Chapter 59
"9 Days. "
Rochelle Quinn's POV:
- Warning: Mention of Suicide, Self Harm and Childhood Abuse -
Isn't it ironic that my idea of heaven consists of all the things I would go to hell for?
Kenzie's hospital room consisted of a wide range of visitors. All his brothers, of course, and my brothers and sister.
All sat together in harmony, no arguing, no fighting.
Just peace.
Kenzie wasn't dead, yet it felt like we were all mourning him. As if his soul had faded away in just a matter of seconds.
Studying each of his brothers carefully, it was safe to say Kace has been affected the worse. His eyes were empty, his skin pale.
"Kace?" I frowned at him in concern as he walked over to the bed, and peeled back Kenzie's covers.
He climbed into the hospital bed, on the opposite side to where Kade was sleeping. He pulled the sheets back over them.
Kane stared at me with widened eyes, which softened considerably as Kace put his arms around Kenzie's waist and shuffled their bodies together.
It's been 8 days. 8 days since Kenzie put himself in here. 9 days since the Jensen family was split apart by the truth of Kenzie's childhood trauma.
It only took 9 days for all of their lives to fall apart.
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"Kenzie, you have to fight" I woke up to whispering, the deep voice fading into the dark air almost naturally. "Fight because you don't know how to die quietly. Come on, Kenzie. You're my brother, I need you."
"Kace?" I mutter, my eyes fluttering open on their own accord. Noticing his swollen eyes, I push myself up. "Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
"I'm upset, and bitter, and angry." He snaps, running his hands through his hair. "He's my brother, and he's just lay here doing nothing. I've spent 8 days sat in the same spot and watching him, just because he decided he could give up. It's so selfish. It's my life too, and I could've lost my brother."
"I get it." I reply quietly, diverting my eyes to the floor.
Kenzie wouldn't have realised the amount of pain his death would cause.
"I feel like I failed him." Kace admits, his voice shaking.
"You didn't fa-"
"I did." He cuts me off, "You know, I always tried to protect him, Rocky. Nobody even told me to. It's always been my job, he's my little brother. I'm the oldest and I have one job - to protect all my brothers. And I couldn't protect him Rocky and now he's in here, again. I couldn't save him from his demons, his nightmares. I couldn't even save him from my dad. What does that make me, Rocky? What does that make me?"
"You can't save everyone, Kace." I tried not to crumble in front of him. But, the image of the injured boy repeated and repeated over and over again in my mind.
Finding him there, with his wrists slit open.
That image will plague my mind until the day my heart stops beating.
"I didn't stop him though. I should've stopped Kyle, Rocky, I should've stopped him before he destroyed my brother. He shouldn't have had the fucking chance to." I pull him close to me, holding his head gently as he sobbed into my shoulder.
"You didn't know, it's okay, Kace. You did okay." I reassure gently, rubbing circles into his shoulder blades. He melted into my touch.
"You know after the first few weeks, I thought the whole friendship thing with Kenzie was an act." Kace pulled away from me, finally admitting what he thought all those months ago. "I think we all expected you to continue leading him along just so you could stay with us. It wasn't until you ran after him that I realized I was wrong, I had misjudged you. You weren't after our money, or our home. You wanted a family, and you found love along the way."
"I don't lo-" I attempted to deny it instantly.
"Yeah you do, Rocky."
Looking down at my hands, I didn't reply.
Did I love him?
I don't know.
"You was right as well."
"I'm right about a lot of things, you'll have to be more specific." I raise my eyebrow at him, as if I was daring him to continue.
"About family not always being blood." He tells me, his dark eyes flickering between each of our brothers. Yet I noticed how they lingered on Kade curled up against Skylar's side.
"You believe me now?"
"Yeah I do." A ghost of a smile illuminates his face, before it completely disappeared. "My Mom and Dad....Katherine and Kyle...They aren't my family. What I did to Kade was fucked up, and I'll try to earn his forgiveness every single day. I get why you class Alec and the others as your family now. You went through hell together and they were the only people there for you."
"You have no idea." I look down at my tangled fingers, "The only thing that got me through Juvie was the thought of seeing them again and....and Raven."
"Raven?"
"There's something your Mom and Dad didn't tell you about me." I bite my lip, taking a deep breath. I closed my eyes. "When Jenny came, the day you found out about your Dad, she left me something. It was a folder, with a picture and a name. The name of my little girl."
- - - - -
Kace wouldn't speak to me.
It'd been 4 hours since I told him the truth about me. The truth that Zach and I had desperately attempted to hide for years.
Maybe he was ashamed of me, or disgusted, or angry.
We were alone now. All the others had gone to the Cafeteria and home to shower, but Kace and I wouldn't leave.
We couldn't.
"How could you do that?"
"What?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowing.
"How could you give your baby up to the system that ruined you?"
"I didn't have a choice." I let out, relaxing my shoulders as the weight finally leaves my chest.
"We always have a choice." Kace says, yet his words echo around my mind. They seemed so familiar.
"Kenzie didn't." I conclude, "I didn't."
"What happened?" He questions.
"You know how I said I killed Bulldog for Ivan?" I wait until he nods at me, "I didn't tell the exact truth. I mean, of course I did it for Ivi and I had promised him I would be the one to end that monsters life. But it was Raven as well."
I continue, focusing my eyes on Kenzie's form. "I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend...Killian...He disappeared, I never even got the chance to tell him. My world just came crashing down and I went crazy. 14 year old foster kid with a baby on the way, I was a perfect example of a failed system. I flipped out, took a bunch of shit and went to the place which tore my world apart."
My fingers skim along Kenzie's cold fingers, "I gave birth while I was in Juvie and I had to chose to have someone with me in the hospital. Zach came, and he looked after the baby before the social worker came and took it. I didn't even know she was a girl until Jenny gave me her folder. I might not have chose to give her up, but I can chose whether I'm going to fight to get her back."
"Are you?"
"Until my last breath. But I need to think about Kenzie."
"Kenzie would want you to fight for her, he'd want you to fix yourself." Kace informs me, a proud glimmer lingering around the edge of his irises.
"What if he gives up on me, Kace? What if he realizes how broken and disgusting I actually am?" I mumbled, hiding my face in the bed sheets.
"My brother has battled his demons for such a long time, Rocky. It's almost as though he's been holding his breath for years, until he saw you. Watching him over these past few months, I've finally seen him exhale. He won't give up on you, and he won't give up on Raven either. He's going to fight through this, I know it."
"So what do I do?"
"You go and fight for your family."
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Thank you for all your support! Every single one of you!
Suicide is never the answer. It affects everyone around you, even if you don't believe it will. Always keep fighting.
If anyone needs any support, please message a friend or try to find a helpline. And you can always speak to me if you need anything.
All my love,
Alaska xx