Chapter 39: Chapter 39

AVERY

Josh takes in my bruised lips and flushed cheeks before turning to Reed.

“What is going on here?” His eyes blaze with fury. “Are you two sleeping together?”

I bite my lip, sharing a guilty glance with Reed.

“You know I’ve been in love with Avery since high school, Josh,” Reed says softly. “The girl I was talking about the other night? It was her.”

Reed’s declaration hits me like a punch to the gut. Suddenly, I’m left spinning.

~Wait, what? Since when? And Josh knew?~

I look at my brother who looks away, anger and shame warring on his face.

Reed steps closer.

“How many times did I ask for your permission to date her? How many times did you make me promise to leave her alone? How many times did I ask for her number after graduation? While she was at NYU? After I moved to New York?”

Josh turns back, betrayal on his face, but Reed’s expression matches his hurt.

“You’re my best friend, and I love you, man. I never wanted to put our friendship at risk, so I respected your wishes all these years. But that ends now.”

Reed steps back and takes my hand, smiling at me before turning back to Josh.

“You’re not stopping me this time, and if it costs me your friendship, then fine. We’re not in high school anymore. Avery is an adult and can make her own damn decisions about who she wants. She doesn’t need her overprotective brother to do it for her.”

I look at our entwined fingers, Reed’s words echoing in my mind.

~It was always you, Avery.~

Josh’s eyes harden. “So, that’s it, then? You’d throw away twenty years of friendship just to get laid?”

“I love her, man,” Reed insists. “But if you need me to spell it out for you, yeah, I would turn my back on you and anyone else who tries to stop me from being with the only person who’s ever seen me as more than just a lost cause, the only person I’ve ever loved.”

As they argue, I realize I don’t know who I’m more angry at. My brother, who felt he had the right to try and control my love life, or Reed, who let my brother tell him he didn’t deserve me and believed it. He nearly walked away from everything we could ever be.

I glance at him, thinking about everything that’s happened over the past few weeks.

~Why wasn’t he willing to fight for me all those years ago? How much time have we lost because he’s been afraid?~

Their raised voices thunder in the narrow hallway, making it impossible for me to think. Fire burns in my blood.

“SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!” I scream.

They turn to look at me, shocked. I glare at them, the fury in my eyes making Josh flinch.

“I can’t believe you two would act like this. Josh, thinking you have the right to control my life? You’re not my dad, Josh! You’re my brother! You had no right, no matter what you thought was best for me. It’s my life! Mine! I should get to decide!”

I round on Reed as I see him flash a smirk at Josh. “And you, Reed Everett. Big fighter. You can’t stand up for what you want? If I’m the girl of your dreams and always have been, then why didn’t you fight for me? Why weren’t you honest with me on the first day? Why all this nonsense?”

He looks down, shame flickering across his face, but they both remain silent. Frustrated, I stomp past them toward the elevator, dodging Reed’s hand.

“Avery, wait,” he pleads as the doors open and I step inside.

“No, Reed,” I say, punching the button for the lobby. “I need to think, and both of you need to grow the fuck up.”

***

I crawl into my bed as soon as I get home, counting down the minutes till Olive gets back from yet another date with Casey. The buzzer goes off and I get up, shuffling to the door.

~Maybe Olive forgot her keys again.~

I open it to find Reed standing there.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I growl. “I thought I made that clear when I didn’t answer your calls.”

I should shut the door on him, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I turn, walking into the kitchen. Reed follows me.

“We need to talk, Avery,” he insists.

I scoff. “I don’t want to talk to you right now, Reed.”

“Avery, please. I need to talk to you.” He reaches for my hand, his eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry for everything. You’re right. I was a coward.”

“Was I not enough, Reed? Not worth taking the risk under Josh’s watchful eye? Why do you not give a shit now about what Josh thinks?” I shout.

“No! It was me. I wasn’t enough, Avery,” he says with a heavy sigh. “I never thought I was good enough for you. And I wasn’t. Not then.”

Olive appears in the doorway.

“What’s going on?” she asks, her gaze darting between us.

“The old Reed was never going to be what you deserved, Avery,” Reed continues, ignoring Olive’s interruption. “He wouldn’t have appreciated what he had. But I’m not that guy anymore, and I’m sorry it took me this long to be better. I still don’t think I deserve you. I don’t think I ever will, but I’m a better man because of you.”

Tears burn at the corner of my eyes, and Olive gives me a confused glance. I haven’t had a chance to text her anything about Reed’s confession or Josh’s betrayal.

“What’s happening?” she asks again.

“I can’t talk about this right now, Reed,” I say, emotion welling up in my voice. “I need you to leave.”

But he stands his ground, his jaw clenched. “No. I love you, Avery. I’m not leaving until we talk.”

Olive gasps. “You love her?”

Reed nods. “Yes. I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

His words tug at my heart, but I need to think. To sort out how I feel. To figure out if there can even be a future for us now.

“Please, Reed, just go,” I plead.

“I can’t lose you, Avery. Not now. Not when I’ve finally started to fight for you. I love you. I love you so much. This can’t be the end.”

I turn and start heading for the stairs. I hear Reed take a few steps toward me before Olive stops him.

“Okay, Reed. You need to leave.”

“I have to talk to her, Olive.” He tries to push past her.

“No, Reed. She doesn’t want to talk to you right now. She needs some time, okay? Give her some space.”

“I can’t give up, Olive.”

“Then don’t, but you’re not thinking clearly right now, Reed. She needs to sort out her feelings on her own. You being here isn’t going to help.”

His shoulders slump as her words hit him.

“You’re right.” He steps back, shaking his head and heading for the door. “I’m sorry, Avery. When you’re ready, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ve waited this long. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

Olive softly closes the door behind him before clearing her throat and waiting for me to explain. But I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to cry into my pillow.

“Olive, please don’t. I’m not in the mood.”

I feel tears welling up in my eyes as she approaches.

“Avery, Reed loves you. Let’s take a moment to process that. He loves you. The boy you’ve been pining for since you were a teenager loves you back and is willing to fight for you. That has to mean something.”

My heart flutters at her words.

~Reed Everett loves me. But what does that mean now? He had endless opportunities to confess his feelings but never did. Why? He could have just been honest with me.~

“Olive, I love you, but you don’t know the whole story,” I say, feeling the first tear slide down my cheek.

“No, I don’t, but this is everything you’ve ever wanted,” she replies gently.

~She’s right. Reed wanting me is all I’ve ever wished for…but like this? Can I be with someone who can’t be honest with me?~

I swipe the tear off my cheek, steeling myself.

~I don’t need this right now. I just got my dream job. Maybe that’s enough~.

“I got everything I ever wanted from him the night of the Halloween party,” I snap, heading for my room.

She sees through my lie instantly, shaking her head with a scoff.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. And you know what, you’re sounding a lot like Reed right now, pretending your feelings for him are purely physical. You love him, Avery Morris. Anyone can see that you love him just as much as he loves you.”

“He couldn’t be honest with me!” I argue. “Why couldn’t he just have—”

“You’re not innocent here either, Avery,” she interrupts, refusing to let me dodge the issue. “You could have confessed your feelings for him just as easily. You could have told him the day he walked into the clinic. How can you be mad at Reed for being just as afraid as you are?”

A wave of guilt washes over me.

~She’s right.~

But I’m not willing to admit the truth just yet.

“Why all the bullshit about needing help to get his dream girl then, Olive? Why go through all of that if I was the one the whole time? I didn’t do that to him. I didn’t make up some lie to get close to him.”

“I don’t know, did you?” she challenges me, hands on her hips. “Did you really want to learn how to talk to guys, or did you want to learn how to talk to Reed?”

I scoff. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that. I didn’t trick Reed into falling for me, Olive. I didn’t lead him on by pretending there was someone else. That you would even suggest that I would do such a thing.”

“How can I not, Avery? You’re not being honest with me or yourself, and you haven’t been since the day Reed arrived.”

“This all started because of you,” I mumble.

“Me?” she asks surprised.

“Yeah. You got it in my head that Devon liked me, and he called that night right before Reed. I foolishly thought he called to ask me out, but he only wanted my help with you. Because it’s always you they want, Olive. Never me. I’m boring and shy and never the fun one.”

I turn, stepping toward her. The look on her face is a mix of shock, sadness, and pity. That last one pisses me off more than anything, fueling my next words.

“So, forgive me for feeling bad about myself and seeking help. Forgive me for wanting someone to show me how to let loose. Forgive me for wanting to know what it feels like to have guys fall at my feet the way they do for you!”

“Avery—”

“Just leave me alone,” I say, storming off and slamming my door.

~How could she understand? She’s never felt insignificant next to her dazzling best friend.~

I think about Reed, Olive, and Josh, wondering how things could go to hell so quickly.

~Is Olive right? Should I have just told Reed that first day? Am I as much to blame for this as he is? He loves me. Am I going to let that slip away because we both made stupid decisions? What about Josh? Can he ever be okay with us being together?~

I roll over with a groan and bury my face in my pillow.