Chapter 12: Almost But Not Quite

My online dating app search didn't go smoothly. I matched with three women and arranged to meet each of them. They were all attractive, presented themselves well, and we had good chats online. But none of them really matched in person.

Meeting with A didn't work out, so the next day, I swiped again and matched with B. After meeting B and finding we didn't connect, I swiped again and matched with C. After C also didn't work out, I decided to take a break and not get too eager.

***

A, her name is Angelica. A barista at an international coffee shop outlet. We met at a café, but not the one where she works—she'd feel awkward if her coworkers saw us.

She's sweet, with chubby cheeks, fair skin, about one hundred sixty centimeters tall, and four years younger than me—Sinta's age. The youngest in her family. She has a butterfly tattoo on her right shoulder blade, which she shared in a photo. She holds a degree in literature, but her passion is coffee-making. She often competes in coffee competitions in various places and has even won awards.

She actually wanted to be a barista after high school, but her parents insisted she go to college. There's no coffee studies major here, so she chose literature at a top university. Besides coffee, she also loves writing, like sharing quotes on Instagram.

As it turned out, Angel—her nickname—wasn't meeting me to discuss a serious relationship, as she wasn't ready for marriage. Even though it was clear on my profile that I was looking for a life partner. She said that during our chats, she found me pleasant to talk to, mature, and insightful. She'd never met anyone like me and felt comfortable sharing things.

"I'm really sorry, Kak. I didn't mean to mislead you. Can we still be friends after this?"

She looked genuinely sorry with a sad expression. There was no way I could say "No" to her innocent, guilt-free face.

"As an apology, I'll pay for your drink and food. How about that?"

I told her it wasn't necessary since I was the guy and should pay. But she insisted, so I gave in to be polite.

She's a good person. She even said that if she was ready to marry, I'd be her first choice. But that wouldn't be for three or four more years. And I couldn't wait that long.

On to the next.

B, for Brittania. She's a moderately successful musician, though not quite famous yet. She mostly covers popular songs and uploads them on YouTube, but she also has her own singles.

Before meeting her, I listened to her music—it was nice and pleasant to the ear. This was important to make a good first impression and as a conversation starter. Plus, Sinta is also a musician, so I had some "ammunition" to warm up the conversation.

"Hey, turns out you have a great voice."

"Oh, you've listened to it?"

But throughout the conversation, it wasn't as I expected. She dominated the conversation. It's good that she was open and willing to share, but she had just broken up with her fiancé. Wow!

The conversation became one-sided. You could say that she talked eighty-five percent of the time, mostly about her ex-fiancé. I tried to steer the topic elsewhere, but she always circled back to him. I spent most of my time just listening to her—both the good and bad things about her ex, memories they shared, even what they had done together (oops)—but she was really open about it.

I ended up listening to her for three hours. I also found out she was a smoker. Her venting session consumed two packs of cigarettes and two espressos.

"I smoke when I'm really stressed. If we were at a bar instead of a café, I'd have ordered whiskey. Do you drink?"

I shook my head and told her I didn't smoke either. She just casually apologized.

In terms of looks, Brittania was a sight to behold. But it was clear she wasn't for me. First, she couldn't move on from her ex. Second, she was a smoker and drinker. I don't judge her negatively, not at all. It's just that I wouldn't want someone with those habits as a life partner. I'm sure she's a good person in other ways.

On to the next.

C, for Clara. A successful career woman in a securities firm—we share a similar profession. She has a beautiful, oriental face. She's three years older than me, but her appearance looks much younger, by about seven years. I asked for her secret. She said she does yoga twice a week, eats healthily, and maintains a regular sleep pattern. This aligns with me too—I also exercise regularly to stay fit.

When we met, we talked about many topics without it feeling monotonous. One of her plus points was that when I ran out of things to say, she brought up a new topic. Our conversation never stalled. She was easygoing, humorous, laughed easily, and open-minded. She's genuinely intelligent but also funny. Her humor could be light-hearted or sophisticated. A comfortable connection quickly formed between us.

That day, we didn't just have coffee. We also walked around the mall. We looked at clothes, shoes, sunglasses, watches, and even lingerie (crazy!).

"Come on, Wisnu. Help me pick. I want your opinion."

"I'll wait outside, Clara." Honestly, I was embarrassed.

She pulled my hand, insisting.

"It's okay, sir. Come on in." The shop assistant laughed at my awkwardness.

"See? My husband is shy. I don't want to choose the wrong one."

Clara added that the shop was designed to make men comfortable when shopping for lingerie, hence the elegant layout. Sure, I'd heard about it. But still, I felt awkward.

We spent the whole day together until nightfall. I felt a real connection with her. But something felt off, and I couldn't quite place it until Clara herself broke the tension as we walked along a quiet street on our way home.

"Wisnu."

"Yes?"

"There's something you need to know about me."

"I think you've already told me a lot. What is it?"

Silence. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully. Then, she looked into my eyes and stopped walking.

"I'm a widow and have two children."

There it was. This was the odd feeling I'd been sensing. I was taken aback. I told her it didn't bother me personally, but my parents would have an issue with it.

She told me she felt very comfortable with me.

"Don't ignore your parents, Wisnu. You'll find the right woman."

She kissed my cheek. "Thank you for today."