Chapter 11: Finding Forever: Chapter 10

As Cade guided Fern up the pathway of Gideon and Beth’s three-bedroom house in the upper middle-class suburb of Newlands, the vintage glass paned front door swung open to reveal his petite, shyly smiling sister-in-law. Fern remembered the woman and her husband from the gala. Elizabeth Hawthorne was only about five foot tall, bespectacled, and very pretty in a wholesome way.

“Hey, Beth,” Cade said, gracing the woman with a small, fond smile. He enfolded his sister-in-law in a warm hug, surprising Fern with the show of affection.

“I’m so h-happy you both could join us today,” the woman said with a smile after he released her. “Introduce me to your lovely wife, please.”

She smiled at Fern, her expression full of so much genuine warmth and welcome, that Fern was certain the woman couldn’t possibly know about the marriage arrangement between her and Cade. Beth surely wouldn’t be so welcoming if she knew that Fern’s place in this family and in their lives was so transient.

“This is Fern,” Cade introduced almost dismissively and Fern tried not to flinch at the lack of interest in his voice. “Fern, my sister-in-law, Beth. And my brother, Gideon.”

The tall man hovering protectively behind Beth was practically a mirror image of Cade. Only a lot more casually dressed. The younger Hawthorne wore a pair of faded, ripped jeans, and a black T-shirt that clung to his massive chest and left his long, muscly, tattooed arms on display. Gideon’s hair was longer, shaggier, less formal than Cade’s. His jaw was stubbled while Cade had taken the time to shave, even while they’d been ferrying back and forth between continents. And Gideon’s crooked smile was as wicked as Cade’s rare grin.

While there was something appealing and sexy about this tall loose-limbed, relaxed man, Fern preferred Cade’s quiet, buttoned-down strength. She liked how neat his appearance was, she appreciated the lethal grace with which he wore those three-piece business suits, and she enjoyed the blueness of his jaw just after he’d shaved that thick stubble. His smiles were more valuable to her because they were as rare as precious gems and each one felt earned.

She tried not to let despondency weigh her down as she recognized that she likely wouldn’t be seeing Cade smile much during their time together. Especially now that he knew about her pregnancy. She hated the thought that he might feel trapped. It wasn’t a trap. She’d needed his help and he’d given that to her.

That was it. The extent of what she expected from him. She needed him to understand that, to believe it. He owed her nothing. She wanted nothing from him. All that was left was this temporary union. And it would end before her child would even be old enough to get to know him.

“Fern, what a lovely name,” Beth said, surprising Fern by enfolding her in a hug as warm as the one she’d exchanged with Cade. Gideon followed that up with a quick kiss on her cheek, and Fern stared up at them both in wonder. She’d never had anyone give her affection so freely before—not since her mother’s death—and it pained her to think it was because they were under some misapprehension about her relationship with Cade.

“Thank you,” she whispered, needing to clear the air, but mourning the fact that it would create formality and distance between her and these lovely people. “But… I’m not sure if Cade has told you about the—uhm—the circumstances of our marriage?”

She was aware of Cade’s head swiveling toward her, but kept her face averted, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“Oh, wuh-we know about that,” Beth said, waving a dismissive hand. “Doesn’t matter though, you’re a Hawthorne now. We’re like sisters.”

Sisters…

Fern’s heart twisted at the wave of longing that washed over her at the word. She remembered how excited she’d been when her mother had married Granger—a man with two daughters close to her own age. She’d been thrilled at the prospect of having sisters to play with and confide in. But Toni and Allie had been cold and nasty. They’d bullied her mercilessly, and blamed her for every little—and not so little—mishap around the house. By the time her mother had died, the bullying had been so relentless that it had been a relief to be banished to boarding school far away from them.

Her dream of having sisters had transformed into a nightmare and now—as she looked down at this lovely woman with the warm, open smile on her pretty face—Fern wondered if that dream was still within reach.

Common-sense warned her not to get too close to this family, her membership into the exclusive Hawthorne club was temporary. She didn’t belong here… she wasn’t really one of them. But the prospect of being part of a close-knit family where people looked out for each other and cared about one another was an enticing one.

Beth’s smile faded slightly at Fern’s lack of response to her previous comment, and Fern felt immediate regret at being the cause of the woman’s sudden uncertainty.

She reached out—initiating contact with someone was unusual for her—and squeezed Beth’s hand reassuringly.

“Thank you so much for your kind words and your warm welcome.” She sounded stilted, ludicrously formal. “I’m sorry if I seem a little out of sorts. I’m still rather tired. It’s been a whirlwind couple of days.”

Beth’s face softened and her eyes lit with understanding and contrition.

“And here I am kuh-keeping you on the doorstep. Come on in.” Beth and Gideon stepped aside, ushering them into the quaint interior of their cozy home. “We’re having a braai. Gideon’s got the fire going. Although… do you eat meat? I’m sorry, I should’ve asked sooner. Oh my God. How rude of me. It’s okay, we have a couple of haloumi burgers in the fridge, we could make you one of those? Did you know that haloumi can reduce inflammation? It also assists in digestion and it can aid in the prevention of Type 2 diabetes. Not that I think you’re at risk of getting diabetes mind you. It’s just a healthy alternative to meat.”

Fern blinked at her in confusion—not quite sure which part of the woman’s statement to address first—and Gideon chuckled.

“You wanna give that another go, Lizzy-bit?” he asked, his indulgent voice deep and smooth as silk. His wife gave him an indignant glare, which he blithely ignore.

“What I meant by all of that is, are you a vegetarian or vegan, Fern?”

“No.”

“Great, no need to break out the haloumi after all, Lizzy,” Gideon said, still laughing. “Nice try pawning it off on our guest though. You bought the things, you’re gonna have to eat them… eventually.”

“I mean, I’m really happy to eat anything you have to offer,” Fern said, desperate to appease any hurt feelings. “In fact, a haloumi burger sounds…”

“Fucking awful,” Cade interjected, surprising her. “She won’t be having that.”

Well, that was⁠—

“You can’t simply…” she began indignantly, when he interrupted her again.

“And no nuts, aye?” he told his sister-in-law with a gentle smile. “Fern is allergic.”

He remembered a comment she’d made in passing? Of course, she should have provided Beth with that information upfront, it had been negligent of her not to have done so immediately. She hadn’t expected Cade to remember or care about her allergy.

The fact that he had was… well, it was nice. After her mother’s death, she’d quickly learned that if she didn’t take care of herself, nobody else would. Fern could easily become accustomed to having someone take pre-emptive measures to insure her health and well-being.

And that was dangerous. It was best not to become too dependent on him. Self-sufficiency was her central goal.

“I know that,” Beth said, rolling her eyes. “You messaged Gideon about it yesterday.”

He had?

“Just a reminder,” he said, voice urbane, shrug nonchalant.

His big, warm hand landed in the small of Fern’s back as he directed her through the house. He seemed to know exactly where they were going and Fern was happy to have him steer her.

She halted in the sitting room, as her eyes fell on the artwork adorning the wall.

“Oh, these are amazing,” she said, moving away from Cade as her feet took her toward the many framed pictures on the wall. She soon recognized that most of the art was of Beth, in various guises and poses. In one she had horns, a tail, and a pitchfork, with a wicked smirk on her lips, and she was wearing a tiny, tight outfit that made Fern blush.

“Gideon’s work. He insists on drawing these ridiculous images of me, then framing and displaying them where everybody can see,” Beth said with a dismissive wave of her hand, even though Fern could see she liked it and that she felt loved because of it.

“My wife is hot,” Gideon said with an easy shrug. “You can’t blame me for wanting to showcase that.”

Fern had known that Gideon was an artist of course, but this was simply beyond anything she’d imagined.

“They’re brilliant,” Fern said, her eyes bouncing from picture to picture. How did it feel to be loved like this? She felt a tight ache in her chest, something that could only be described as longing. “I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that you’re immensely talented, Gideon.”

“Yeah yeah,” Cade muttered, his voice sounding uncharacteristically snide. “My brother draws pictures for a living. He’s a fucking national treasure.”

“That’s really rude,” Fern muttered beneath her breath, sending Gideon an appalled look of apology. He ignored her, instead levelling a steely glower on his older brother.

“Everybody knows that you’re my biggest fangirl, Niall,” Gideon mocked and to Fern’s surprise, Cade’s lips curled at the edges before he shrugged. Not confirming or denying his brother’s words.

“Ugh, ignore these two idiots, they enjoy p-pretending they don’t like each other. When, in fact, Gideon hero worships his big brother, and Niall is in awe of his baby brother’s insane talent.”

It was jarring to hear them refer to him as Niall. What was up with that, anyway? “Hero worships?”

“Hardly in awe of.”

The responses, both muttered in almost identical tones of disgust, came simultaneously and Beth snort laughed, before hooking her arm through Fern’s and tugging her toward the open patio doors.

She fussed over Fern, leading her to a comfortable chair and prompting her to sit down. She refused any offers of help with the food preparation.

“There’s not much to do. The sides are done, I just need to finish seasoning the meat. Kenny will be here soon as well. I think maybe you two will have a lot in common.”

She sounded uncertain about that, but after a moment’s hesitation, her smile brightened again and she excused herself to retreat back inside.

“I’m gonna give Beth a hand,” Gideon said, throwing the words over his shoulder as he hastened to catch up with his wife. “Can I get you guys anything to drink?”

“Beer,” Cade called back, he eyed Fern who mouthed water in return. “And water for Fern.”

Gideon lifted an arm and gave them a thumbs-up without turning back, leaving Cade and Fern sitting in awkward silence in the pretty backyard. It was leafy and green and peaceful out here, with a beautiful, tranquil koi pond right in the center of it. There was a bench swing underneath a massive oak tree next to the pond and it was easy to imagine Beth and Gideon cuddling up on the swing on warm summer evenings, just spending time with each other.

“They’re really nice,” Fern ventured. Meaning it. She really liked the couple. Beth especially. The woman was a contradiction, talkative, yet oddly bashful at the same time. She had a barely noticeable stammer.

The other woman’s innate shyness made her very relatable to Fern. More so than if she’d been brimming with self-assurance. Beth was quietly confident in her relationship and the love she shared with her gorgeous husband, and she was affectionate toward Cade, but Fern could tell that the woman was slightly uncertain around her and she wasn’t sure why that was.

Cade made a noncommittal noise in response to her words, settling back on his seat, crossing an ankle over his knee, and tugging his sunglasses down from the top of his head back over his eyes. His head turned toward the oak tree and that, combined with the dark glasses, felt like a deliberate attempt to shut her out, and discourage further conversation. Taking the all-too-obvious hint, Fern retreated into silence.

She nervously smoothed her skirt down over her thighs and knees, while surreptitiously studying her husband from beneath her lashes. He was clothed in his version of casual wear—navy blue chinos with a crisp, blindingly white dress shirt—and still managed to look ridiculously formal next to Gideon. The shirt was unbuttoned at the neck, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing those strong, corded forearms. Just the sight of his strong arms, dusted with dark hair, no nonsense midnight blue watch strapped around one wrist, and a thick silver chain around the other, was enough to make her throat go dry.

He looked so strong and capable, and she liked that about him. Liked that she felt safe with him, even though she barely knew him, and wasn’t sure she could trust him. She still felt so… safe. His quiet competence, and the power he exuded comforted her.

He checked his watch and his big hand dropped to his taut thigh, where his fingers tapped a slow, repetitive beat. In anyone else Fern may have interpreted those drumming fingers as nervousness, but what did Cade have to be nervous about?

There was a commotion at the patio door and his head jerked toward the noise, his entire body going rigid—very odd—but his face relaxed into a warm smile at the sight of his sister McKenna.

“Kenny,” he said, his voice soft with affection as he pushed to his feet to hug the woman.

McKenna Hawthorne-Jennings was the type of woman who made Fern feel horrendously inadequate. She was tall, beautiful, intelligent, accomplished, and exuded self-confidence. At only twenty-nine she was already a renowned and respected gynecological oncologist at a public teaching hospital. She’d created breast and female reproductive cancer awareness programs and outreach centers in some of the most impoverished communities in the country.

Fern watched uncertainly as the siblings exchanged a long, silent hug. Her new sister-in-law was about five-ten, with a long, sleek fall of black hair, slender, and while she bore a remarkable resemblance to her older brothers, on her those assertive Hawthorne features translated into stunning beauty.

The two finally separated and Cade—as if only now remembering that Fern was there—waved a hand in her general direction, bringing his sister’s sharp gaze to her.

“Kenny, this is Fern. Fern, my sister.”

The other woman stared at Fern for a long, uncomfortable moment, as if not sure what to make of her, or what to say to her.

“You’re shorter than I thought you’d be.”

Fern’s eyebrows shot up.

“Okay?”

McKenna continued to stare at her in the same unnerving way Cade often did, before she gave a curt nod, and held out a hand. Fern took it and the woman gave a firm, no-nonsense shake, before sitting down on the sofa, prompting Cade and Fern to take their seats again.

“What you did the other day was remarkably brave,” she said, still staring at Fern. “Good for you.”

Fern’s lips stretched into a hesitant smile. It wasn’t acceptance, or warmth, but it felt like approval—even admiration—and the validation-seeking little girl who lurked just below the surface in Fern gave a happy little shiver at the words.

“Thank you, McKenna.”

“Call me Kenny.”

Fern nodded, but neither sibling saw it, as they refocused on each other.

“No Smith?” Cade asked his sister, referring to her husband.

A ripple of unease and what looked like sadness crossed Kenny’s lovely face, before she schooled her features into a mask of indifference, offering her brother a tight smile in response to his question.

“He’s away on business.” The tension around her eyes made a liar of her and if Fern—who barely knew her—could tell, then Cade certainly could as well. He leaned forward intently, eyes boring into his sister’s face.

“Kenny what⁠—”

He was interrupted by an even bigger commotion from inside the house. Both Cade and Kenny’s heads swiveled toward the patio doors and their faces wore similar expressions of anticipation, yearning, and fear.

Cade pushed to his feet almost unconsciously, and Kenny followed seconds later. Fern, not entirely sure what was happening, also stood up as Beth and Gideon stepped out onto the patio. A big, bearded man, unfamiliar to Fern—but who could only be Lennox Hawthorne—followed them out and chaos immediately ensued.

Fern stood aside and watched as the Hawthorne siblings reunited after what must have been a prolonged absence from their middle brother Lennox.

Beth joined Fern on the sidelines, a misty smile on her face as her husband was swept up into a hug by his marginally taller, bulkier, estranged brother.

“How long has it been?” Fern asked her quietly and Beth looked up at her, eyes swimming with tears.

“A year and a half. It’s been hard on them all, they fuh-fight and… and don’t always get along, but they l-love each other and Nox just upping and leaving like that, with barely any contact, up… upset them all. He didn’t come to our weddings either. Not Kenny and Smith’s and not m-mine and Gideon’s. It hurt and upset both Gideon and Kenny. And that puh-pissed me off.”

Her face settled into a tiny glower and she folded her arms over her chest, as she watched the affectionate reunion. But her expression quickly softened at the genuine contentment and happiness on her husband’s face.

Fern’s eyes were on Cade, after the initial happy hugs and some good-natured joshing about his brother’s bushy beard, he’d stepped slightly out of the fray, now more observer than participant. He had a small smile on his lips and his eyes shone with fierce joy, but his contentment seemed to stem from seeing his siblings reunited. There was some ribbing, a lot of it aimed at him, but he rarely responded with anything other than a smile.

It was as if he was watching over them, content to have them all there—whole and healthy. Fern found it fascinating and a little sad. He looked lost. Even though he’d intentionally set himself apart from them.

Big brother and protector but not quite a part of the collective.

Fern didn’t understand it. They were all clearly close, so why did Cade seem so distant? And why did his siblings not appear to notice it?