A loud snap sounded in the distance, and Aurelie turned just fast enough to see the jester with the long legs bend at first and then sink down with flailing arms. Shocked voices cried out, but instead of trying to catch the man, everyone cleared out so that the ground caught his fall. Aurelie flinched as the loud thud of his fall echoed and silenced the murmur for a second. The crowd enclosed him again.
After some time she saw his green top hat stick out above some heads and breathed a sigh of relief, turning back to the entrance where Nic stood. He was no longer there, but Kaiden caught her eye, sitting alone on a bench with a glass and an empty plate from the buffet resting on the bench beside him.
He looked lonely and displaced among all the people. He watched them pass as if they had been actors in a play, keeping to his own little corner.
His eyes settled on her and he smiled for a brief moment before reality struck him with a deep thud that crumpled his face, and he went back to his lonely corner, looking down at the ground.
She must have doubted herself a thousand times before she found the courage to approach him. Guilt, wrapped in hot anger, stood out from the rest.
"I forgive you," she said, and his head turned slowly upward, though their eyes failed to meet. She felt pompous for saying itâShould I be the one asking him for forgiveness instead?âloathing the impersonal nature of their stance.
"Do you really?" Wrinkles set around his eyes, and she finally saw how old he'd gotten. It seemed that energy had leaked out of him and that he'd be content with a small farm in the middle of nowhere with a faithful dog and a good book.
"Yesâno, I don't know." Her hands formed firm fists and she felt her skin pull uncomfortably asher eyebrows met in a scowl. "I want to . . . I think."
She sat down next to him and held her hands together. The release of sleep beckoned her. Nothing else stopped the constant grey. When the anger passedâas it does once it consumes all energyâshe felt like half a person and the constant empty ache persisted unchanged in all her waking hours. But this was not about her, it was about him, Orken, Daerious and the King and so she wiped the gloom off her face, and put on a smile, making sure that it ran up straight to her eyes.
She took Kaiden's hand. "I forgive you. I see your strength now. You lost her, and I know what that feels likeâor a fraction of itâyet, I stopped living entirely and you . . . you kept your strength. I forgive you because there is nothing to forgive, it was me versus everyone else, and you chose wisely. I hope you can forgive my selfishness and know that who I am now, isn't who you raised."
He let out a breath that was more a dark laugh. "I'd have happily let it all go to hell," he paused for a second pursing his lips, "but I knew you'd be fine. He told me you'd surviveâI think he earned my damn trust after the years I've spent trivially doubting himâso I chose to believe him. I figured I'd done my protecting, and so it was his turn to do that while I thought of the kingdom."
Aurelie squeezed his hand tighter and just sat with him for a minute.
Laughter rang through the crowd. They danced. Sang along to familiar songs, and hummed to unfamiliar ones. The atmosphere sang too, and the scent of flowers, sweet tobacco, and good wine lingered in the air. Lovers moved close with intimacy and old friends joked and filled each other's glasses.
"They've got our people rising against us, did he tell you?" Kaiden said and looked up at the sky absently. "That's where Donahue's been. He doesn't even know . . ."
She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, not wanting to discuss the child she lost. That was not a conversation she would willingly have with anyone other than Kirin. "How bad?"
"Not very, yet, but word is spreading that we're giving away food to the town's folk, that we've lowered their taxes. By the time this news ends up in the south, it's warped and twisted. They think that we're protecting the rich by mooching off the villages. It's not looking good. And they've started receiving care packages from King Lukas . . . They're trying to start a civil war."
"Then we must go to them and clear it up, show them that we support them."
"No, it is time to show strength. Emile has been indecisive. We've been passive for far too long and now we've got an arrogant boy expanding on our territory."
"Do you think it's because of me?"
Kaiden looked at her suddenly, the green in his eyes had faded somewhat, covered by a grey haze. "Noâwell, actually yes. I think he wants to keep you safe as long as he can, and if we go on the offensive, wellâit is only a matter of time until you're not..."
Aurelie spotted Nic staring at her from across the of the walkway and gave him the sweetest smile she could muster. Oooh, your death is going to be long and painful, she thought and waved innocently. I'm going to char the meat from your bones.
"I don't know how much my word counts," she said and stood up, "but I'll agree that we must go on the offense. The faster the better. I'll go to those villages myself if I have to."
Nic's hair was still shaved almost right up to his scalp, and he wore the Redayran colors, blue and white. His foreign beauty still towed at her, but he had grown uglier since the last time she saw him, purely for his deeds.
She couldn't very well tug at her dress in front of Kaiden, so she walked over with confidence instead, hoping that she looked her very best. Her gown had been the grandest at the ball. The skirt twirled in mounting layers, and the low cut corset made it look like she actually had breasts, good and perky ones at that.
Nic met her halfway and took her hand once he reached her. Aurelie bowed her head and clenched her jaw as he put his wet lips on her hand, feeling her nostril stretch in a flare.
Michael caught her eye, sitting on the very same bench, but with food and girls around him, and a drink in hand. He tipped his glass in her direction, and smiled cunningly, shaking his head at her reaction to Nic.
"I'm so happy you could make it," she said once he looked up.
"I was a little surprised to receive the invitation."
"Oh, why is that?" Aurelie cocked her head.
"Well, I didn't think you'd marry anyone but Kirin. Has that ended then?" He could have stuck a knife into her stomach and it would have hurt less than hearing him say Kirin's name. The flecks of green and blue in his eyes made him look treacherously heavenly.
"Oh, God knows where he is," she said clenching her jaw. The momentary change in her expression caused some concern, but he swept it away quickly. The fake indifference was possibly a little too obvious. "I can't think of that right now, not with what's happening on our border." She looked at his unchanged expression. "It's heartless, I know but the kingdom won't save itself."
Nic gently took her wrist and scowled. "You're certainly singing a different tune."
Her muscles ached to pull away from him, but she pushed through the revulsion of his acidic touch. "I'm in a different position now." She gave him a sharp and diplomatic look. "My circumstances have changed. Heavy is the head," she said smiling weakly.
"And if by some miracle he is returned in one piece?" His brows furrowed in question.
Aurelie took his wrist, brushing her finger along the bump of his vein. "No one will let me marry him and I'm in no position to argue."
Nic moved his hand down from her wrist to her hand and squeezed. "How about we dance?"
He smiled, baring his perfect teeth, and wrapped his other hand around her waist, leading her toward the nearest dance floor. They started at the very back, where the music was almost inaudible, covered by laughter, the taps of feet and chatter. She saw people watching them, among them princess that had come to court her, but mostly her eyes remained focused on Nic.
They swayed around the floor, looking at each other as lovers, masking the truthâboth of them. Because Nic was a liar and she his soon to be killer. His would be the death she enjoyed.
"You look beautiful," he said, and she smiled and looked down like a blushing bride. Pulling herself closer into his embrace so that her chin rested on his shoulder. Every part of her that touched him felt cold. The cold reached past her skin and chilled her bones. Her fingers dug into his clothes, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her.
They turned and she saw Michael. He joined the dance with a pretty, frizzy-haired girl that had curves artists dreamed to paint.
Their dancing caress broke as Nic extended his arm, and spun her around. His eyes hungrily swept over her body, taking her in, and then pulled her back into himself.
"I want to marry you," he whispered in her ear. His warm breath touched her neck and sent a chill down her already arched back. "Right now if I can, tomorrow if I must."
"And what would your father have to say about that?" Her hand reached up to brush against his stubbly cheek.
"I don't care what anyone says, I want only you." His fingers dug into her back, she felt them even through the hard material of her corset.
"Have you ever not gotten what you want, Nic?"
"Not once."
*****
They agreed to a wedding then, because he saw what he wanted to see. He remembered the feral princess dealing with her newfound magic, all alone and on the verge of losing the person she loved most in the world. He was there when she needed him, and she had been grateful for every second he spent with her then; she even sat waiting for his visits some days. So, when he looked at her now, and she let the hatred pour out of her eyes, he didn't notice. Neither did he notice the subtle tension that formed in her muscles at his touch. Because he did not want to. He looked at her beauty, and the crown on her head. Aurelie would even go as far as to say that he thought he deserved her. He conquered the only thing standing between the two of them after all and thought he got away with it.
Aurelie let his icy touch shove into her back for another song. The activity had drained her, and for the last remaining seconds, her ears thumped, and she heard a faraway whistle. Her eyesight blurred, and her fingers felt extra warm in the windy weather, even sweating at the tips.
The music paused as the musicians readied for the next song, and she pushed his hands off her waist, almost forcefully and stepped away.
Nic cocked his head. "Are you alright?" His eyes widened when he saw her face, she must have gone pale, because he looked all the more concerned as he examined her further.
"There was an assassination attempt on my lifeâ"
"My God!"
"It's alright, I wasn't harmed, not really, but the dancing has drained me, and I think I have just about enough energy to fall over onto my bed," she said and saw his eyes filled with disappointment and understanding at the same time.
"Why did you attend?" He walked around to her side and lifted her arm over his shoulder. "You shouldn't have come. Your face is white as a ghost's."
"Have you seen many ghosts?" She put her hand on his chest, sick to the stomach of touching him.
He gave her a sideways glance, pursing his lips.
"I wanted to see if you would come. I wanted to see you. You weren't wrong when you said that there was something between us. I felt it too. I wanted to make sure that you knew."
"You could have written a letter."
Aurelie nodded. "And I would have if you didn't come."
The dancers moved in a circle around them. Each couple staying longer than necessary in place, their ears wide open to the conversation between Nic and Aurelie.
"I'll walk you."
"Oh, no. Please, you'll see enough of me in the coming . . . yearsâyou'll be lucky if it's months." She laughed and flipped her hand dismissively. "I'll have the guards escort me."
"Butâ"
"No, please. My father will have a fit if the guards don't do it. He's had me on permanent watch since the incident."
Aurelie, of course, would dodge the guards and find her way back to the castle alone. She desperately needed a bath to get rid of his reek. Her clothes smelled like him, and so did her skin. The servants would all be at the ball, so tough chance of that.
She left him just as a flare of protest gathered on his lips.
Getting out was rather easy. Aurelie had crept up behind a lady who giggled while sipping at the lack of contents in her mug and snatched the cloak that hung on the back of her chair. Slipping it around her shoulders, she lowered her head and scrambled past the guards who had been too preoccupied with searching incoming guests for weapons to bat an eye in her direction.
She was halfway up the hill to the castle when her legs started to feel like the bone had gone and turned to rubber, and fatigue sprang on her all at once. Sitting down, she saw a silhouette rise along the hill and narrowed her eyes to see who it was.
"Who's there?" she asked, her ears ringing and her arms feeling suddenly heavy.
"It's me," Michael's voice called back, but she still couldn't make out his face. By the voice, however, her mind was able to place his height and broad shoulder and conclude that it was indeed Michael. "You okay?"
"Yes," she said, bending over in the seat and pressing her forehead against the knees. Aurelie remembered the breathing exercises Vera taught her and inhaled deeply through her noseâkeeping the breath in for a few seconds, before letting it slowly out through her mouth. "Fine thanks. You can go back now. I'm just taking a little break."
"That's not going to happen."
"Oh, can you just go?" Her brows furrowed, but her voice wasn't quite strong enough to make her statement sound like an order, and instead, it came out like a flabbergasted whisper.
Michael was closer now, and the moon very dimly illuminated his features. The party boomed down the hill. There were rows of people still waiting to get in at the doors, and the dance floor in front of one of the stages had been packed so that Aurelie could only see the top of people's heads and not their bodies. Perhaps, inviting everyone was a mistake, but the cheerful murmur sure didn't agree.
Michael's bent down and slipped one hand under her knees, his other came around her back. They rose awkwardly, swaying from either his drunken stupor or the fact that he miscalculated how much she actually weighed.
"What are you doing?" she asked, too weak to fight against himâkeeping her neck upright seemed a challenge in itself. "The hero complex is coming on a bit strong. Did you follow me around the whole evening? Consider me wooed, and go back to theâ"
"No."
"I'm serious."
"So was your father when he told me to follow his 'simple daughter' to make sure she gets to the castle alive." He deepened his voice in a bad attempt of sounding like the King.
"Simple?"
"He said other things, but they aren't for a lady's ears."
"Well then, do go on?"
Michael snorted.
A fierce wind came out of nowhere, and Aurelie heard a metallic clink above her head. They looked up simultaneously to find Valice flying above their heads.
Aurelie felt a pang in her chest, and blinked hard and fast, feeling tears well up in her eyes. Her mouth hung open, watching Valice's wing glint in the moonlightârising and falling along with the undamaged one, almost without a clear difference between the rhythms. Her head bent slightly toward her healthy wing, trying to keep them balanced.
When she made her way to the center of the party, Valice let out a deep, fiery breath. The crowd gasped and cheered, and Valice began flying around them in wide circles.
"I hope she's not straining herself," Aurelie said, more to herself than to Michael.
He started to walk again, and she looked over his shoulder as Valice let out another breath, brightening the stages and dancefloors. All heads were turned up to her.
Despite wincing every time Valice swayed to the right or dipped down and then flew twice as high, Aurelie felt warm pride settle in her chest. Valice was well enough to fly, the wing worked! This is the closest I'll get to feeling motherly affection, she thought grimly and turned away from Valice. teary eyed.
The loss floated over her, spreading its grey wings right above her head and stealing all light, but she dared not think about it for too long.
"Are you going back?" she asked Michael.
A figure made its way down from the castle. Valice's fire illuminated the grounds and revealed Orken.
"Orken," Aurelie said and lifted one of her legs out of Michael's arm so that it dangled two feet from the ground. He caught her intention and let her down.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, giving Michael a good glance over. "You not feeling well?"
"Oh, I'm quite alright," she said, straightening out her skirt, and then pulled up her dress to cover more of her chest. "Father thinks that I can't be left alone, and forced an escort on me."
"Finally your father and I have something we agree on." Orken came close and inspected her with his brow raised, lifted her chin and moved her head from left to right. "It's alright, lad, I'll take it from here."
Orken noticed his hesitation and waved a hand. "Kindly, that means sod off."
He did, but the way he strode showed that he was certainly not happy about it. Aurelie thought she saw his bottom clench, and then realized where she was looking, and mentally shook her thoughts straight.
"Now, I'm not carrying you. With Sasha gone we don't have that miracle herb of hers that the silly woman kept secret even from me, and I'm not about to let that other two mend a sore back."
"Vera and Karah? They're lovely!"
Orken's walked slowly, and Aurelie felt mighty glad that he did.
"They're too young to know what they're doingâ" his thoughts must have caught up to what he said because he corrected himself almost instantly, "as healers."
"Vera's not young at all. Younger than Sasha certainly, but not by very much. Her hair's gone grey, Orken."
"Mine went grey thirty years ago, that doesn't say much."
Aurelie felt a little irritation rise at his stubbornness and then reminded herself to whom she spoke, and smiled instead.
Orken grunted something but Valice let out another fiery breath and the shouts from the crowd blocked out what he said.
"There's a woman waiting for you. She's been by every day trying to get your attention. The guards are getting annoyed with her."
"Did she give a name?
"No."
"Can it be one of the spies?"
"Then I'd be the one she sought."
"Well, then she can wait."