Chapter 4: Chapter Four

Tyler Trip

I was the alpha now.

A grin spread across my face at the thought.

It felt different than I’d imagined. Knowing I’d one day be the most powerful member of my pack had shaped my behavior growing up.

I was a cocky kid, full of myself, and self-centered.

Del had helped me tone it down, but she hadn’t completely erased it. The war did that. Seeing my pack burn to ashes did that. Enlisting did that. Watching friends die did that.

Killing did that.

Now, being alpha felt like a huge privilege, not a right. It felt like a responsibility, not a challenge. It felt serious and solemn, not a given.

I understood now what it took to protect others; what it demanded from you and how much I’d be expected to give. I knew how valuable that sacrifice was.

Above all, I was determined to do right. No matter what, despite the choices I had to make, my goal was to do right.

To choose the best path for my pack. To put them first, to think of them before anything or anyone else, including myself.

I wanted to share all this with them. I wanted to promise them everything I hoped to be and change and achieve.

But all I managed was a few conversations and repeating my oath without stumbling over my words.

I sat on my front porch, watching my pack retreat to their homes after the ceremony, when I made a trip around the yard.

My inner pack had waited with me, sitting on the steps beside me and leaning against the white railing of the wraparound porch.

Now, we were all inside my house. Music was playing, drinks were flowing, and laughter filled the air.

Bennie was dancing in the empty living room, eyes closed as he felt the rhythm. As the omega, he had little to lose and was always the most outrageous.

Sarah and Jackie were sitting on the floor, each with a beer on their knee.

They were laughing as they talked. They’d always been close, despite their very different personalities.

I watched Jackie throw her head back in laughter and couldn’t help but smile. I had missed her—the most perhaps out of my inner pack.

Aaron and Rowan had started a game of beer pong and were now fully engaged in a match.

Rowan was winning by a landslide because Aaron couldn’t focus on anything for long.

He was always scanning the room, looking over his shoulder, peering out the windows. It was just his nature.

Ryan and Theo were there too. It was tense when they arrived; I had expected them to come, being part of my inner pack, but a small part of me had wished they hadn’t.

I wasn’t sure how the friendship between Ryan and me had broken down, and Theo’s attachment to him was a surprise. But they had come and stood together as they watched the rest of the party.

I was sitting on the staircase, taking a moment to myself to digest the day after an hour of celebrations and toasts and a few glasses of champagne.

I looked up and saw Ryan looking at me. He nodded toward the backyard, and I got up to follow him outside.

I caught Jackie’s dark eyes as I passed her and managed a quick smile. She reached out and squeezed my hand quickly, reassuring me that she was there.

My chest tightened when I met her eyes again. I wished, for one long and painful moment, that I had had her with me during my tour of duty, especially after losing Del.

Ryan was sitting on a chair on the back porch waiting for me.

I closed the glass door behind me and took the seat beside him, looking out over the woods and the view of the valley to the right.

It was breathtaking—absolutely stunning—but it was nothing compared to the home I had grown up in.

“Smoke?” Ryan asked, offering an open pack.

I shook my head. I had quit that habit. “No, thanks.”

Ryan shrugged and put a cigarette between his lips, lit it, and took a quick drag. He blew out a cloud of smoke, wincing slightly as he rubbed his jaw. “I don’t want to fight you, Trip.”

I looked at him, keeping my face as neutral as I could. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Ryan’s mouth twitched, causing his scar to pucker. “It’s been damn hard without you here.”

I hung my head. “I know, but I’m back and—”

“See?” Ryan interrupted sharply. “That’s my problem. You breeze back in here, and in one fucking day, you’re taking oaths and moving into…”

He shook his head, cursed, and took another drag. “I looked out for these damn people for over a year and—”

“They appreciate it,” I said, feeling anxious.

Ryan’s eyes met mine; they looked dark and resentful. “Appreciate it? They had no idea—~no idea~—what I had to do to protect them. If they knew… Fuck, if you knew.”

“Stells,” I said, his old nickname slipping from my mouth. Despite the rough homecoming, Ryan had been one of my closest friends growing up. It was why I hadn’t hesitated to name him beta.

Ryan shook his head. “No, man. I’m not that guy anymore.”

I swallowed hard. I couldn’t argue with him on that. I knew what it was like to feel like you were no longer the same person.

“I want to work with you, Ryan. That’s why I named you beta. You’ve been my best friend since we were kids, and I don’t want to lose you to all this madness.”

Ryan was quiet for a long time. He leaned back in his chair and smoked his cigarette, his eyes glowing in the low light.

The music’s bass was pounding, even out here, as they turned up a popular party track. Ryan winced when they all laughed.

“How they treated you the moment you walked back onto the territory, I never got that. Not in the whole damn year I protected and provided for them,” he said bitterly, pointing inside the house.

What could I say to that? I hadn’t been around. I didn’t know what it had been like for Ryan or what it had been like between them all.

All I knew was that the past year had created resentment in my friend that had twisted him.

“I want to know what happened this year,” I said sincerely. “I want to learn from you, man, but I need you to work with me. If you keep challenging me, I’m going to have to step up to that.”

Ryan’s expression turned serious. “I pieced this pack back together. I established this territory. I guided them through the toughest year we’ve ever faced.

“I brought in the new members. I fixed what was damaged and replaced what was beyond repair.

“This is my pack, Trip, and when the time is right, I will challenge you and I will fight you for it.”

I leaned back in my chair, my heart pounding. “I appreciate your honesty.”

Ryan cursed under his breath and rubbed his nose. “I have people here who are loyal to me, Trip. I’m telling you now that I don’t plan on being a beta forever.”

That hurt. “You’re not an alpha.”

“I became one.”

A shiver ran down my spine as I felt a shift within me. “I’ve learned a lot this past year, Ryan,” I said softly.

“Most importantly, I’ve learned that you can’t force people to see things your way. People will believe what they want to believe, and they’ll fight for what they think is right.

“I understand that this is what you feel you need to do.”

Ryan blinked, his eyes nearly bloodshot. “Seems like I’m not the only one who’s changed, huh, Trip?”

I grimaced. “No, you’re not.”

Ryan coughed lightly as he stubbed out his cigarette. “The old Tyler would’ve grabbed me by the throat and knocked me out. I’m not sure if I prefer this new diplomacy.”

I dropped my head and despite myself, I laughed. “It’s definitely a different approach.”

Ryan laughed too, his knee bouncing as he did. Despite the tension between us, there was this moment of understanding; this shared desire to do right by our pack.

And more than that, there was this unspoken agreement in that moment: we weren’t enemies.

“Remember how simple things were when we were kids?” I said, staring into the dark woods and wishing I could mimic the calmness of the trees. “How straightforward everything was?

“We went to school, we ran, we fought, we played. Everything was easy.”

Ryan cursed. “Yeah, I remember. I miss it every damn day.”

“I think about how we used to be,” I said. “How we strutted around like we owned the world.

“How we ignored all the signs that war was imminent. How naive we were. We believed that even if things did escalate, we would win without a doubt.”

Ryan rubbed his face. “Seems crazy to think about now.”

“When I was fighting,” I murmured, “I thought about that a lot. How unprepared we were, how foolish. If we’d taken things seriously, protected ourselves and our secret, what would the world be like?”

“Who knows?” Ryan muttered, clearing his throat. “The humans either despise us or idolize us. I can’t decide which is worse: the pitchforks or the fanatics.”

I had seen my fair share of both.

“If I could go back…” I stopped myself. It was dangerous to dwell on the past. Thinking about the things I wanted to change was a quick road to madness.

The truth was, I would never have the chance to go back, and wondering about it only made the consequences I was dealing with now worse.

Ryan stood and stretched with a grunt. “If only,” he agreed, leaving the conversation there.

He stopped in front of me with his hand outstretched and his eyes cautious. I reached out and took his hand, allowing him to pull me up and into a brief hug.

“No matter what happens between us, Trip, I’m glad you made it back.”

I blinked as emotion welled up. “Thanks, Ryan.”

Ryan nodded and then disappeared back into the house. By the time I rejoined the rest of the group, Ryan and Theo had left.

Jackie was at my side instantly, her warm hands on my arm as she asked me the usual questions: Was I okay? Did I need anything? How could she help?

My smile wavered. “It’s fine, Jack, enjoy the party.”

“Alpha-Oh-Alpha,” Bennie sang out, drink raised in the air. “Welcome back to the pack, Alpha-Oh-Alpha!”

I heard Aaron curse as Rowan sunk a Ping-Pong ball in the last solo cup and he was forced to admit defeat. My third danced in victory, downing the rest of his beer with his fist in the air.

Sarah was the first to leave, blaming her departure on early morning training with the enforcers. She kissed my cheek when no one was looking, her features stern by the time she pulled away.

Rowan and Aaron had to help Bennie home. Despite his towering frame, the omega’s tolerance for alcohol was surprisingly low.

Rowan bumped his knuckles against mine as he helped Aaron lift Bennie, promising to swing by tomorrow.

Jackie helped me clean up in silence, her lips pursed the entire time.

I knew she was waiting for the right time to sit me down and pick my brain. I could feel the weight of all her questions and concerns every time our eyes met.

“Thank you,” I said as we tied off a garbage bag, the house once again empty and spotless.

She wrapped her arms around herself as she leaned against the door. I sat on the stairs opposite her, my arms draped over my raised knees.

“You’re not okay, Trip,” she said bluntly. “I can see it.”

My smile was fleeting. “I could never hide anything from you, Jack.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she came close enough to grab my hand.

I held her fingers tightly and leaned down to rest my forehead on her wrist. I felt her kneel in front of me as she squeezed my fingers with her own.

“I miss her,” Jackie whispered, her voice breaking slightly. I felt a sob rise but managed to keep it down. “I missed you too, Trip. I still do, even though you’re right here in front of me.”

I couldn’t lift my head. I couldn’t respond.

“I know you want normal right now, but when you’re ready, I think we should talk about what happened while you were away fighting. I think we should talk about Del, and I think—”

My shoulders sagged. “Fuck, I don’t think I can do it, Jack.”

She rubbed between my shoulder blades. “I know you can, Trip. You were born for this.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I can do it without ~her~.” Tentatively, I lifted my gaze to Jackie.

It was her eyes that broke me. Dark and open and warm, they had always been able to draw out every secret and emotion from me.

She pulled me close, her vanilla scent offering a hint of comfort. “You’ll find someone else,” she assured me.

“You’ll find someone who can surprise you again. Someone who deserves your love and someone you want to deserve. I know you will, Tyler.”

I took a deep, shaky breath and straightened up. “We’ll talk soon, Jack. Real soon.”

She gave my hand a comforting pat and kissed my forehead before she murmured her goodbyes and left.

I sat on the stairs for a long while, the silence of the house echoing around me. I was alone. Completely alone in a house that was meant for two.

I wished I had kept the party going; offered Bennie a bed instead of letting them leave. I wished I had asked Jackie to stay; I knew she would’ve in a heartbeat.

But it was better they left. Better they didn’t see me this weak. Better they believed I could hold myself together in an empty house.

I lingered outside the bedroom. It was too easy to picture Del at her vanity, singing in the bathroom, fluffing the pillows while she chatted about her day.

I walked into the room reluctantly, each step feeling like an intrusion into a life I’d never have again.

With linen in hand, I went back downstairs. I moved through the house in complete darkness, finding my way to the living room where the scent of my friends still lingered.

I laid out the blankets and dropped the pillow I had grabbed onto the floor before I sat down on my makeshift bed. The hardwood floors dug into my shoulders and hips when I reclined.

I covered my eyes with one hand as I tried to relax, tried to find some comfort in the empty house. After sharing a bunk with three other men for over a year, sleeping alone felt strange and unfamiliar.

The floor offered some comfort, reminding me of the makeshift camps…

***

I woke up with a start at the sound of a knock. I rubbed my eyes, struggling to remember when I had drifted off.

I hadn’t exactly fallen asleep, just drifted to the point where I wasn’t in control of my thoughts.

Before I had the chance to get up, Rowan was walking through my front door. He let out a low whistle when he saw me. “Something wrong with the bed?”

I grunted as I stood, stretching out my sore muscles. “Don’t tell Jackie.”

Rowan laughed, but I saw the concern in his blue eyes. “Are you kidding? She’d have a field day.”

I rubbed my jaw as I walked over to the kitchen. Jackie had been kind enough to bring me some groceries the day before, so I had everything I needed to make coffee.

I heard Ryan close the front door and follow me into the kitchen. I poured him a cup of coffee without asking.

He wrinkled his nose. “I’ll pass on the coffee,” he said. “It’s already a scorcher out there.”

I shrugged. More coffee for me.

Rowan rummaged through the cupboards, finding a box of cereal that he happily munched on while I added cream and sugar to my coffee.

I tried not to growl at the sound of him eating. My sleep-deprived brain found every sound he made irritating.

“So, what’s the plan for today, Alpha?” he asked, shoveling more cereal into his mouth with his hand.

I was taken aback. I was the alpha. I had to plan the day. I had to have a plan to begin with.

Rowan was watching me expectantly, chewing patiently while he waited for me to come up with some sort of strategy for the day.

“Uh,” I said, clearing my throat. I took a sip of coffee and burned my tongue. “I guess, I’d like to go around and see how the pack functions on a day-to-day basis.

“Get briefed on what initiatives Ryan started. Talk with the enforcers and the lookouts and get a feel for the roles we still need filling.”

Rowan nodded. “Easy. Done. What else?”

I hesitated. “Oh, um…”

“Ryan was planning on marking our territory again. It hasn’t been done for a few months, so we need a few wolves to do the rounds,” Rowan suggested gently.

I pressed my lips together. “Okay, we can start that.”

He grinned. “Great.”

I hesitated before asking. “What else was Ryan planning on doing?”

Rowan shrugged. “He always had a long list. The humans on Mt. Oaks need to be addressed. The town’s mayor reached out to us some time ago. The Ryders need to be seen to as well.

“We also have a few outposts that need to be restocked if not completely rebuilt. They were put up pretty quickly when we first arrived and only a few of them really made it through the winter.”

“The Ryders,” I decided. “We’ll start there.”

“But the humans—”

I thought of the redheaded girl, Caroline, and made up my mind. “No, we’ll unite the pack first. We’ll stop by. I’d like to speak to Rick to see if any of his kids can take on any roles in the pack.”

Rowan hesitated, not wanting to cross me. “Ryan was pretty convinced that none of the Ryders really had much to offer…”

I gritted my teeth. “Ryan isn’t the alpha anymore, Rowan. I want to re-evaluate.”

Rowan held up his hands. “I wasn’t trying to undermine you. I just happen to share the same opinion as Ryan in this particular instance.

“The eldest, Mick, doesn’t have the focus or drive needed for, well, anything. The other one… Kyle? Or does he go by his middle name? Anyway, the middle son is literally crazy. And the youngest—”

I held up a hand. “I know what they’re like, Rowan.

“But I still think there’s a place for them. They are a part of the pack and their father served us all for a long time. We owe it to him to try to find a place for his children.”

Rowan’s mouth tightened at the mention of Rick Ryder’s service to the pack. It was a taboo subject.

Rick Ryder had been the lookout on duty the day our pack was attacked. For whatever reason, he hadn’t been at his post and he had missed the human band approaching to attack us.

To many, he was to blame for the death of Alpha Vex.

“To the Ryders’ place we go then,” Rowan said with a slight bow of his head.

I took ten minutes to shower and dress before I met Ryan down in the kitchen, his hand still hanging out of the cereal box.

He gave me a sheepish grin as he set it down on the counter, leading the way out of my house and past my makeshift bed that looked a little worse for wear.

The moment I stepped onto the porch, the heat hit me like a punch. It wasn’t even nine in the morning, but the sun was already blazing down on the mountainside.

I squinted, making a mental note to head into town soon. I wasn’t going to survive the summer without a baseball cap and sunglasses.

Rowan showed me around the territory, pointing out quaint cottages and sprawling estates, and filling me in on who lived where.

I had to give it to Ryan, what he had accomplished in a year was more than just impressive.

We had stumbled upon this forgotten community by chance, but he had done wonders to transform it from the ghost town it once was.

Rowan led me to a large field, where the sounds of footsteps and grunts filled the air, and the scent of sweat was strong. Sarah’s team of enforcers were training under the hot sun, running laps, doing push-ups, and sparring.

Sarah was at the front of the group, shouting out orders and words of encouragement.

She jogged over when she saw us, her face serious. “Alpha,” she greeted before diving into a detailed report on the type of training they were doing.

“Dryland on two legs,” she explained, “to strengthen the human for a stronger wolf.” I couldn’t argue with her approach; I had done my fair share of training in my human form when I served.

We moved on a few minutes later, so as not to distract the enforcer team.

People stopped whatever they were doing—hanging laundry, getting in the car to go to work, fetching their morning paper—to acknowledge me with anything from a nod to a twenty-minute conversation.

From what I gathered, about half of the pack worked in the valley and the other half were either part of ranked teams or working on the territory.

I met with a few lookouts before they took off to relieve the wolves running the border. They were friendly enough but answered each question with their eyes lowered.

“They’re just nervous around you,” Rowan said as we parted from the lookouts. “New alpha, and all that. They don’t know you very well. It’ll take time for everyone to warm up to you.”

I nodded but the thought still left me feeling unsettled.

I didn’t want to run the sort of pack where everyone dropped their conversations as soon as I walked by. I didn’t want my pack members thinking that they weren’t good enough to look me in the eye.

We spent the better part of the day wandering around the territory. Rowan did most of the talking as he explained the ins and outs of pack life and gave me the grand tour.

I tried my best to retain as much as I could, but between the heat and the sheer amount of information he provided, I knew I was already forgetting half of what he told me.

“They’re pretty far removed,” I noted aloud.

Rowan nodded. “The Ryders barely show up to pack meetings. I hadn’t seen them for over a month before yesterday.”

This posed a problem. “How reluctant will they be to move?”

Rowan eyed the small house as we approached. I was surprised the family managed to fit all of its members into the space.

There was a sprawling garden in the backyard that was well groomed; loved, even.

Rowan could only shrug. “How eager would you be to move your entire family?”

I nodded. Right.

We approached the yard, the afternoon sun pelting down on our backs. I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead, wincing as the sun’s glare cut through my vision.

I heard a startled gasp and then saw a woman stand up from behind a bush of blooming hydrangeas. She was a short woman with red hair shot through with streaks of gray.

Mrs. Ryder then.

I smiled. “Hi there, sorry to intrude. I was hoping to speak to—”

“Rick!” the woman yelled, smiling sheepishly at me as she took off her gloves and pushed her hair back. Dirt was smeared across her cheeks and her clothes were torn and stained. “Rick!”

Rick Ryder appeared at the back door, his silver hair almost reflecting the afternoon sun. He gave his wife an agitated look before catching my eye and nearly stumbling off the back porch.

“Alpha,” he greeted, rushing forward to shake my hand. “What…? Why…? Welcome.”

I grinned. “Sorry to bother you. My third and I were making the rounds and I wanted to meet with you. I hope you aren’t busy…”

The man shook his head while wringing his hands in front of him. “No, no, we’re not busy. Come in, come in.”

Rick led the way into his home, excusing the mess and clutter. I didn’t mind either, finding the home lived in and comfortable. It was better than the hollow shell of a home I lived in.

The middle child, Han, nearly jumped out of his chair when he saw me.

His pale skin was marred with two bruises under his eye, courtesy of a punch from an enforcer. Sarah had filled me in at the house party the night before.

“Nice shiner,” I complimented.

Han gave me a wry smile. “It’s not bad.” He was the first one in the pack to offer me a hand while holding my gaze. I shook his hand firmly, not bothering to hide how impressed I was by his backbone.

The kid grinned back. “I’m not afraid of alphas.”

“Han!” Rick reprimanded.

I laughed, diffusing the tension immediately. “Nor should you be.”

I looked around, surprised I hadn’t heard from the eldest yet. Mick and I had gone to school together.

We hadn’t been close but we had shared a few classes before the war got bad and we all dropped out of school.

“Where’s Mick?” Rowan asked for me.

“He and his mate are gone, I’m afraid,” Rick explained. “My youngest should be back any minute. She’s an avid runner.”

I turned to Rowan with a small smirk. She could be scout material.

He ignored me and turned back to Mr. Ryder. “Could we sit? We have some things we’d like to discuss.”

Rick nodded profusely. “Sit, yes, sit anywhere you’d like,” Rick grumbled to his son to move over, which Han did so with a roll of his eyes and a heavy sigh.

I perched on the edge of the couch, careful not to tip the stack of books piled on top of the armrest. Rowan found a spot on a foot pedestal.

“It’s come to my attention that you are the only members living outside of the pack’s territory,” I said rather bluntly. I watched Rick and Han share a look.

“I’d feel better if you moved. It’s tough to keep you safe when you’re beyond our patrol lines.”

“Barely,” Han shot back. “We’re just about twenty yards off the border.”

“Even so,” I countered, “you’re beyond my protection.”

Rick nodded. “We’ve been okay this past year. I was a lookout for a long time and I’m confident I can—”

“Yes,” Rowan cut in, “we’re aware of your lookout history.”

Han started to argue, but his father silenced him with a look. “The war is over.”

I nodded. “That’s what worries me,” I admitted. “Things have calmed down. We’ve let our guard down. If there are any human groups still against wolves, they’ve had time to regroup.”

Han’s eyes darkened. “You think that’s likely?”

“I think the war ended too soon for some,” I said, remembering when most humans surrendered. It was a moment hard to forget. It had been broadcasted on TV.

Rick clapped his hands together. “If you want us to move, Alpha, we will.”

“Dad!”

“Enough, Han,” Rick said firmly. He looked at me. “If you want us to move, we will.”

I resisted a sigh, rubbing my neck and face. I knew this would be tough for them. I knew they’d resent me, even if they packed up with a smile.

This was their home; their safe haven. And that mattered in this post-war world we were living in.

“I want you more involved with the pack,” I said, deciding as I spoke. “I know this is your home and I don’t want you to lose it.

“But I want to keep a closer eye on you, so I want you to visit the main territory a few times a week. I want your family to be more integrated.

“And I want to find roles for your kids. If, after all that, you still don’t want to move, you can stay.”

I heard a soft gasp and turned to see Caroline Ryder at the door. Her red hair was damp and curly, her face fresh, and her eyes sparkled from her workout.

I saw that streak of blue in her brown eyes and felt a twinge of something.

“Alpha,” she greeted, slightly out of breath. I shifted in my seat.

She moved forward and sat next to her brother. They were so different, yet so alike: their facial features; their posture.

Rick was still searching for words. “This is… This is a lot. What—what do you want my kids to do? What about me?”

“I’d like you to be a lookout again,” I said, watching Caroline’s face. She was unreadable, except for a tiny twitch of her lips. It drove me nuts.

Was that good? Bad? Was I making her happy or upset?

“Alpha…”

“I think Mick would make a great ambassador for the pack,” I continued. “I’d like him to get to know the humans better and, eventually, act as our liaison.”

I felt Rowan’s panicked stare and ignored it.

I turned to Han with a grin. “I don’t think you’d like anything I assign you, so I’ll let you choose.”

“And me?” Caroline asked, her eyes steady as she waited.

~Scout. ~The word came to mind. She’d be perfect. She was a runner, she was brave, she was strong enough to handle Theo and thrive. ~Scout. ~I should have said it.

But at the last second, I changed my mind.

“I want you to be my luna.”