the other men, they were at the parties with us and Tre had introduced me to them as his friends. At the parties, most of them seemed like they were pretty nice, but now they look tough. Some of them are staring at me and others are staring at the middle clearing of the group. I look to the middle of the circle they seemed to have formed and I swallow hard.
Tre is standing in the middle with half his body turned towards me. I quickly glance over his face and down his body to make sure he's okay. He doesn't look like he's hurt. His black sweatshirt hood is up, but I can see his jaw is clenched and his eyes are hooded with anger. I then look at his right arm that's pointed out in front of him and my eyes widen at the black 9mm in his hand.
His gaze is not on me, but on the person he's holding the gun to. If looks could kill, the guy would already be dead. I don't recognize the man, who's intensely staring at Tre. He doesn't look much older than Tre, but his features are more rough. He has a scar that runs down the side of his face and the corners of his mouth turn up as his eyes shift over to me.
"Things just got more interesting Tre," his low tone voice makes my skin prickle. It's hard and sinisterly mixed coldness.
"Says the one who has a gun pointed to his head," Tre remakes harshly, keeping his gun steady a couple of inches in front of the man's forehead.
The man's eyes drift back over to me and his mouth turns up into a sinister smile. "He's going to love her, Tre. He's been waiting so long to meet her."
His words make my whole body freeze in Adam's arms. What?
"Don't look at her!" Tre snaps. "Look at me! Where is he?" Tre's eyes don't ever go over to me. They never leave the man's form and I wish for a split second his eyes would drift to me.
"I can't tell you that Tre," the man says and continues to grin sinisterly at me. His eyes slowly wander down my body and I tense, wanting to turn away from his sickening gaze, but Adam's arms squeeze tighter around me.
"I'm not fucking around Viktor, where is he?" Tre asks, keeping a steady and tight grip on his gun.
Viktor doesn't answer. He gives me a wink and then chuckles bitterly.
"Where is he!" Tre yells, taking a step forward and digging the gun barrel into Viktor's forehead.
I jump from Tre's loud yell and I don't recognize the man in front of me anymore. His hand is clenched tightly around the gun, but it never falters. It seems like a familiar territory, like he's used to holding a gun to someone. His body is tense and his eyes are narrowed, focused, but swirling with anger. His jaw is tight and his teeth are clenched. The look on his face is the same look that I saw come for a few seconds when we had previously discussed what he would he would do if someone was trying to hurting me. The dark look had overcame him and I saw for a brief second, just how dangerous Tre could be. It didn't scare me much then, but it terrified me now. It terrified me that the person I'm looking at isn't the Tre that I had gotten to know and love. It's someone else, someone that I never thought I would meet.
"I'm right here." A voice echos from a distance and footsteps shuffle closer.
It's like everything stops as the footsteps get closer. Tre's body stiffens up and his gaze finally leaves Viktor, shifting to the man who just walked over.
The man is a couple inches taller than Tre and seems a few years older than him. He's wearing a black leather jacket over his muscular form and he walks with a smoothness that exudes egotism. There's a man on both sides of him, walking almost in synch towards Tre and Viktor. The burly men are larger and more muscular, like they're the ones who protect the egotistical man. Their shirts are tucked in to show off the gun that's sticking up from their waistbands. The two men have a rough facial look, but the other man has a sleazy and heinous smirk about him. He has some light stubble on his otherwise smooth dark skin and his eye color is like night. His hair is cut short, but not as short as Tre's is. His mouth is moving and I can see he's chewing gum.
"Heard you were looking for me," the man says to Tre. His voice is smooth, unlike Viktor's. "Why don't you put the gun down Tre."
"Fuck you," Tre spits, refusing to move his arm and put the gun down.
The man looks over at the other men standing around and makes an unfamiliar motion with his fingers. Immediately each member pulls out their gun. My heart is beating fast at the sight of so many guns and all of them are pointed directly at Tre.
"You thought you could come here and try to negotiate with me?" The man steps closer to Tre and Tre moves his aim from Viktor to now him. The man stops at the sight of the gun now on him. He then scoffs, gesturing to the other men with guns pointed. "You're outnumbered, Tre."
Tre's face stays hard, but his hand falters for a second before he quickly tightens his clutch on the gun, not backing down like I wish he would right now.
The man takes his eyes off Tre and looks over everyone standing around like he's thinking. I dread the moment his eyes land on me.
His eyes gleam and he smirks. "Who do we have here? I see we have a witness."
Eyes are now on me and I grow uncomfortable from the stares that pierce through my skin.
The man holds out his hand, palm open and turned up. "Come, please."
I don't make a movement, even after Adam releases his arms from around me. My legs feel heavy like there are cinderblocks tied to my feet.
"I asked politely," the man says and clears his throat. "Come here, now." He sternly commands.
Adam pushes me forward and I stumble over my feet before standing upright. I slowly walk towards the middle, everyone's eyes following me like they're the predator and I'm the prey.
Now I am the lamb in the lions den, surrounded and trapped with no way out.
As I walk towards the man, Tre finally looks at me and it makes me pause for a second. His face is tight with anger, but his eyes tell a different story. They aren't filled with anger, they're filled with fear. It makes my heart drop. I've never seen Tre afraid before, but right now, his eyes show that deep down underneath his fury, he's terrified of what could happen.
I'm sure he can see the fear written all over my face. My hands are shaking and my chest feels tight.
When I get in front of the intimidating man, his hand is still stretched out. I warily look at him and then to his open palm like it's a bomb about to go off. I force myself to place my shaking palm on top of his. His large hand covers mine and I can feel the calluses on his fingers. He bends his neck down, bringing our hands up to his mouth and presses his cold lips to the top of my hand.
"Nice to finally meet you, Evangeline," he smirks after kissing my hand and my body stiffens.
I hear Tre intake a sharp breath and I gently pull my hand away his grasp.
How did he know my name?
He grins, showing off his white teeth where two of the teeth are a shiny silver. "Yes, I know you're name Evangeline. I know a lot about you."
"H-How?" I ask quietly, finally getting my voice to speak.
His tongue runs along his bottom lip before he grins again. "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
I gasp softly. My mouth falls into a thin line and my heartbeat pounds in my ears. My mind races and I feel the impact of his words shake me down to my core. All of my fears were solidified right when he spoke the first word in the scripture of 1 Peter 5:8.
"You're the one who's been watching me," I manage to get out from my now trembling lips.
His smile gets bigger. "You're catching on. I knew you would." He keeps eyes contact with me and takes a step closer to me. "I'm Mikhail Dean. But you can call me D. Now what's a pretty shorty like you doing around here?"
I don't respond, but my eyes flicker towards Tre, who's still pointing his gun at D.
"I see." D's smile turns into a frown once he sees me glance at Tre. "Young love." He acknowledges and then scoffs. "It makes me fucking sick."
His eyes rake over me and I squirm under his piercing gaze. His eyes are way more intense than Tre's. They hold more darkness and evil. They showtime atrocities and destruction he's committed.
His attention turns to Tre. "You think you're bad for holding a gun to me?"
"I won't hesitate to put a bullet between your eyes ," Tre growls.
"You do that and little miss Evangeline here will suffer for your careless mistakes," D smirks and looks over at me again. "My men would love to play with her."
My body wants to collapse. I don't know how I'm still standing upright. I force myself to not cry and show how much his threat is affecting me.
Tre breathes heavily and clenches his hand right around the gun before dropping his arm down, a pained look on his face.
"Do you know why I'm called D?" He questions me and I stay silent. "Cause I don't spare anyone from death. I take and indulge in what I never give back. My clients I deal Blow to gave me a nickname." He take one more step closer to me so his body is now millimeters from touching mine. His body towers over mine. He leans his head down closer to my ear.
"They call me Diablo," He whispers next to my ear, making me let out a shaky breath. "I can give you whatever you desire or I can make your life Hell."
My breaths are unsteady, severely affected by how deep in shit Tre and I are in. I now know why Tre said there was no getting out of this. There's too many people, too much money, and too much drug dealing to let someone leave unharmed. Tre dug himself into such a black hole, now he's going to take me down with him.
D leans back away from me. "Do you know what day it is?"
I look at Tre, who's silent but glaring at D. I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know."
"What day is it?" He repeats and I don't know what he means by day. Is it a special day or does he want the actual date?
The date.
I think back to the small calendar that sits on my desk. I unconsciously look at it every day without another thought. And earlier I was so wrapped up in finishing my last assignment that I didn't think about what today was.
December 15th.
Vengeance is mine. I will repay.
12-15
See you soon.
"Vengeance is mine. I will repay," I whisper to myself, remembering the note from the printer. I swallow hard and speak up in a louder tone. "You sent me the note."
I notice Tre's eyes crease with confusion. I avoid his questioning stare and keep my attention on D, who's grin keeps getting bigger now that everything is coming to light.
"You're not the only one who was brainwashed into religion," he tells me and I try to get my shaken mind to piece more of this puzzle together.
So D sent me the note and knows a lot of information about me. He had been keeping tabs on me for a while. I've never seen him before today so I don't now how he could have found out everything about me and where I went on campus.
"I-I don't understand," I stammer, bringing a hand up to my cold cheeks.
"Come on," D teases. "You're supposed to be the smart doctor here."
Everything is spinning so fast for me. My heart is racing a thousand miles per hour. It's like the flood of God is coming straight towards me and I'm bound to the earth, destined to drown with the evils of the world. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. I am right in the middle of the destruction and I don't know how to get away.
"It was easy to figure out who you were. You're so predictable," D replies, answering what I was internally questioning myself. "You go to your classes 15 minutes early, you work at the library 5 days a week and spend your shifts doing homework or reading. You walk the same route to your dorm everyday and you barely pay attention to your surroundings as you walk."
The more information he reveals, the worse my body stiffens and the pit in my stomach gets deeper.
"You know, you really should look around at where you're going." D smirks and then looks at his men behind us. "You never know who could be watching or following you."
I follow his eyes around his men and I unconsciously let out a whimper. I was being followed and watched this whole time. Every time I thought I heard footsteps behind me or felt eyes on my back, it wasn't just a figment of my imagination. I was really having my every move be followed and I didn't even know it. For months, D sent his men to watch me so he could have the upper hand in all this.
"Why?" I ask, taking my bottom lip between my teeth.
"Why?" D repeats, his mouth in a frown. "I don't like having a threat to my plans. Nothing will ruin what I've created here." His eyes travel over my face and down my body. "Not even a pretty shorty like you."
He takes a couple of steps back so he can have both Tre and I in his vision. He crosses his arms and stands with his feet a foot part. "Today was the day that the gang I spent years building was to become bigger than you could ever imagine. I had a plan that would set everyone here up for life. I could have a fucking empire." His gloating confidence makes my stomach churn.
"And you both tried to ruin it." He points at us and shakes his head. "That's unacceptable."
"I didn't do anything to you," I tell him, not liking his assumption.
D chuckles bitterly. "Oh, but you did." He looks at Tre and nods towards him. "You corrupted him."
I think Tre was the one who corrupted me, but I'll keep that thought to myself. Everything changed once I had met him. My entire life and everything I thought I knew was destroyed after I got involved with him. How could I have corrupted him?
"I knew Tre would never join us if you were still involved with him," D explains, his tone showing authority. "Tre's a natural born leader. The anger and ruthlessness that runs through his blood would make him one of my strongest men." He drops his arms down and walks forward towards us. "When I'm gone, he could be as powerful as I am. My empire would be in good hands. He could run entire cities down before you could open your tight little pussy for him."
He stops a couple inches in front of Tre. "You're willing to leave all this for some disposable pussy?"
Tre's facial expression remains stoic. His jaw is tight and his eyes emit anger, but his mouth remains unmoving. A muscle in his jaw twitches and I know it's taking everything in him to not spew off to D and make things worse.
"I don't take that disrespect lightly," D says, stepping back. "That's why I had to get rid of Trell."
Tre launches forward, grabbing D by the shirt and pushing him back. "Don't fucking say his name!"
Multiple bullets hit the ground near our feet and I scream, covering my hands with my face as the gunshots ring loudly in my ears.
"Oh God," I groan, my body trembling.
"God's not here," D replies harshly, making me uncover my face. Tre isn't attacking him anymore. He's on his knees being held down with his arms behind his back.
Tre is breathing heavily and rage covers his face. His bottom lip is bleeding from being hit by one of the men who's holding him down. His eyes are a dark storm, like the darkness inside of him is begging to be fully unleashed.
"If you try that fucking shit again. I'll fucking kill you on site." D straightens out his jacket to compose himself.
"Evangeline, what does Exodus 21:24-25 say?" He asks me, clenching his hands in front of him.
Fuck.
I shake my head, not wanting to say out loud the scripture he wants. Tears form in the corner of my eyes.
"Say it," he demands.
I shake my head again, a tear falling down my face. I know exactly what the scripture says but I can't say it. What the verse means makes more tears pool in my eyes.
"Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot," D walks closer as he says each word. "Burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise."
He reaches behind his back and pulls out his gun, aiming it at Tre's head.
"No!" I scream before I can stop myself. "Don't shoot him please!" More tears start falling down my face and my mouth moves before I can even think about any rationality or consequence.
"Kill me." I take a step closer and both men look at me. Tre looks completely horrified. D looks surprised and he lowers his gun to his side. "Please, kill me instead."
I am certified insane. I just offered myself up to be killed instead of Tre. Lock me up in a fucking mental institution.
"Eva shut up!" Yells Tre once he realizes what I had just done. His teeth are becoming red from his bleeding lip.
"I'm the one you've been watching. I'm the one who ruined your plans," I ramble over Tre's multiple protests. "I'm the only thing standing in your way of getting what you want."
"She's a stupid girl D," Tre bellows as D walks over to me. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."
His words are harsh and sting as he spews them, but I ignore the feeling because I know that he is just saying those things to get me out of the repercussions of my own stupidity. My body becomes stiff with the realization of what I've already said. I can't take it back now. I just threw myself head first into the lion's mouth and now it's going to devour me whole.
"I have a better idea," D says menacingly. "I won't kill him, but you'll wish I did." He smirks at me before swiping his arm up and hitting my cheek hard with the barrel of his gun.
I grunt at the stinging pain across my cheek and my head flies to the right. My body collapses on the ground and I clutch my face, tears run down my now reddened cheek.
"No! You fucker!" Tre screams, trying to get out of the grasp of the two men, but they keeping holding him down with force.
I feel like I can taste blood on my lips and inside my mouth. The metallic taste makes me want to vomit. I lay with my face touching the cold payment. I want to curl up into a ball and my cheek is throbbing. I see D's feet in front of me and I let out a whimper as he crouches down next to me. The gun is still in his hand. He moves some of the hair away from my face with the barrel of the gun and I close my eyes at the sickening feeling of the cold metal sliding over my skin.
"I hate to do this to such a pretty face," he says and I swallow down a sob from my throat.
He puts the gun barrel below my chin and forces my chin to tilt up towards him. I swallow some of the blood in my mouth and look at him through my blurry tear-filled eyes.
"You'd die for him?" He questions, his face inches away from mine and the gun barrel bites into my skin.
I stay silent, glaring at him. He brings his other hand up and runs his index finger down my redden cheek. His touch makes my sensitive skin sting.
"A beautiful idiot you are." He taunts, shaking his head in disgust. "Such a waste."
"Fuck you," I grumble, blood still pooling in my mouth.
On impulse, I spit right in his face. My blood and saliva splatters across his face. He hisses and then smacks his palm against the side of my face. I cry out as his hand makes contact with my skin again and I fall back to the ground. D quickly stands up and runs his hand over his face to try and get all my spit off.
"You fucking bitch!" He yells, taking steps back from me.
I ignore the pain that now covers my entire face. I lift head up to look where Tre is and he looks like he's about to explode. It's taking everything the two men have to keep Tre kneeling on the ground. The look in his eyes is murderous.
"Get her up!" D orders, swiping his hand across his face again to get rid of the traces of my blood and saliva.
Two other men, one of them who I remember as DJ, harshly grab my arms and drag me closer to where Tre is on his knees. They position me a couple feet in front of him and force me to kneel with my hands clutched behind my back. My knees hurt from hitting the ground and I blow some of the hair that was in my face. My tears feel like they've stuck to my skin and my face throbs from D's hard hits. I glance at Tre and his deadly gaze softens. I bite my swollen lip and I send him every thought through my eyes.
Tre and I were always able to have a conversation with our eyes. I think that's one of the reasons we connected so well with each other. We didn't have to physically speak, our eyes could say everything they needed to.
The eyes are windows to the soul. Before, Tre's eyes wouldn't show all of what was he was really thinking and feeling. He was afraid of opening them up and letting someone else see inside. But now looking into Tre's eyes, I see his entire world in them. All of the pain and agony, all of the darkness that had encompassed his cold world. I can see everything. But among that darkness, I can see how much he loves me. That love overpowers all of the dark so it can burn bright. And right now, his eyes are flaming embers.
They're burning like pages of a book. I've read a lot of books, and most I could absorb and understand their meaning. But there's some that I didn't.
I never understood the reason why Romeo and Juliet killed themselves. I knew it was because they couldn't live without each other, but I didn't understand how someone could kill themselves because of love. My school English teachers said it was a tragic romance, but I thought it was dumb. I was young, so I never felt what that type of passionate blazing love was like. I couldn't relate to it.
I always wondered what went through Romeo's mind when he decided to drink the poison and what did Juliet feel as she stuck the dagger in her heart. Did they feel themselves dying or were they so overwhelmed with their love for each other that they didn't even feel the world slipping away?
It's kind of ironic how I never understood Romeo and Juliet but my own relationship took that same tragic turn. Two people came from completely different worlds and fell in love, but the world was turned against them. What they didn't realize was that from the very beginning of their relationship, they never had a chance. They were doomed before they had even met. Tre had already sealed his fate long before I came to Detroit. And once we met, I was the embodiment of JulietâTre and I first saw each other at a party, my parents didn't approve of us together, we still fell in love, and I tried to sacrifice my own life for his.
I now understand what Juliet felt in that moment. When she saw Romeo was dead, she felt helpless. She felt her heart aching because she would never be able to live forever with the one she truly loved. She didn't want to have to live with the pain and the memory of the man that she will never have again. She would rather die, than to live any more days without him by her side. She stuck the dagger into her heart to be free with Romeo, so they can finally be together forever. I understand her now.
"I'm sorry," Tre whispers so only I can hear him.
I shakily let out a cry and sniffle. "It's okay, Tre."
Looking at Tre, I am overwhelmed with emotion. I'm terrified, but I realize that I'm not afraid because I might die today. I'm afraid that I won't get to have a forever with Tre.
"I love you," he tells me. "And that's the beginning and end of everything."
My heart feels like it's being stabbed with the dagger as he says one of his favorite quotes from literature. We had spent one evening in his bed talking about how much we both loved F. Scott Fitzgerald. I couldn't shut up about The Great Gatsby and he told me all of his favorite passages from Fitzgerald's love letters to his wife Zelda. She was his muse and the love is his life, so he wrote brutally honest letters to her about their relationship and how much he loved her. Even when they were separated, he would still write letters to her because she would always be his muse.
D stands besides us, his gun now sticking in the front of pants, and looks over our kneeling forms. "Young love," he scoffs. "You're both pathetic. You want to know why I hate love?"
Tre and I both don't answer, we stay looking at each other and not him.
D kicks his boot right into Tre's stomach and I gasp . Tre groans and doubles over, his body clenching up. If it weren't for the men holding him up, he would have been face first on the ground.
"Love makes you weak."
D moves in front of me and grabs my arms, hoisting me up. I struggle in his arms, but he pulls me to him so that my body is touching his.
"You could be of use to me, Evangeline," he states, sliding his large hand down my lower back. "Fuck, you could be one of my angels that work for me. I'd love to ruin you."
The thought of me working or being involved in any way with him is repulsive. I know I wouldn't last a day being with him. He would destroy me in more ways than one and I'd have no fighting chance.
I push my hands against his hard chest and clench my teeth. "Over my dead body."
D smirks and lifts his eyebrows. "That can be arranged."
He quickly moves around my body so that he is now standing behind me. He puts one of his legs in front of mine so I can't escape and his arms wrap around my torso, pulling my body flushed against his. Even with my coat on, I can still feel his gun that now rests against my back. D's face comes right next to mine and I can feel his warm breath against my cheek.
"You want to die instead of becoming one of my angels? Fine," he sneers, his mouth right next to my ear. "But before I kill you, I need you to do something for me."
His arms fall from my torso. I feel him grab his gun and he grabs ahold of my arms, bringing them up in front of me. He slips the gun into my right hand and covers both my hands with his own, making me clutch the gun with his hands over mine. His hands squeeze tightly so I can't move out of his grip. His index finger wraps around mine and forces it to rest above the trigger.
I let out a whine and start crying again as he tilts our arms down so they're straight aligned with Tre's forehead.
"Kill him."
I sob as I look at Tre on his knees defenseless in front of me. He looks so broken.
"Don't make me do this please," I beg, my body becoming racked with my sobs.
"If you love him so much, then put him out of his misery," D directs and I bawl, my vision blurring and my adrenaline going on overload.
I sob harder once I see a few tears fall from Tre's eyes and stream down his cheeks.
"I can't," I whimper, feeling my chest constricting.
"Evangeline do it," Tre speaks calmly, like he's ready to meet his end. "It's okay."
"I can't!" I weep.
My arm is shaking and I am repulsed at the feeling of the cold metal against my skin. It feels like it's burning into my hand.
"I'll be considerate and count down from three," D says, touching his lips to my temple.
Three
"I'm so sorry Tre," I cry out to him and he nods.
"It's okay baby."
His body is stiff, but calm, like he's made peace with this outcome. His past had caught up with him and now he's paying the price for it. What goes around comes around.
Two
I cry and close my eyes tightly to mentally prepare myself of the traumatic image I am about to see. I can't see the light drain from his eyes and knowing that I was the one who pulled the trigger.
"Tre, I love you." Nothing but the truth spills from my bruised, trembling lips.
I love him so much it's going to kill me.
"I love you, Evangeline."
One
I scream as loud as I can. D's finger forces mine down onto the trigger and my heart combusts into flames as the gun fires.
Bang
Bang