Dalliah
I didnât sleep last night, couldnât sleep, as my mind was wide awake. Marjorie has come and gone already, getting in barely a couple of hours rest and I wonder if she is avoiding me. Neither of us spoke a word when she came in and it saddens me to think our relationship has come to this. But what can I do?
Sheâs frustrated that Iâve managed to rise through the ranks faster than she has, something Iâd never have been able to do without her saving my life and something Iâd gladly pass along to her, but I canât. She knows this and I know this, but it doesnât take away from the hurt sheâll be feeling.
This is her life.
Unlike me she probably has plans to stay here forever which makes being the Kingâs Maid all the more lucrative.
Maybe when Iâm gone, that is if I ever get away, theyâll see the value in her and replace me, she deserves nothing less and I wonât offend her by worrying if sheâll stay loyal to her blood oath. Besides, keeping our deceit is in her best interest as much as it is mine, another reason for me to feel guilty.
My stomach started growling ages ago, seeing as I refused to leave my room in favour of the dining hall last night. But rather than brave breakfast now that Iâve had time to recover from my humiliation, Iâve found myself staring at that damn mirror.
Thereâs no more paint to hide behind now, a fact the whole castle is well aware of by this point and I try not to think about Ingaretâs words, but itâs no use.
Did she mean it? Or was it out of pity that she complimented me? I mean, even my mother never complimented me like that, where sheâd dismiss my fathers opinions in favour of her own because it wasnât worth the risk. I mean, if heâd lock away his own daughter, how could anyone be truly safe?
And every time I feel like I can put the questions behind me, my mind only moves on from that to-
âWeâre never going to make it in time Jim.â A voice comes through the opening of my window, a name I vaguely regonise as one of the farmers that visits one or twice a week from deeper in the country.
They bring the rarer vegetables that Julius doesnât have the space to grow in the gardens and the meat that canât be hunted locally.
âOf course we wonât if Derek insists on flirting with that woman the whole time.â A gruff voice responds and I donât know why I care so much, their business is nothing of mine.
âWell I say we leave without him, the coastâs a day away and my wife will have my neck if Iâm not back soon⦠Our lads playing up again.â The first farmer grumbles to his friend Jim and my heart skips a beat at his words.
Theyâre going to the coast? They must be if heâs said as much and from the creaking and banging thatâs been plaguing my ears all morning, I assume they have a group of wagons ready to take their things.
Why? Or more importantly, how hard would it be for me to sneak aboard one with Nameless?
No, I couldnât do that, could I?
I have only a few coins to my name, no references and no plan beyond reaching the water. It makes more sense for me to toughen it out here, build my supplies and leave properly with a new reputation. But this is the first time Iâve heard of anyone heading off in that direction and when will my next chance come?
The timing canât be coincidence, can it?
I bite my lip with indecision, trying not to wake the sleeping cat beside me. Usually heâs long gone by now, but instead he remains curled up on my pillow, another sign that this morning isnât like any other.
Telling myself that it canât hurt to at least have a look at the wagons that Iâm transfixing on, I lift Nameless into my front pocket with the intention of getting some fresh air. Iâm so stressed nobody would question my fake illness, and I just hope my little friend will stay put long enough for me to decide.
The feel of the sun against my skin soothes me as I make it out into the open. In the distance dogs are barking, pots are clattering, but thereâs no mistaking the sound of supplies being slammed down onto a wooden surface.
Tiptoeing around the corner of the wall, I try not to let my eyes light up too brightly as I realise how close they are to leaving. Horses are being fastened to the wood at the front and cups of coffee are being returned to one of the kitchen maids waiting next to them.
This is it, itâs now or never.
Can I risk it? Or should I be more specific, can I risk staying here with no promise of another chance like this one. I mean, itâs like this was set up just for me.
Theyâre all filled, that much is obvious as I get near to their group but Iâm not very tall and shouldnât take up too much room. My pulse quickens the closer I get, knowing that time is running out and if Iâd waited any longer back in my room Iâd have missed this opportunity by now.
The farmer heading the wagon closest to me is distracted, he clearly finds Daisy, the kitchen maid worth an extra second of his time, and Iâm more than happy to take advantage. This must be Derek.
My hands grip around the soft wooden hoop that stretches the tarp over the top, it wobbles slightly which causes sweat to build on the small of my back, but Iâm up and on in a matter of seconds.
Itâs a tight squeeze but I make it through the tarp with Nameless tucked in close to my chest, heâs remained surprisingly quiet throughout this process and I wonder if he knows the stakes at play here.
I have to balance over boxes, skip over bags of fruit and slide down right at the back where I can remain hidden should we stop for whatever reason. But despite the lack of space and the threat looming over me, thereâs a smile on my face wider than I thought possible.
Iâve done it.
The first step to my freedom was a success and if the movement of the wheels underneath me are anything to go off, Iâm now on my way out of here.