Chapter 50
" We always have a choice. "
Rochelle Quinn's POV:
- Warning: Childhood sexual abuse is mentioned and described. Descriptions of torture and physical abuse. Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder are implied -
Tears roll down my face, like a waterfall. My skin crawls as the boy traces my arm slowly with the blade. A fist hit me before I could think twice, flinging my head to the side so hard that I had to bite my cheek so no sounds came out. A metallic taste lingered in my mouth, yet the boy still smirked at me.
"That the best you got?" I mock, smirking deviously at them.
The brown haired boy glared at me, digging the knife further and further into my skin. My eyes flickered at the sharp burning sensation on my forearm. The blood oozes from my arm, the warmness almost comforting me in this living hell.
A cough comes from across the room, making me attention divert.
Dark brown hair and pained consumed eyes.
Kenzie.
"Kenzie!"
I shoot out of bed, clutching my heart desperately as my breaths came out in harsh pants.
A scream echoes across the house, yet it didn't come from me.
But from Kenzie's room.
I rush up, not caring that it's 2am. Or that Kenzie didn't want to speak to me.
Running into his room, I'm hit with the callous scent of blood and sweat.
No.
"Kenzie?" I say hesitantly, cautiously walking towards his frozen figure.
My heart stopped as I realized where the smell was coming from. Bloodstained bandages decorated his wrists.
Oh Kenzie.
His body tensed up, a quiet muttering sound coming from his lips.
" Stop."
And then I messed up. I grab his shoulder, trying to shake him awake gently.
His fist meets my face with a loud crack, catching me off guard. I grit my teeth and stay silent, feeling a brutal ache hit my cheekbone.
He jumps up, raising his fist higher. He lowers it as he notices that it was me.
"Get the fuck out of my room."
I was trying to help.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Kenzie?!" I shout in shock, holding my hand against my stinging cheek. "You fucking hit me."
He softened for a split second before his eyes turned hard, "Get out of my room."
"Who did this to you?!" I scream, moving closer to his shaking figure. He turns away from me. "Who fucked you up so badly that you cut yourself?! Who fucked you up so badly that you have nightmares? You can't speak to people? You can't look at people? You couldn't kiss me." I whispered brokenly. "Look at me Kenzie, fucking look at me."
"Nothing happened to me." He insists, a broken undertone underlining his voice.
I scoff, "You can lie to yourself but don't you dare lie to me."
He looked up and stared into my eyes. I removed my hand from my face and his eyes diverted to the bruise blossoming on my cheek.
"You don't understand, Rae. No one does." He whispered brokenly, his brown irises watered at his gazed at my cheek and my bloodshot eyes.
I closed my eyes, opening them again to see his shattered expression. "Then make me understand, Kenz. Please. I can't keep seeing you like this. What did they do to you? You can tell me, Kenz, I'm not going to tell anyone."
"I can't tell you, I don't have a choice."
"We always have a choice, Kenz."
His lips shook and deep, shaky breaths left his mouth. He looked straight into my eyes and started talking.
"I don't....I didn't. Not when he...hurt me. I...I..." He stuttered tearfully, wiping his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from escaping. "When I....When I was younger." He paused, trying to regain his breathing.
I didn't reply straight away as I waited for him to carry on.
"He...He comes." Another pause. "He used to come....into my room, when I was 8, I think." Kenzie stopped looking at me when his voice broke. "He would....He'd just watch me at first, I..there was always a part of me that knew someone was there but I didn't move or talk. I didn't make it known that I knew they were there."
"What did he do to you Kenzie? You can talk to me. You need to talk to someone, the amount of pain you're in isn't right." My voice shook as I took in his broken form.
He bit his lip, sniffling. "After a while, the shadow...the man...would come into the bed with me and he'd hug me, whispering little things into my ear. He would touch me, and then make me touch him."
He started crying then, covering his face with his hands. I placed my hand over my mouth, fighting to hold in the sobs as he confirmed my worst fears.
"He w...would call me beautiful. His spe-special little boy. Telling me that I was his favorite. And he'd ...he'd force me to do things that I didn't want to do, he'd touch me everywhere and it hurt." Kenzie whimpered, clenching his eyes shut as if he was reliving the whole ordeal all over again. "It hurt so much, Rock. So much. It was so wrong,"
I held him in my arms as he sobbed into my chest, and I sobbed into his shoulder. The sight was simply horrific. Two snivelling, anti social teenagers wallowing in their own tears.
I clutched Kenzie until he pulled away.
"I was 10 when he finally took it." Kenzie's voice cracked. He half screamed, half cried. His fists clenched together while he was holding my shirt. I cried with him. "I was 10 goddamn years old when he raped me. And it was my birthday." He whispered softly, "My birthday present."
"He told me that I was good, I was his. His special, beautiful boy."
"And I still am." Kenzie's entire body shook. "I'm still his, in here." He pointed to his head. "He won't leave Rock. He won't fucking leave. "
"Who did Kenzie?" I asked, my voice breaking. "Who did this to you?"
His eyes emptied, leaving just a blank stare. But he didn't answer. He shook his head, as if the words were too painful to get out.
I didn't know what to say. Or what to do. My mind had always wondered what had happened to him, and this was always a common assumption yet I begged and pleaded for it not to be true.
I just held him, trying to take in the situation and what he had told me. In all honesty, I had no idea what to to.
"I believe you." I whispered, saying the only words that could give him any form of comfort.
He smiled sadly, "Thanks, I suppose."
"But I also believe that the country is ruled by an orange man whose lack of control of his own hair further highlights his lack of control of the country." I tried to make the situation more humorous, to take his mind off the man who must haunt his memories every second.
"The government is ruled by an orange man with messy hair?" His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes gleamed with amusement.
"Exactly." I said matter of factly. I grab his hand, resting my forehead against his delicately.
"If you want me to stay, I will." I swore, taking his hand and lying on the bed with him. Kenzie rested his head on my shoulder, sniffling.
I'm going to kill the motherfucker who hurt him.
"Kenz?" I whispered, rubbing circles into his hip in a bid to soothe him. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"
He thought for a moment, before replying quietly. "I'm a guy."
My brows furrowed, "So what?"
"I'd be different if I was a girl." He explained, "There'd be a better chance of people believing me, and there's always people there offering support and marching for them. Guys don't really get that. People would say I should've fought back or something."
"Your brothers would've believed you." I said, not hesitating for even a moment. They cared for each other in a way that I'll never be able to imagine. "I would've believed you."
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Some of you guessed it...Some of you knew it.
Kenzie has a dark past, just like Rocky.
Maybe they can fix each other.
If anybody needs someone to talk to, about anything, feel free to message me. I'll try to help you as much as I can.
You're not alone.
Tell me..What do you guys think of this chapter? What's Rocky and Kenzie going to do now? Should Kenzie tell his brothers?
Thank you all for reading.
All my love and support, always and forever
Alaska xx