I waited anxiously with Pond as we sat, both of us on edge, anticipating Dunk's return to his room. By the time we arrived at the hospital, it was already late afternoon, and Dunk was still in the ICU. It was Joong who helped us settle Dunk into his new room, as Dunk didn't want to see him just yet.
Joong told us that Dunk was diagnosed with dissociative amnesia, and sadly, he had forgotten everything about Joong, even their relationship. I knew there was something Joong wasn't telling us, but we didn't want to push him. We decided to be patient and let everything reveal itself in due time.
I was preparing myself for the worst. I couldn't shake the feeling that whatever we were about to discover would involve me too.
After a while, Dunk was transferred to a different room. Joong immediately hid behind us, but I could clearly see the longing in his eyes to approach Dunk.
"Pond," Dunk smiled at him the moment their eyes met. My heart skipped a beat, and my anxiety grew as I saw Dunk's warm smile directed at Pond.
"Brace yourself, Phu," Joong whispered to me, squeezing my hand from behind.
Pond walked closer to Dunk's bed as the nurses were still adjusting some of the tubes connected to him. The doctors were speaking with Dunk's parents across the room.
"How are you feeling?" Pond asked, his voice filled with concern.
"Not good. Look at all these things connected to me," Dunk replied in his usual playful, almost childlike tone â the one he often used when he wanted something from Joong.
"I'm sorry," Pond said softly.
"For what? For not being with me the whole time? It's okay. Dad told me you're busy with the company. He even said you're the new CEO now."
"Hmm, I also need to take care of what happened to you," Pond replied.
"It's okay. I'm just wondering how your dad gave you his position in the company when you haven't even graduated yet."
Pond paused, clearly puzzled by what Dunk had just said. I, too, was confused. Was Dunk forgetting that he and Pond graduated together?
"What do you mean?" Pond asked, his voice filled with concern.
"What I mean is, you haven't finished your studies yet. Don't get me wrong. I know you're still new to running a company. Aren't you worried about that?"
Pond turned to me, his face filled with worry from Dunk's words.
"Who is he, Pond? Your secretary?"
Both of us were taken aback by Dunk's question. Pond quickly turned his head toward Dunk, while I froze in place, unable to move.
"Don't you remember him, Dunk?" Pond asked, his voice filled with disbelief.
"Nope. I don't remember him. Sorry," Dunk replied.
"It's okay," I answered quickly, forcing a smile. I knew my smile seemed a bit fake, but stressing Dunk out by reminding him that he couldn't remember me was the last thing I wanted to do. I reached over and gently squeezed Pond's shoulder to comfort him. He looked up at me, and I smiled back, whispering that everything was fine and not to worry.
"Dunk, can you tell me, what do you remember?" Pond asked softly.
"Well, I remember my dad, my mom, my dogs Haruto and Moro, and my boyfriend, which is you," Dunk replied.
The room fell into an eerie silence. It felt like time had stopped, and I was hit with a chilling realization. My heart dropped. How should I react to what Dunk just said?
"Thank you for telling me," Pond finally broke the silence, his voice strained. "You should rest now. I need to go back to the office; there's still a lot I need to take care of."
"Did I say something wrong, hon?"
The moment Dunk called Pond "hon," I felt a pang of jealousy, and my heart sank. I clenched my fist, fighting the urge to say something, to tell Dunk the truth.
"It's nothing. You just need to rest. I also have a lot to do at the office. I'll visit you again tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay. But, there's no one here except Mommy to watch over me."
"Hmm. Joong will stay with you."
"Joong? The one my mom said is my fiancé? I don't want to see him. I don't like him."
"Dunk, calm down, okay?"
"How can I? They all want him for me."
"Dunk, listen to me. Joong will stay with you. Aside from your parents, he's the one who can take care of you properly. Let him stay, and be kind to him. Otherwise, I won't visit you tomorrow."
"Fine. Just make it clear to him that you're my boyfriend."
"I'll talk to him, but promise me you'll be good. If Joong calls me and says you're being hard to handle, I'll make you sleep for a long time."
"You don't love me anymore?"
"I'll leave now, Pond," I interrupted, stepping out of the room before Pond could respond.
There are times when I feel entitled to express my rights as Pond's boyfriend, but in this situation, no matter how much I wanted to tell Dunk that Pond was mine, I couldn't. Even though it hurt, I couldn't say it. Despite feeling jealous, I had to keep my feelings hidden.
This was the only thing I felt I could do for Dunk. After all, he was the one involved in the accident that was meant for me.
It should have been me. I should have been the one operated on. I should have been the one in his situation, unable to remember. Those sufferings were meant for Pond and me.
I walked straight to the emergency exit of the floor where Dunk's room was. I took a deep breath, trying to hold back my tears. At this moment, I felt like I had no right to cry or feel hurt.
"Baby."
I turned around, and the moment I saw Pond, I couldn't hold back my tears any longer.
I ran to him and hugged him tightly, letting the tears flow. Only Pond and I could hear our sobs.
"You're not going to leave me, right?" I asked him, like a child.
"Of course not. Everything will be okay," Pond reassured me.
"What if it isn't?"
"I'll do everything I can to make it right. All we have to do is wait for Dunk to recover. We just need to stop worrying about the things we can't change for now."
"Okay."
"Shhh, stop crying, baby. We'll get through this together. We'll help Dunk. Brain can forget everything, but not the heart. Dunk will remember everything when he starts using his heart instead of his mind."
"Mm."
But I wondered... Was there anything more I could do?
"Let's go home and rest so we have the strength to face tomorrow."
"Will you visit him tomorrow?" I asked.
"We will visit him tomorrow," Pond corrected me gently.
I shook my head quickly. "I can't. I can't bear to see him being sweet to you. I might say something that will upset him."
"Okay. I'll visit him, but you'll still come with me. Help me take care of Joong."
"Okay."
"I love you, baby."
"I love you too, love."
We drove home in silence, with Pond holding me close throughout the ride. He kept kissing me and whispering "I love you" in my ear. It was his way of reassuring me that no matter what happened, we would always be together.
When we arrived home, Pond went straight to his father's office, and I went to our room to freshen up and change clothes.
After doing everything I needed to do, I lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. My mind began to wander.
What if I were in Dunk's situation? What if I had been the one who was in the accident and woke up with no memory of anything? What if I forgot everything about my family, my parents? How nice would that be?
What if I had forgotten Pond, and everything we shared? How would Pond handle that, and how would he cope with the pain of losing me, even if I hadn't truly left?
I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. There were so many things I wanted to forget. I always wished I could have amnesia and erase all the painful memories of my life. But if the cost of that was forgetting the person who stood by me when I was at my lowest, I'd rather remember everything. After all, the pain and bad memories were part of me. They were part of my past, my history. And even if I were to forget them, they would still live on in me. They shaped who I am now and would continue to shape my future.