Hope would rather have been anywhere else than where she was right then. Initially when her mum had decided that she was going to visit Philip's mother at the nursing home she was admitted in, Hope had been very reluctant about it. While she understood her mum's need to get closure and at least try to make things right even though it couldn't change much, Hope would rather just leave things as they were. She'd tried to convince her mum to stay back. Afterall, Philip had in his own way gotten revenge for his mother already.
Hope was aware that her train of thoughts were a bit selfish and mean, but she was just concerned for her mum. Who would gladly welcome a woman she'd spent her whole life thinking had ruined her life?
Either ways, she hadn't been able to stay back when her mum had insisted on going. If her mum was insistent on facing her demons, Hope would be right there with her. Sophie had obviously thought the same as well because at the end, the three of them went together to the nursing home. What any of them hadn't put into consideration however, although looking at it at hindsight, they probably should have, was that the woman they were visiting would have no idea who they were. She was a woman who barely even recognized herself anymore afterall.
For some reason, it made Hope feel even more horrible. Watching her mum crouched before the other woman, tears streaming down her face as she apologized over and over again while the woman just stared down at her mum with a distant and confused gaze, Hope wasn't quite sure what would be right for her to feel at that moment. Relief? That'd be a selfish thought. Guilt? That didn't seem right either.
She then watched the woman gently pat her mum in a consoling gesture, causing her mum to sob harder. The whole sight had Hope feeling sort of bittersweet.
"Are you okay, Hope? You look tired the more I see you these days."
Hope's lips curved, the smile directed at her sister. It was exactly like Sophie to worry about her even when she had enough issues on her plate. "I'm fine, Sophie."
"Hope -- " Sophie started, looking unsure.
"Really, I am. You should be more concerned about them right now," Hope said, gesturing towards her mum and the other woman.
"She's happy."
Hope turned her attention to the woman who had spoken. She hadn't as much as exchanged a sentence with Bridget ever since they met. Hope wasn't sure who the woman was referring to as she intensely watched the scene in front of her with an unreadable look.
"What do you mean?" Sophie asked.
"My mum. The doctors say that her condition has deteriorated so much so that she doesn't remember anything about herself on most days. She doesn't even recognize me these days."
"I'm sorry about that."
"No," she replied, shaking her head slightly. "I can't help but think it's probably for the best in the long term. She's suffered enough, and she deserves her peace now. You might think it's ridiculous that I'm thinking this way considering the fact that she's at risk of losing the ability of performing even normal day to day functions, but at least here, with no recollection of her horrid past, she has a chance to be happy."
Hope's attention briefly turned back to said woman who was smiling gently down at her mum before turning her attention back to Bridget. Hope wasn't exactly sure what to make of her or what she'd said. Hope found it a bit difficult to think of an illness as some sort of blessing. Regardless of the past, she was certain the woman would have loved to at least remember her children.
She remembered Philip saying Bridget never fully recovered from her accident. Was that why she reasoned the way she did? Hope wasn't sure and she couldn't exactly ask. She seemed normal for the most part, except for a few times like in the hospital when she'd seemed a bit . . . strange.
"If you have something on your mind, you can just ask me rather than staring at me like that."
Hope flinched. Even though the words hadn't come out harsh or malicious, she was still a bit embarrassed that she'd been caught staring.
"I'm sorry. It's just . . . I don't understand how you don't hate us right now."
Bridget sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't waste the last few years of my life hating you. I was too busy trying to make something normal of my life instead."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"
"I know," she replied, cutting Hope's apology short. "Blaming and hating others for your bad luck is pointless. I know because I've seen hate consume my brother for years. While I hadn't been aware of what he'd been doing to you, I knew something was definitely up with him. I just didn't know what or how to help him. He was the one out of the three of us that was supposed to be able to live a semblance of a normal life yet he couldn't even do that. Between worrying about him, my mum and trying to overcome my trauma, I was too busy to even give your family more than a passing thought." She sighed, looking momentarily lost in thought. "I wish I had though. Maybe then I'd have noticed something and been able to stop things from getting so messed up."
The thought of Philip and all the years he'd tormented her still haunted Hope, and she knew it was going to be that way for a long time, but she was trying to accept it and make her peace with it. Like hate, regret was pointless as well.
"I'm sorry," Hope said, for lack of anything consoling to say.
"It's not your fault," Bridget assured.
"Your trauma," Sophie started. "What . . ."
"After the accident, I suffered from a traumatic brain injury. It took years of therapy and treatment for me to have a semblance of a 'normal' life again, but the damage was already done and I still have a bout of symptoms from time to time; anxiety, depression, disorientation, inability to sleep, mood swings, PTSD . . . some others."
"I'm so sorry."
She shrugged. "I'm learning to live with it. It's not so bad anymore."
Hope didn't know what to say. She could only imagine she was going through yet . . . So she didn't say anything.
"Look, everything seems so messed up right now, but give it some time, it won't be so overwhelming anymore," the woman said. "On that note, I'd like for you to talk to your mum not to come here anymore."
Startled, both Sophie and Hope stared at her, unsure if the statement had come from a place of disdain.
" I understand that she's trying to fix things, but there's nothing to fix. Honestly, I'd rather have it that my mum doesn't remember her anymore. Then she could at least be at peace. I hope you both understand what I'm trying to say?"
Hope and Sophie exchanged meaningful glances, both acknowledging that they did, but still unsure how to respond.
Hope's gaze shifted back to her mum and the woman, and she watched the scene forlornly, wishing for the umpteenth time that things had turned out differently.
â¢Â   ~   â¢
The visit had gone better than Hope had expected, and she was grateful for it. Her mum looked better than she'd been for a while. Although she'd gone quiet after they'd left the nursing home, she'd at the time seemed momentarily content playing board games with Bridget's mum and some other women.
Hope couldn't help but worry, remembering what Bridget had said. She agreed that things wouldn't be the same if the woman ever remembered her mum. The woman wouldn't take it well and Hope's mum would go into another round of self blame. Maybe it would be best overall to let sleeping dogs lie, but what if that wasn't the best idea either?
Hope didn't voice out her worries though. It was the first time her mum wasn't looking like all the world's worries were on her shoulder for the last few days. Hope would want to let her have that peace for as long as it would last. Sophie must have had similar thoughts as well because she didn't bring the issue up either.
Hope sighed, the intensity of it suggesting the many worries that'd been plaguing her ever since she'd confronted her mum over what'd happened in the past. One would think the feeling of heaviness she carried would have at least eased, but surprisingly it hadn't. To make things worse, what seemed like a permanent headache had started to grow and she felt more tired as the day passed. She didn't tell anyone about how she was feeling, but she just wanted to sleep for a very long time.
"I think I'm going to get some sleep now," she voiced aloud.
Sophie checked the time and raised a skeptical brow at her. Hope was aware her sister was constantly worried about her, but there was just too much on everybody's plates. "Are you sure you're okay, Hope?"
"I'm fine." Sophie didn't seem convinced, and to make it worse, her mum was beginning to look at her with a concerned expression as well. Changing the subject before they could dwell too much on it. She asked, "When will Alex and Angel be getting back?"
Thankfully, Sophie dropped the subject. "He already called and said they were on their way. I think Raymond might be coming with them as well."
"I see. Okay."
"About Raymond . . . " Her mum suddenly sat up, like she just remembered something she'd been meaning to address for a while. "What's going on between the both of you?"
Uh oh. Hope blanched. Trust her mum to be so upfront with no prior warning. "Ma?" Her eyes frantically searched around, eager for some sort of escape.
"Don't even try to avoid this. I've been too distracted to address it but thank God it has come up now. What's going on between you two? I've been suspecting you two since that day . . . " She trailed off, but Hope knew what she'd been able to say. The day she'd been kidnapped.
Trust her mum to notice something like that despite everything that had been happening. Hope's panicked gaze flew to her sister who gave her an encouraging nod. Hope glared in return. This was the part where Sophie was supposed to think of something to save her from the situation.
"Omoshalewa."
Oh Lord. Everyone knew shit was real when her mother called her by her yoruba name.
Timidly, she replied, "Yes, ma."
"Yes ma, what? Are you seeing each other?"
Hope nodded hesitantly.
The silence that ensued following her admission was one filled with so much tension Hope found it hard to breathe. This was it. The moment that'd make or break her relationship with Raymond.
"Since when?"
"Just a few weeks, ma."
Another silence ensued and Hope kept her gaze firmly fixed on the floor. Even though she was too tired to really be afraid, there was still that nagging thought at the back of her head that if her mum disapproved, that was the end of it because she knew that even if she chose to disobey her mum, Raymond would never be able to go against her mum's wishes.
"Did you know about this?"
Hope didn't look up, but she knew that question had been directed at her sister.
She watched in her peripheral vision as Sophie's hands shot up in denial, her head rapidly shaking. "Not at all. I didn't start suspecting anything until then as well."
The betrayer. She looked up to glare at her sister but then saw her mum glaring at her so she immediately went back to admiring the fascinating floor.
A few more seconds passed before Hope caught her mum standing. Hope immediately turned her gaze back on her, unsure of what to expect. Was she about to get beaten to death?
Her mum caught Hope's gaze and gave a slight jerk of her head. "We'll talk about this when Raymond is here."
With that, her mum left Hope and Sophie staring after her as she went up the stairs to her room.
"Did that go smoothly or badly?" Hope was forced to ask.
"Seeing as she didn't yell your head off and you're not in a hospital already, it's definitely a good sign," Sophie teased, grinning like a maniac.
"Oh no. She's definitely thinking of the most suitable way to kill me right now. Isn't she?"
Sophie rolled her eyes at her sister's dramatics. "Stop being a drama queen, Hope. Everything would be fine. There's nothing to be afraid of"
"Right. That totally explains why you betrayed me just a minute ago."
Sophie laughed. "I only said the truth na."
Hope tsked, but said nothing else. She probably should call Raymond to give him a heads up.
"I almost see the wheels turning in your head right now. Relax, Hope. Mum would be fine," Sophie assured. "I, on the other hand, am dying to hear exactly how this came to be. Never in a million years would I have thought Raymond would even look at you like that."
Hope feigned offence. "Excuse me. What's that supposed to mean?"
"No jor. It's just that he's so respectful and old fashioned and . . . I don't know how to put this. He just normally wouldn't have looked at you in that way. You should know what I'm saying."
Hope did understand, but that didn't mean she was going to make it easy for her sister. "So it's me that's disrespectful and rebellious abi."
Sophie rolled her eyes. "Please. Everyone knows you've had a crush on him right from day one."
"I take offense to that. For all you know, he had a crush on me."
"Mm. I see. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
"I sleep just fine, thank you very much." That was a total lie. She wasn't sleeping so well these days.
"Does Val know about you two?"
"Val?" For a moment, she was confused until she understood why Sophie had asked. Val. She'd totally forgotten about her cousin's feelings for Raymond. Talk about a typical case of man-snatching.
"I can see from the expression on your face that she doesn't. Well, this just keeps getting better and better."
"Shut up jare. It's not funny. You know you're one second away from turning a complete sadist?"
"I'll take my chances," Sophie retorted, unbothered.
Val. Did her cousin still harbour feelings for Raymond? She hoped not. Ugh. Add that to the list of things Hope was worried about and she was about ready to burst.