SELF LOVE. HE DON'T LOVE HIMSELF, TRYNNA LOVE ME
______ die with you.
|MIDDLE SCHOOL|
LOVE. WHAT IS LOVE? Love is what Google would describe as an intense feeling of deep endearment. Unfortunately, love is much more than just a feeling. It's a mindset, a physical state, something you could live or even die for.
Something Blake only received in his dreams.
On the other hand, Kenji knew love like a brick wall. Since the day she was born, she was always surrounded by it. If anything, the girl absorbed it, being full of the emotion.
During hot, sunny days, two children played amongst one another. Well one played, the other just sat and watched, rolling his eyes every time she tried to encourage him to join her.
"Come on Siah! You never have fun with me anymore!" Kenji yelled, giggling lightly after
"I never did have fun with you." The thirteen year old mumbled
Twisting her lips to the side, Kenji tilted her head, admiring his clear hatred for anything that seemed to be amusing or enjoyable.
"Ya' know sometimes, you remind me of the grinch." She stated, trying to sound serious but only making herself laugh
Blake loudly sighed, standing up and dusting off his favorite pair of blue jeans which was only his favorite because this pair didn't have any tearing like majority of his clothing.
"You're calling me a grinch because I don't think running around the yard in a circle is fun?"
"Watch this." The girl instructed, taking off in the other direction
Blake stuffed his hands in his pockets, oddly wondering if Kenji ever had a bad day. How was she so happy and optimistic all the time?
But thats why he adored Kenji the way he does, she reminded him of all the things he couldn't be, all the things that were taken away from him.
Even if he didn't understand that yet.
Hearing the screen door screech open, Blake turned around to face Kenji's father, Eddie Carson.
"Ya'll want something to drink? It's hot as stripper hoes in a church out this motha' fucker." Eddie offered, his southern accent being clear seeming as he wasn't from New-York
Before the children could respond, a truck rounded the corner at full speed, the driver obviously being drunk.
Blake sighed, eyeing his two neighbors with an awfully sad facial expression, he enjoyed spending time with them (occasionally) though he did not show it.
"Bye Siah..." Kenji pitifully waved as Eddie held the door open for her to come inside while shaking his head
Making his way across the yard to his own home, Blake could only tune out the sound of his father yelling as he sloppily parked in front of their house.
"Get in that room and don't fucking come out!" Antonio slurred, slamming the truck doors with such force that they loudly rattled
Blake dreaded days like this. Sure, his father was always mean and angry but it was different when he was drunk.
In his drunken state, he became a monster, physically and mentally. Blake usually just stayed in his room and let his mother deal with it but there was only so much he could avoid.
He thought about running away many times, never deciding to actually do it, fearing he'd be found and dragged back to his personal hell- which would only put more of a burden on him.
Walking into the house, he passed his mother, giving her an uncertain look that she quickly returned, rushing him into his room before Antonio could set his eyes onto the boy.
Because once he caught your eyes, it was like a predator slowly inching towards prey, slowly settling your terrible fate.
Blake sat down on his bed, clamping both hands over his ears in hopes it would muffle the screaming match downstairs.
This fight seemed much different than the others. It was rougher, appearing in how Lucia yelped in pain every couple of words that were thrown.
Silence.
So silent, one could hear a pin drop. Blake slowly set his feet down on the floor, the board creaking beneath him.
The boy bit down on his lip, heart rate fastening along with his breathing. What happened? Why are they quiet? They are never quiet.
Before he could continue overthinking, he heard his father's loud footsteps marching towards him, getting louder and louder.
"No! Leave him alone!" Lucia screamed hopelessly
Blake's eyes danced around his room, searching for anything that would help him. Like a switch, something clicked in his brain.
Fumbling around his bed, his fingers grasped on the small phone hidden under his pillow. He only ever used it when in need and right now was more than just a need.
He never was able to handle his father's berating words and strong punches, it hurt his soul and heart more than it did his body.
Desperately searching through multiple apps, he dialed the only number he had cared enough to memorize.
"Get the fuck off me Lucia!" Antonio shouted, scrambling to get onto the couch
Blakes palms began to get sweaty as his legs shook anxiously, praying the call connected.
"Yoo kid. What you calling for? I said I'll take you to the zoo next Saturday not-"
"Doom! Doom bro you gotta come get me! My dad in the living room going crazy right now, ion' know what to do!" The boy explained
Nothing was said but Blake could hear the loud engine of Dooms infamous black Dodge Charger roaring alive.
"I'm on the way," He mumbled, gripping the steering wheel "Go hide in ya closet till I get there, ight? Everything gone be fine."
"Okay." Blake released a hard breath, following Doom's simple instructions
But they didn't seem so simple when his room door flew open with a loud, unbearable screech.
xâx
As soon as Blake sat up from the hardwood floor, a terrible pain shot up through his entire body along with the memories of last night.
Bright light shined through the holes of his tattered curtains with a multitude of many birds chirping, indicating that it was now morning.
Standing up on shaky legs, the boy forced his feet towards the bathroom, feeling sick thinking of what his reflection could look like.
Blake stared at himself as he ran a rag under cold water. Anger slowly coursed through his body but he only shook his head.
Once damp, he brought the wet rag up to his face, wincing when it touched the reddening bruise under his eye.
After patting dried blood in his nose, Blake glanced out of the window, frowning when a familiar black car pulled into the driveway.
Sighing, the thirteen-year-old dragged himself down the stairs, past the shattered glass that littered the floor and even past the unconscious body of his father that lay idly on the floor.
The man was still alive (unfortunately), obviously told by the small snores that left his mouth with every breath he took.
Blake held his head down as he trudged towards the vehicle, once close enough, he got in and immediately looked away from the driver.
"Listen Ghost-" Doom started, quickly being cut off by the agitated child
"Don't call me that. You left me with them. You never came back for me."
"I'm sorry, okay? I had got caught up in some shit with some niggas from the Northside." Doom explained, trying to make it sound as kid-friendly as possible
Blake sighed, staring out the window at a nearby tree as two squirrels chased one another across each branch.
After many moments of silence, the older exhaled loudly "Nigga can you at-least look at me?"
Blake shrugged his shoulders, his line of eyesight not faltering in the slightest. He pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, still watching the animals run.
Doom smacked his lips against once another as he pushed at the younger boy, immediately forcing the two to make eye contact.
Once made, a visible form of anger was quickly contoured on Doom's face, his blood boiling at the sight.
"What the fuck?"
"Bro don't do nothing. He was drunk." Blake reasoned, leg bouncing anxiously.
Although he knew being drunk was not an excuse for abusing your family, he also knew that Doom beating Antonio into a coma would only cause more trouble for him than intended.
"The fuck you mean? Look at ya fuckin' face yo! You thirteen years old! Drunk or not, he too fucking grown for this shit!" Doom yelled, his eye beginning to twitch
"You doing anything to him is just going to bounce back on me... ten times worse." Blake replied, rubbing the back of his neck scarcely
Releasing a hard breath, Doom side eyed the passenger before simply nodding his head in agreement.
"Imma get you outta here, ight?" Doom gave a small smile, draping his arm over Blakes shoulders "I'm so close to getting the condo then you can come stay with me, for real."
Rolling his eyes playfully, Blake pushed his arm away "You gay, get off me with all that touching and stuff."
Doom chuckled, "Niggas these days call everything gay. I can't even give my lil brother a side hug no more."
Waving him off, Blake glanced across the street, watching as a little girl rode her bike happily in the front yard of her house.
"You like her?"
Snapping out of his trance, Blake quickly shook his head "No... shes annoying."
"Oh shit," Doom's eyes widened "Youn' just like her, you in love with her."
Blake didn't respond, that statement occupying his mind, making him question everything he's ever known. Maybe.
SMALL TOWNS LOVE, FALL DOWN LOVE, NOT MEDICATED. DRINK TOO MUCH, THINK TOO MUCH, THOUGHTS DROWNING ME
AUTHORS NOTES %
FYI-
Doom and Blake are NOT blood related.