Chapter 35: Chapter 34

Dalliah

If you were to ask me, I’d say this favour of his was just another ploy to get closer to me, or a strange attempt at trying to make up for scaring me earlier. Which is pointless as it was my fault for reacting so strangely anyway.

It’s just seeing that book again, reading more of it and feeling the hope of finally finishing was so unexpected. When it was ripped away from me a second time it brought up a lot of feelings I’ve spent too long pushing down.

In summary, he caught me at a bad time.

I’m not a big drinker so the wine thing doesn’t make a lot of sense for me, but it being extended to his sister and others did highlight a certain advantage. I might have warmed to Odelina because of our forced proximity back at that inn, but with the other women that are around I don’t know how to act.

In the castle the strategy was not to make friends, rather than blend in and as embarrassing as it is to admit, socialising doesn’t come very easily to me. I’m just lucky that as the royal companion of the king, he has such a small inner circle to tolerate.

Maybe having the wine as a bribe or some liquid courage can help me practise better. If only I knew where to start.

“If you keep frowning like that, you’re going to get wrinkles.” Odelina teases me, something she’s only just started doing in moderation as a way to show affection and I find that I don’t mind it.

It reminds me of back when Maud used to actually like me and how we’d interact as small children, but that was a long time ago from now. I can’t believe I even remember.

“Thank goodness you’ve warned me then, not everyone has access to the creams and potions needed to prevent it.” I force a light smile which isn’t that reluctant to show when it’s her that I’m speaking to, while I hint towards that cabinet I know of back at the castle.

Was it hers? Or someone else’s from another time?

I’m not sure which answer would interest me more and I’m taking a small risk to mention it in this way, but botany is a subject that’s always interested me, even if it has a tendency to go right over my head when reading about it.

“Creams and potions?” Odelina laughs out loud and the birds around us chirp in surprise. “Sometimes I’d love to take a look inside that mind of yours.”

She links arms with me, an honour that shocks me even after she’s done it a few times now, while we explore the gardens of Yolean’s court. It’s still early but apparently, both of us wake closer to the dawn than we should but while for me it’s a habit from my work, for her… I’m not sure.

It was the same when travelling here and I have caught myself wondering if she even sleeps sometimes. She’s always there and if it weren’t likely to offend her, I’d maybe ask.

“I’m sure you see enough of it written on my face.” I offer, knowing that like her brother she has the frustrating habit of reading me like a book. Or at least that’s the case since I arrived at that damned coast.

It makes keeping the more important subjects, the resentment and fear from my mind all the more important. I’m fortunate though, because this whole deal and promotion is a big change for a once housemaid, so my expressions are easily explained away when I slip up.

“That is true… So what are you thinking so hard about this early in the morning?” She raises one of her fair brows.

As usual, her long hair is braided to perfection in a long plait down her back and the red stands out brilliantly this morning against the vibrant green of her dress. I envy her effortless beauty at times but from the stares that always seem to follow her as we walk, I can see that it’s not always such a blessing.

“Everything… nothing.” I laugh as that’s such a hard question to answer, even if I didn’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

“Forgive me.” She tilts her head towards mine, “You just seem pensive and I would like to think if you had any troubles you would say as much.”

Guilt hits me hard in the stomach. It shouldn’t as I still barely know her, but her kindness stings me when knowing what I’m keeping from her, holding against her. I can’t let it show though, I need to think of something else.

“You’re far too nice to me, too good… especially for the favour asked of us today.” I hint towards Rhu’s offer of the wine, wanting to get her thoughts on the matter.

She snorts, something that makes me blink up at her in shock, “I know all about the wine… and you’re wrong, I’m never too good to mess with Ric and Avery.” She winks and I laugh.

The relationship between the four of them is still something I’m figuring out day by day. The chess match the other night is just a glimpse at how explosive it can be but there’s no denying the love between them. Sometimes it highlights the gap in my heart where my siblings should have filled the void, but after all these years I’m practically an expert at pushing those thoughts aside.

“So are you up for it?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Always. If the boys can spend all of Rhu’s coin, why can’t I?”