Chapter 19: Chapter 19

to keep me locked in here forever?” Adamo said. “A captive in my own home?” Since Savio had brought him home two nights ago, we’d kept a close eye on our youngest brother and he was already showing withdrawal symptoms. Erratic movements, perspiration, shaking fingers. He must have been taking the shit longer than anyone expected.

“You’ll stay here until we’re sure you’re clean,” I said calmly.

Adamo glared. “Why can’t I stay in my room at least?”

“Because there aren’t bars in front of your window and we don’t want to have them installed.”

Adamo shook his head, looking around the room in Remo’s wing. It was where Remo used to keep Serafina. “This is ridiculous. You can’t treat me like this.”

Remo staggered toward him and got in his face. “You know what I’d do to any other soldier who takes drugs and doesn’t tell me where he got them, so maybe you should shut the fuck up.”

“If you tell us who gave you the drugs, it would make things easier.”

“For whom?” Adamo crossed his arms with a bitter smile.

Remo released a harsh breath and then his smile turned dangerous. “All right, then don’t tell us. We’ll just talk to C.J. and ask her. You spent a lot of time with her. I assume she knows quite a bit.”

Adamo turned pale. “No, leave her out of it.”

Remo’s smile widened further. “I can’t do that. Considering I’m her Capo, she should have told me everything but she didn’t. That’s betrayal.”

“No!” Adamo shouted and threw himself at Remo, aiming a punch at him. Remo blocked him, twisted his arm around and threw him face-first to the floor then knelt on his back. “Never raise your fist against me again.”

“Fuck you,” Adamo rasped, his face turning red.

“Adamo,” I said in an imploring tone as I crouched before him. “You need to stop this. The drugs are messing with you. Remo and I only want to help you.”

“Don’t hurt C.J., hurt me.”

“I have a feeling hurting you won’t bring us any closer to the truth, right?” I murmured. “Pain won’t make you talk anymore.”

“You never tried. Just do it.”

Remo released him and got up with a snarl. “Shut up. You know we won’t torture you.”

“Why can’t you just let me make my own decisions? If I want to ruin my life with drugs then let me.”

Remo glared. “I won’t give you up, not ever. I’ll torture anyone to get the info on those fuckers who sold you the shit. I want you to return to who you were.”

“I won’t,” Adamo said quietly, rolling onto his back. “There’s nothing you can do about it. I’m not him anymore, maybe I never was.”

Remo swallowed hard, his mouth setting in a hard line. He bent over Adamo, gripping his forearm with the burns. “Then become someone stronger. Those fuckers who tortured you, don’t give them power even after they’re done. Get angry, get brutal, I don’t give a fuck, but get the fucking torture out of your head. Move on. It’s the past.”

Adamo smiled strangely. “If it were that easy, you and Nino wouldn’t still act like our mother wasn’t alive.”

Remo jerked upright. He was on the verge. I gripped his shoulder.

“Adamo, there are two options. You tell us who sold you the drugs or Remo and I will question C.J.”

Adamo glared but worry flickered in his eyes. Maybe Adamo thought he was like us, had become like us, but he was still kinder than Remo and I would ever be.

“Don’t give us that look,” Remo said in a low voice. “I won’t have you deal with potentially dangerous dealers who could use you and your drug addiction to get back to us, to our family.”

Adamo scoffed.

Remo took a step toward him again but stopped himself. “You sure you wouldn’t give them the safety codes if they didn’t sell you the drugs you crave so desperately? Can you look into my fucking eyes and swear you wouldn’t act recklessly for another high? Can you?” Remo laughed darkly when Adamo remained silent. “That’s what I thought. I won’t risk Greta and Nevio’s lives, or Serafina’s or Savio’s or Kiara’s or Nino’s— or yours. Ever. If I have to torture a whore so you give me the info I need, I’ll do it without a fucking flicker of remorse.” Then he nodded toward me. “And believe me, Nino wouldn’t even blink dismembering anyone to guarantee Kiara’s safety.”

Adamo pushed himself into a sitting position. “I would never give away our codes. Not even for drugs.”

“Tell us who sold you the shit.”

Adamo lowered his eyes. “There are these guys at the races. They’re taking stuff themselves. I pay them double so they buy for me as well.”

“They know who you are?” Remo asked.

Adamo nodded. “Everyone knows who I am.”

Remo turned around and stalked out.

“Names, and if you know, where to find them,” I demanded.

“Kay and Josh. They’re always staying with the main race crew in the camp.”

I held out my hand to Adamo and he took it. Back on his feet, he sighed. “I really tried to stay away from drugs, but the weed—it made things better and then one of these guys said the heroine would make it even easier …”

“Nothing that’s worth anything comes easy, Adamo. You are right, Remo and I we sometimes still struggle with the past, but we still move on because we have people who rely on us, and you have too. We rely on you. We need you as part of our family, so face your fears without drugs.”

Adamo didn’t say anything.

“I’m going to lock you in for now. Later when someone’s here to keep an eye on you, you can move around the house.”

He sank down on the bed and I left. Remo was still in the hallway when I stepped out, leaning against the wall and looking murderous. “We’ll have to set an example. Get it into people’s head that they need to stop selling the shit to him.”

“Let me and Fabiano handle it. You stay here with your kids. Keep an eye on things.”

“You still think Samuel might use the info he gathered while being here for the wedding? For an attack?”

I shook my head. “I think he won’t risk anything with his sister being around, but I think you should stay here. I know you believe you have to protect us all, but Fabiano and I can handle this.”

Remo didn’t like it, but he had his twins to think about and throwing himself into every conflict had to stop. I could see how hard he took Adamo’s drug addiction.

“All right,” he said slowly. “But you’ll make sure everyone gets the message.”

I gave him a look and he bared his teeth in a harsh laugh. “Yeah. You’ll do that.”

“I’ll go in search for Fabiano and tell Kiara that I’m leaving then we’ll head out.”

I crossed the gardens to Fabiano’s house. Leona was stretched out on one of the sunchairs and reading. She sat up when she saw me approach. “Something happen?”

“I need Fabiano for a mission.”

“He’s in the gym, working out.”

I nodded but before I went inside, I said, “Serafina, Savio and the twins are at the pool. Why don’t you join them?”

Surprise crossed her face. “I will, thank you.”

I nodded then headed into the living room. Fabiano’s house was smaller than ours and didn’t have any wings but was still a huge building. The gym was down the corridor and when I stepped in, Fabiano was doing bench presses. “Shouldn’t you be more vigilant?”

“Recognized your steps.” He put the barbell bar into the safety rack above his head then sat up and wiped the sweat from his face and chest. “Adamo?”

I nodded. “He gave us names.”

“When do you want to leave?” Fabiano asked as he stood.

“As soon as possible.”

“Will Remo be coming?”

“No, he should stay here and keep an eye on things.”

“How long will we be gone?”

Always efficient when it was about a mission, that what I appreciated about Fabiano. “Overnight, maybe two. The camp’s currently stationed near Sacramento.”

“All right. Give me fifteen minutes to grab a quick shower and pack a few things.

With a short nod, I went back to our mansion to look for Kiara. I found her at her piano but she wasn’t playing anything, only frowning at her fingers on the keys. I sat down beside her. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” she said slowly, then gave me a small smile.

I caressed her upper arm with the bruises. She wasn’t telling the truth. Given her cycle she was supposed to get her period two days ago. We’d slept together this morning and she definitely hadn’t bled. “I have to leave for Sacramento to handle a few things.”

“Did Adamo tell you who sold him the drugs?”

“He did.” I didn’t say more and Kiara didn’t ask, merely nodded. She knew what needed to happen.

“How is he?”

“We locked him into the secure room. He’ll only be allowed outside if Savio or Remo are around to keep watch.”

“Is that really necessary?”

I brought her wrist to my mouth and kissed it. “We don’t know how long Adamo’s been taking heroine. Or what else he’s taken. We might find out in Sacramento, but if his addiction is serious, which I fear it is, he might do something stupid trying to get them.”

“I really hope he can get past this.”

“He will.” I searched her eyes for a hint that Kiara needed me. “Will you be okay?”

“Of course. You need to handle this. I’ll be fine. I am.”

I kissed her slowly, trying to decide if I should ask Savio to go in my stead.

“I am fine,” she said firmer. “Go. Handle things.”

KIARA I watched Nino and Fabiano drive off then returned into the house. Serafina was on the terrace with the twins and Leona, and Remo and Savio were in the gaming room, discussing Adamo. For a moment I considered going outside, distracting myself from the nagging thought that wouldn’t leave me for two days.

Only two days.

My period was overdue for only two days and yet I couldn’t stop thinking about it, even if it had never meant anything in the past. I wanted it to mean something, to mean that I was finally pregnant. At some point, it just had to work. It had to. I touched my belly and shook my head.

Crossing the entrance hall, I locked myself in the guest bathroom with one of my pregnancy tests from my stash. Ten minutes later, I stared down at the small window as disappointment shattered my heart into tiny splinters. Not pregnant, again.

I felt sick and desperate. Trying to hold back tears, I stumbled out of the guest bathroom and toward the gaming room to fix myself a drink at the bar. I hardly ever drank hard liquor, but right then I wanted to numb my sadness. Luckily Savio and Remo were no longer in there. They’d likely joined the rest on the terrace.

Reaching for the first bottle I could get my hand on, I poured myself a generous glass and managed to down half of it before I started to cough. Tears finally burst forth and I wasn’t sure if they were because of the alcohol or because of the hollowness in my chest, this crushing feeling that the one thing I wanted most wouldn’t come easy for me, or at all.

Remo came into view, coming in from the garden. I quickly wiped my eyes and rushed away, wanting to drown in my misery, but his steps sounded behind me and eventually I gave up escaping because it was futile anyway. Remo never gave up and I was tired of running. Sniffling, I leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. His legs came into view, but he didn’t say anything. I could imagine him watching me.

“Since you hate extensive displays of emotions, you should leave. It’ll only get worse from here.” Even to my own ears, I sounded bitter.

Remo sank down across from me, holding my half-full glass. He scanned my face and looked at the pregnancy test in my hand. I hadn’t even realized that I was still clutching it like a memorial of my failure to conceive. I held it out to him so he could see the result.

“You’d think it would get easier. The disappointment after getting your hopes too high once more.”

Remo took a sip from my drink, then swirled it in the glass.

“That was mine.”

“You left it standing there. It’s a limited edition Don Papa rum that costs a fortune. I’m not leaving it there so Adamo can desecrate it into a fucking Cuba Libre.”

I choked out a laugh and held out my hand. “I need another sip.”

Remo handed the glass to me and I took a large gulp, shuddering at the strength of the alcohol. “Fucking waste of good rum. You hate hard liquor.”

“I do,” I said and returned the drink to Remo. “I thought it would help.”

Remo smiled. “When has alcohol ever helped with anything?”

“It can help you forget.”

“For a few hours, but it lets you crash all the harder when you remember again.”

I bit my lip, knowing he was right. Adamo had been trying to cope the same way and I could see where it had gotten him. “We’ve been trying for so long.”

Remo tilted his head in consideration. There was no pity in his eyes, which was good, and why I loved talking to Remo. “Is Nino shooting blanks?”

I blinked, still, after all this time, stunned by Remo’s directness. “I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s him. It’s my fault. I just know it deep down. Something is wrong with me. Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy. First my parents, then Durant and now this…” I started gasping in air as despair and sadness crowded in my chest. I couldn’t believe I’d said those words aloud. They’d been haunting me for a long time now.

“Kiara, stop it.”

I couldn’t. Remo grabbed my ankle, startling me. My head jerked up. He rarely touched me. I swallowed as I focused on his face.

“It’s no one’s fault, and nothing’s fucking wrong with you, got it?”

“It’s unfair,” I whispered desperately.

Remo downed the remaining rum.  “Life’s fucking unfair. It wants to crush you, but you can’t let the bitch win. You’ve got to force her to play by your rules.”

“You make it sound so easy, but for me it’s not. You are strong. Nobody could ever force you to do anything.”

Remo leaned forward, squeezing my ankle. “Do you know how many people dare to tell me the truth to my face? How many don’t shit their pants when they’re alone with me?”

I shook my head. I guessed there weren’t many. Serafina, his brothers and Fabiano … even Leona was still wary around the Camorra Capo.

“You are strong in your own way, Kiara. And you are Falcone. The world’s yours. If you want a kid, you’ll get one.”

I laughed. “I know you are powerful, but some things are out of your control. You can’t kidnap one.”

“If Nino’s shooting blanks you can have my sperm to get you pregnant.”

I choked. “Are you being serious?”

He cocked an eyebrow.

I shook my head. “You’re really being serious. You think Fina would be okay with you being a sperm donor?”

“We’re all family. I want you and Nino to get your wish, and Serafina would understand.”

“That won’t work if it’s me.”

“There’s all kind of shit doctors can do nowadays. You and Nino should have a check-up. Once you know what’s the problem, you can find a solution.”

“Maybe there’s no solution.”

“There always is. You can adopt. Might not be the worst idea anyway considering how messed-up Nino and I are.”

“That’s because of your childhood.”

“Trust me, part of it is inherited.” His mouth curled as if he remembered all the things they’d done over the years.

“I’ve been thinking about adoption.” I looked at Remo. “But I don’t want the kids to be less because they aren’t blood relatives.”

“The only blood I give a fuck about is that of the fuckers who’ll treat your kids less for some shitty DNA bullshit, and only because I’ll bathe in it after I slit their throats.”

I crossed the small space between us and hugged Remo for the first time in my life. “Thank you,” I whispered. “You are how I wish my brothers could have been. I don’t care what people say about you, I love you like a brother.”

Remo froze, then he lightly touched my back but didn’t say anything in return—not that I had expected him to.

I pulled away, clearing my throat and wiping my eyes. Remo got to his feet and held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s join the others at the pool.”

I took his hand and allowed him to pull me up.

“I’m not wearing a bikini.”

“Then go change. I’ll go see if Adamo’s in the mood to stop his sulk.”

He regarded me a moment longer then picked up the discarded pregnancy test and walked away.

I released a long breath, feeling slightly better. Remo was right. There was no use pitying myself.

arrived at the pool, dressed in my red bikini and a summer dress over it. Seraina and Leona were in the water, each of them pushing the twins around the pool in small unicorn floats that Serafina had ordered for them. Savio was stretched out lazily on one of the sunchairs, his swim trunks pulled down dangerously low, showing off the upper half of that obnoxious bull tattoo.

Savio inched his sunglasses up with a smirk. “Can’t take your eyes off my minotaur, can you?”

I grimaced. “I still can’t believe you let Nino ink that thing into your skin.”

Savio looked down his six-pack then lifted his waistband, peering beneath it. “You should see the rest. I think you’d change your mind.”

My cheeks flushed. A wet ball flew toward Savio’s head and he blocked it with his forearm. “Hey!”

“Behave,” Serafina warned.

Savio crossed his arms behind his head, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

“You love to rile us up, right?” I said with a small laugh.

“It’s more fun than I expected.”

I got out of my dress and quickly lowered myself into the pool, uncomfortable in my tiny bikini around men other than Nino.

Savio pushed his sunglasses back down. “How about you bake us some of those delicious white chocolate-macadamia cookies?”

“I thought you’d get rid of that sweet tooth at some point. How can you stuff your face with all that sugary shit?” Remo said as he strode toward the pool in swim trunks. There was no sign of Adamo.

Savio shrugged. “I need it so I can give the ladies some sugar.”

I snorted as I made my way over to Leona, Serafina and the twins. “You are absolutely impossible. Do those pick-up lines actually work?”

“No,” Remo said at the same time as Savio said, “Yes.”

Remo waved him off. “Whatever. I’m surprised you didn’t get a fucking lollipop instead of that bull inked above your dick. Would send a clear message.”

“The girls I’m with know what to do with my cock. They don’t need a lollipop to remind them, and if they’re brain-dead, I’ll give them pointers.”

“But you need a bull to remind yourself to be an animal in bed, or what?” Remo lowered himself into the pool as well. Leona and Serafina had noticed my red eyes, but I gave them a bright smile, not wanting them to worry.

“Don’t worry. I don’t need reminding,” Savio said. His phone beeped and he took it from the small table beside his sunchair.

When I took over from Leona pushing Greta’s floaty around, Remo joined me.

“He didn’t want to come out?” I asked.

“He’s moody. Withdrawal is a shitty thing.”

Leona perked up. “If you need me to talk to him, I will. I’ve gone through so much with my mother, so I get it.”

Remo’s eyes darted to her. She flushed but held his gaze for once. “Why not?” he said eventually. “Tell him a few horror stories, I’m sure you’ve had plenty.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

Greta beamed at Remo. “Dad,” she said in that cute, high voice. Remo took her out of the floaty and she smiled. “Want to be close to me, hmm?” He pressed her to his chest and waded through the water. She looked much more content than in the floaty. Nevio on the other hand was kicking up a storm with his tiny feet and squeezing the life out of the unicorn’s neck.

Serafina pushed him back and forth with a grin. I swam over to her and Nevio as he gurgled with delight. I tipped my wet finger against his nose, causing him to screech with laughter. Leona sat on the edge of the pool, looking relaxed, maybe for the first time without Fabiano being around.

“With those lungs the kid could be the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails,” Savio said as he walked over to the edge of the pool, dragging his flamingo float after him.

“That thing stays out of the pool,” Serafina said.

Savio thrust the float into the pool. “Make me.” He dove in, emerged from the water and hoisted himself on top of the pink atrocity. With his legs straddling the long neck of the flamingo, he stretched out and sighed.

“I feel the irresistible urge to use one of Remo’s knives to give that flamingo a cruel end,” Serafina whispered in my ear. I stifled laughter. Savio threw us a suspicious look as Serafina made an innocent face.

We spent the next couple of hours at the pool and I felt much better after. When I returned into the bedroom after dinner that night, and curled up alone in our bed, the disappointment caught up with me once more.

I missed Nino horribly right then. I had half-fallen asleep when my phone beeped. It was close to midnight and when I checked the message I smiled despite my burning eyes.

Good night, Kiara. I’ll be back soon. I love you.

Nino wasn’t big on messages, especially not to convey his feelings. It was the first time he’d sent me a text saying he loved me. I quickly replied.

I love you too and I wish I could fall asleep in your arms.

I wasn’t sure why Nino had sent me those words, or if maybe someone had mentioned my teary breakdown, and it didn’t matter. I was just glad for the gesture, knowing he was focused on something else at the moment, something that required him to shut down all his emotions.

Holding the phone in my hand, I closed my eyes again.