I normally don't like writing these types of scenes but I tried my best.
Songs that I listened to while writing this chapter to set the mood:
Lovely by Billie Eilish
All Alright by Nicole Glazunov.
~*~
I thought of this moment many times throughout my life. Where would I be? Who would I be with? What will it feel like? But none of my imaginations of this moment were even close to reality. You know, movies and books always show it as a beautiful, passion-filled moment where you go to the highest peak of pleasure and don't want to come back down, basking in the deep pool of bliss and satisfaction. They make it look like it is such a simple and easy decision to make.
Before, I didn't think that it would be an easy decision to let go and dive into the unknown with someone. I grew up saying that I wanted to wait until I was married and then in this special moment I would give my husband all of me. I now realize how easy it is to let go and feel like you want to experience this moment. I want to know what it's like to feel skin against mine and to feel pleasure that I've never felt before. Once I met Tre, I feel like all of the things I had planned flew out the window. I didn't expect any of this to happen, but I'm glad that it did. I wouldn't change anything, not even this moment. It feels so right.
Tre cups my face and bends down to kiss me, making me sigh. My body is already warm just from his few touches on my skin. He kisses me deeply, but slowly, like he wants to take his time with this. Nothing feels rushed. He takes one hand off of my face and places it on the back of my neck, bringing me more into him and his kiss. Our mouths seem to dance, tongues in synch to a slow, steady rythme. I am breathless when he pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. Our eyes lock on each other's. I've never seen so much lust swirling in his eyes it's like a dark storm approaching with heavy waves.
I slowly bring my hands up and run them up his torso and chest, feeling his taunt muscles. Tre takes a step back and removes his shirt, revealing his smooth mocha skin. My eyes rack over all of his muscles and the tattoos that litter his shoulders and forearms. With only the golden glow of the corner lamp shining across his figure, he looks like an Adonis, chiseled to perfection. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and bring my hand up again to touch him. His skin is so warm against my cold, clammy hand and I run my hands up his arms, tracing the veins that poke out as I make my way up to his chest. Tre's breathing is heavy as I make my way across his chest. I then run my hand down his abs, feeling each muscle, and stop at the beginning of his jeans. I pause and look up at him. This is where I'm not sure what to do next. I feel so out of my element that I don't know where to go from here.
Tre understands my questioning look and brings his hands down to my sweater. I lift my arms up and he pulls off the sweater and tosses it to the floor, leaving me in my plain black bra. He runs his hands over my shoulders and down my back. I close my eyes, feeling his hands run up and down my back, and drop my head back. Tre bends down and leaves soft kisses down my exposed neck. They're so soft that they almost tickle, like butterfly kisses. I softly gasp when I feel him run his tongue down my neck, lightly biting the skin at the end. Each kiss, lick, and bite sends more sensations throughout my body and I can start feeling this tingling like sensation that makes me want to close my legs tighter.
Tre gently pushes me back on the bed and he continues to leave kisses down my neck. Once he gets to the end of my neck, he runs his tongue down towards my chest, slipping my bra straps down my shoulders. I reach behind and unclip my bra, letting him take it off me. Tre stops and looks at me, his eyes traveling all over my exposed body. I want to cover my chest with my arms because I've never liked my small cleavage. I always thought it was too small, but under Tre's gaze, it doesn't make me feel as insecure anymore. He looks into my eyes for a quick moment and then brings his mouth back down to my chest, running his tongue over every part.
While his mouth runs over my skin, one of Tre's hand rests on my waist. He lightly squeezes my waist and moves his head lower, leaving kisses behind on my stomach. I look down at him, watching his tongue run over my stomach, making my insides swirl. He leaves a kiss right above where my leggings rest and then dips his finger in the top of the fabric, running along my skin. I help him pull the leggings down my legs, revealing my black panties. He pauses and looks at me for approval to take them off. I start to push them down and he brings them down the rest of the way, my foot getting caught for a second and we both softly laugh. I bring my knees up and I get butterflies in my stomach now that I am fully naked and vulnerable in front of him.
Tre gently pushes my legs apart and settles in the middle of them. He gives me a few kisses to ease my nerves. I don't really know if they're actually nerves or just anticipation for what's to come. Whatever they are, I don't pay attention to them because Tre is doing everything he can to make me feel very comfortable. He starts his way down my body, leaving kisses along the way. I feel his hand run over the top of my thigh and then I feel him gently rubbing me, making me gasp again at the foreign feeling. He rubs light circles and then I feel his finger prode in me.
"You're so wet," he mumbles against my skin.
I close my eyes and softly whimper at the slight pain of his finger inside me. It almost feels like a burning sensation with his finger slowly sliding in and out of me. His touch is very gentle, but as he makes his way down to where his hands are, I feel like I'm slowly getting adjusted to him. I look down at him right as puts his mouth on me. I gasp again at the feeling of his tongue and finger and lay my head back down, staring at the ceiling. I don't know how to describe the feeling of Tre's tongue and finger working together on me. It feels weird but it also is starting to feel kind of pleasurable. I feel my body become hotter and it's starting to get easier for Tre to move his finger inside me, my body adjusting more and more to his touch.
Tre lifts his head up and moves back up my body, removing his finger from me and I internally frown at the loss of his touch. He kisses my neck and then kisses me, further stirring the little fire that I feel starting inside me. With his hips right over mine, I can feel how aroused he is. He then gets up from the bed and goes to his dresser, opening one of the drawers and grabbing a silver foil packet. I sit up slightly on my elbows, watching him as he comes back over to the edge of the bed. He pauses, looking over my body that is now flushed and ready for him. He gives me his usual smirk and I quietly giggle, biting my lip. He unzips his jeans and takes them off, revealing his black boxer briefs. His arousal is straining against the fabric and I bite down harder on my lip. He takes them off and now it's my turn to look over his naked form, drinking in his body. I've never seen it in real life besides the diagrams that they show in middle school.
He's so beautiful. I could stare at his body all day.
I want to touch and explore his body. I bring my hand up to touch him and he catches my hands and kisses it.
"Not now," he mumbles against my hand. "Tonight's about you."
My heart beats fast inside my chest at his words. I bring my hand back down and I watch him in curiosity as he easily puts the condom on with one hand. Watching him be so at ease with everything, it makes me wonder how many times he's done this before. We hadn't actually talked about how many girls were before me. I never thought to ask, but now I'm wondering how many there were. He seems to know exactly what he's doing.
He settles back onto the bed and on top of me, making me forget about my current thoughts that are for a conversation at a later date. I spread my legs to allow him to rest in-between them and my body tenses in anticipation.
"Relax baby," he whispers and kisses my forehead.
I let out a shaky breath and try to relax my body. This is it.
"Are you sure you want to?" He asks, running his thumb across the bottom of my lip.
I nod. "I trust you."
He kisses me deeply and I then feel him at my entrance, slowly sliding inside. I gasp loudly at the pain that is now running though my body. A few tears come to the corner of my eyes as he gets only halfway in, my body tensing up more.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers, leaving kisses on my neck. "You're so tight."
I bite down on my lip hard and close my eyes, trying to not think about the pain. I try to relax my body so he can slide all the way in. Tre rests his head in the crook of my neck and I rest my forehead on his shoulder, waiting for my body to fully encompass him. Tre's hips move back and forth slowly, further inching in as my body opens up to him. I didn't know that it was going to hurt this bad, like my body is on fire and I am being ripped in half. People never talk about the pain that comes with it, it's always focused on the supposed pleasure you feel. I don't feel any pleasure right now. I feel a burning pain and once Tre's fully inside me, I feel full. He softly groans into my neck as he's now fully inside me. He pauses for a moment, letting me get adjusted to having him inside of me, before slowly moving his hips.
He brings his head out from my neck and kisses me. He grabs my hands and brings them up over my head, our fingers intertwining as he thrusts deeper, making me gasp against his lips. He doesn't go at a fast speed, making sure he goes slow so he doesn't hurt me. There's still a pain each time he thrusts in and out of me, but it's becoming more tolerable for me. I look up at him and he keeps the eye contact, making this feel even more intense. His eyes stare deep into mine like not only are we connected by our bodies, but through our souls too. Coming together as one, I feel like now we're back in the pool where it was just us. It's just us in this moment.
All I look at is how his eyes close every once in a while when he softly moans and how his muscles all seem to move in synch with the movement of his thrusts. His jaw tightens and I know he probably isn't used to going this slow, but he is for me and that makes this feel even more meaningful. Not only have I now given him everything of me, he's making sure that I am comfortable and safe. Even though he hasn't said it, it feels like his body is showing me that he loves me.
"You okay," he mumbles above me.
I put one hand on the side of his face and the other on the back of his neck and nod before kissing him, answering his question.
His thrusts get a little faster but it still feels like he's taking his time to learn my body and what it reacts too. I'm also learning about what my body reacts too. I have a spot right below my jaw and closer to my ear that is extremely sensitive. Every time he kisses over it it makes me moan. If he caresses the side of my knee it makes my legs shake and if he places his hand gently on my neck, it makes me want to tell him to apply more pressure.
He gently bites the bottom of my lip and sucks on it. I gasp at the sensation and I feel like my bottom lip will be swollen after this since he's done this multiple times nowadays. I run my hands down his back and dig my nails in once he hits a deep spot inside me that makes us both moan, him from pleasure and me from the slight pain.
This isn't what I thought sex felt like. It's such a foreign feeling that I don't really know what to think about it yet. It's painful but it also feels pleasurable. There's passion and I can feel it in every thrust from Tre. I guess this is what making love is. Putting all of your emotions into this moment, making sure the other person can feel you in every single way. Making a connection that takes you through the clouds of bliss and down to the depths of your very soul. Tre has all of me. He's settled into the deepest part of me, making himself at home. I honestly don't want this to end. I want to stay this way forever. Just me and him. Together, connected. Sharing our love.
His thrusts get more urgent but he makes sure that he's still not hurting me. I don't really feel like I am rising up to experience sweet ecstasy. I mean, I didn't expect to feel it this first time either. I know that it'll come as I learn more about my body and what I need from him. I like just seeing the pleasure across Tre's face, knowing that I am making him feel that way. My leg muscles are starting to shake from being open so long so I wrap them around his waist, pulling him deeper to me.
I watch as his jaw tightens and his body then tenses. He lets out a low moan and looks at me, his eyes showing his explosion of pleasure. I scratch down his back as his movements still and then he gently lays his body on top of mine so he's not putting all of his weight on me. He leaves kisses around my neck and I sigh in content. I don't know how much time has passed. It felt like this went by slow but also fast. I guess in the heat of the moment, time is irrelevant. Tre kisses me on the lips again, both of our bodies starting to sweat from the rising temperatures of our bodies.
We lay there for a few minutes, wrapped around each other and getting our breathing and heart rates back to normal. He kisses me one more time before getting off of me.
I feel an ache as I drop my legs down and stretch my body. I slowly sit up and Tre hands me my clothes.
"You feeling okay?" He asks as I take my clothes from him.
I nod and smile. "Yeah, I'm great, Tre."
He returns my smile and starts putting on his clothes. I put my panties and bra back on and then put my sweater on. I yawn and Tre walks back over to the bed.
"You getting tired?"
"Yeah," I say and then get up to go to the bathroom.
I notice that along with the soreness I feel, I am bleeding a little bit. I know that's pretty normal after your first time.
I walk back into Tre's room and he's got the tv on and the covers thrown back, about ready to get into bed. He's shirtless and wearing some grey basketball shorts that hang long on his hips. He makes everything look so good.
I walk to his closet and grab one of his t-shirts that I normally wear if I don't bring an extra shirt to sleep in. I feel Tre's eyes on my back as I take off my sweater and bra. I put the shirt on, the material coming down to mid thigh, and turn to see him sitting down on the bed looking at me.
"What?" I ask, my cheeks becoming warm. I still can't help but blush whenever he looks at me, even though he now knows what my whole body looks like.
"You're just so beautiful."
I playfully smirk. "Thanks. Well, you're not so bad yourself."
He chuckles and I turn off the corner lamp, leaving the room dark besides the light coming from the tv.
Once we both settle underneath the sheets and blanket, he turns to face me and puts his hand on my waist.
"How are you feeling?" He asks me again, gently squeezing my side.
"I'm okay," I say. "I'm kind of sore and I'm bleeding a little bit, but I figured that was going to happen."
"I didn't hurt you at all did I?"
I shake my head. "No you didn't." I run my finger down the side of his face. "I'm fine, Tre. I promise."
"I just don't want you to regret it later."
"I won't," I reassure him. "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to."
He silently nods.
"You have all of me," I mumble and bring my face a few inches closer to his face. "I love you."
He doesn't say it back, but for now, I am okay with him not saying it to me. I know that he's not ready to say it yet.
"I'm gonna tell you that everyday," I say and he softly chuckles. "Just to remind you."
"Thank you," he mumbles.
"For what?"
He shakes his head. "Everything."
Even though it's dark in the room, I can still see some of the storm waves in his eyes, like he's figuring out all of his obscured thoughts and he's trying to find his peace and clarity.
I feel like I've just dived head first into those waves. There's no turning back now.