Chapter 17: Chapter Seventeen

Caroline Ryder

I pushed myself to the limit. My breath was ragged, my thighs shaking, but I kept going.

The ground was rough, causing my knees to buckle when I stepped into a hole or twisted my ankle to avoid a rock.

My skin was hot, the sun beating down on my neck and shoulders as I ran. Sweat trickled down my forehead, stinging my eyes.

My lungs felt like they were on fire.

No matter how tired I was, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened at Mt. Oaks.

No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t escape the image of Moray slicing the shop owner’s throat with his hunting knife.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop hearing the man’s last breath.

My foot got tangled in a thicket of brambles and I fell, my chin hitting the ground as I slid across the forest floor.

I let out a string of curses, my body throbbing with fresh pain.

I bit my fist as I tried to bend my knee and saw it was covered in blood.

My palms were filled with tiny pieces of rock and blood was starting to seep out.

“Shit,” I gasped, trying to catch my breath as my head spun.

I felt the memory of Liam’s kiss on my hand, and for a moment, I could feel his touch, hear his voice scolding me for getting hurt.

The memory was brief but powerful, and it brought a tear to my eye.

“You would know what to do,” I said, looking up at the blue sky, the same color as his eyes. “You would know how to fix this.”

He would’ve known how to save that man as he bled on the floor of his shop. He would’ve known how to mend the rift between our people.

I forced myself to sit up and cried out as my body protested. I had pushed myself too hard and now I was paying the price.

I was miles from home, injured, and exhausted. There was only one option.

I shivered.

I hadn’t shifted since the days after Liam’s death.

“No,” I whispered to myself, gritting my teeth. I wouldn’t shift. I couldn’t. It had been so long. It had been so hard.

I struggled to stand, leaning against the trunk of a sturdy oak. I yelped when I tried to straighten my right leg, my bloody knee protesting.

I let out another string of curses before I dropped my head between my shoulders.

I could feel the animal inside me stirring. She was stretching her muscles and shaking out her fur.

A growl slipped past my lips, and I bit down, shaking my head as my skin started to tingle.

It had been years since I had let myself be free.

For years, I had put myself through this self-imposed purgatory.

Years since I had given in to my nature.

My skin split as I shifted.

I landed on the ground with a thud, my paws contracting as I dug my claws into the soft earth. I shook out my fur and stretched my body, swishing my tail and pinning back my ears.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the new colors and the different perspective of being on four legs instead of two.

I bared my teeth, testing out a growl and a sharp bark.

A moment later, I was running, my human injuries forgotten as I raced through the trees. The thrill fueled me as I ran and jumped and howled.

I stopped in a clearing, my heart pounding, my tongue hanging out, panting.

I looked around before I sat back on my haunches, tucked in my tail, and tipped my head back to howl. I howled loud and long and then waited.

No howl came back.

I tipped my head back again and howled the same song. The same serenade that had once called him to me wherever he was. I waited, lying down as my stomach started to churn.

I tried again, howling high and loud for my mate.

There was no response.

The next howl I let out was low and mournful. It was empty and resonating, filled with nothing but sorrow, heartache, and grief.

My limbs felt heavy, and I rested my head on my paws as I whined, tucking my tail under my feet.

I tried to get up and tried to convince my wild side that he was gone and had been for years. We had to move on. We had to keep going.

But instead, I just lay there, still and suffering, as I waited and hoped and sank deeper into depression.

He would never answer my call.

I closed my eyes and struggled to open them as memories flooded back. They were blurry and disjointed, created by a mind that could only hold so much.

What I remembered most was his smell. It tore me apart and provided a twisted comfort as well as a deep, deep longing.

I could barely recall his image: a tall wolf with a square head and a long tail he always held high.

I watched myself chase after him, get pinned under his paw, and hear him join my song.

I felt the warmth of his body, the breath from his mouth, and the brush of his fur as he passed me.

Just when I thought nothing would ever pull me out of my grief, I heard a sound and caught a scent.

I was up in an instant, scanning the woods as I held my breath and waited, listening and inhaling deeply.

A doe was grazing to my right, peeking over the bushes every now and then to check for predators. I was well hidden, my russet fur blending in with the earth.

The deer took a few steps forward and I followed, lowering my tail and ears while raising my muzzle. My heartbeat slowed as I waited for the right moment to strike.

The deer was nervous, constantly twitching and moving as it scampered around the forest.

Finally, my muscles relaxed as I lunged forward, sending the deer into a desperate run as I gave chase. The doe was fast, but I was a top predator and my muscles were built for the chase.

I let it run a while longer, enjoying the challenge it presented as it dodged and changed directions.

Soon though, hunger and instinct took over, and I closed the gap between us, lunging with a growl as I bit into the doe’s neck and shook it roughly as we tumbled.

Dirt and dust flew up as we came to a stop, the deer frantically trying to escape underneath me. It only made its injury worse as blood sprayed from the wound.

I could hear its heart beating wildly in its final moments.

I was happily munching away a few moments later, the doe’s side securely under my paws as I tore off chunks of meat and chewed. I ate more than my fair share, reveling in my victory.

Footsteps approached and I growled softly, guarding my kill with the same fierceness a mother uses to protect her young.

Another wolf approached, its light brown fur streaked with white and auburn. It was huge, muscular, and dominant.

I instantly lowered my head.

The alpha wolf approached slowly, his eyes moving from me to the messy kill. I saw surprise in his gaze, as well as satisfaction.

I kept my head lowered, whimpering as he approached, and I tucked my tail between my legs.

He licked my face and I felt my tail wag, relieved to be released from my submissive position. Trip sniffed the kill but didn’t eat any of it. When our eyes met, he tilted his head to the side.

A question.

I shook out my fur and lay down in the grass, the thrill of the kill fading as my sorrow returned.

A howl escaped from my lips, a mix of that desperate call and my lingering grief. I ended the howl with a sharp whimper before I rested my head on my paws and let out a long sigh.

Trip tipped his head back and howled.

This time, the entire valley filled with the calls of wolves as the pack responded to their alpha. He ended his song and shot me a look before tilting his head back once more to sing again.

The urge was too strong to resist and I felt my head slide back and my ears flatten against my skull. I joined in with the wolves across the valley and down the mountain.

I watched Trip’s tail twitch when I joined in and felt a swelling in my chest and a twist in my gut.

When the song ended, he barked in my direction. He was light on his feet as he pranced around the small clearing.

I was sitting back on my haunches, the ghost of my loss still weighing me down. I shook my heavy head and fluffed out my tail.

He barked again.

I would’ve growled if it had been any other wolf.

Trip swung his tail low and stood tall.

A moment later, we were racing through the forest, Trip right on my heels as we sprinted. He nipped at my hind leg, and I pushed myself to run faster.

The exhilaration wiped out whatever grief had overcome me. I bore down, digging my claws deep into the earth with each stride I took.

The forest seemed to part for me as I tore through it, yipping with excitement as Trip chased me, nudging my legs whenever I slowed.

We raced past a pair of wolves on patrol, and they howled to cheer on our footrace.

My eyes were stinging, while my muscles were full of the boundless energy that had built up over years of not shifting.

Trip growled, and I felt my stomach knot. His fur brushed mine as he used his larger stride to his advantage, easily passing me.

I snarled and forced my legs to move faster, tucking in my tail as I dropped my muzzle low.

The alpha had pulled ahead, though he looked back at me with teasing eyes. I growled again, my breaths coming in quick spurts as I lunged forward, colliding with the solid torso of my opponent.

Trip let out a yelp of surprise as we tumbled down the hill together. We both lost the hold we had on our forms as we fell, tumbling over bushes and narrowly avoiding tree trunks.

When we came to a stop at the bottom of the hill, Trip was wrapped tightly around me, his hands bracing the back of my head as he tried to take the brunt of the fall.

His skin was warm and slick with sweat. “Why are you always trying to throw yourself off cliffs?” Trip asked breathlessly, focusing his eyes on my face.

He took his hand and brushed my hair from my face, then rubbed his thumb over a scrape before pulling a twig from my curls.

My breath was caught somewhere in my throat. I watched his face as he examined mine. A tiny line appeared between his eyebrows, and he chuckled as he fought my unruly hair to untangle a leaf.

“Crazy hair,” he murmured to himself, picking apart the red strands.

“Trip?” I said breathlessly, my heart suddenly pounding against my ribs.

He was smiling slightly as he looked down at me with his eyes hazy. “Yeah?”

“I…” I swallowed hard, my brain a scrambled mess. “I think I…”

He waited patiently, his eyes as green as the forest that surrounded us.

I became aware of the heat of his skin against mine, the rough pads of his hands on my neck and face, and the length of him pressed close.

“I care about you,” he blurted as a blush spread over his tanned skin. “More than I thought… More than I thought I would care for anyone again.”

He sucked in a long breath. “You just…sprung yourself on me… I can’t even really explain—”

I kissed him, my heart dropping low into my stomach as my entire body seemed to heat up.

He held my face tightly, guiding the kiss I’d initiated.

I was the first to explore. The first to drop my hands to his chest, his back…and lower.

He nipped at my lip and I pressed myself closer, lifting the small of my back upward as his hand slid to my hip and gripped me.

My heart was beating hard and fast, a drum pushing me toward a quicker rhythm, as I skimmed my fingers over his back. I sucked in a gasp of air as his lips moved from mine to my neck.

I felt his teeth graze the place Liam’s mark had been; the spot that had bound me and my mate together. I didn’t shrink away. Instead, I laughed and reclaimed his lips while pulling his hair.

A light growl from him took all the humor out of the moment and I pressed deeper into the kiss, pressing my hips into his with a firm demand.

He was breathless above me and his eyes fogged as he pulled back for a moment, so his lips could form a silent question.

“Yes,” I breathed. “Yes.”

“Caroline…” My name from his lips set me on fire. My teeth ground together when his hand grazed my chest.

“I’ll be your luna,” I declared, pressing my forehead to his. “I want to be yours.”

His mouth parted in surprise and the haze in his eyes lifted. I watched him struggle to swallow.

“Luna,” he rumbled with a tiny smile. “It suits you.” He brought both hands to my face and kissed me softly, slowly, serenely.

Trip moved over me, and I dug my nails into his skin, touching my head to his shoulder as my body shuddered around his.

He panted as we came together and he showered me with kisses as he established a rhythm.

I moved with him, gliding my hands over the taut muscles of his back and shoulders. He murmured my name in the crook of my neck and I echoed him with pleas, cries, moans.

We collapsed together, his body draped over mine as he kissed me gently. His fingers threaded through my hair, a lazy smile playing on his lips. His other hand traced circles on my hip.

I didn’t try to hide the wide grin on my face or the sparkle that was surely in my eyes.

“Thank you for finding me today,” I whispered to him, the grass tickling my bare back beneath me.

“I heard your call,” he murmured, a slight frown creasing his forehead. I leaned forward to kiss it away. His frown deepened. “Yesterday—”

I shook my head. “Let’s not talk about it.”

His hand stilled on my hip. “Caroline…” His gaze was heavy. “~Luna.~”

I grinned.

“You’re a target now,” he said, his voice dark, his mouth twisting in distaste.

“The way Moray looked at you…” He shook his head. “We need to discuss our next steps, and about your brothers.”

I kissed him as a ~thank you~ for always considering my family; for understanding and caring about how much they meant to me. For always prioritizing my safety, happiness, and fulfillment.

My heart swelled with the thought, catching me off guard. The ~love~ that was nestled there.

“I’ll be fine,” I murmured. “We’ll handle it.”

Trip’s eyes flashed with sudden panic. “I can’t, not again. I won’t survive again.”

I held his jaw. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said with all the conviction I could muster. “I’m right here, Trip. I’m right here with you. I’m going to lead this pack with you.”

I watched the muscles in his jaw tighten. I didn’t want him to hide his fear from me or to pretend. “Lunas are always targets—”

“I dare him to come after me,” I growled. A fire ignited in my belly as I remembered the man on the shop floor. “I ~dare~ him.”

“Don’t say shit like that,” Trip snapped, closing his eyes. “Don’t invite trouble.”

I didn’t apologize. “I take my safety just as seriously as you do, Trip. I also take the protection of this pack as seriously as you do.

“If I have to be the one to kill Moray to protect this pack, my family, ~you~…then so be it.”

He kissed my forehead. “It won’t come to that.”

I wasn’t so sure.

We shifted and raced each other back home. Trip checked the house before he shifted again, then made a dash for it, running across the yard and laughing with our hands linked.

We made love as the sun set, our bodies tangled on the living room floor, a thin white sheet wrapped around our legs carelessly as we rolled and laughed and loved.

Trip was patient and responsive, eager to please and eager to learn. I was learning, too; exploring his body as I remembered what it felt like to be connected to another person again.

I wrapped the thin sheet around me as we wandered to the kitchen while Trip wore only a pair of boxers.

He draped his arm over the refrigerator door and searched for something to eat. I leaned on the counter, a smile on my face as I watched him sift through his options.

“We could heat up a pizza,” he suggested, throwing a smile over his shoulder.

I shrugged as he pulled open the freezer. “We could.”

He frowned. “Cereal?”

“We’re out.”

Trip scratched his bare chest, his hair sticking up at the back. “Peanut butter and jelly?”

We agreed on that and he gathered all the ingredients in one arm and hoisted me over his shoulder with the other.

We sat on the living room floor making messy sandwiches, kissing with lips smeared with peanut butter and talking with our mouths full of food and laughter.

Our questions were endless, our answers honest, and our hearts open as we talked into the night and made love until dawn.

***

I woke to hazy sunlight with Trip’s arm draped over my stomach and his face buried in the crook of his arm.

My fingers traced idle patterns on his skin as I smiled contentedly, finding a moment of peace in the early morning.

Until someone pounded on the front door.

“Shit,” Trip muttered as he jolted awake, glancing past me to the door before leaping up and scrambling for clothes.

I did the same, though the quiet morning peace still lingered in my movements.

But the pounding persisted. The door was about to give way.

“Holy f…, one minute!” Trip called out.

Trip yanked open the door and stepped out, closing it before I could see who was there. A moment later, I heard yelling and sprinted for the door.

My moment of peace vanished.

My father stood at my door. Han was behind him.

“Caroline?” my father snapped. “What the hell—?”

Trip growled. “Don’t address her that way,” he demanded. “She’s the luna of this pack and deserves your respect.”

My father’s eyes flashed. I was too scared to meet Han’s.

“Luna,” my father said tightly, “I’ve heard that we have visitors.”

I paled. “Yes,” I said, “we do.”

His eyes darkened, reflecting the hurt I knew he was feeling. “You didn’t tell me,” he said. “Didn’t warn me or alert me.”

Trip glared. “She didn’t know he was coming,” he said.

My father recoiled. “You told—?”

“He guessed,” I interrupted. “And besides, Trip is the alpha and I’m his luna. We don’t keep secrets.” Trip’s fingers intertwined with mine, reinforcing that sentiment.

“How could you not tell ~me~?” Han asked, his voice quiet despite his anger.

I took a step toward him. “Han, I was going to tell you but we needed to focus on—”

Han glared at Trip and then me. “We used to be so close, Caroline. Now, you spend all your time with ~him~ and his friends. Is that where your loyalty lies now?”

I bristled. “Han, I knew you were going to make a scene.”

“Damn right I fucking was,” he snarled. “You brought him here—”

“Yeah, I did,” Trip chimed in.

But Han just kept going, as if Trip hadn’t said a word. “You brought him here without telling me. You didn’t even let me know you knew him… You just… You—”

“You’re the one who kept me in the dark for years, Han.” I spread my hands wide.

“I don’t get why you’re talking about trust and loyalty when you didn’t show me either.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Han? Did you need something to hold onto, so you’d have an excuse to be gloomy? A reason to act like a jerk?”

Trip put his hand on my arm, a silent warning not to push too far.

Han lost it. “I didn’t tell you because it was crap you didn’t need to deal with after Liam died,” he shouted.

“You were a total wreck after, and I thought it would be best to keep you out of it.” Han’s gaze landed on Trip’s hand on my arm. “Doesn’t seem like you miss him much now.”

I growled. “Don’t fucking talk about what you don’t understand, Han.”

He was shaking now. “Liam was my friend, too, Care, and trust me, he wouldn’t want you to end up with someone like—”

“Don’t you dare,” I cut in.

Han spat on the ground. “Protecting him now?”

“Yes,” I yelled back, “because he’s been good to me. To our family.

“You have no idea what it’s like, Han. You haven’t even met your mate, so you have ~no idea~ what it’s like to lose them. No idea what it feels like to be alone after being so…”

I sucked in a breath, comforted by the fact that Trip had moved closer.

Han looked like he’d been stabbed in the back. “Would Liam even recognize you?”

“Enough!” I nearly screamed.

Trip’s hand tightened on mine, and I looked up at his face to see his eyes hard and his jaw clenched. That’s when I noticed how quiet my father had become.

When I looked at him, he was staring off into the distance. I followed his gaze and felt my heart stop.

Grant was walking toward us.

“Goddess,” my father whispered, his eyes filling with tears at the sight of his eldest son.

Han turned slowly, his eyes burning with a dark rage. I watched his hands curl into fists at his sides, watched in horror as he started walking toward his brother.

Grant didn’t back down either. His eyes were unyielding as he met his younger brother head-on.

“Fuck,” I gasped, pulling Trip with me as I ran toward them.

But I was too late.

Han stopped in front of Grant and stared at the ghost that had haunted him for years. “Fuck you,” he spat.

Then he punched him in the face.