I didn't meet with Tre for the next three weeks. It was really weird because after our kind of heated discussion the last time, he has been talking to me more inside and outside of class. Honestly, he's the only one that really talks to me anyways. Besides Sam and Reina, I haven't made any new friends yet. There are some people in my classes who I've had some small conversations with, but nothing like Tre does.
He walks into every class and he sits a few rows behind me, not in the very back like before. Once he sits down he always says my name. He still doesn't call me Eva, only Evangeline, and I turn around to his smiling face asking how my day has been. I try to not act like I'm not feeling butterflies in my stomach and make small conversation, asking him how's his day is. I still think I'm awkward when I make small talk, but I don't think Tre notices. He's too busy staring at my eyes, which makes me even more nervous knowing he can see everything in mine. I feel like he can read every thought in my mind. His eyes are always too intense for me to keep looking at him.
"Evangeline." Tre walks into class and sits right next to me this time.
I stare at him with wide eyes because he has never sat next to me in class before.
"What?" He asks as he sets his backpack on the next seat and stretches his legs out in front of him.
I shake my head. "You've just never sat right next to me."
"So? There's nobody else that sits here. It's not like there's assigned seating here."
I turn back to my bible, smiling down at the pages.
He leans towards me. "You carry that thing around with you everywhere huh?"
I look up at him and nod. "Yes I do. And it's not a 'thing' it's a bible."
"Bible, thing, same difference." He shrugs and crosses his hands behind his head.
"A thing is an inanimate object that's used to describe something that can't be fully characterized by someone," I say and then hold up my bible. "A bible is a book."
"Isn't a book an inanimate object?" He quizzes with a smirk.
"It's an inanimate object but you can describe it. You don't use the word 'book' to replace another word because you can't think of how to describe what you're trying to."
"Evangeline Westâa walking dictionary that is ready to contradict everything that you may say to her." He jokes and I bite my lip to contain my smile.
"Is that such a bad thing?" I ask and his eyes lock on mine.
"No," he replies and his dark eyes, I feel, are again looking directly into my soul. "No it's not all."
Professor Garrett walks in and I break eye contact with Tre, just now noticing all of the students that came in while we were talking. I am thankful for class starting because I don't know how much longer I could take of Tre's look. His stare makes me so nervous I have to make sure I slow my heart rate down. I rub my clammy palms on my maxi skirt and put my bible aside, grabbing a pencil and listening to the lecture.
I notice as I sit here in class that I can't concentrate as well with Tre right next to me. I keep trying to have my eyes on Professor Garrett, but they always start to wonder to the side and look at Tre. I look at him out of the corner of my eye and he's normally staring at his notebook and taking notes. I can see a few veins pop out from his arm that's draped across the desk and I have the urge to run my fingers up and down his arm, tracing the veins. There is not one way to tell how many veins the average human has, but I'd spend years finding and tracing every one that Tre has.
I snap out of my thoughts and blush as I hope nobody sees me thinking these thoughts about Tre. I sneakily look over at him and he's staring at the front board now with a slightly bored expression.
Okay, focus Eva.
Focus.
"Think about this for next class," Professor Garrett says and stands up from his desk. "I want you to write a one page paper on this. So think about why you believe everything that you do. Why do you have these beliefs or what has caused you to believe this way?"
"Everyone has their own things and experiences that have influenced them to live the way they do. So think about why you are who you are. Why you believe in some things and why you don't."
He pauses and looks at all of us, but his words resonate with me the most.
"Why are you, you? What do you want in your life?"
I look down to my bible, deep in thought. There's a reason why I am the way I am and why I turn to my bible. There's always a reason because God always has a plan. I know that there's a reason for everything happening. I look over at Tre and he turns his head to look at me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't know why, but I know that since I came here my life has already changed. For the better or worse? I'm not sure yet.
Professor Garrett dismisses us and I quickly put my stuff in my book bag.
"So what are you gonna be doing this weekend?"
I look up and Tre's standing in front of me, looking down at me.
"Um, I don't know. I'm probably just gonna do homework."
"You're always doing homework," he remarks. "Do ever do anything besides school or reading your bible?"
Now that he says it out loud, it does sound like I am really boring. I thought college students were supposed to be boring. All we do is our schoolwork and try not to fail our classes. What else is there to do besides learn?
"I guess not," I reply and stand up, feeling a little defeated.
"You should come to the party tomorrow night."
"Party?" I ask as we walk out of the classroom.
"Yeah Trell and I are throwing a party and you should come."
Parties and me do not mix well.
"I don't really go to parties."
He chuckles, "Yeah I've noticed that after first week."
He's noticed me not being out? I don't want to overthink but if he's thinking about me at the parties, when else could he be thinking about me? Or maybe he thinks I'm lame for not ever going to parties.
"I-I don't know." I didn't like the last party I went to. It was too hot and sweaty for me and think I got some second hand smoking from all of the weed people smoked.
"You don't have to come, but if you want to, the offer is there." We stop when we get outside the building and he turns to me. "It's gonna be lit though."
"I'll think about it." I can't believe I'm actually thinking about going when I already swore off going to anymore parties. I know I'm not going to have any fun there.
He grins, "I'll see you later then."
I nervously return the smile. "See you later." I slowly turn around and start walking back to my dorm, not looking back to see what Tre is doing.
"What did you just get yourself into Eva?" I ask myself and shake my head.
I can't go to this party. I need to focus on my schoolwork and labs. But I could get to see Tre again. I'm very conflicted as I get back into my room and I throw myself onto my bed.
I groan into my blanket and Samira laughs.
"What's got into you?"
I turn over and blow the hair out of my face. "I got invited to go to Tre's party and I don't want to go."
"Tre invited you to their party?" She sounds surprised and sits up from her bed.
"Yeah and I said I would think about it."
She squeals. "So you're gonna actually go party with us this weekend?"
I don't understand her excitement for parties and I don't think I will ever understand how someone can be excited to be pushed and shoved against the entire night.
"Should I go?"
"I think you should do what you're comfortable with," she replies. "But you should come and let loose because you're always in here studying. You get straight A's Eva, they can handle one weekend without you urging your nose into the books."
"Your persuasion skills are getting a lot better Sam," I remark and she laughs.
"Thank you." She jokingly flips her hair over her shoulder and I chuckle.
I sigh and think for a moment.
"Alright fine, I'll go tomorrow," I groan begrudgingly and sit up.
"Yay! It's gonna be so lit," she gets up and goes to her closet. "And who knows, you might actually like light to parties?"
I roll my eyes at her teasing. "'Evangeline West loving parties, that's never going to happen."
Right?
~*~
I dread the hours going by but soon enough, the time was here. In two hours the party would be starting and I will be there getting shoved and feeling nauseous from all the smoke. Sam and Reina are both in our room getting ready and I am struggling to find something to wear. I don't have anything that's acceptable for a party.
"Why don't you wear these shorts and this tank top?" Sam places the articles of clothing on my bed and it's a pair of dark jean short shorts with a few holes in them and an army green plain tank top.
"Will my butt show in these?" I ask innocently and her and Reina both laugh.
"No it won't. These won't show anything except your killer legs like damn girl where did you get these long legs?" She pretends to do a double take of me up and down and I smile, brushing off the compliment.
"Okay here we go." I have gotten a little more comfortable in changing with Sam in the room, but I still pull my shirt down over my legs just in case anything were to show. The shorts stop three-fourths up my thigh and I turn around in my mirror to make sure nothing is hanging out. I have never worn shorts this short before. Fingertips length was the only way I could wear shorts and even then it wasn't often I was allowed to. Thankfully I shaved my legs this morning.
I put on the tank top and it goes down further than I thought. My small cleavage is shown more than I would like it to, but overall I feel covered.
"It's gonna be so hot in there you'll be glad to be wearing shorts and a tank." Sam says as she does her makeup.
"Yeah really," Reina agrees. "It's always so hot as balls in there."
She looks away from her handheld mirror and look over at me. "You look so good!"
"Like I said, killer legs." Sam replies and smiles at me mid-stroke of mascara.
I take a deep breath before putting on my converse and brushing my hair.
"Hey Eva, can I straighten you hair?" Reina asks from her spot on my bed.
"I don't have a straightener." I've never had my hair straightened besides when I go to the hair salon for my yearly trimming.
"I do," she says and walks out of the room and into hers. She comes back a minute later and brings my desk chair out.
"Sit." She pats and plugs in the straightening iron.
I sit down, feeling anxious. Nobody has ever willingly wanted to fix my hair. Not even my mother has done my hair. I had to learn how to braid and do buns by looking at books and tutorials on the internet.
She starts straightening my hair and I can hear my mother telling me how bad it is to have a hot iron on my hair. As the minutes go by, my hair gets longer and longer until it is down past my chest. I never realized how long my hair had gotten since my last cut.
"You have beautiful hair," Reina says as she runs my brush through my ends.
"Thank you." I blush from the compliment. I am trying to control it better but always blush when I get compliments because I normally don't get a compliments on my looks.
I always thought that I looked average like nothing too special to look at. I have brown hair and brown eyes and that's it. I always wanted to have blue eyes, something other than my brown, but I have grown to like my brown eyes. Especially since I saw Tre's, which made me realize how beautiful the brown pools can be.
I put on some mascara that Reina let me borrow and then run some chapstick on my lips before looking at myself in the mirror one more time. I run my fingers through my straight hair and it looks a lot shinier than I have ever seen it be. I think I look like a completely different person with my straight hair. I smile. I might have to straighten my hair more often.
"Okay is everyone ready?" Sam asks as she puts her gold hoop earrings in.
"Yeah." I stand up to grab my phone and keys. I do a quick look in the mirror one more time and then three of us head out.
I question myself why I even went out as we walk to the University Towers. Here I am in short shorts with straight hair and I'm still nervous. I don't do good in social situations, I'm always awkward and don't know what to do. I'll probably just be standing in the corner watching like last time. Knowing that Tre will be there is another reason I start to feel hot and sweaty. I don't want to make a fool out of myself like last time when he saw me try to dance. I hope he doesn't remember me attempting that.
Maybe I can ignore him?
"You know you can't ignore him even if you wanted to." I inwardly groan at myself and I know I won't be able to do it.
Tre's very hard to ignore.
The closer we get to the Towers the more nervous I feel. I shouldn't have come out tonight. I shouldn't have told Tre I'd think about coming.
"Let's go!" Reina squeals and we walk into the apartment building. Like my last time being here, you can hear the music all the way outside before you even step into the front entrance.
I should've brought ear plugs.
The stairwell is lighted up neon blue and the air is already hot and smoky. How do they ever get away with having parties down here? I could smell the smoke from outside too.
I follow behind Reina as Sam takes the lead in front as we navigate down the stairwell and are met with a crowd of people light up by the black lights. I hold onto the back of Reina's shirt as we squeeze through the crowd. I feel like I already have other people's sweat on my arms and I feel disgusted. We finally get out from most of the crowd and when I look out into the dark room, I wish I hadn't.
Tre is against the wall and a girl is in front of him, grinding on him. Tre looks focused on her movements, his head in the crook of her neck, and his hands are on her hips, moving his body with hers.
I quickly look away from them and move with Reina to where Sam and Trell are standing. I try not to feel hurt and show my emotions but it really hurts me to see him with another girl, grinding in synch with her.
I swallow my hurt and look at anything except those two.
"How are you doing?" Reina loudly says near my ear.
"I'm fine," I say and hope she doesn't see any pain on my face.
I became good at hiding my emotions. If I showed any emotion around my parents they would either prod me until I had no choice but to tell them, or they would tell me to keep it in and not show it. I never cry, but I really want to cry right now.
I should have expected it. A guy as beautiful as Tre is bound to have girls all over him. I don't blame them. I blame myself for thinking that I would ever actually have a chance with him. He would never want to be with a girl like me. I'm nothing compareD to those other girls. It could never happen.
"Eva!" Sam yells at me and I snap out of my thoughts. "You okay?"
I wish people would stop asking me that.
"Yes, I'm fine!" I try to say back, but it gets drowned out by the blasting bass music.
She glances over where Tre and that girl is and then she looks back at me. She gives me a look like she knows and I look at the crowd of people who look like they're having a lot more fun than I ever will have.
I can't take her sympathetic look. Then I'll really want to start crying.
Her and Trell eventually go into the crowd to dance and a guy asks Reina to.
"You sure?" She asks me when I tell her it's okay to leave me here.
"Go, have fun."
"I'll be right back." She turns and disappears into the crowd that got a lot bigger in the last 10 minutes.
I stay by the wall and look around the room, but still avoiding looking where Tre was. I don't know if he's still there or not but I don't want to find out. I need to get rid of his little crush on him. I see Trell and Sam together and seeing her smiling face next to his makes me realize how extremely lonely I feel right now. I never felt lonely before because I've always been by myself. I guess I got so into this Tre crush that now I don't know what to do with myself. I don't even know what to think anymore.
I shouldn't have come out tonight.