I'm gonna start putting some songs that I listen to while I write chapters to show/set the mood.
Dying 4 Your Love - Snoh Aalegra
Waiting - Zhavia Ward
Twice - Little Dragon
I feel eyes on me, waking me out of my slumber. I crack open one eye and meet a dark chocolate gaze. I sigh, opening my other eye and smiling at Tre.
"Hi," I mumble and rub the sleep from my eyes.
"Hey." He returns a toothless smile and I turn on my side, clutching the sheets around my bare body.
The room is pretty dark besides a sliver of sunlight streaming in over the bed from the crack in the curtains.
"Were you watching me sleep?"
"You looked so beautiful," he replies. "The sunlight was shining over you, making your body glow like an angel." He moves closer to me and puts his arm on my waist. "It's also always nice waking up to a beautiful woman naked in my bed."
He smirks and I chuckle and shake my head at his words. "Well, I kind of like having a naked man next to me." I bite my lip and run my hand down his chest. "Especially one as good looking as you."
"We make a good match then." He squeezes my waist gently and I smile.
"I can agree with that statement." I lay my head against his chest. "What time is it?"
"Almost 10."
"I slept in late today."
"We did have a late night." His smirk comes back to his face and I return one of my own, my insides swirling when I think back to last night.
After we had a fun evening of celebrating friendship and happiness with Sam, Trell, and Reina, and a few glasses of wine, Tre and I did some more celebrating of our own. It was probably after 1am before we all wanted to end our night. Sam and Trell drove Reina back to the dorm and while they were gone, Tre and I cleaned up the little bit that needed to be. I think we both had the same idea of what was going to happen once we made it to his bedroom, because I kept catching him staring at me while we were cleaning. When I eventually walked to his room and he was walking slowly behind me, I felt like a prey being stalked. I tried to get to his bed first but his arms caught me before I could get close.
I giggled and turned around in his arms to face him. He cupped both hands around my face and ran his thumb across my lip before kissing me deeply. I could kiss him all the time and never get tired of it. It's like once I got a taste, I couldn't get enough.
We took our time undressing each other, caressing and kissing all over each other's bodies, reciprocating and making sure we both could feel the intensity of our bodies together. We were so caught up in each other, we almost didn't make it to the bed. Looking down at him as I moved my body on him, I felt a difference. This time it was different. Our atmosphere was more intense, almost suffocating. I felt breathless and I couldn't ever catch a deep breath because of this feeling. We both could feel it seeping into our auras, soaking into our skin and making us feel deep in our souls that we are living in a euphoria. It wasn't just passion and love, it was a passionate love that seemed to make us go into an overdose. At that moment, we were both addicts, searching for our fix. He's my drug and I am his. I'm his heroin and he's my ecstasy. We were high on our emotions, high on love.
I saw the look in his eyes when I was above him and I could see that there was love there. After what he had expressed during the dinner earlier, that was almost as good as him saying I love you. I would be okay with him never saying that simple sentence, if it meant that we would still be like this. Tre's a man of many few words, so even though he hasn't said it explicitly, his actions always showed it. His gaze, his caresses, his gentleness, his passion, I know that he does love me. He shows me all the time. And when it's just us, two souls and bodies connected, I can really tell.
This time it was like we were both fixated on showing our appreciation and love for each other. No stone left unturned, everything open for the other to take. We took, experienced, replenished, and rode through our euphoric high that we didn't ever want to stop until we were exhausted and blacked out.
"Last night was fun," I tell him, smiling. "All of it."
"Yeah it was. That was probably the best holiday celebration I've ever had."
"Me too," I sigh and look up at the ceiling, "I want all holidays to be like that. There's no stress or drama, just a fun-filled time spent with the people you love."
"We'll have to make sure that always happens then."
I turn my head to him and then kiss his cheek. "You hungry?"
"Hungry for you." He grabs my waist and rolls us over so I am laying top of him.
"Besides me," I laugh and softly squeal from the kisses he's trying to leave on my neck.
He stops his playful kisses on my neck and places a kiss on my lips. "Yeah, let's get out of bed before I keep you here all day and not let you leave my sheets."
"Sounds tempting," I whisper and kiss him before getting off of him and searching for clothes to put on.
"I'm going to shower and then I'll be in," Tre says getting up from the bed and putting on sweatpants.
"Okay."
I put on a sweatshirt, Tre's sweatshirt that I always steal from him, and some joggers. I tie my hair up in a bun on top of my head and then go out of the room and to the kitchen, while Tre goes to shower.
"Oh, good morning," I say to Trell, who's leaning over the island with his elbows resting on the counter
"Morning Eva," he says, putting his spoon down in the cereal bowl that's in front of him.
I make myself a glass of water and sit across from him.
I notice his tired eyes and I chuckle. "Did you and Sam have a late night too?"
He grins mischievously and I laugh, my cheeks reddening.
"Sounded like you and Tre had a good night too."
I stop laughing and look at him wide eyed. "You could hear us?"
"The walls are very thin here," he shrugs and I am now so embarrassed.
"That's so embarrassing," I mumble, kind of mortified and internally cringing. I didn't know the walls were thin and didn't even think of that being a possibility here.
"It's no big deal," he says. "Tre's had to listen to me and Sam for years, so it's about time it's the other way around."
I go to the cupboard to find something to eat, avoiding eye contact with Trell. I am still a little embarrassed because I like to be modest, especially when it's about this.
"I'm going to make pancakes and eggs. You want some?" I ask him, getting out everything I'll need.
"No thank you," he answers.
I go to start making them but he interrupts me.
"Eva," he pauses and I look over at him. "You know you're very special to Tre right?"
I slowly nod.
"It's nice to see him be happy again," Trell smiles slightly. "I haven't seen him like that in a long time. So I just want to thank you for being in his life and changing it for the better."
"He changed my life too," I look down and smile. "I love him."
"He loves you too," he tells me. "I know that he does."
"He hasn't said it yet," I reply.
"But you can feel his love."
"I can," I acknowledge. "It'd be nice to actually hear him say it though."
"Nobody has ever been this patient with him."
"I guess that means that I am good for him then," I smile.
"Sometimes you're too good for him. I also think that about Sam. Tre and I are just too lucky to have women like you in our lives. Like what did we do to deserve you?"
"Everything happens for a reason," I shrug. "To get us to this moment now."
"Wish everyone had your optimism," he remarks.
Tre then walks into the kitchen and me and Trell's conversations ends. I go back to what I was doing before and Tre helps me. Sam eventually comes in and I make some extra for her. After breakfast, everyone goes off to do their own things. Sam goes to the studio and Trell tags along. Tre and I stay in the apartment and we end up finishing our semester project since we didn't have much left to do. We don't have to present it until finals week, but now we don't have to worry about getting it done in time.
"I can't believe this semester is going to be over in three weeks," I say, laying next to him on the bed with my legs intertwined with his. "It seems like it's gone by so fast."
"The years go by quick," Tre notes. "Just wait until you're a junior and then shit will really start going fast."
"So much has happened," I mumble, thinking back to everything that happened since August.
"I thought this semester was going to be shit just like the others. I was so wrong," he chuckles.
"Things didn't turn out how I thought they would, but I'm really glad that they didn't."
"What did you think was going to happen?" He asks.
I sigh. "I thought it was going to be just me studying, getting my work done and being in my own introverted bubble. I never thought I'd be right here."
"Did you think you would when we first met?"
"I don't really think I liked you when we first met," I tell him and he scoffs.
"What? You didn't like me?"
"Not really," I giggle. "You were an asshole to me."
"You seemed like a spoiled princess that got everything she wanted."
"We were both wrong."
"Did you ever think we would be here the way we are?"
"Once I got to know you more, I hoped that eventually we would be together," I tell him, smiling. "Even when we first met, there was always something about you that drew me in. I was intrigued from the first time our eyes met."
"Did I meet your expectations?"
"You surpassed them," I whisper and kiss him.
"Where did you come from?" He whispers back. "I still don't know what I did to deserve to have you. I don't think I'll ever truly know."
I smile. "Maybe it was written in the stars from the very beginning of our conception and existence."
"I didn't believe in destiny. But now I'm starting to." He pushes a hair back from my face and I kiss his hand.
"I love you," I tell him.
"I know."
~*~
The weekend passed in a blur. We didn't do that much because nobody else was here. The five of us hung out and spent time together. Reina spoke to her boyfriend Cooper a lot. He had to be medically excused from the rest of the semester because his mother has been sick in the hospital. He had to go back and take care of his siblings and mom, so him and Reina have been doing long distance. I can see she is always sad whenever they hang up their call, but she understands the situation and is continuously showing her support and love for him and his family. Tre and Trell didn't have anywhere else to go either. They said that they haven't been back to their homes in a while. They don't like going back because there is nothing there for them anymore and it's dangerous. They don't have any relatives close to them and their siblings are all estranged and don't keep in touch. They weren't lying when they said that they were all alone until Sam came into the picture. Sam has a good relationship with her family, so they don't mind that she spends a lot of her time with Trell. She's all he has. Just like me and Tre. We only have each other.
Everything felt good up until today. I woke up with a nervous pit in my stomach and I don't know why. I just had a bad feeling about something, but I don't know what that something is. You ever just get a knot in your stomach for a reason that you don't find out until later? That's how I feel right now. I can't really explain it, it's just a strange feeling that I've never felt before. I've never had this happen before, like I am nervous and anxious for something. Kind of like just the feeling that today will be a bad day. It's just a thought in the back of mind that keeps slowly ticking around, making sure that I don't forget about it.
"You alright?" Sam asks me from across the table in the local diner restaurant we're currently in.
I shake my head of my thoughts. "Yeah, I don't know. I just have a funny feeling about today."
"Like something bad's gonna happen?"
I shrug. "Kind of. You ever get that, where you'll just know that you'll have a bad day?"
"Every one goes through that sometimes. It's a normal feeling and sometimes nothing bad even happens."
"I've just never had that happen as soon as I wake up."
"Well don't worry so much and make yourself more stressed about it. Nothing's happened yet. Just stay optimistic like you always are. Eva never thinks of bad thoughts."
I chuckle. "I don't feel optimistic right now. Surprising I know."
"Maybe you're just about to start your monthly?" She suggests.
"I'm already on it. So it's not that," I shrug and go back to eating my food. "I don't know, but I'd rather not talk about this anymore."
"The day's almost over," she reaches across the table and pats my hand. "Just hang in there."
I nod and finish my food that has become tasteless to me. I haven't had much of an appetite today. I look out the window of the diner and watch the rain fall down onto the concrete. It's been raining most of the day. Reina left last night to go visit Cooper before the weekend ends, and Trell and Tre were gone most of the afternoon, so it's just been me and Sam hanging out. Tre and Trell told us that they'd be going out of the city for a little bit, but that they'd be back in the evening. I don't worry much about Tre not giving me a lot of details in his whereabouts because I trust him and I know he can take care of himself. He knows this city like the back of his hand, so if anyone can handle themselves around here, it's him.
Once Sam and I are done at the restaurant, we walk back to the apartment. I spend more time here than I do in my dorm room. Sam is the same way too. We're only in the dorm during class time and then we're usually here if we're not working or having other things to do.
When we get inside, we decide to watch a movie. I lay on the couch and she sits in one of the chairs. I don't remember what movie we decided on because I have a headache. I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to relieve the pressure in my head but it's not helping. I sigh and close my eyes. My head is pounding. It's like my body is starting to react to the anxious thoughts that I've had all day. I don't remember falling asleep, but when I finally open my eyes, it's dark out. The lamp in the corner of the room is on, the tv is off, and Sam is nowhere to be found. I can still hear the rain pattering on the windows. I slowly sit up and rub my eyes, not feeling anymore pain in my head. I turn my head to look out the windows and I see Tre standing by the window.
His elbow is resting on the window, but he's looking at me.
"Hey," I say softly and clear my throat. "When did you get back?"
"About a half hour ago," he replies in the same soft tone.
His other hand is stuffed in his jeans pocket and he doesn't move from his place at the window.
"Where did you go today?"
"I had to get my thoughts together and I couldn't do that with you around."
"What's going on?" I ask, taking notice of his stiff posture and demeanor.
"We need to talk about some things," he says, making that anxious knot in my stomach come back.
I stand up and walk over to where he is, keeping some distance between us.
"What's there to talk about?" I ask.
"I just need to you to listen and not say anything, okay?" He finally turns away from the window and looks right at me.
I slowly nod and mumble "Okay."
He exhales a deep breath and then runs his hand over the back of his neck. "When I was little, I always thought my mother was an angel," he says, smiling softly. "I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was so kind and patient, loving and so strong. She used to tell me a story every night before I went to sleep. It was always the same story." He pauses. "The angel and the man. There was a man, who people thought was so mean and cold. He had lost so much and experienced so much atrocity that people feared him. He had so much anger inside his heart. But then one day, he met a beautiful woman unlike anyone he'd ever seen. She glowed and radiated warmth. When their eyes met, it was like the universe was finally aligned. Everything made sense. She wasn't afraid of him, she wanted to know him and love him. And he wanted her to know him. He wanted to let her in and show her who he really was. But he was afraid that he would scare her away like everyone else. She showed him that she loved him and he eventually let her into his heart. Once he did, he finally realized why he went through so much pain and suffering. It was so he could one day meet the angel who would change his life forever."
His eyes pierce into mine. "I heard that story so many times, it almost felt like it was real. But when my mom died, I thought that story was complete bullshit and lies. A story like that could never happen in reality. Life doesn't work that way. I didn't think of that story again until I saw you."
He steps a few steps closer to me. "Ever since I first saw you, I knew you were different. I could feel it. And once I got to know you, I started thinking about that story again. Every time I am with you, I feel like I am living and breathing that story. It's my reality and it scared me. I normally don't feel afraid, but you frightened me. The way you loved and cared so easily for me. How patient and kind you always were, even when I was an asshole to you. You never gave up on me. Even when I wanted to push you away, I knew that I couldn't. That terrified me because I have never met someone like you and I don't think I will ever again meet someone else like you."
"You came into my life when I was wasn't expecting it. I was thrown off guard. I felt my barriers quickly crumbling and I didn't know what to do. I felt so many things that it was overwhelming for me to process. When my mom died, I shut down. I closed everything off and I didn't want anyone to know me. I didn't want anyone to see the real me, because they'd see how broken I am. How devastated and in pain I still am from her death. How she still haunts me everyday and I can't seem to get that last memory of her dead on the floor out of my mind. But when I'm with you, all of that goes away. You make my pain go away. You make my mind go clear. You make me feel whole again, and I haven't felt that in such a long time."
I feel tears drop down onto my cheeks but I don't move to wipe them away.
"I always felt like there was another piece of me missing and it wasn't my mom. It was you."
He steps closer again, so now we're face to face and our bodies centimeters away from each other.
"It was always you. Everything I searched for, it was all you. Everything I went through was to get me to you. I understand that now. It all makes sense." He pauses. "I never thought I could love another person like I did my mother. She showed me what love was and when she died, that part of me died, the part that wanted to love again. I swore that I would never love anyone again, because I didn't want them to be taken away from me. But you changed everything."
"Evangeline," he says softly and grabs my hand. He swallows hard and looks right at me in my tear-filled eyes. "I love you."
I exhale and more tears fall from my eyes.
"I love you more than I can describe to you. I burn and bleed for you. My heart hurts when I'm not with you. You're my angel, sent to make me feel again."
I am speechless. I don't even know what to say. I can't form any words in my mind right now.
"Trevante," I whisper, unable to say anything else.
"I love you so much," he says and places his forehead against mine. "That's why I have to tell you." His eyes close and he frowns.
"Tell me what?" I ask, nervously.
He inhales sharply and takes some steps away from me. "What you're going to hate me for."
I stare at him, feeling myself become completely surrounded by the negative aura that had followed me around. Now encompassed in the overwhelming anxiety that I had feared all day.