Chapter 11: Chapter 11

the sofas, having pizza for dinner, when I noticed the way Adamo began to fidget. His expression made me assume he’d say something to set Remo off again. For the last few weeks since Christmas my older brother had been surprisingly restrained, maybe as a favor to Kiara, but it was bound to end. He was bottling up whatever was bothering him, probably Serafina.

Adamo finally sat up and stared at Remo. “Why won’t you tell me where our mother is kept?”

Kiara stiffened beside me, her hand with the pizza piece hovering in front of her parted lips. She, like the rest of us turned to Remo.

His expression was worrying, his mouth twisting cruelly, his eyes flashing with the unbridled rage that had consumed him almost daily in the past.

Savio jabbed his elbow into Adamo’s side. “Shut up.”

“No,” Adamo said. “I want to know.”

“It doesn’t matter where she is. She might as well be in hell for all it concerns us,” Remo gritted out.

Adamo chose to ignore the warning undertone of my brother. This kid had tested our patience all our lives, but this time he really should know when to stop. “Why can’t we visit her? I have a right to meet her. She’s my mother, too. I want to get to know her.”

Remo pushed to his feet, his body shaking. “She’s the woman who tried to kill you and the rest of us. That’s someone you want to get to know?”

“Maybe she changed. Maybe they could heal whatever was wrong with her?”

“The only thing wrong with her is that she’s a psychotic, murderous bitch. She doesn’t deserve to take another fucking breath,” Remo snarled.

“That was a long time ago,” Adamo said quietly. “Maybe she changed.”

“She’s a crazy bitch who wants to see us all dead because we are our father’s fucking sons. For her, we are evil incarnate, Adamo, when will you get it into your fucking head?”

Savio didn’t say anything, only staring with a dark look down at his phone.

I grabbed Remo’s forearm and squeezed hard. When he glowered at me, I told him, “Sit down, Remo.”

Kiara was watching everything with wide, concerned eyes. Remo shook me off and stalked toward the punching bag.

Sighing, I turned to my youngest brother. “Adamo, she’s not the mother you’re hoping for. Whatever you’re hoping to find in her, you won’t, trust me.” The words felt heavy on my tongue. Talking about our mother never came easy to me. Most of the time, I tried to forget she’d ever existed—still existed now because of Remo’s and my weakness. Remo began kicking and punching the bag, hard, angry hits that filled every silent moment.

“She was a victim too, wasn’t she?” Adamo said quietly. “She had to marry our father and bear his cruelty.”

Adamo didn’t know anything about our father’s cruelty, or our mother’s twisted mind games. There was a reason why Remo was so good at psychological warfare. Adamo had been too young to experience either of them, and when he’d been old enough to potentially remember, Remo could already keep our parents at bay. Both of them had feared my brother like the devil.

Remo said, “She didn’t have to. She chose to marry our father. He was initially promised to someone else but our mother had set her sights on him and so she got him.”

“They broke the engagement?” Savio asked curiously.

“The girl he was originally promised to supposedly ran off. Remo and I suspect she had an unfortunate accident. Our mother has quite a ruthless streak.”

Adamo frowned down at his folded hands on his laps. “People can change,” he said stubbornly.

“Bullshit,” Savio said with a glare. “Why can’t you just accept that she’s not going to be a nice mommy who’ll hug you and tell you she wished she could turn back time. That’s a fucking ridiculous cliché that’s never happening.”

Adamo jerked to his feet. “Then you can let me see her so I can find out what kind of heartless bitch she is. What does it matter?”

Savio stood and pocketed his phone. “Maybe Nino and Remo don’t want you to see her fucking face before they smash her skull in?”

Adamo looked shocked. “You’re going to kill her?”

Remo stopped pummeling the sack and glanced over his shoulder at us with a look that had Kiara suck in a sharp breath. I took a deep breath myself, trying to control the twisting of my insides, a feeling as if acid was eating at them. “One day, yes,” I said emotionlessly.

“You can’t,” Adamo whispered.

Savio shook his head. “I’m off. Maybe there’s a piece of ass somewhere that can distract me from this bullshit.”

Adamo looked at Kiara for help but she didn’t say anything. I touched her thigh gently, knowing she’d agree with Adamo given her kind nature.

“This discussion is over,” Remo said.

“But—”

“Adamo,” I said sharply. Remo was in no state of mind for that kind of argument.

Adamo scoffed, then whirled around and stalked away.

“Even from miles away the bitch still ruins everything,” Remo muttered.

“Not always. We’ll kill her.”

Kiara’s compassionate gaze flitted between my brother and me.

“We will,” I agreed. Remo and I stared into each other’s eyes. It was something we’d been saying for years and still hadn’t been able to go through with it.

KIARA We went to bed early after Adamo bringing up the subject of visiting his mother. Remo remained downstairs to destroy the boxing sack while Nino took a long shower as if he could wash away the memories of their mother. I knew it didn’t work. I’d tried to wash away Durant so often, my skin had been red and sore from scrubbing.

When Nino finally emerged from the bathroom completely naked, hair still damp, I sat cross-legged on the bed waiting for him. My plan to talk to him went up in smoke when Nino prowled toward me, already growing hard as he bent over me and pushed me back. His lips crashed down on mine, harsher than expected, harsher than ever before, as his fingers slipped between my legs, pushing under my panties and starting to stroke me.

I stiffened with surprise at this less restrained side of him in bed and Nino grew rigid at once, eyes searching mine in concern.

I tangled my fingers in his hair and kissed him back to show I was only startled. Nino kissed me hard then pushed two fingers into me. His eyes never left mine as he claimed me. This wasn’t love-making. It was fueled by his erratic emotions, hard and fast. Nino’s body caged me in as he pressed down, and I surrendered to him gladly, even as he grabbed my wrists in one of his hands and pushed them above my head.

Not a flicker of discomfort entered my mind. Looking into Nino’s eyes always assured him I wasn’t distressed and I could trust him absolutely.  I allowed him to control me because I could tell he felt like he was losing control of his emotions, maybe even himself.

After we both came, I lay sprawled out on my back, my arms still above my head even though Nino had already released them and rolled off me. Ever since I’d stopped taking the pill every time Nino came inside of me felt monumentally different, important, which was ridiculous, but wonderful at the same time.

Nino’s chest was heaving as he frowned at the ceiling. Slowly he turned to me, stroking wrists and forearms until I put them back down. His eyes filled with one unmistakable question.

“I’m fine.”

Nino didn’t stop frowning. “Did it bother you that I restrained you?”

“No, I knew you’d never do anything I was uncomfortable with.” I propped myself up on his strong chest then gripped his arm and kissed the spot where my name was tattooed on his wrist. “Do you prefer this kind of sex?”

Nino tilted his head, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. “No, not in general. At least, not with you. I enjoy the gentle, slower sex with you just as much as I did this.”

“So do I. I didn’t think I’d like it but I guess with you I enjoy everything we do.”

Nino gave a small smile. “We’ve got a lot to discover.”

I laughed. “Is there anything you haven’t done?”

“No, I’ve explored every sexual act I was remotely interested in.”

For a second, I felt the urge to ask for details, but then I decided it was better if I didn’t know everything.

“Does that bother you?” Nino asked.

I thought about it. When C.J. told me she’d slept with Nino, it had briefly bothered me, but that faded quickly. Nino had probably slept with every whore in the sex clubs of the Camorra, not that I had asked. “No, it doesn’t really. I know you’re mine now and that’s all that matters.”

“I’ve never been anyone else’s, Kiara. The women of my past, I didn’t see them. They were there, but they might as well have not been. There’s only you, all I’ve ever felt is only for you.”

I put my chin down on his chest, closing my eyes. “This is too perfect. I’m always waiting for something bad to happen and take it away. It seems too good.”

Nino touched the back of my head. “Nobody’s going to take it away. I won’t allow it. I’ll kill everyone who dares to destroy what we have.”

We were silent for a while. I still wanted to talk to Nino about Adamo, even though it would mean breaking the moment. “Can I say something regarding your mother?”

Nino stiffened. “Of course, you can always say what’s on your mind.”

I lifted my head, needing to see his expression. It was perfectly emotionless, the beautiful cold mask he wore so often.

“Maybe you and Remo should reconsider how you handle Adamo’s wish to see your mother.” Nino’s eyes flashed and I quickly went on. “I know you worry how he’ll handle it, but if you allow him to live with a fantasy of how she might be, that could cause more damage than letting him see the truth. You can’t keep this from him. He’s been a Made Man for almost six months now and he’s been trying to do what you and Remo expect of him. He isn’t a kid anymore. If he wants to see your mother, you should give him the chance. It isn’t Remo’s and your decision alone.”

Nino’s face locked down, his eyes the cold mercury I remembered from the beginning of our relationship. “Remo won’t ever allow it. He wants to protect Adamo and Savio from our mother.”

“Has Savio ever visited her?”

“No, he never wanted to. He prefers to live in the present and not dwell in the past.”

I wondered if it was true. If Savio could really move on that easily from something that disturbing. He had been very young then but he lived in the same mansion with his mother until they all moved to England.

“Nino,” I said imploringly. “If you don’t give him the chance, he’ll always wonder what she’s like. It’ll haunt him.”

Nino withdrew from me. “If he sees her, if he meets her, it’ll haunt him just as much. She’s twisted and manipulative, and…” He shook his head. “Don’t get involved in this, Kiara. It’s none of your business.”

My chest constricted at his clipped tone, at his words. I rolled away from him, quickly sat up and stood. I needed to wash my face with cold water to hold back the emotion even though I knew it was futile. Tears sprang into my eyes, and I blinked them back as I hurried toward the bathroom. Not my business? He made it sound as if I wasn’t part of the family, as if I had no right to be.

I didn’t make it far before Nino caught up with me. He grabbed me around the waist and held on to me, his chest pressed against my back. “Don’t run from me,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it then?” I asked in a raw voice.

Nino embraced me tightly and released a low breath. “You are part of this family, of the family we are now. What happened in the past, I don’t want it to taint what we have. I don’t want my mother to be on your mind, for her to occupy a single of your worries. She’s my burden, not yours.”

“But I love you and we are family, so we carry our burdens together. You carry mine. You still do, every day.”

“You aren’t a burden, never.” He was silent for a moment. “I’ll talk to Remo, but it’ll take a lot of convincing to get him to agree to it.”

“It shouldn’t be his decision. Remo, Adamo, Savio and you should decide as brothers and discuss the matter. This isn’t a Capo matter, it’s more than that.”

Nino rested his forehead against my hair. “This will always be Remo’s matter because he feels responsible. That’s his burden.”

NINO Remo didn’t sit down. He paced the gaming room, back and forth, back and forth, like a caged animal. The primal anger in his eyes only emphasized the impression.

Savio said, “Let him see her. It’s his decision. He needs to grow up and you always coddling him isn’t helping.” For once he’d put away his phone and turned it off so we could talk this through, even if I had done most of the talking so far. Remo hadn’t uttered a single word.

Adamo sent Savio a scowl, but didn’t say anything.

“Kiara thinks so too,” I said.

“I knew Kiara was the reason you suggested this meeting,” Remo said. “She’s meddlesome. She needs to learn to stay out of other people’s business.”

“We are her family. She wants to help,” I said simply. Kiara gave me a small smile. I’d insisted she be here for the meeting because her presence usually led to more civilized discussions.

Remo waved me off, not in the mood to be reasoned with.

“Please,” Adamo said.

Remo became rigid. He hated the word. If you heard it thousands of times over the years and ignored it all the time, it eventually became tainted, a sign of surrender and weakness.

Savio shrugged. “For fuck’s sake, let him see her. He needs to understand.”

I nodded. “Remo.”

My brother looked at me for a long time and in his eyes I saw every shared pain and regret, every moment of our twisted childhood we wanted to forget, our stolen innocence and broken trust. I forced my insides to become steel, didn’t allow the tumultuous feelings stirring deep inside to bubble up.

Remo gave a sharp nod. “It’s a mistake, but I won’t stop you.”

Adamo’s lips parted and he glanced between my brother and me as if he couldn’t believe Remo had actually agreed. I was surprised as well.

“You won’t go alone,” Remo said. “You don’t know her like we do. I don’t want her to get a chance to twist your mind.”

Adamo huffed. “I’m not stupid.”

He wasn’t but unfortunately Adamo wanted people to like him for who he was, still desperate for their approval. The ordeal with Harper and Mason had proven that, and that he kept seeing C.J. did too. Adamo had grown these past months but not nearly enough.

“I’m out. I don’t want to see her. Not ever again,” Savio said, getting up. “For all I care she can rot in that asylum until the end of days. I don’t care either way. Is this done now? I want to go out with Diego.”

I nodded because Remo was glaring off into the garden. Savio hesitated, then shook his head and stalked away. Kiara watched him leave.

Remo turned around to me, his expression harsh. “One of us should go with him.” He flexed his hand. “I’ll go.”

“No,” I said immediately. “I should do it. I can handle it.” The last time Remo and I had seen her was when we’d taken over Las Vegas. Our mother had managed to talk Cosimo, who’d played Capo at the time, into letting her live in the mansion like a dethroned queen. That had been a brief encounter, and yet something that had haunted us for a long time.

“I could go,” Kiara said.

Remo and I both said ‘no’ at once.

“Why not?” Kiara asked, coming closer. “She’s in a hospital, heavily guarded. We’re not going to be alone with her. I can support Adamo, because I’m not as emotionally involved as you are. Do you really think it’s a good idea if either of you is there?”

I didn’t want Kiara to be near our mother, but she had a point. Remo would lose his shit around our mother. He and I had been discussing how to kill her for years now, but never had the necessary courage. I moved toward Kiara and touched her hip. “You are always compassionate and forgiving. I’m worried how you’ll handle it.”

Kiara tilted her head up, resolute. “I know what she did to you all. I won’t feel sorry for her.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want you in a room with her.”

Kiara sighed. “Then what about Fabiano? He won’t feel pity for her no matter what she says or does, and he’s capable of doing what’s necessary in case she tries anything.”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll ask him.”

“It’s a fucking huge mistake, that’s all I’m going to say,” Remo said. “One day you’ll see it too.”