Aurelie opened her eyes to find her surroundings even darker. She blinked; trying to grow accustomed to the lack of light, and still remained clad in eerie blackness. Extending her arms out, she felt around for something to grasp. Her fingers touched the prickly texture of a damp wall.
Though she no longer recognized the Dream Realm like she used to when it was still linked to Valice, there were signs that distinguished it from a simple dream. For one, she had yet to take a breath and did so only when she noticed that she'd been keeping one locked in her empty lungs, due to the lack of the sound of escaping air.
"Kirin," she said into the darkness, ready to throw herself blindly into whichever direction his voice sounded from. "Are you here?" her voice echoed back as if she stood in the depth of a deep empty cave.
She pressed both hands against the wall, and extended her leg, tapping along the floor in search of holes. Last time she came here, she fell through the floor. She wondered whether that is where she was now, or whether the Realm reset her to her previous location and simply stole the light this time.
Stability had never been the strong point of the realm, but at least it had structure. Now, chaos ruled the ruins that remained behind and hid Kirin within its depths.
A dim blue light, as if at the flip of a switch, shone in the corner of her eye. She turned, cautiously observing the outline of an arch that the light revealed, and walked toward itâeyes wide and ears humming.
The moon shone through a squared window behind him, brighter and closer than Aurelie had ever seen.
Kirin sat on one of the castle's dining room chairs, tied with flaming ropes shaped like thick creeping serpents. They did not burn through his clothes but moved around him as if alive. His hands lay unmoving on his lap and head hanging loosely down.
"Kirin," she said, standing below the arch, lips parted.
She did this. She held him here.
His head flicked up suddenly, startling her. Thorn-like pinches of shock stuck the back of her neck and shoulders followed by a quick cold wave that ran down her spine.
"Let go." He looked up at her through distant, cold eyesâhis skin pale and blue as a corpse in the moonlightâwith shadows covering most of his face. It was a shame it did not cover more, for the sight of him, lifelessly alive and broken, would cling to her until her death.
She took a step forward. "Don't say that," she said, with an ache in her gut accompanied by a stir of potent guilt. If only she'd known sooner . . . but how could she?
"Let go!" he screamed. The sound resonated through the room, making her eardrums thump in response.
Aurelie flinched and put her hands on her ears. "Kirin," she whispered, holding out a hesitant hand toward him. "Please . . ."
Oily strands of hair hung in spikes down his forehead. Aurelie wanted to comb it back with her fingers and touch his faceâfeel the warmth of his body and the prickle of the tiny hair on his cheeks. But he didn't want her there, maddened by containment which brought about hatred.
He kept staring at her as if the bindings were the only thing keeping him from getting up and storming her.
You love me, remember?
Too much had to be given for it, and so it was lost or transferred, rather, past that thin line which stood between the two. In the middle was indifferenceâand she could only hope to reach it. She wouldn't ask for love and longing but beg for it not to be hatred.
"I love you," she said. As soon as the last word sounded, her feet left the ground and her stomach hollowed. She gasped; arms and feet extended forward by the force that pulled her out of the room and through the dark walls and halls of the castle.
"Let go!" he screamed in return.
*****
No tears. Come on. Aurelie absently stared into the full-length mirror that had been carried up to her room specifically for the fitting of her ball gown. The soft grey fabric of the dress puffed out at the skirt in many layers, all cut unevenly to drape each other chaotically.
Cassandra fussed with the loose bow that tied around her waist, then leaned around Aurelie to look at the front, and pulled at her chin in thought. "Tighter around the waist. She looks like a dented plank. And stuff something up here." Cassandra swung her hand along Aurelie's bust which had almost doubled in size within the last month, but apparently not big enough still under the firm corset.
"Yes, the corset needs to be adjusted. Or you could feed her something . . . If she loses any more weight, we won't find her if she stands sideways," the seamstress spoke with her teeth bit down on three needles which created thick folds on her bottom lip. "I took the measurements two weeks ago, now it's suddenly too big."
Casandra stepped out in front of Aurelie, blocking the mirror. "You hear that?" she asked, snapping Aurelie back into the conversation.
"What?"
"You need to eat."
"I have been."
"Ha!" She glared, hands on hips and eyebrows pressed together. "Who do you think you're talking to?"
Aurelie rolled her eyes and stepped off the wooden platform, throwing off her shoes with the kick of her feet. "You're never at breakfast. How would you know?"
"What about lunch and dinner?" she scoffed.
The seamstress came up behind her and pulled at the strings of her corset. "Well, at least the ball is only three days away. Can't lose much more than she already hasâwe'd be staring at skin and bone then." For someone who had only met Aurelie once, the woman sure had an annoying familiarity toward her. Casandra warned that Penelope Zenâa self-given name for the sake of the zest apparentlyâhad a big mouth and placed very little thought into what came out of it. Though Cassandra wasn't one to talk and neither was Aurelie. At the same time, that she was the best in the business and Aurelie was lucky to even have her take the project on.
Parties remained a big deal even during a time of war, and that would only change if all the noblewomen's manors were burnt to a crisp. Hence, Penelope Zen didn't struggle for work or with nonsense.
"I eat lunch and dinner." Aurelie sighed, and pulled down the skirt, summoning a shriek from both women in the process. "What?" She stopped mid-way, raising her hands up as if out of a snake's den.
"You can't just kick it off! You'll rip something," Penelope said and rushed to her side, with Cassandra moving to the opposite end, and crouching down. They pulled at the same time and gathered the skirt at the front so Aurelie could step over it.
"I didn't kick it." Explaining herself had little advantage, both women shook their heads as they lifted the dress, and carefully straightened it out along the length of the bed.
A knock sounded on the door and Cassandra left the dress to open it. To Aurelie's utter surprise, Shaelyn stood on the other end with a tray and an apologetic expression on her face.
"Oh, this is a bad time. I'll come back," she said sheepishly and turned to walk away.
Aurelie herself wrestling with miserable rejection from the awful encounter with Kirin stood and went after her. "Wait, Shaelyn," she called, hearing the soft beat of her footsteps come to a stop. "We're done here."
Shaelyn peeped back in. "Are you sure? This can wait."
Casandra passed Aurelie a concerned look, showing Aurelie that she had heard exactly what happened between Shaelyn and Daeriousâand whom she blamed for it.
"No. No. Come in." Shaelyn had an aura about her, which came forward even more within the grand walls of the castle. With just the right amount of curves in all the right places, being elegantly tall and rather pleasant to look at, she'd have all the nobles at the ball running after her, never mind Daerious.
Though saying that, Aurelie didn't lack suitors either, and what did they fix? A thousand men could ask for her hand tomorrow; princes, kings and nobles, magiciansâwho cared?âand her heart would still tear for Kirin.
She understood completely why he reacted the way he did, but the look in his eyesâthe pure hatred they gleamed withâplaced a rock on her chest and needles in her lungs. Lifting her chest for a breath required a clench in the jaw and good internal talking to. Anger gleamed, first toward herself and then to him for not sticking with her, and right back to the start.
"Would you like us to stay, Princess Aurelie?" Cassandra took a formal tone, watching Shaelyn like a hawk as she crossed the room to set the tea on the table beside two chairs near the window.
"No, thank you, Cassandra," she said, and the ladies disappeared through the door, taking the dress with them.
"Was that your ball gown?" Shaelyn asked sweetly, her mood a mere residue of what it was when she yelled at Daerious.
"Yes, it is."
"Are you excited?" she asked.
"Not really." Aurelie smiled weakly and sat by the steaming pot of tea. "Soon, I'll be married and this room will accompany a face I don't want to look into."
Shaelyn sat down too. "I'm not looking forward to it either. I don't want to go alone, but sitting here being gloomy isn't quite a better choice."
Reaching for the teapotâsmelling of a weak, yet rancid, grassy herbâshe poured herself a cup and lifted the teapot in question. "Would you care for a cup?"
"No, thank you."
"It's parsley. I know it doesn't smell very pleasant," she smiled, filling her cup and adding a squirt of honey, "but Daerious told me that you're with child . . . and I thought that after all you've been through recently, it might be a good idea to drink something to boost your health." She took a breath, placing her cup on her lap and looked down at it for a long moment before speaking. "He informed me of . . . a lot when I finally calmed down. I feel so stupid alreadyâand then this morning the dressmaker came to visit, and you replaced the bed." She puffed air from her nose in something between a smile and a sigh. "Can't believe he told you about that, it's so silly. I didn't even mean it, really. My back just hurt one morning and I mentioned it briefly. Never mind that," she shook off whatever thought had crossed her mind, "my mother was the village herbalist, and she taught me a couple of things. I thought I'd do something to thank you and apologize from placing all blame on you."
"Alright," Aurelie smiled, a string of her heart-tugging to the note of doing something to benefit her child, the greatest relic of a love that defined her mother's existence, "let's taste this miracle tea then."
Shaelyn placed her cup on the tableâa murky green mixture brewed strongâand leaned over to pour Aurelie a cup. "I know he loves you, and as ridiculous as I am, I had a problem with it." She held out the honey and Aurelie nodded, agreeing to a squirt or two. "I know you think you're not a threatâand I know that my relationship would have benefitted me not constantly perceiving you as oneâbut I couldn't help it."
Aurelie took the cup and took a sip, squinting through the strange thick, grassy taste. "I'm not a threat to your relationship." She kept a gag back. Fighting her throat as hard as she could, not to insult the girl, Aurelie clenched her jaw, turning her face away so that her disgust could easily flow through her eyes and then gulped down the rest to not suffer it sip by sip. The hot liquid irritated her tongueâwhether the texture or the heat, she wasn't sureâand burned her mouth.
"No, I know that now," she said, her eyes flowing the cup as it touched Aurelie's lips. "I know. Yet, I still spent every day thinking that you were the beautiful princess and I . . . a useless mess. 'Who would he choose if she came running?' I'd think. 'Not you!' The thought of losing him brought me to tears even before it happened. Now that it finally has . . ."
"Maybe he just needs some space," Aurelie said. "We've all been through so much. Give him some time."
"We both know that it's over," she said with a misty layer shining in both her eyes. "I just wanted you to know why."
"Why what?" Aurelie set down the cup and eyed the teapot skeptically hoping there wasn't any more she'd have to endure.
Shaelyn smiled with her mouth but her eyes were drooping with sadness. "To a peaceful sleep!" She raised her glass, and tipped it over her mouth, lifting it when it finished so that the last drop fell onto her bottom lip.
A blurry coat slowly strengthened over Aurelie's eyes. "What do you mean sleep? It's morning." Aurelie's lips felt heavy. She had to concentrate profusely to close it after speaking. "Did you do something?"
Lying back in her chair, Shaelyn crossed her arms and closed her eyes. "He should have chosen me."