Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.
~Proverbs 10:9
"Stop looking at me Tre."
"I can't look at my girlfriend?"
"Not right now you can't." I put on my converse and tie up the laces quickly. I then look up and sigh. "I don't even know where to start with you."
"What?" Tre laughs, his back to me because he's getting a shirt out of his closet.
I sigh again and slouch on his bed. "You told me last night that you'd tell me what you did to fuck up your hand."
I know he was hoping that I wouldn't remember what he had said to me last night, but I woke up this morning with a lot of questioning thoughts and a mmassive headache. I am really irritated with him right now because he still won't tell me what happened like he said he would last night. He keeps changing the topic and skirting around the subject when I bring it up. It's normal for him to be evasive, but now I cannot tolerate it. I have so many questions about his hand and how he was able to find the person who stole my purse.
"My hand's not fucked up," Tre turns back around and holds his hand up in front of him. "It's just a little bruised."
I glare daggers at him and sit up straighter. "I don't appreciate your smart ass remarks right now, Trevante."
"Why are you mad at me?" He asks, coming over to stand in front of where I'm sitting on his bed.
"Because you won't tell me what happened last night and now I have to think the absolute worst." I say to him, irritated. "I know you don't think this is a big deal, but it is to me okay? You won't answer any of my questions when you said you would."
He sighs and I know his stubborn mind is a whirlwind of contradictory thoughts on whether he should tell me or not.
I reach out and grab both of his hands. "Just talk to me," I say now softly, rubbing my hands gently against his. "I'm right here, Tre. I'm not going anywhere."
I plead with him through my eyes and I pull him closer to me so he can sit down next to me on the bed. I don't speak again, letting him come to me and speak first. I have learned that I have to wait for him to go first otherwise he won't tell me anything, him still trying to overcome how closed off he always was since his childhood.
"I know who had taken your bag and attacked you," he says after a moment of silence. "And I'm handling it."
Okay. That answer did not satisfy my curiosity and now I have more questions.
"How are you handling it?"
"I talked to him." He simply says.
"To who?"
"The guy who attacked you," he specifies. "I talked to him."
"Did you only talk to him with your fist?" I had to ask and Tre quickly stands up from the bed.
"Eva, he's a fucking punk who's had an ass beating coming to him for a while," he says sharply and then turns back towards me. "He deserved it."
"And that makes it okay to attack him back though? You hurt yourself." I don't believe in using violence unless it's absolutely necessary. I think there are better ways to try and solve problems, violence can cause more issues than solve them.
"You wouldn't understand." He shakes his head.
"Then help me understand." I now stand up too.
"Eva-"
"Tre!" I interrupt him and walk a few steps to stand right in front of him. "How are we supposed to be in a relationship if you won't communicate with me and be honest about things. I'm not going to judge you. I love you. I just want to understand what's going on."
He rubs the back of his neck, something that he always does when he's uncomfortable and nervous about something.
"Did Trell help you find him?" I ask and he nods.
"When you were still in the hospital unconscious, Trell was asking everyone in town that we knew and someone told him that they had heard of this guy who was talking about a girl that he had just nailed in the face. It wasn't hard to figure out after that. We put two and two together and we found out who he was. Turns out that we had seen him before a couple years ago."
I nod in acknowledgement, taking in everything he is saying to me.
"He was a punk then and nothing's changed. He's still an asshole. I was being gracious by only giving him one punch to his face."
"Must have been one hell of a punch," I note and he scoffs.
"That piece of shit deserved more than that, but I didn't think he was worth more of my time. The fucking idiot still had your bag with him too."
I cross my arms and I sigh.
"You're still mad at me, aren't you?" He asks.
"I have a right to be mad at you," I shrug and go to get my purse from beside the bed.
"It's not the first time that you've been mad and it won't be the last either," he says, trying to make a joke but he can tell that I am not in the mood for his humor attempts.
"I'm ready to go, if you are?" I say and walk out of the room.
I have to go back to the hospital to get my stitches taken out. I'm relieved and looking forward to that, but now I'm not looking forward to the car ride that will most likely be filled with an awkward silence since I don't want to talk to him anymore right now.
I don't want to talk right now because I don't know what I want to say to him. I'm not really angry at Tre himself so much as I am angry at how he thinks he has to keep stuff hidden and take care of things without telling me first. I know I don't know a lot about relationships, but to me, a relationship is supposed to be a partnership where two individuals come together and handle their problems together as one unit. A relationship is not about hiding things and not being open and honest with each other. I understand a lot about Tre, I understand him more than anybody else does, but it makes me upset when he doesn't tell me things, especially when they're really important. I know that it's not all his fault, because of how he had to grow up being so cold and distant, so he doesn't know any different. All he was used to was holding everything inside and not opening up and showing any weaknesses. Breaking the cycle is not ever easy. We are both learning that the hard way.
"So how long are you going to give me the silent treatment for?"
I look over at him as he drives us to the hospital.
"I'm not giving you the silent treatment," I mumble and clear my throat. "I just don't know what to say to you."
I turn back to look out the window and I hear him sigh, but he doesn't say anything else. The rest of the car ride is silent besides the low volume of the radio music. It's only a 15 minute drive to the hospital but it felt longer because of the lack of talking that we usually do. I hate not talking to Tre and I feel bad for it, but I feel like I have the right to not want to speak to him right now. His actions upset me and he needs to realize that there are consequences to every action.
He pulls into the hospital entrance lot and once he parks the car, he turns towards me.
"Evangeline," he softly says and I turn towards him. "I'm sorry. I know I can be difficult a lot of the time."
"I just don't like when you don tell me things," I tell him. "I'm a big girl, I can handle it. You don't have to do everything on your own anymore."
"I'm trying," he says and I nod. "I just want to protect you and not have you deal with certain shit."
"I know you are," I say back, feeling my defenses starting to loosen. "But I hope you understand why I am irritated at you. I love you, but I don't like you right now."
"Well I'd rather you be mad and tell me that I'm an asshole than to give me the silent treatment. You can cuss at me too if you want, just don't be silent, please."
"Don't hide things from me then and I won't give you the silent treatment." I say and then quickly get out of the car.
I start to walk towards the entrance and he eventually catches up to me. As we walk in, he doesn't hold my hand or touch me at all, because he knows I don't like to be touched when I'm irritated. He stays right by me as we wait for the doctor to see me and when we are taken into an exam room, he sits on a chair in the corner of the room. The doctor comes in a few minutes later to check my stitches and he said they looked good so he'll take them out. I wince as he lightly pokes at my scar tissue that will still be tender for a little bit, but it only takes a couple minutes for him to take out the stitches and then we're free to go. Now there should be no other problems, but if I experience anything out of the ordinary, then I'll have to come back, but everything appeared to be really good.
I feel better walking out of the hospital now that I can fully touch my head and wash my hair thoroughly. I'm in a happier mood than when walking in and I sigh in relief as me and Tre walk back outside to the parking lot.
"You look relieved now."
I look over at him and slightly smile. "I'm very relieved. Another thing is now off my shoulders."
Once we get in his car, I turn my body to face him.
"Tre," I say softly and he looks at me. "We'll be okay."
He reaches for my hand and I let our fingers intertwine together.
"Good things don't every come easy," he says and frowns.
"But they can be very simple if you allow them to be," I tell him. "Like you said before, you either try or you don't."
"I'm trying," he says, looking in my eyes. "I really am, Evangeline. I just get in the way of myself sometimes and get caught up in the moment."
"You're not alone anymore, Tre. I know that is difficult for you to grasp, but you have to understand that. Otherwise this isn't going to work out."
He nods in acknowledgment and I lean closer to him. "Please, no more secrets."
"No more secrets," he mumbles and then kisses me quickly.
This time, the car ride back was filled with talking instead of awkward silence. Just like how it always is with us. I hope I was able to get through to him some more so we don't have to have to keep having these arguments that can easily be avoided if we just communicated better. I can't place the blame solely on him because I know how Tre is. I also can do better with not keeping things inside. I think I have gotten a lot better at speaking up and voicing my opinion, something that is very new to me after having to hold in my voice for so long with Johnathan and Sylvia. I grew up quiet and non-confrontational, silenced and afraid to say anything that would upset someone. I am tired of having to be silent. I lived with that my whole life and I don't want to have my life and relationship continue to be that way.
~*~
"Eva come on!" Sam yells from behind her shoulder. "We were supposed to be back 10 minutes ago." She clutches multiple plastic grocery bags in her hands and quickly walks through the parking lot of the grocery store we had stopped at.
"I'm coming!" I yell back, trying my best to keep up with her fast pace and hold up the 3 paper bags in my arms. "I got distracted by the newspaper stand."
When we were walking out of the store, we passed by the local newspaper stand and one of the front page articles caught my attention.
More Destruction in Downtown Detroit. Store owner held at gunpoint in 3rd robbery this week. Mask-wearing assailants caught on camera. Police investigating and will release more info.
I was wanting to look at the article more and the blurry camera picture of the robbers that was also front and center on the page, but I heard Sam yelling over her shoulder so I quickly turned away from the stand and sped-walked to catch up to her. I've been keeping tabs on the news lately because I've been hearing from students around about the crimes that are getting closer to campus. Sometimes it's burglaries and stores robbed, other times it's vandalism, arson, and theft. It seems like it's almost happening daily, so I haven't been walking by myself off-campus anymore. When I go off campus, I either am with the girls or with Tre. Detroit used to be one of the most dangerous cites in the United States. The crime rate is normally pretty high, but now that it has gotten closer to campus, people are feeling more on edge. It's different hearing of crime once it comes right into your backyard.
It also puts me on edge because I have still felt like someone has been watching me. When I'm at work or am walking through campus, I keep feeling like there are eyes on my back. I look all around at my surroundings but I can't ever tell if what I am feeling is actually happening or not. Sometimes I think I'm just being paranoid because of the stories I keep hearing from people around campus. But other times it feels like someone is purposefully making themselves known so I am aware of them but can't see them. I try not to think of that last scenario because I don't want to scare myself and make things into what they aren't. That's why I haven't mentioned anything to Tre or anybody else because I don't know what is reality and what is just my imagination. My mind has always wandered off into the unknown, so I haven't felt like this thing has been deterring me. I don't notice it everyday, only every once in a while, which is why I think it's all in my head. Once you start hearing enough of bad things happening around where you live, you'll start to believe anything, even your own mind tricks.
"Reina will think we got lost if we don't get these cranberries to her in the next five minutes," Sam says breathlessly.
We both are walking at a quick pace down the street to get back to Tre's apartment where everyone is. Today's Thanksgiving and we are all spending it together. I, obviously, was going to stay here for the holiday since I can't go home anymore. I wouldn't want to go home anyways, not anymore. Earlier this week, I received a single text from Johnathan that said that him and Sylvia had put my things from home in a storage container. They had put my information in for it and so now I am paying for the container to hold my belongings. I was angry at first that they had did all this, but I quickly got over that once I realized what they had just done. They got rid of any trace of me in their house, locking it away in a storage container so they can forget about me and keep living their pretentious lives. Now we're really done.
Sam was going to stay here because she always spends the holidays with Trell. Reina was going to go home, but once Sam and I told her we were staying, she didn't want to leave us and she wanted to stay too. Tre said he and Trell didn't ever do anything to celebrate any holidays since they were always all alone, but when Sam came in the picture, they would try to do something special since they weren't alone anymore.
"There you guys are!" Reina hollers from behind the kitchen counter as we walk back into the apartment. With a towel over her shoulder and wooden spoon in hand, she stirs what I assume is pumpkin pie mix in a mixing bowl. "I was about to send a search party after you."
"This one," Sam points at me. "Couldn't keep up with me."
"Hey," I say and set my bags on an empty space of the counter. "I tried my best Usain Bolt."
Sam laughs and we set out all of the things we had to get. I look over the the other side of the kitchen and Tre and Trell are peeling potatoes, or at least trying to. Trell keeps dropping them and Tre is just standing there laughing at his failed attempts.
"Let me do it Trell," I say as I walk over to them. "You're hopeless in the kitchen."
"I was trying my best and the asshole over here wasn't helping." He points at Tre who's trying to hide his smile behind his hand.
"I was enjoying watching you make a fool of yourself."
Trell raises his middle finger to him and then let's me take over his work, which consisted of one half-peeled potato. I peel the rest of it in a few seconds and Tre actually starts to help now. Everyone tasks themselves with doing something and pretty soon, the kitchen is warm and smelling of delicious aromas that make my stomach growl. I look around the kitchen at the atmosphere and I smile. The radio is playing and everyone is happy and laughing. Then Edwin Starr's 'War' come on and Reina and Sam start singing along to the music. Trell then grabs Sam and starts dancing with her. Reina holds the spoon up to her mouth as she belts out the lyrics and I stand up and grab Tre's hand. He smiles and spins me around. With our tasks abandoned, we all dance around the kitchen, clapping and singing along the song. I smile throughout the dancing and singing. I've never had a holiday filled with fun and laughter. It's times like this that I always want to cherish and remember the happiness that I felt in this moment.
Our makeshift concert and dance session lasts for that song and then we get back to finishing up our feast that everyone is eagerly waiting for. The apartment doesn't have enough space to have an actual table to fit everyone, so we fill our plates up and sit in the living room. I sit on the floor near the coffee table. A bottle of wine is opened and glasses are filled.
"Cheers," Reina says, holding up her wine glass. "To friendship and love. May we all keep living in happiness and positivity."
"Cheers."
We clink our glasses and then we say what we're thankful for. I at first don't know what to say when it's my turn.
"I am thankful for," I pause and look around at my friends and Tre. There's so much that I have to be thankful for. "Being surrounded by people who have shown me so much love and kindness. I don't know how I ever lived without you guys, but I can't imagine my life without you now." I pause again and I feel tears build up in my eyes. "You all changed my life and for that, I am eternally thankful."
Sam and Reina coo at my words and I smile. I look over at Tre and he smiles and winks at me. I bite my lip and take another sip of my wine, smiling into my glass.
Tre is last to go and he doesn't speak at first. I can tell he's concentrating on what the right thing is to say.
"I'm thankful for meeting an angel," he says looking right at me. "With kind eyes and patient wings. I am forever indebted to her."
My mouth drops slightly and I stay looking into his eyes. In the corner of my eye, I see the other three look at each other, but I don't take my gaze off of him. While everyone else begins to eat, we stay looking at each other. Tre always knows how to render me speechless. His words penetrate me deeply and make butterflies erupt in my soul. Tre has said lovely and beautiful words to me, but for some reason, this time they feel different. Now, it's almost as if he was declaring his love for me. He didn't say it directly, but I think it was pretty close. Sometimes, when I think about it, I don't even care if he doesn't explicitly say those three words. He always chooses the most meaningful words to express, so something as simple as I Love You, probably doesn't even appeal to him. His mind is so intricate and vivid, simple things don't seem to apply to it. Tre has a hard time with being simple and accepting simplicity. He could find a million other variations to say than a simple sentence that is thrown around all the time by people when they don't really mean it. What he just said is one variation of this, I think.
We both share a smile and then break our intense gaze that nobody else noticed because they were all focused on the food on their plates. Throughout our dinner, I look around at everyone in the room and I am filled with so much happiness and pride. Hearing all of the laughter filling the room, I am grateful to have the best of friends that anyone can have and the most amazing boyfriend who always knows how to make my mind and heart stop. I wouldn't trade this for anything for the world. This, right here, is priceless. This is a celebration, not of the holiday, but a celebration of friendship and love. A celebration of appreciating what you have around you and being thankful for it.
I look towards Tre, who's laughing at something that Sam had just said, and I grin widely at the sight of him.
Even if things don't work out how I want them too, I will always remember this moment. I'll look back on this time and smile because of how happy and loved I feel. I have felt more love in this one day, than I have in my entire life.
As I sat back and observed the liveliness of my friends, I realized something. Tre wasn't the only thing that had changed my life. It was meeting the friends who I always needed. When I fell for Tre with all ten toes and fingers to the ground, sinking in the water and swimming among the big waves, I now understood that it wasn't just him that would help me back up. It was Samira, Reina, and Latrell. My friends. My best friends until the end. They are the foundation and the glue that holds everything in my life together. They would be behind Tre, holding him up as he leaned down to pull me out of the water. They are the support, the backbone, and they are the reason why everything works.
I've always heard that good things come to you when you least expect it. When you're not searching for it, that's when it finds you. I didn't know what that was like, until now. And it makes me even more thankful and blessed to know that they needed me as much as I needed them. I know that no matter what happens, they will always be there, suited and ready for any battle.