Monday morning has taken an unnerving turn.
Overwhelming nausea barrels into me as I read the email again.
This has to be some kind of technical error. The nurse I spoke to this morning said they donât give test results of this nature over the phone, and thatâs why I received an emailed appointment confirmation over the weekend.
Given that, it makes no sense theyâd upload my results onto the internet for someone to see by themselves. Unless this is a good sign. Maybe it means itâs negative. There would be no harm in putting a negative test result up for the patient to see before their appointment, right?
Hands shaking, I navigate into the app and enter my login information. Before the landing page can load, I lose my nerve and swipe out.
I should wait.
My heart thunders in my ears as I stare at the screen. I canât breathe. I canât think. I know I shouldnât look, but I wonât be able to accomplish anything until I see that result.
Fifty-fifty.
One in two.
I hold my breath, watching the little rainbow wheel spin around and around as the page loads.
Please be negative. Please be negative. Please be negative.
Itâs not.