LET GO OF A PRAYER FOR YOU, JUST A SWEET WORD
______ die with you.
SWEAT DRIPPED DOWN HIS CHEST as he repeatedly lifted the barbell in the air. His entire body glistened as though he was Edward Cullen from Twilight or at least thats how Kenji saw it.
The lewd sounds he made didn't help. It was music to her ears, literally. She didn't know she had a thing for men moaning and groaning until now.
Because he allowed her to be in charge of the playlist, House of Balloons by The Weeknd played lowly in the back of the gym, forcing Kenji to think of the scene as some sexy, slowed TikTok edit. Could you blame her?
Kenji frowned, realizing how corny her mind was "I really need to stay off that app." She cringed
The two were currently in their schools weight room alone, practicing one of Ghost's skills for the project, exercising. After getting off the treadmill, Kenji was too tired to continue so she simply laid down on her mat and watched Ghost.
Ghost laid flat on the bench, eyes closed within his own relaxation as he lifted an incredibly heavy barbell with ease, like it weighed nothing when really it was almost three hundred pounds.
She leaned forward, elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands. Kenji could only watch, that's all she wanted to do. If this was some sort of TV show it would definitely be her favorite
Suddenly, she felt bad for objectifying him, frowning slightly and reverting her attention to the phone laid across her lap in hopes to change the song.
"Peach." His voice rang out, deep and rough like always when he'd gone too long without speaking
"Yeah?" She responded, not looking up from her phone
"Why don't I feel your eyes on me?"
Her entire body instantly gained goosebumps, she struggled to find anything to say, more worried about how he always knew when someone was staring at him which essentially meant he knew she was gawking at him this entire time. Embarrassing.
"I don't know..."
"Look at me... don't stop." He directed, leaving no room to argue. All the while he kept his eyes closed, lifting the barbell nonchalantly.
Kenji did as he said, swallowing the giant lump in her throat. If her skin was lighter, she'd be as red as a tomato and that's something she was thankful for.
She watched as his breathing labored harshly, staring more at his abs and the never-ending tattoos that ran up and down his body.
She wondered when did he ever become this... muscular? A few years back the boy was tall as hell and scrawny, now he's tall as hell but with a six pack and muscles.
"Come here." He stated, dropping the barbell and standing to his feet while calmly cracking his knuckles
Kenji's eyes widened as she stood, her feet automatically making a beeline towards him as though his word was law to her body and mind.
Ghost raised an eyebrow, "Stop biting your lip. I won't do anything to you that you don't want me to." He said staring blankly, his statement possibly meaning multiple things at once or did Kenji only think that?
"Good thing I don't want you to do anything to me."
Ghost shook his head with a low chuckle, "I didn't mean it like that but I'm glad you took it as so."
She rolled her eyes playfully at his cocky behavior. To be such a quiet person with a shy exterior, he sure seemed to speak his mind a lot around her.
He took some of the weights off the barbell, making it close to twenty five pounds. He knew she'd never exercised in this manner before so he wanted to make it easier for her.
"Lay on your back."
Kenji twisted her lips, sitting on the bench "Why does everything you say sound so... dirty?"
Ghost carelessly shrugged, downing a water bottle then placing it on the table next to him, "It doesn't. You just sexualize it."
Squinting her eyes at him with a scowl, Kenji crossed her arms sassily "No I do not." Okay only a little
The two held a stare off for a second before Ghost stepped in front of her, his low red eyes staring down at her brown ones "Can you lay on your back for me, please, baby?"
Kenji gulped, feeling a heart beat in her pants. She couldn't handle the mesmerizing eye contact so she dropped her gaze which didn't help as his crotch was basically in front of her face, she didn't have a choice but to now awkwardly stare at his V-line
Ghost poked at his cheek with his tongue, hating how she avoided looking into his eyes so he grabbed a fistful of her hair and made her look up at him, not with force that would hurt but just enough to dominate her.
Kenji's eyelashes fanned her face, squeezing her thighs together "Siah..." The obvious sexual tension in the room and his actions confused her. He was making her feel all types of things and he'd barely even did much.
He hummed, using his free hand to lift her chin up and admire her face from different angles "Be good. Just lay there... I'll do all the work." He mumbled, running his thumb over her bottom lip slowly
Kenji nodded, watching as he licked over his lips, she suddenly felt the urge to kiss him but she'd never in a million years initiate anything first.
"Ves lo duro que soy para ti?" Ghost whispered, lightly slapping her face, "Sólo quiero meter mi polla en tu garganta... me dejarÃas? Hm?"
it's where we go
it's where we'll be
i know if i'm onto you, i'm onto you
Beyoncé's soft voice in the background only faded more into her delusion. His warm hands trailed from her chin to her throat before lightly gripping it. His hand fit perfectly around her neck, almost like the missing piece to a puzzle.
onto you, you must be onto me
you must be onto me
you must be onto me
"Answer me." He mumbled, tilting his head "Would you let me, baby? Please? Could I?"
Kenji parted her lips to speak, she didn't understand what he had said but stupidly enough she still nodded.
"Words, mi durazno."
"Yes, Siah. I-I'd let you."
Dropping the grip on her hair, Ghost grabbed her hand placing it on the obvious bulge in his sweatpants. Kenji stared up at him, her heart beat frantic.
"Good girl." He hummed, running his fingers over her esophagus "Now get on your knees for me and stick out your tongue, baby."
Kenji released a breath she didn't even know she was holding then reality hit her like a brick. She blinked and suddenly everything was different.
Instead of in front of her, Ghost was in front of the bench, waiting for her to lay down. Had she been day dreaming that entire scene?
"Uh-" She paused, coughing awkwardly "What um, what do you need me to do?"
Ghost didn't respond, he tilted his head with his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, analyzing her body language before it clicked in his head and the corner of his lips turned up as if he was about to laugh.
"You still sure I can't do anything to you?" He teased knowingly, an amusing twinkle in his eyes
She twisted her lips disgustingly, lying flat on the bench "Fuck you, Josiah."
"I'm sure you want to, peach." Ghost mumbled, shaking his head "You just gotta lift the barbell once. Imma spot you."
She nodded, bringing her hands up to grip around the barbell, she immediately felt how heavy it was "Damn how many weights is on here?" Though it was hard, she used all the strength she had to lift it
In front of her, Ghost had taken a picture and added it to the projects folder then quickly grabbing the barbell with ease before she could drop it.
"Are we done now?" Kenji sat up, raising her eyebrow questionably
"Yeah. I'm finna go home and take a shower. I'll come back around sixth period."
She watched as he turned away from her to slide his shirt on, staring as his back muscles flexed "You gone sneak out of the school?"
"No." He almost laughed, "Fuck I look like? Imma walk out the main doors and if somebody say some' to me imma keep walking. They can't beat my ass."
"Lucky you. I wish I could skip Mrs. Denson class-" Kenji paused mid-sentence, realizing she'd never even skipped a class before
"Come with me."
"Absolutely not. What if we get caught?" She huffed, immediately shaking her head
"Nobody is checking for me or you... calm down." Ghost shook his head at her innocent tone "And if you come I'll buy you something to eat."
Kenji smacked her lips together, quickly standing to her feet "Well shit that's all you had to say."
Ghost rolled his eyes, amusement clear on his face.
xxx
Walking inside the house, the first thing that caught Kenji's eye was the walls, the state of the house was decent at best. The walls were most surprising, paint peeling back, multiple holes, scratches, even little specks of blood. They clearly held some sort of history that made her frown, she knew if these walls could talk they'd have horror stories for days
"Mijo!" Lucia yelled, her foot steps descending down the stairs "Is that you?"
"Yeah ma! It's me! I brought a friend with me!" Ghost responded, setting his keys down on the wooden table
The sound of footsteps traveling down the hallway filled their ears, for some reason Ghost gave her an apologetic look but she shrugged in response.
"You know how your father feels about people being over-" Lucia came into view, immediately pausing her words "Oh, Kenji?"
"Hey!" She smiled with a wave, she wasn't sure if a hug would be appropriate yet
"Little girl, how you have grown!" Lucia smiled, approaching the two, her Salvadoran accent clear with every word she spoke "It is so nice to see you mi amor."
"Likewise Mrs. Vega." Kenji nodded
Suddenly, she cut her eyes at Ghost, glaring at him with her hands on her hips "You got this girl skipping school? DeberÃa golpearte en la boca."
The seventeen year old didn't understand what the older woman had said but she knew it was a threat. She almost laughed watching this 5'1 woman scold Ghost as he's literally four times her size.
"No." Ghost rubbed the back of his neck, "We ain't skipping."
Lucia rolled her eyes, waving him off "Get out my kitchen and be gone out the house by the time your father gets home. I don't want him to see her."
At the mention of Ghost's dad, Kenji's stomach turned thinking about the terrible man and all he had done to his family, as well as the things she could hear him doing from her house next door. It put a bad taste in her mouth.
She remembered him coming home drunk one day and Ghost not appearing at school for a week or even leaving his house and the one time she did see him during that process, his face was beaten so badly she hardly could recognize him.
Thankfully, the man never said anything to Kenji but it was clear he didn't like her, it took a while for her to realize that he just didn't like black people at all and simply was a miserable man or at least that's what her dad said.
Snapping her back to reality, she looked up and could hear Lucia's footsteps fading away to the living room.
"Come on." Ghost mumbled, intertwining his fingers with hers. He dragged her down the hallway and upstairs towards his bedroom door, allowing her to walk in first
Kenji's eyebrows furrowed as her eyes scanned every square inch of his bedroom. It was the typical room of a teenage boy...until her eyes landed on his desk that held a variety of different substances in small baggies, a weighing scale, a money counter, and seven stacks of cash next to it.
She shook her head, suddenly feeling Ghost softly push her onto his bed. She looked at him expectantly, watching as he took off his shirt with one hand.
"Impressive." Kenji murmured with a small chuckle . She watched as he went through drawer after drawer, grabbing new clothes out of each one of them
Ghost didn't acknowledge her sarcastic comments, "Stay in here."
Before she could respond, he was already out of the door, leaving her alone. For a few minutes she just sat there, her attention strictly on her phone until she got curious.
Glancing up, her eyes traveled around the room. Her interest peaking once she noticed the same book that she'd dropped a few nights ago at the party, simply lying on his desk.
It sounds crazy, insane even but that book was calling her name, practically begging her to take a tiny peek. Let's just call it a woman's intuition.
Kenji stood to her feet, walking over to his desk. She frowned a bit, feeling bad for invading Ghost's privacy but it was something about this object that seemed to be so... weird.
Her fingers danced over the book, picking it up and inspecting it. It looked as if it had been being used for years, pages worn down, some even torn out.
She sighed, flipping to the first page and her eyes widened at the sight. It was a drawing of her. Not just any worthlessly scribbled, half-assed drawing but detailed and perfect. Every single feature on her face was there, even the little mole above her eyebrow and the freckles that no-one could see unless they stared at her from a certain angle.
Flipping to the next page, this one somehow better than the last. Instead of a drawing, it was a song, maybe a poem, or just an expression of his feelings. She insisted on the latter.
2021
I told you I'm sorry for every little thing I do
Every time I start trippin and bitchin
Every time I wake up in the morning high onna prescription that ain't even mine
Being mean and nonchalant
That shit ain't cool but it's all I know
I try so hard to be more like you
Show my feelings and be happy but I can't
I wanna be better for you
I wanna smile and laugh at your corny ass jokes
I can't though
I was sad about my brother
You was there when I was mourning
You're the best friend I could ever ask for
Are we even still friends after what we did???
I don't know
I Stopped doing drugs and you became my new addiction so I take you every night before I sleep
Shit sound delusional as fuck
It's been two weeks since we last spoke
I feel like shit
I'm a fucking mess. I can't be around you like this
You deserve better, not a drug addict who can't even put into words how much you mean to him
I'm avoiding you
It sounds bad but it's for the best
I think
"Oh." Kenji frowned, biting the inside of her cheek. With a deep breath, she flipped to the next page, then the next, then the next until she couldn't read anymore, her tears clouding her vision.
Kenji took a deep breath, slowly placing the book back down on the desk. Even though she so badly wanted to read the most recent of his writings, she couldn't bear any more of it.
She felt horrible. Her heart slowly breaking for Ghost.
Suddenly the door squeaked open, surprising her and interrupting her thoughts. Kenji quickly wiped her tears-filled eyes, turning towards the sound.
Ghost stared blankly at her as he closed the door behind him, "What are you doing?"
Kenji twiddled with her fingers, flopping down on his bed "Nothing just uh... looking around."
He slowly nodded, lowly chuckling "Alright." With that, he grabbed his keys off of his nightstand, pocketing his phone "Come on. I needa hurry and get you to school."
Kenji scrunched her nose "I thought you was gone come back with me?"
"Something came up."
xxx
Inside the car, the two teenagers sat quietly, the only noise being the radio. Unlike other times Kenji had been in his car, it didn't feel awkward. Probably because she still had her mind on what she'd read.
"Fuck is wrong with you?" Ghost asked, glancing over at the oddly silent passenger "You straight?"
She nodded, staring out the window "Yeah."
"How much of it did you see?"
Whipping her head towards him, Kenji chewed on her bottom lip nervously "Huh?"
He rolled his eyes, "I'm not stupid. I know you better than anybody. Plus, your body language was off when I walked in my room."
"Okay damn. Only the first five pages..." Kenji trailed off, reverting her gaze out of embarrassment
The corners of Ghost's lips turned up amusedly as he gripped the steering wheel, "I don't care. Stop acting so... weird. You finna throw me off."
"I just feel bad. I didn't know you were carrying around those feelings for so long. I'm sorry."
He hummed, shrugging his shoulders "Duh you didn't know. I was literally avoiding you. Stop apologizing. I hate it when you say sorry."
"Why did you avoid me? I wouldn't have judged you. If anything, I wanted to help you get better." Kenji frowned
For a second, he didn't respond and he wholeheartedly wasn't going to but the hurt and confusion in her voice made his heart beat just a little faster.
Ghost breathed in deeply, "Do you remember that night I almost overdosed? When you found me on my kitchen floor with pill bottles surrounding me?"
"Siah, please. You don't have to talk about this."
"You took care of me for two days straight. Fed me, ran a bath for me, helped me with my missing work even though I stopped going to school. You were just there for me when I couldn't be there for myself."
Kenji could feel a ball forming in her throat, struggling to swallow. This memory brought her sadness. She'd buried it deep down inside her mind for a reason.
"After the second day, I realized how much of a burden that shit had to have been. I didn't wanna put you in a position like that ever again. I seen the pain in your eyes when I could hardly stand on my own."
"And even then, I was so depressed that I still couldn't stay off of drugs." He mumbled, "And I knew that I'd probably overdose again one day so to stop you from seeing me like that again, I just left you alone."
A lone tear fled down Kenji's face, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently, him soon doing the same.
"That shit embarrassing bro... being a fucking drug addict at such a young age and putting my issues on the one person that give a fuck about me." Ghost continued, his voice cracking "I'm so sorry I left like that but I hadda do what was best for you."
Kenji's eyes softened as she spoke, "We were best friends though, Siah. You can't just decide what's best for me. We handle stuff together. Your issues is my issue, that's what real friends do."
"That's the thing, Peach. I don't want to burden you with the weight of my problems. I wanna make your life easier even if that means I'm not in it."
THERE WILL BE MOUNTAINS YOU WONT MOVE. STILL, I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, HOW I DO
AUTHORS NOTES %
I'm always getting clocked like ðð this is sick
Sorry it took so long everyone!! I had writers block for the longest time! And when I finally did start getting some ideas, it wasn't enough.
For one, I HATEEEEE short chapters. My shit gotta be atleast 3,000 words. Ya'll know this
And I couldn't like piece the sentences and dialogue together... so that's why this chapter isn't as detailed! I do apologize for that but I gotta get this chapter out cause ya'll is jumping me in them comments I fear ð«
Lemme explain the way I write!
Honestly, none of what I write is planned! And the stuff I do got planned for this book isn't until LATERRRR in the book so until I get there, I just be winging shit and doing whatever I can come up with so everything can make sense.
Like when I really lock in, Ideas will just start popping up in my head. Like with Ghost's past drug abuse problem, I just thought of that shit two hours ago ð
Anyways! THANKS FOR 30K! I LOVE YALL CRAZY ASSES! Make sure to comment and vote <3
Seeing ya'll comments as ya'll read be making me wanna get my lazy ass up and write ð