B O N U S 2
The Dancer
Cortney Rousso didn't compete.
After spending years watching her parents place her older brother on a pedestal, it became clear that no matter what she or their younger sister did, they'd never compare.
Second best was still losing, so it never mattered to her which daughter their parents preferred. As long as Anthony was number one in their eyes, any other spot didn't matter.
Cortney kept competition strictly in ballet, and even then, if she wasn't winning first place, she was a loser. Second place prizes meant nothing.
Being second meant you were nothing.
For most of her life, she had been nothing in her parents eyes. Better than Emily, but never better than Anthony.
That was until Anthony turned away from the family, went against their wishes and refused to go along with their plans.
The first time he did so was when Cortney was a freshman in high school. Anthony was Arlin's new King at the time, the one everyone looked too in admiration and awe. He and his small group headed the games, and Cortney listened as everyone praised them for turning the infamously known antics into something almost unrecognizable.
Before Anthony Rousso took over, the games had been more vicious, sometimes even lethalâat least that was what Cortney heard. All she'd ever witnessed was the changed version her brother brought forward, the rumors of what others did before dwindling as every month passed, until the years went by and those previous students who'd seen that version were all gone.
After a while, the only rumor that floated around about that version of the games was that they truly ended with the previous King before Anthony's reign. Whatever significance they held beforeâgood or badâwas gone, as those traditional games died along with Matthew Carrington, adding to the long list of tragedies that occurred that night.
All Cortney knew was that Anthony turned the games playful, harmless even. Her older brother was loved more at school for doing so, and once again, she was in second placeâshe was nothing.
Anthony was told around that time that he was set to marry a younger girl from the Agramonte family. Understandably, he was against the idea. What rational seventeen year old would be okay with the idea of being set up with a fourteen year old?
Cortney could clearly remember the dinner when the two met. Her brother was visibly disgusted and appalled, and in case anyone couldn't tell by the look on his face, he made it perfectly clear when he confidently announced the engagement would not be happening. If their parents were cartoons, smoke would have come out of their ears, but rather than being greeted by that entertaining sight, Cortney watched as they shook with rage and excused themselves and their son from the Agramontes presence.
Cortney had wandered over to the girl who was a year younger than her, and before she could either choose to offer some comfort or just hear her thoughts on the whole thing, the younger girl said something that stuck with her all these years later.
"This idea of marriage isn't for my benefit," she'd said snidely. "It's all for my parents. It's what they want."
There was no missing the malice in her tone or the look in her eyes practically screaming that this young girl was going to do everything in her power to stop herself from being married off. But despite the pure rage Cortney had witnessed from both her brother and the girl, she thought of what she'd said.
The marriage was for her parents, not her. It was what they wanted. And, she wasn't sure when, but Cortney slowly realized that was what she wanted too.
Not to be married offâGod, no. Marriage had always been the last thing on her mind, just as boys had been. But the prospect of pleasing her parents, of doing the one thing Anthony wouldn't, of finally being number one, was too good to pass up.
New girls from wealthy families came and went, until their parents couldn't take Anthony's rejections anymore. They'd sat and pleaded with him to just pick someone, and though he'd taken some time to act as if he was truly thinking it over, he eventually told them he'd never marry someone they chose. He didn't care who it was, as long as they were picking the person, he wouldn't do it.
Part of Cortney wanted to admire her brother's strength to turn their parents away, but she never dared share those feelings with him. Anytime a little bit of awe came to her as she watched him disobey their wishes, she swallowed it down, figuring that it'd of course be easier for him to stand up to them because he'd already spent years being showered in their love.
Another part of Cortney was annoyed at Anthony's behavior. She didn't understand how he could so easily anger their parents, how he couldn't appreciate the attention he received from them. For a while, she believed it was because he had someone else in mind he truly wanted to be with.
She foolishly used to think he had feelings for his best friend, Elena DeJesus, but she quickly realized that was untrue when, rather than making a move on the girl once he was the king and she was finally single, he instead encouraged her to date Jalen Uccello.
Cortney hadn't cared about the relationship. Jalen was just a friend of hersâif you could even call it that. Her parents had always pushed her towards the Uccello boy, and despite how many nights they spent hiding away in each other's rooms to escape awkward dinners with the families, where Jalen would rage on and on about his theories of what their parents' goal was, Cortney never saw it any other way.
There was no way her parents would choose her over Anthony. Their sole focus was on him.
Until it wasn't.
Cortney wasn't there for the big fight they had, where Anthony so much as packed his bags after coming home from his senior prom and threatened to leave forever if they didn't stop. But she heard about it from Emily, who quietly witnessed the first time Raphael and Louise Rousso had ever truly looked helpless. They didn't want to lose their son, but they didn't want to ruin everything their family had built either. Only a few days had gone by as they waited for Anthony to calm down, but before anyone knew it, they were bringing in another woman from another rich family.
That was when Anthony left. Grabbed his passport and the bags he never unpacked, and headed off to their parents' home country of France.
Though his departure had been a long time coming, it was still a shock, even to Cortney. She knew he was tired of it all, tired of them, but to actually up and leave? Just like that? With no goodbye?
She and Emily had spent days mulling over what happened, what really caused Anthony to leave. They knew he was tired of their overbearing parents, but he'd only ever expressed wanting to leave the house, maybe even the state. But to escape the whole country, just like that overnight?
Even now, as Cortney's eyes landed on Anthony's from across the room, she wondered what the real reason was.
Last week marked two years since he took off, and his relationship with Raphael and Louise had improved, but things between him and Cortney were rocky. The first time he came back was in November. Despite receiving calls and letters updating him on what had happened in his absence, it took an invitation for the ball they were throwing for Jalen Uccello's eighteenth birthday to get him to return.
He attended the party, and Cortney thought that was his way of reconnecting with everyone. She'd been worried when she heard he was coming. Finally, she was the object of her parents' affection, and his return could have ruined it all.
But he had stood to himself, offering very few words, and only speaking if he was spoken too. She'd only seen him actually engage in conversation when he caught Jalen in the halls, and as much as she had wanted to hear every single word they were saying, the two disappeared before she could get closer.
She hadn't bothered asking either of them what they talked about. It wasn't like they were the kind of people to ever truly give an honest answer.
Cortney gave up long ago on expecting honesty from Jalen, but a part of her had hoped that Anthony's time away from the family would have changed him.
She learned he was still the same King of Arlin that night, when she watched Malia Carrington run out of the party and her older brother chase after her.
Even now, eyes set on her brother, Cortney could still feel that same anger burning through her veins.
Out of all the people in Arlin Preparatory High School, her brother had to choose Malia to get wrapped up in. Anytime Cortney questioned him or Jalen about the relationship, she received silence, both only telling her to mind her own business.
But it was hard for Cortney to mind her own business when their relationship felt like it was her business.
Cortney hadn't always disliked Malia. When the girl first came to their sixth grade class, they had been okay with one another, but there was underlying tension, and that was probably due to the fact that they were the only girls in the friend group. She could even admit that she was mostly to blame. Cortney was used to being the only girl, stuck spending her lunch and recess periods with Jalen, David, Danny, and Eli, due to her parents insisting she keep a friendship with the Uccello boy. To have this new girl suddenly join the group, having had no previous ties to anyone there, made Cortney feelâdare she admit itâinsecure.
It didn't help that Malia and Jalen became attached at the hip almost instantly. Cortney had always known those two had a connection she could never rival, and back then, she didn't care too. She just wanted to be better than Malia, she wanted to be Queen.
After watching her brother hold his ridiculous royal title for years, Cortney felt she deserved it next, even more so once it was passed down to Jalen. After all, Cortney was head cheerleader, and every Queen for years prior had held the same position. Truthfully, cheer didn't mean all that much to herânot the way dance didâbut holding that title meant she was one step closer to being number one.
Any annoyance Cortney felt towards Malia wasn't openly shown until the girl had started messing with her brother. Before then, it had been subtle, and though she knew Malia could tell she didn't like her, it was never addressed. They were both the main girls in Jalen's life, and they left it at that.
But to start messing with her brother? Cortney felt like it was a personal attack, like it was Malia's way of showing her that she was number one.
Another glance in her brother's direction made Cortney dare to guess the reasoning for why he had left the country. Malia. He would probably never say it, certainly not to her, but deep down, Cortney would always believe he somehow had feelings for that girl, and chose to leave either because she didn't feel the same or he knew their parents would never approve of her... or maybe both.
"Cortney, la fillette, are you listening to me?" Her mother's words snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Oui, Maman," she quickly answered, raising her head but not daring to reach her mother's eyes. "I am. I'm sorry."
The apology sounded insincere, and truthfully, it was, because Cortney felt she didn't have anything to truly be sorry for.
Her mother huffed, and her father remained quiet, bringing his mug of coffee to his lips and sending her a look of disappointment.
"Where is the Uccello boy?" Raphael asked after sipping from his mug. "He should've been over here. Does he not know Anthony's back in town?"
Cortney refrained from sighing at his accusatory tone, feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. "I told him," she began in a steady voice, "but he doesn't care."
She'd thrown Jalen under the bus with her parentsâand his ownâcountless times, and she'd continue doing so until he finally did what was asked of him.
"Is he off with that girl?" her father replied with a sneer, and it was clear he didn't truly want an answer.
Cortney hadn't planned on giving him one anyway, because she was sure that was exactly where Jalen was.
"It doesn't matter," Anthony chimed in. "I just wanted some quality family time, anyway."
The small smile he sent to their parents quickly eased them, but all it did for Cortney was piss her off.
If I did what he did, I certainly wouldn't be sitting here sipping coffee and having cake like everything was fine. Bitterness ran through her, the truth of the words stinging.
Anthony took off in the middle of the night, disappeared for a year and a half, showed up one night and barely spoke to anyone, and was still welcomed back with open arms when his flight came in yesterday morning.
Why does he always win?
The siblings hadn't spoken, and the urge to continue avoiding her brother settled on Cortney even more so when she guessed why Anthony chose now to come back into town. He didn't bother staying for Thanksgiving, didn't return for Christmas or New Year's Eve like he promised, but showed up with no announcement for the Fourth of July? It didn't make sense.
Well, it didn't make sense until Cortney remembered Malia's birthday was today.
She tuned out the rest of the conversation about Anthony's travels and success in revamping the family business in France. Her attention was sadly brought back to the room when she heard her name once more.
"If only Cortney could be as successful as you," their father said pitifully. "She can't even manage to keep hold of a silly teenage boy."
Her hands formed fists, nails digging so hard into her palms she'd be shocked if she didn't draw blood. There was no use in arguing her father's words. Despite how insincere Cortney's earlier apology had been, she still felt at fault for never being able to convince Jalen to just go with it.
Jalen had been so reluctant from the startâfrom before their parents made their intentions clear. Once they'd voiced the words, once Cortney realized Jalen was the one they wanted her to marry, she was happy.
It was a better option than meeting strangers every other week like Anthony. At least she knew Jalen, and though she knew she'd never truly love him, she could grow to accept him, like him, and maybe even one day love him in some wayâthough that last one was a big, big maybe.
Still, him fighting against it made things harder for Cortney. But every time she reeled him back in, got him to go to a party, had him over for dinner, or cleaned up the messes he made, her parents praised her. And knowing how her parents were let Cortney know that their praise meant love.
No matter the headaches she'd get from talking to Jalen or the girls he'd parade around in hopes of pissing their parents' off that she'd ultimately have to get rid of, it was all worth it. It wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Cortney may not have been Queen, but she was seen as the King's girlfriend, and that alone gave her respect. Merely walking up to a girl and telling her to back off did the trick.
But Lyndon fucking Prince ruined it all.
Cortney knew the second she saw Jalen talking to Lyndon that it was different from the rest. It reminded her too much of how Jalen was when he met Elena, and after seeing Jalen and Lyndon actually together, Cortney worried they were something more than he and Elena had ever been.
She tried harder to tear them apart to save herself and keep her parents happy, and despite all the attempts Cortney had made to sabotage that relationship, it was never enough for her parents. Even if Jalen showed up to the party they threw him or attended their family dinner, they'd still pull Cortney to the side at the end of night and tell her she was failing.
Desperation was never a good look, but Cortney tried to wear it as best as she could, because she couldn't fight that ugly feeling off. God, was she desperate to salvage what she'd worked so hard for.
And that desperation made her do something she'd sworn off of years prior. She went after Malia, in hopes of ruining Jalen and Lyndon's relationship.
Deep down, Cortney always knew nothing romantic was going on between Jalen and Malia, therefore she didn't need to try getting rid of her. She was sure that'd be an almost impossible task to do anyway, so why even bother? Malia never really did anything to Cortney anyway, other than hook up with her brother, and that was something Cortney couldn't prove was done with ill intentions.
Egging Malia on wasn't an easy task. She'd always seemed like the kind of girl to let everythingâeven the harshest of commentsâroll right off her shoulders. Even when her stepbrothers died, Malia walked the halls unfazed by every rumor that went around.
But Cortney figured that was a front, because the one moment where she did try egging the girl on after their sophomore year of high school, it didn't end well.
Cortney's impending engagement to Jalen had just been announced shortly after Anthony fled for France. She was pissed at her brother taking off, and still pondering over the reason, believing Malia was possibly involved. Either way, Cortney wasn't going to let Malia ruin her engagement like Anthony's was.
Till this day, Cortney couldn't remember exactly what she'd said, white hot rage she'd been feeling causing her mind to turn fuzzy. But she remembered mentioning Malia's stepbrothersâspecifically the older one, who was Arlin's last traditional Kingâand she certainly remembered Malia's response.
The girl had turned to her with the coldest stare, pure anger in her eyes that Cortney wasn't even sure had truly been directed at her. Then Malia's face went blank, and she said, "Cortney, I'm going to say this once. Don't talk about something you know nothing about." Before Cortney could decide if it was worth it to rebuttal or not, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned to find Jalen's blue eyes as he advised her to, "Just walk away."
So Cortney did, and never looked back. Both on the conversation and on Malia. It was clear Jalen had her back, probably always would over everyone, so it was pointless to try fighting thatâand Cortney wanted to make sure Lyndon was aware of that fact, too.
Cortney strongly believed in karma. If Malia really was to blame for a lot of wrongs, she'd get hers.
The same way Cortney was getting hers now. Her karma came in the form of Lyndon, as the girl with the oddly colored eyes swooped in and easily stole Jalen.
Though Cortney might not have had Jalen's heart, he was supposed to be hers, and the years she spent scaring girls off came back to bite her in the ass when one girl came and couldn't be shaken.
Karma worked in mysterious and hilarious ways, and it decided to burn Cortney one more time by making the one guy she was actually interested in after years of never caring end up being Lyndon's brother.
What were the chances of that happening?
Cortney stood to herself and didn't mess around with a lot of guys, and if she really was in the mood for a date, she'd search for a football player from another school. She didn't touch Arlin guys. The only one was Jalen, but even then, it'd been a while since they'd been together in that way.
Yet, Cortney liked Noah.
Sure, he was mainly used to hopefully mess with Jalen and Lyndon's relationship. She hadn't been sure it would even work, but from what she'd heard and seen after the party on New Year's Eve, Lyndon took the bait and questioned Jalen on his loyalty.
Despite how much of a jackass she believed him to be, Cortney knew Jalen was a fiercely loyal person to the people he truly cared about, and she knew that having someone doubt his loyalty would anger him.
But still, Cortney wouldn't have put in that much effort and definitely wouldn't have slept with Noah if she hadn't been so aggravatingly attracted to him.
But she knew it would never go anywhere, that it couldn't, and that was why she had to chase him awayâact cold and bitchy so he wouldn't expect anymore nights together, despite how much she really enjoyed his company.
And despite how much she wanted to pick up the phone when he called her the night before graduationâshe didn't, and she had to ignore the slight pain she felt in her chest when he didn't call again. And when he ignored her the next and final time they saw each other at the ceremony.
She stood strong though, because she couldn't have guys on the side. Cortney wasn't Jalen. She loved and respected her parents, she did what they asked of her, and inturn gained their love and respect when she succeeded.
Currently, she wasn't succeeding, and it was clear that she hadn't been for months. No matter what she said to Jalen behind closed doors, did to Lyndon publicly, or turned to Rachel for helpâthough she later regretted that when she realized the insane girl's plans was to contact Kenneth Jones and spread Malia's nudesânothing worked.
And when Malia of all fucking people came barrelling through her door, demanding she tell her what she'd been doing with Jalen, Cortney knew it was over.
Lyndon showing up hours later, at her damn recital, was the final nail in the coffin.
Her parents continued lecturing her, flipping back and forth between English and their native language of French for another twenty minutes, but she didn't even bother looking up once.
She just let them finish, giving her the final blow when she heard the word disgrâce.
That got her eyes on theirs, filling with tears she'd never let shed in their presence. "I'm sorry, Maman et Papa," she said, nothing but honesty and sorrow in her voice this time.
Louise walked closer, delicately gripping her chin and pushing it up so her light brown eyes met her mother's darker ones. "We know, bébé," she said in a gentle tone, in such contrast to the one she previously spoke in. "And we know you will fix it. Vous devez."
Their order was repeated loud and clear in her head. I must fix it.
Cortney nodded, and then the gentle touch was gone, both her parents exiting the room shortly after their point was made.
A scoff sounded from the other side of the room, and Cortney didn't need to look that way to know it came from her brother.
"Such bullshit," he spat, rising from his seat and shaking his head. "It's like I entered a fucking time machine and went back to three years ago when they did this exact same thing to me."
Cortney's gaze remained on the floor, eyes focusing on the intricate patterns of the tiles rather than the pressure beginning to build in themâthe urge to cry.
"You can't let them do this to you," Anthony said in frustration. She could hear him moving around, but she refused to look up. "This isn't right."
"Maybe for you," she muttered under her breath.
"What?" he questioned, of course having heard her.
Cortney stood quiet, not in the mood to fight. Despite what Arlin saw her asâthe big bad wolf girlfriend of their kingâthe girl hated conflict. If she had to stand her ground, she would, especially if it meant saving her own ass. But to sit there, pick a fight, and go back and forth arguing? That wasn't her thing.
Weirdly enough, Jalen was alike in that way. The boy hated talking, and even more so arguing. Any disagreement between them didn't start until Jalen began parading girls around, and Cortney figured confronting him instead of the girls was the smart choice.
But Jalen wouldn't address it, so she was left making a scene and going after the girls. Even then, she'd occasionally just go to him, too tired to think of ways to scare the girls off. Their arguments always went the sameâdidn't last long and solved nothing.
Despite knowing she'd never truly love him, Cortney could accept the idea of marrying Jalen. She could tolerate his nonsense. Of course, the running around with different girls shit would need to end, but everything else he didâbeing closed off, running away instead of talking, being an overall asshole if he was hurt or upsetâshe could manage that.
After years of knowing him, she knew how to handle his moods, just as he could easily handle hers. And wasn't that what marriage was really all about? Being able to tolerate each other?
She'd seen plenty of loveless marriages and failed relationships. Love meant just as much as second place didânothing.
Cortney didn't need love. She needed stability, security, a place to call home. She was sure she could get those things with Jalen... eventually.
"Cort." The nickname pulled Cortney from her thoughts, causing her eyes to find Anthony's. "Don't let them do this to you."
"Do what to me?" she asked stubbornly. Let them love me?
"This," he answered harshly, gesturing with his hands around the room. "You and Jalen don't deserve this. You both deserve better than this."
Jalen deserves shit is what she wanted to say. After all he did in the last two years, especially the absolute shitshow he caused with Lyndon this year, did he honestly deserve any better than this? No.
Besides, there isn't anything better for us than this! she wanted to scream. How could Anthony not see that? How could Jalen himself not see that?
Did those two honestly think that if Cortney refused the marriage, their parents would say okay and let it be? Did they think the Roussos and the Uccellos wouldn't just find other people for them to marry?
This was their best bet. They'd please their parents and end up with someone they already knew. Sure, they didn't always get along, but honestly, was marrying each other really the worst case scenario?
Cortney would marry Jalen a hundred times over if it meant not having to marry some stranger.
She watched as Anthony met them all, each girl and their family weirder and odder than the last. She didn't want that. This worked for her.
"Give it a rest," she finally said to her brother, rising from her seat.
"Cort, come on, you know this isn't how it should be." Her brother followed her as she walked through the room, trying to reach the exit.
Cortney's eyes found Emily, sitting silently in her chair. She hadn't said a word since they sat down for their little family meeting, but she knew her sister was intently listening to everything. Emily was always an observer, she thought carefully before she spoke, and Cortney hoped that skill would help her both with their parents and surviving her years at Arlin Preparatory High School.
While Cortney had hoped her sister could achieve the title of Queen or at least be connected well enough to the King to avoid any trouble, Jalen bailed on choosing a replacementâno shocker there.
Cortney had no idea who the new king was and was pretty sure her sister didn't either. While Emily's freshmen year seemed to go off without a hitch, she could only hope her little sister's next three years were just as easy.
Despite the three year age gap and their different personalities, Cortney loved her sister dearly, and favored her over Anthony. That was probably because she never felt in competition with Emily the way she was with their older brother.
"You know I'm right," Anthony called after Cortney, and the sound of his arrogance she'd always hated caused her to finally turn around and face him.
"You're never right," she said firmly to him. "Not in the decisions you make, the things you say, or the things you do."
Anthony looked angry for a moment, before taking in a breath and calming. He fixed his sister with a sad gaze that only served to piss her off more. "Maybe I'm not always right," he said in a low voice, and the admittance of sometimes being wrong almost shocked her. "But I am about this. You have to listen to me, Cortney."
"No, I don't," she said while rapidly shaking her head. Other than her annoyance coursing through her, there was anger, and pain, all directed towards him. "You left, Anthony. You took off without so much as a goodbye. I don't have to listen to a damn thing you say. Not after you did that."
She wasn't sure where that came from, but she guessed after two years of holding in how hurt she was when he just vanished, it was bound to come out.
Anthony taking off set into motion a whole chain of events. Elena had just dumped Jalen, and the boy was already sad and heartbroken, but losing someone he considered a friend and mentor had to have made the pain worse. Anthony passed off the title of King, gave whatever advice he could manage, and was gone, leaving both Jalen and Cortney to fend for themselvesâboth unsure what to do with his new role at Arlin and their newly announced courting.
For a brief moment, they had bonded over feeling lost, and though Cortney knew nothing real would ever come out of it, it was nice to get wrapped up in the feeling of having someone for a moment.
Cortney never regretted losing her virginity to Jalen the summer before their junior year, but every moment after that where she caved in again, she was upset with herself.
That was what Jalen did. He got in your head, engraved himself a little space there, and then came and went as he pleased. It was sick, and annoying, and it took Cortney a while before she could truly play his game.
But all the progress they made disappeared once Lyndon arrived.
"I should've spoken to you before leaving," Anthony finally replied, a tint of genuine sorrow coating his words. His eyes flickered to Emily as he added, "To both of you. I should've, and I'm sorry that everything happened so fast. I just... I couldn't do it. I had to go."
"Why?" came Emily's timid voice, but the look on her face was anything butâeyes hardened and scowl clearly present.
Anthony swallowed hard. "It's complicated, Em."
Emily nodded once and stood. "It always is with this family."
She was gone after that, leaving Cortney's chest feeling hollower than usual. "She is so sick of our shit."
Cortney meant the words as a way to break some of the tension, tired of feeling like there were hands around her throat choking her whenever she stepped foot in this place.
"She's sick of their shit, they're the ones responsible for all of this," Anthony said in a hard tone, bringing the conversation back to where he wanted. He stepped closer, gently grabbing one of Cortney's hands with both of his. "Tell me, Cort, is this what you really want?"
What she wanted was for her parents to be proud of her, and being with Jalen helped her make them proud. "Yes," she answered.
Anthony frowned, eyes staring intently at her as if trying to determine if she was being honest. "I really hope you don't genuinely mean that."
Her head started to feel fuzzy, like it always did when she was tired of having to defend herself. "If I'm upsetting you, then you should just leave, Anthony. It's what you do best."
Ripping her hand from his grip, Cortney turned and tried leaving the room again, but Anthony's gentle touch stopped her once more. "You're pissed at me. I get it. But you can't not be pissed at them too, Cort. Can't you see how insane all of this is? Jalen does."
A nerve was struck in her, like it always was when Jalen's name was mentioned here. "Once Jalen's done playing those stupid games you left him in charge of, he'll change his mind."
Anthony watched her, then let out a chuckle of disbelief. "If you think the games is what's making Jalen reject this engagement, then you're an idiot."
That wasn't what she thought. She believed Jalen fought against it because he was an immature and angry boy who just wanted to rebel against his parents in any way he could.
"The only idiot here is you," Cortney said harshly. "If you hate this place and our parents so much, why the fuck do you keep coming back and offering your two cents as if anyone actually cares?"
She regretted the words instantly. She always regretted any harsh action or mean word. Plenty of nights she'd laid in bed recounting the horrible things she'd said to some of the Arlin girls, done in the hopes of getting them to leave Jalen alone.
She dug her nails into her palm again. How could Anthony say Jalen deserves better? Jalen has caused all of my fucking issues.
"I shouldn't have saidâ" she started to retract, but Anthony cut her off.
"No," he said, raising a hand up to stop her. "It's about time you spoke your mind."
"But I didn't mean..." her voice trailed off, wondering if she had truly meant the words.
Do I want him gone?
"I'm pretty sure you did," he replied with a humorless chuckle. "Don't worry. I'll be gone again tomorrow, and I won't come back."
No. No, I don't want him gone. "Anthony, don't stay away just because Iâ"
"It's not because of you. At all," he told her firmly, holding her gaze. "I hate this place, and after I go see someone, I promise I'm never coming back."
She had no idea who he was going to see. Elena? Jalen? Malia? Any of the guys he ran the games with? She wasn't sure, and she could only hope that whoever he spoke with would convince him to not permanently leave. Lord knew she already failed at doing that.
That pressure built behind her eyes again, and Anthony caught the watery look. "It's not because of you," he said again softly. "None of this is because of you, and none of this should have fallen on your shoulders. It's not right."
She sighed heavily, looking to the ceiling to keep the tears at bay for the meantime. Once she was alone in her room, she could cry all she wanted.
"I can try helping you," Anthony said after a few moments of silence. "The way I handled everything was horrible, and now I see all I did was save myself. But we can save you, and Emily too. I was thinkingâ"
"I don't need to be saved," she talked over him. His version of being saved meant disappointing her parents, more than she already hadâshe couldn't afford to do anything else that would go against their wishes. "Why can't you see that?"
"Probably because I can't understand anyone being okay with this," he told her with a wild shake of his head. "You need to push back, Cortney. Despite how much they've already fucking brainwashed you, they can't force you to marry Jalen."
Anthony paused, taking a step closer and reaching for his sister's hand again. She almost pulled away, but the reminder that this might have very well been the last time they ever saw each other hit her hard, and she shocked them both by tightly grasping his hand as if it was her lifeline.
"And you can't force Jalen to marry you," Anthony added lowly, eyes still on hers.
Cortney dropped his hand like it was on fire, feeling burnt from his touch and his words. She watched his eyes follow her movements, then close, and when they reopened, she saw acceptance in themâlike he was accepting that he couldn't change her mind, just as she accepted that he'd never understand.
Despite what he was preaching, he wasn't her lifeline, he wasn't going to save her. He'd just ruin everything she fought so hard to get from their parents.
"Goodbye, Anthony," she called out as she turned and finally was allowed to leave the room.
Anger coursed through her. She wasn't forcing anyone to do anything. If she could, she would've been able to stop Jalen's antics, and not get in trouble for all the shit he did.
Her head began to pound, and the walk up the extravagant staircase and then down the extremely long hallway felt like too much. The moment she reached her room, she slammed the door and reached for her phone.
Tired of taking all the blame for things she didn't even do, she quickly dialed a number she had called too many times while feeling this same level of rage.
"What?" was the agitated greeting she received from Jalen Uccello after barely one ring.
"Don't what me," she spat over the line, wishing he was in front of her so he could see her anger rather than just hear it. "You are such a douchebag."
"I know," he agreed, voice sounding deeper and hoarser than usual. "What's the reason this time?"
Cortney rolled her eyes as she paced her large room. "My parents completely ripped me a new asshole because of your bullshit. You know, the usual."
"That's why you're calling me?" Jalen replied, words sounding slurred. If Cortney hadn't known him so well, she would've guessed he was drunk. But alas, she had the displeasure of knowing far too much about this boy, so she knew he was merely just half-asleep. "Just do what you usually do. Curse me out in your head while sticking needles in your little voodoo doll of me, and then take a nap."
"Oh my shit, how many times do I have to tell you this? I do not have voodoo dolls!" she yelled while throwing a hand up. She paused her pacing and looked up, as if to ask whatever higher power that was out there listening why in the world he had to be the one her parents insisted she spend the rest of her life with.
Vous devez. Her mother's previous words haunted her. Despite how fucking aggravating he is, I have to fix this.
"Hm, really? Because my back bothers me on and off, and, coincidentally, it's always on when you're pissed at me," he said in too low of a tone to tell if he was joking or serious. "So, what's up with that?"
"Stop trying to change the subject. You're not getting off so easily, connard," she called out, feeling her aggravation rise at his attempts to distract her. "This is all your fault. My parents know you didn't go to Italy because of her, and now they're taking their anger at you out on me. You better fix this, morceau de merde!"
The line was silent for several seconds too long, forcing Cortney to pull the phone away from her ear and check if the asshole had hung up on her. But just as she made sure the line was still connected and started to think that he had fallen back asleep, she heard his heavy sigh.
The sound resonated with her, and she felt his own agitation and sadness mix with hers. The fact that someone else was just as miserable as she was slightly calmed her, and she took a seat at the edge of her bed, morbidly happy that Jalen just so happened to be the other upset person.
Maybe we both don't deserve better than this. Maybe this is all we're destined for.
"I'll be home tomorrow," he told her, voice sounding firmer than before, but the tiredness was still clearly present. "We can talk then and figure it out."
She didn't bother questioning why he would be back earlier than planned from his little trip, and she didn't let herself ponder what it meantâif a certain someone was permanently out of the picture.
"Yeah, we better," she told him harshly, but still felt her shoulders slightly relax at his words.
At least we have each other.
"Damn, relax, we will," he answered in annoyance, and she could picture the scowl on his face as he said the words. "Now let me fucking sleep. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, perdante."
She heard Jalen suck his teeth, clearly familiar with the name she commonly called him. "You're the loser."
"You're the loser," she immaturely repeated. "Now go to sleep and hurry back so we can fix your mess."
It sounded like Jalen tried sucking his teeth once more, but it turned into a yawn, and he murmured a quick whatever, goodnight before the line went dead right after.
Cortney sighed and laid back, letting the soft mattress catch her. She stared at her ceiling, ignoring the pit in her stomach at the fact that maybe both she and Jalen were losers, because the way she saw it, they weren't currently winning this game with their parents.
But maybe if she tried hard enough to make this thing with Jalen work, and maybe if he was finally willing since he sounded sincere just now on the phone, they could win.
A small voice in her headâone that annoyingly sounded like a mix of both Anthony and Jalenâsaid the only true winners would be her parents, and despite the small victories of love Cortney would receive from them, she'd still merely be in second place.
She'd still be nothing.
For a moment, she felt panic, and considered finding Anthony and asking exactly what his plan toâas he saidâsave her and Emily from their parents consisted of.
But before she could do so, she opened her door to find Emily standing there, a look of indifference on her face.
"He already left," the younger girl said, as if knowing where her big sister was headed.
Cortney waited for that familiar hurt to come, just as it had the first time he took off, but all she felt was hollowness.
She hoped whoever he talked too could convince him to stay, but deep down, Cortney already knew he was far goneâat least from her and their familyâand he wasn't coming back.
So, she straightened her shoulders and found Emily's pretty brown eyes. "Wanna get some ice cream?"
When her little sister nodded, Cortney linked her arm with hers and they silently walked toward the kitchen.