Vincent and Thomas developed so much throughout the course of this book, and some scenes that I had originally written no longer felt true to their characters. Just for fun, I've decided to include them here, as well as some thoughts on why I chose to go a different way. I would love your feedback on which version you like best - of the scenes and of the characters!
Scene #1: First Kiss
"Why do you stutter?" Thomas asked abruptly, his head titled at an angle.
The man did not merely sit in an armchair, Vincent decided, rather he draped himself across one like a piece of art. His legs were extended as he reclined at an angle, swirling his tumbler of port in one hand lazily, whilst his keen gaze was fixed on Vincent. Vin let his eyes drop back to the book in his hands.
"I..." Too self-important. "When..." Don't condescend. "If..." Ridiculous way to begin. "Matthew says I think too fast. By the time I get the first word of a sentence out I've often already thought about the repercussions of the phrasing or the amount of information I've supplied or how it will be received and so I amend it until I'm satisfied." He ran his thumb over the corner of his book, enjoying the way the pages rustled slightly.
"That must be exhausting."
Surprised, Vincent looked up at him and blinked. "Yes, I suppose it is."
Thomas swirled the drink again. "Are you always thinking then?" he asked. Vincent's gaze scanned his face for signs of amusement but saw only curiosity. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he merely nodded.
"So, what do you think of me?" The question still came across blasé, but Vincent was concerned. People didn't usually like what he thought of them, so he almost never told them. He looked back down at his book to delay responding. He felt more than heard Thomas rearrange himself. "Honestly, I'd like to know. I will not be offended, nor will I hold any assumptions against you. I'm just curious about what you see."
Vincent could not find a way to politely decline, so his brain began to sift through all the layers of information it could find. It was several moments before he spoke, yet Thomas didn't fidget or rush him. As far as Vincent could tell, he merely waited.
"You..." Too accusatory. "What..." Too speculative. "I see that you're comfortable here, but you refuse to impose. You drink Matt's port, but don't give direction to the servants, which tells me you have a sense of boundaries or honour. Probably the latter, because what seems to upset you most about your family is the immorality of their behaviour rather than the illegality. I think you used to be afraid of them corrupting you, but now you worry that your fear will ruin the brightest parts of you. Sometimes you seem to change your mind mid-thought, as if you realise the result and want it to be better. Sometimes you seem to... think like me."
He heard Thomas shift, and his voice grew gradually louder. "And what do you think about us thinking alike?"
Again, he wasn't sure how to respond so he didn't. The toes of Thomas' boots entered his periphery, and then his knees as he crouched down. His hands rested on the arms of Vincent's chair and on reflex the man drew all his limbs closer to himself so he wouldn't be in the way.
"Do you think we're thinking the same thing right now?" His voice was set low, just for Vincent despite the fact that they were completely alone. It brought that odd feeling back to his stomach, and he thought to distract himself from it by answering Thomas's question. He looked up to find the other man's face less than a handspan from his.
"What are you thinking now?" he asked quietly, shifting back slightly in the chair to try and see more than just Thomas' eyes.
That very gaze flared slightly, crinkling with humour and something less easy to identify. "I'm thinking about kissing you."
Neither moved in the silence that followed, with the exception of Vincent's jaw which opened and closed several times in quick succession. He was breathing shallowly too, hands gripping the arms of his chair as if he feared he might fall from it. Thomas' gaze dropped to his lips and suddenly he was speaking.
"Then we were not thinking about the same thing, as I was not thinking about..." he licked his lips, unable to utter the word.
Thomas leaned in slightly, and with nowhere further to retreat, Vincent was forced to let their faces draw to merely a handspan apart.
"And what about now?" the other man didn't bother to raise his voice above a whisper, and his husky tone sent a shiver down Vincent's spine.
"I...uh..."
Closer. "Now?"
Vincent was now entirely speechless, and he couldn't tear his eyes from Thomas'.
"What are you thinking about now?" Vincent could feel the air of the man's words against his own lips, and, whether it was that or the heat in Thomas's eyes, for the first time in his memory, his body moved before his mind could frame a thought.
He closed the gap between them, pressing their lips together, and felt a bolt of lightning travel through him. Thomas didn't react â as surprised as Vincent at his actions â and panic started to well in his belly. He'd misinterpreted something, misheard, made the completely wrong move... He began to draw back, an apology quickly forming.
Thomas's hand was suddenly on the back of his neck. And then he was kissing him. His lips moved against Vincent's, coaxing him to respond and then rewarding him when he did.
It was a long moment before he had to pull himself away, keeping their foreheads together as he struggled for breath. Thomas' thumb traced patterns on the side of his neck, making it hard for him to think.
"That was... uh..." He kept his gaze on Thomas's shoulder as he struggled her words. "My... uh... first kiss."
Thomas caught Vincent off-guard by darting forward to peck another kiss against his lips. "And that was your second."
~~~
Scene #1 was one of the first parts of DohD I ever wrote - I think before I'd even finished Husband Wanted. When I started, Thomas was a very rakeish character almost, and though I still love this scene, I feel like it's too predatory for their relationship. Their entire connection is based on coming together and bringing out the best in each other, and this just felt forced to me. Additionally, I wanted the consent to be really clear. A first kiss with someone can be a big moment, but for Vincent in particular (because he doesn't love to be touched and was not even aware of homosexuality) I wanted Thomas to make it really obvious for him and offer him a choice. But please, let me know what you think - Do you like this version or the book version better?
Scene #2: Their relationship revealed to Matt
[Side note: Here, Thomas calls Vincent 'Daniel'. Originally I was going to use that as a sign of intimacy, Thomas helping Vincent 'reclaim' his 'true name', but then when I wrote the scene about fathers I realised that would almost be insulting to Daniel Humphrey Sr.'s memory and didn't think Vincent would like it. I haven't bothered to correct it here, but wanted to forewarn you!]
Vincent drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair, refusing to look up. It was all overwhelming. He needed to go sit at his desk and write everything down, think it through properly and then come back and have this conversation. It did not help that Thomas' gaze was fixed on him. It was all he could do not to meet it.
The man in question huffed. "Fine." He threw back the last of his brandy and set the empty tumbler down. He inclined his head to Matt, who looked to be almost enjoying the tension in the room, and then turned to leave.
He'd only taken two steps before Vincent was on his feet. "Thomas, wait."
The man snapped back around, anger clear in every crease of his face. "Wait for what, Daniel?"
Matt's brows raised and he watched the two of them with interest.
"Don't... you... I..." Vincent's gaze flicked to his brother. "This is inappropriate. We can discuss-"
Thomas cut him off with a raised hand. "No." He let out a heavy breath. "This is your home, where you feel safest. We are alone, but for the brother with whom you share everything. If you cannot speak to me here, then you never will. And I will not put myself through waiting. I deserve better." He barked out an unamused laugh. "You taught me that."
He turned again and Vincent felt panic bubble in his chest.
"This isn't where I feel safest."
It was hard to determine which of the three men was most surprised by his outburst. Thomas froze where he was, half turned with his gaze fixed on the wall. And he waited.
Vincent took one step closer. "This... I..." The other man's shoulders sagged as the stutter returned, so he forged ahead blindly, sentences not thought through, responses completely unanalysed. "I feel safer here." He took another step. "And even safer here." Another. "And here." Each step carried him towards Thomas â he stopped only when they were nearly touching â and the words flowed more quickly as the distance narrowed.
"I feel the safest when we are in contact. When your hand is in mine," he linked their fingers, "I worry a little less. Because you anchor me. You anchor my heart to yours." He finally found the courage to drag his eyes upwards, looking to Thomas with every vestige of strength he could muster. And rather than flinch at the warmth that radiated towards him, he leaned into it. "Stay."
Thomas' eyes were soft now, and he raised his other hand to brush a curl out of Vincent's face. "I'm going to kiss you now, Daniel," he warned in a low whisper.
He leaned in slowly, but Vincent met him halfway, melding their lips together. It was a passionate kiss, filled with all the emotion that had just been expressed. But when they broke apart there was worry in Vincent's eyes. Thomas squeezed his hand tightly as he turned to face his brother.
Vincent wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but the cheerful grin Matt was wearing as he sipped his port was not it. "Finally!"
He and Thomas let out short laughs, with Vincent standing between them completely confused. He glanced from one to the other, reassured by their relaxed attitudes, but trying to figure out what was happening.
"Are... Matt... But..." Not even Vincent knew what he was trying to say.
His brother took pity on him, setting down his glass and rising out of his chair. He moved across the room, took his brother by the shoulders, and then pulled him into a hug. "I'm happy for you, brother-mine."
Vincent refused to drop Thomas' hand, fearing he might drift away, but he clutched Matt with the other arm. He was still confused.
"You knew?" he asked eventually.
Matt pulled away, nodding with a sympathetic smile.
"How long?"
"That you were interested in men?" he shrugged, moving back to fetch his drink. "How long have you known?"
"Always."
His brother smirked at him. "About a year after you then."
"But it... you're not.. do you..." This time Matt made him finish the question before he answered. "And it doesn't... disgust you?" Thomas squeezed his hand.
~~~
Honestly, I hate this scene now! OK, maybe not - but I do find it painful to read! I think it's so awkward and desperate - and angrier than I wanted. Although I understand Thomas' frustration here, I think he knows what a life-changing decision it is to come out (particularly given how his family reacted) and I don't believe that he would ever pressure Vincent into coming out, which was the vibe I got from this scene.
Instead, I wanted Vincent to make a very clear decision, not out of desperation or fear, but because he realised his love for Thomas and decided it was what he wanted. For a man who spent his whole, anxious life modulating himself for others, I thought that was the strongest sign of love he could make.
But I wonder, what do you guys think? Do you prefer this scene or the one in the book?
Scene #3: Telling Beth
"Oh... Oh?" Beth's confused frown disappeared in a moment as shock widened her eyes. "Oh!" She looked slowly from Vincent to Thomas and then back to her brother. The hand that rested on her belly had stilled its strokes. Her husband was doing a better job of hiding his surprise, and gave her other hand a squeeze.
The gesture raised her from her thoughts, and she erupted to her feet with a clap. "Oh, how wonderful!"
Vincent blinked as his older sister swept across the room, her hands extended to Thomas. "You felt like another brother anyway, Thomas â I just couldn't figure out how to fit you into our family tree!"
Thomas returned her laugh as she pulled him to his feet and wrapped him in a tight hug. He felt movement against his abdomen and they separated quickly, Beth's hands resting on her swollen stomach.
"See, someone else in our family recognises an uncle!"
David moved forward next, shaking Thomas' hand as Beth settled next to her brother. For a moment, they watched the other men exchange a joke and a few hushed words that had David blushing and casting subtle glances at his wife.
"Are you happy, Vincent?" Beth's voice was pitched low, the question for her brother alone.
It was a very big question, Vincent thought to himself. First, one had to know what happiness was, and then whether one felt it. How many days a week did one need to be happy to claim that they were 'happy' overall? He wasn't sure-
Thomas' laugh broke through his thoughts. The man sunk into a chair across the room, but not without a quick glance at the sleeping baby nestled on the floor. As soon as he'd laid eyes on Isabela, his gaze raised to find Vincent, as if he were confirming that the people he loved were safe and within arms reach.
"Very," Vincent said, quickly and quietly, but without any hesitation. "I'm very happy."
~~~
I love this - it's cute, it's fun, and Beth is just happy they're happy! Unfortunately, I just couldn't find the right space for it in the book, so I've popped it here instead!
Are there any other scenes you wished were included in the book? Let me know in the comments!