When I was little, I scraped my knee pretty bad while playing on the playground at church. I thought it was the end of the world because there was so much blood dripping down my leg and my knee was aching and bruised and swollen. I cried a lot and was so scared because of how much blood there seemed to be. I was also sad because some of the blood had gotten onto my Sunday dress. But once my wound was cleaned up, band aids were put on, and my dress was wiped off, I felt a lot better. My tears dried and I went right back to playing like nothing had ever happened.
I wish I was that little girl again who thought the end of her world was only a scrape on her knee. She didn't have anything else to worry about besides going back out to play with the other kids on the playground. She wasn't phased by anything.
Right now, I feel like I'm walking inside my own consciousness. Everything around me feels light and fuzzy. I am surrounded by complete darkness. I walk through the pitch blackness, my steps echoing in my ear, and goosebumps rise up on my arms. I feel so cold that I can see my breath in front of me. I look down and there's a thin mist around my feet. As I walk aimlessly with no sense of direction, my footsteps sound hallow. I don't know how long I walk in the darkness or how long I've been inside here.
It's silent besides my own steps, but then muffled sounds come from overhead and they keep getting louder and louder. I put my hands up to cover my ears just as I start to feel pain course throughout my body. I cry out loud in agony and the sounds get even more overpowering like they're right next to me. I bend down, trying to wrap my arms around my whole body, and fall to my knees groaning. The loud sounds are relentless and bursting my eardrums. My body feels like it's being set on fire, burning and pain everywhere, like thousands of needles sticking rapidly into my skin. I start seeing bright flashing lights in front of me and my head feels dizzy from the strobing lights that are moving too fast for me to keep up with. Everything gets blurry, disoriented, and exaggerated. It's now very overwhelming and I can't even think anymore against the heavy noise. My mind is full of hallucinations and psychedelic colors. I scream at the top of my lungs over the excruciating pain and crescendo that consume me.
My eyes shut, my body falls, and everything goes silent. I feel myself falling down, drowning into a black vat of endless chaos.
Then there's more darkness and I am still cold.
I don't feel like I ever hit solid ground, but I feel like I am now laying on something soft. I can hear someone talking again, this time it's not muffled and distorted. There's soft murmuring, some shuffling of feet, and then I hear a door close. My eyelids feel extremely heavy, but I slowly open my eyes, the bright overhead lights are blinding to me. I look at the plain white ceiling above and then slowly turn my head down. I am laying in a hospital bed and an IV drip is in my arm. My vision appears a little blurry and my mouth is dry like cotton. I blink my eyes rapidly to get rid of the blurriness. A sharp pain comes to my head and I clutch my head, letting out a groan.
"Evangeline."
I feel a soft touch on my right hand and I look over to see Tre sitting beside me. He looks exhausted, but I can't help but smile when I see him.
"Hi," I whisper.
I swallow hard and grimace. My throat really hurts and is in desperate need of water.
"How are you feeling?" He asks softly, getting the cup of water from the bedside table that I was starting to eye and handing it over to me.
"I don't know," I reply after taking a few sips. "Gosh, my head really hurts." I clutch my head again.
"You have a concussion," Tre explains and sets my cup back on the table once I'm finished with it. "You hit your head hard on the concrete. You got a pretty good sized gash on your head that required stitches and there was a lot of blood. Do you remember anything about what happened?"
I wince at trying to think back to what had happened. "Everything's really fuzzy right now."
He grabs my hand again and kisses it. "That's okay baby. Just take it slow. I'm gonna go get the nurse."
Tre gets up quickly and walks out of the room, but is back in a few seconds to sit back down next to me.
"How long have I been here for?" I ask him once he sits down in the chair next to my bed.
"About six hours," he replies. "They gave you a sedative so you could sleep longer while they ran some tests for your head."
"When did you get here?"
"As soon as Sam called me and told me that she was riding in the ambulance with you here. Trell and I rushed over to see you. You were already being examined by the time we got up here. Sam and Reina told us everything that happened."
"It all happened so fast," I mumble and look down at my hands in my lap. "Like it came out of nowhere."
I frown and some flashes of what happened are starting to come back to me. They're out of focus, but I can remember yelling and then falling down in pain.
"Don't think too hard about it," Tre tells me and gently runs his index finger down my jawline. "You just need to rest right now. The nurse said she'll be in in a few minutes."
"You should rest." I tell him. Looking over his bloodshot eyes, either from crying or tiredness, I'm not sure. He looks like he hasn't slept for a while. "You look terrible."
He chuckles. "I could say the same for you, but you're still beautiful to me."
"I wanna see." I know I probably look really banged up.
He shakes his head. "You don't want to see."
"Yes I do," I nod. "Please show me, Tre."
He sighs and grabs the small hand mirror from inside the bedside table. He pauses. "Are you sure?"
I nod and I grab his hand and turn the mirror towards me. I softly gasp at my reflection.
I have a large wrapping of gauze around my head and I have a black eye. The skin around my left eye is puffy and a deep purple and bluish color. My eyes are bloodshot and my swollen nose has a small bandage over it. My left cheek is bruised and has a few bloody scrapes that are now dried up. My lips are dry and have a single dried cut in the middle of my bottom lip.
"I look like I got ran over by a bus," I say, still looking at my reflection.
I lightly poke my bruised cheek and I feel Tre's gaze on me.
"You still look beautiful," he smiles charmingly. "Scrapes, bruises, and all."
"Well, you look like shit," I remark smirking, and Tre cackles.
"We'll how about we both look like shit together then?"
"Sounds good," I giggle and the nurse walks in.
"How are you feeling, Evangeline?" She sets my chart down on one of the tables and comes next to me.
"My head is really hurting," I tell her and she nods, checking the gauze around my head.
"You have a concussion and we had to stitch up the cut on the back of your head. We also ran some tests and all of your scans came back clean. You just have some slight swelling from your fall, but it should be cleared up in the next few days. We're keeping you overnight for observation. Are you experiencing any nausea, dizziness, or fatigue?"
"No. I just feel very tired and sore."
"You need a lot of rest," she says, doing a short examination. "You'll be able to go home tomorrow. I'll give you some more pain medication to help you be more comfortable. You'll have the headaches until your concussion is gone, which should be between 1-2 weeks from now."
I nod at her words. "Okay, thank you so much."
She gives me another dose of my pain medication and I inwardly sigh at the instant relief my throbbing head feels. Once the nurse leaves the room, I turn back towards Tre after glancing at the clock on the wall.
"How are you able to stay here? It's one in the morning, visiting hours are long over."
"I told them that I was staying no matter what they said," he shrugs and then scratches the back of his neck. "I, um, I also put myself down as your emergency contact. I didn't know if you wanted to let your parents know about this or if you wanted them as your emergency contact."
He looks a little uncomfortable when saying this, but I don't hesitate to reassure him. "I don't want them to know. Even if they did know, I don't think they'd come and see me."
I grab his hand. "I'm glad you're here with me."
He smiles and squeezes my hand. "There's nowhere else I'd be."
"You should get some sleep," I tell him, rubbing my thumb on the top of his hand. "I can tell you're exhausted."
He shakes his head and leans forward to put his elbows on his knees. "Don't worry about me, babe. I'm worried about you. You should be getting sleep."
"I'm okay, Tre." I look into his eyes and say this so he can stop being so worried about me. "I'm fine now."
"You sure know how to give a guy a heart attack," he jokes and I chuckle.
"I'll try my best to not cause any more heart attacks," I tease. "I just seem to be clumsy and accident prone."
"Let's make sure you stay in one piece for a while."
"Where's Reina and Sam?" I ask after moving slightly to get more comfortable in the bed.
"Them and Trell went home once visiting hours were over. They'll be back in the morning."
I nod and shut my eyes for a brief second, feeling tired again from my medication.
"Promise me you'll get some sleep tonight." I tell him once I open my eyes again.
"I'll get some sleep, I promise." He leans over and places a kiss on my forehead.
"Go to sleep, baby," he whispers against my forehead and I sigh, feeling my body relax.
Tre gets settled into his chair and I glance at him one more time before my eyes close.
"I love you." I hear myself groggily say, but I drift to sleep before I can hear if he says anything else.
*~*
"I'm so glad to see you awake and okay," Sam says right as she, Trell, and Reina come into my room in the morning. She comes to the left side of the bed and lightly rubs my arm.
"I'm alright," I tell her and smile at her. "I'm not in that much pain now."
"That's good," Reina says and then frowns. "You were unconscious for a long time."
"I've never been more scared in my entire life," Sam explains. "You weren't responding and you were bleeding so much. There was blood everywhere."
"I'm sorry," I grimace. "I didn't mean to scare you guys."
"Don't apologize, Eva. It wasn't your fault," Reina asserts. "That asshole assaulted you, stole your bag, and then just left you there and ran off like a pussy."
"Reina," I interrupt and she shrugs.
"What? He was one! What kind of fucked up person does that to a woman?" She frowns and crosses her arms.
"Did you see who he was?" Trell asks, stepping closer to the bed, and I shake my head slowly to not make my head hurt anymore than it already does.
"I could barely see his face since he was wearing a hood and it was dark. He had a deep voice but that's all I can describe of him."
"The police are going to want to talk with you today so they can get your testimony of the situation. They already spoke to Sam and some other witnesses that were outside and saw what happened," Reina explains to me and I nod. "Nobody could get a good description of him, but the police are monitoring your cards to see if he'll use them."
"What was all in your bag?" Tre speaks up from where he's standing across from the bed.
"I just had my wallet and my keys in there. I usually don't carry anything else," I respond and shrug. "I didn't even have that much money so I don't know why he wanted my bag."
"You were alone and not paying attention to your surroundings and that's why he went for you," Reina says.
"I shouldn't have left you outside by yourself." Sam frowns and I shush her.
"You couldn't have known Sam. Nobody could have seen it coming. This kind of stuff happens all of the time."
Sam mumbles under her breath and then her and Reina sit down in the chairs beside the bed, turning the subject away from this depressing one. While we talk, I glance over at Tre and he's now talking with Trell. His mouth is set in a thin line and his eyebrows are furrowed like he's really concentrating on what Trell is telling him. I can't hear what they're saying since Sam and Reina are also talking and Trell's back is to me.
I make eye contact with Tre. I give him a small smile and the corners of his lips turn up just a little bit before he responds back to his soft-spoken conversation.
After another hour of being in the room, two police officers coming in to ask me questions that I couldn't give definitive answers to, and the doctor coming in to do one last exam, I am now able to go back home. I am very excited to get back and take a shower because I feel disgusting from the dirt and grime on me. I also can't wait to brush my hair and my teeth. The doctor took the excessive gauze off of my head but left a large patch of gauze over my stitches. When I shower, I have to be careful to not get them wet and in a couple of weeks I'll be able to get the stitches out. I have to rest a lot and I won't be able to go to class until my concussion is gone, just to be on the safe side. I will be on some light pain medication for the week, but I shouldn't need to use them that much unless I'm really hurting and cannot tolerate the aching.
Sam brought me a change of clothes with her earlier so I change into my leggings and sweatshirt and put on my converse that I was wearing last night. I put my hair back in a low pony tail and noticed that underneath the gauze on my head, they had shaved off a little section of hair where my stitches are. I lightly splash some water on my face, careful of my bruises, and then gently dry my face with a towel. I step out of the bathroom and Tre is the only one now in the room.
"They went to go get the car," He says once he sees my questioning look to where Sam, Trell, and Reina had went. "The nurse dropped this off. You'll need to fill out these discharge papers."
He hands me a clipboard with multiple papers on it and I sit on the bed to fill out what was necessary.
"Do you want to stay in your dorm or do you want to stay with me while you recover?" He asks once I'm done filling out the papers.
I look up at him. "I wouldn't be imposing?"
"No," he smiles and puts his hands in his pockets. "Of course not. I'd rather you be comfortable in the apartment than uncomfortable in your dorm all week."
"Okay, but I'll need to go back to my room to get some stuff." I stand up from the bed and as we walk out of the room, I hand my discharge papers to one of the nurses at the floor desk.
"I'm so ready to take a shower," I tell Tre as we walk out of the building hand in hand.
"You need any help with that?" He smirks and I giggle.
"Well I'll have to be careful to not get my stitches wet so maybe I will need an extra set of hands in there."
"Oh really?" He rubs his index finger over his chin and winks at me.
"I'll let you know," I wink back and we both chuckle as we get outside where Trell's SUV is parked in the front.
"Hey, looking good baby!" Sam calls out from the rolled down window.
"Thanks! I'll look even better next week," I say and we laugh.
Tre opens the door to the backseat and lets me get in first by Reina before he gets in after me and shuts the door. After driving through Saturday afternoon traffic, they drop us girls off at the dorm. Tre says he'll be back in an hour to pick me up.
"I'll take all of the notes and get the homework for you in our classes," Sam says as we get into the elevator.
"Thank you. I'll email my professors tomorrow and tell them I won't be in class this week."
When we first walked into the dorm, we passed by some students who noticed my bruises despite me trying to keep my head down. They gave me some curious looks and I'm glad that I won't be in classes this week so I can avoid all the stares and questionings from everyone.
"I have to finish some homework and then I can come over later if you guys want to hang out?" Reina asks, us walking off the elevator on our floor.
"I'll see how I'm feeling later and text you guys," I tell them.
"Sounds good. Just take it easy and I'll talk to you later."
I wave at her and Reina goes to unlock her door.
"Bye, girl." Sam says over her shoulder when she's unlocking our door.
"Bye!" I hear Reina yell as she shuts her door.
"I'm sure you're happy to be out of the hospital."
I chuckle at Sam. "Oh yeah, definitely. It different when you're the patient instead of the doctor."
"You'll be Dr. West in no time," she smiles and pushes our door open.
I go to reply to her but I stop once I see my parents in our room.
"Mom? Dad?" My eyes widen and I look at both of them before looking at Sam, who's just as surprised and confused as me.
I clear my throat and step into the room that is now filled with tension. "What are you doing here?"
"What happened to you?" My mom asks with a horrified expression across her face, not answering my question.
"Did he do this to you?"
I have to roll my eyes at my dad's question. "Yeah, Tre beat me up, didn't you hear?"
"Stop with the sarcastic attitude Evangeline," his voice is stern and he points his index finger at me. "I want an answer."
"Then stop with the patronizing and stupid questions," I tell him, already feeling annoyed and defensive. "Obviously Tre did not do this to me. Do you really think that low of me that I would be with someone who'd treat me like that?"
"I don't know who you are anymore so I wouldn't know," he replies, crossing his arms across his chest.
"If you really want to know," I sigh. "I got my purse stolen last night and the guy who took it hit me."
"We should've never of allowed you to come here." My dad shakes his head and my mom nods in agreement behind him. She always just agrees with everything he says.
"Dad, you don't get to tell me where I can and can't go to school," I tell him, feeling anger rise up in me.
"It is when we're paying for it." He remarks.
"You only pay $10,000 of my schooling anyways," I point out. "The rest is all scholarships."
"You won't listen to us, but you'll take our money so you can go to school and do whatever you want?"
"Then take your money and leave!" I raise my voice at him. "Stop paying it if it's such a burden for you. Don't you want to see me get an education and become a doctor? Isn't that what you always bragged about to everyone that you can't wait to see your daughter as a doctor?"
"Not like this I don't!" He yells back.
"I'm an adult now. It's time for you guys to accept that. I don't have to follow every rule that you have, not anymore," I say and I frown, feeling a headache coming on.
"This is all your fault," he points towards Sam, who is standing by her bed very uncomfortable at the confrontation.
"Me?" She asks wide-eyed.
"If you and your 'friends' didn't brainwash her to go against what we raised her to be then she wouldn't be acting like this."
"Dad!" I yell, appalled at his words towards her.
"Excuse me, but Eva can think for herself," Sam replies with her eyes narrowed in anger. "She's more than capable of doing whatever she wants to do. You both need to calm down and remove the holy Jesus sticks from your asses and see how much you've tortured and ridiculed your daughter throughout her whole life."
My dad goes to say more but I interrupt him so he can't spew more hatefulness at her.
"Why are you even here? Did you come just to yell at me some more? Did you come to criticize me and put me down again?"
"We were hoping that you saw the error of your ways and stopped this nonsense." My father's glaring eyes make me uncomfortable but I don't back down from him. I am tired of feeling so small in front to them.
"Well you thought wrong," I tell him. "I'm not going back to your shy daughter who was a doormat for you and mom to step on whenever you wanted to. I'm not that innocent little girl who you could manipulate and turn into another one of your religious hypocrite clones. I'm sick of it!"
My whole body is shaking and I feel tears come to my eyes because I am so angry at them and what they've done to me.
"You don't have any idea what you've done to yourself, Evangeline. We are so disappointed that our only daughter is acting like this."
"I'm so glad to disappoint you," I spit with venom and step closer to him. "I'm glad that I finally realized what hypocrites and racists you are. You don't care about me or anybody else but yourself. And you're the ones that can't see what's right in front of you. I love Trevante."
They both look disgusted at my statement and my mom puts her hand on her chest.
"He's the best thing that happened to me and he actually respects me, as a woman and as a person. Unlike you two."
"You're too young to know what love feels like." My dad waves a hand and shakes his head.
"Well I know what love isn't," I say, recalling all of the hurtful things they said and did to me. You don't hurt someone that you love. "At least you both taught me that."
"He'll leave you once he gets what he wants from you."
"He already got it! And he's still here!" I yell and my mother gasps dramatically. My dad looks like he's about to burst a blood vessel in his neck and his face gets red.
"When he hurts you, don't come crying back to us," he bellows and I shake my head.
"Believe me, I won't. Tre would never hurt me."
My father is silent for a moment and then he gets this cruel and troublesome look on his face.
"He hasn't said he loves you has he?"
I stay silent and this makes my dad smirk wickedly and chuckle darkly. "You'll realize the mistake you made by opening your legs for him. That boy doesn't love you and he never will."
"Get out," I say with tears falling down my cheeks.
"Such a shame." He shakes his head and then looks at my mom. "Our little Evangeline will have to learn the hard way, honey. Only God can protect her now."
"Leave! Before I call public security to force you out!" I yell and point to the door.
"Goodbye Evangeline," he says with not an ounce of sincerity in his voice. "Good luck navigating your life without us. We'll pray for God to forgive you of your sins."
Him and my mom walk out of the room with not another glance at me. I hear my mom's heels click against the floor and I shriek and put my hands on my head.
"I hate you!" I scream and let out a cry. "I never want to see you again!"
I hear the elevator doors open and close, so I hope that they heard me before they got in.
I slam our door shut. I slide down to the floor and put my face in my hands. My head is throbbing and my whole body is shaking.
"Eva." Sam comes over and sits beside me.
"I'm so sorry," I say to her, wiping my tears away. "They had no right to say those things to you."
"They didn't have a right to act that way towards you either." She rubs my shoulder trying to comfort me.
"I'm so embarrassed by them." I inwardly cringe at how many people on this floor who most likely heard everything that just happened.
"Forget about them. They're your parents, but they were never parents to you. You are better off without them. They did nothing but constantly hurt you and hold you back. You are a badass woman Evangeline. Nobody is worth your tears. Show them how wrong they are by reaching your full potential. You don't need them. You have all the family you need right here."
"Thanks Sam. I love you." I give her a hug and she rubs my back.
"I love you too girl. Now let's wipe those tears away, push out all the negative energy and get you ready to stay at the apartment. Come on, I'll help you pack some stuff."
We both stand up and right as we do, there's a knock on our door. Sam opens it and Reina comes in.
She immediately comes to me and wraps her arms around me without saying anything.
"I assume you heard?" I question and she pulls back from the hug and nods.
"I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself," she says and puts her hands on my shoulders and squeezes. "You're so strong. We're all here for you."
"I know," I smile and put my arms around her and Sam. "I have all the family I need right here."
After a group hug, Sam and Reina both help me pack a few bags. They start a conversation about the upcoming concerts they want to go to next year, but I stay silent as I fold my clothes and put them in the bag. I like that they keep up the positive mood around us and I don't feel any pressure to join in their conversation. They know that I don't like to talk much after confrontations, especially really bad ones like this. I'm really grateful to have friends like them and what they said was true. I am more than capable of living my life without my parents force feeding me their toxic bullshit. I deserve better and now I feel like this is the end of my interaction with Jonathan and Sylvia West.
They were not parents, they were prison wardens. I refuse to be confined and held to an unrealistic and hypocritical standard from them. Through all of this, they did teach me something. I will never be like them. I will never make my future children feel the same way they made me. I will never tolerate anybody who makes me feel unappreciated and disrespected. I have a lot to give to others, but I know what I truly deserve, and that's happiness and love.
Thank you Jonathan and Sylvia, for making me realize that I just needed to keep being myself all along.
I will make my own way and I will be everything that I was told I couldn't be.