3 1
The Games
We're both frozen as silence takes over the room. I'm filled with worry, even as complete shock appears on Jalen's face.
Jalen's eyebrows narrow as he reels his head back, loudly asking, "What?"
"On New Year's Eve," I answer in a shaky voice, "did you kiss or sleep with Cortney?"
"Lyndon, where is this coming from? I thought we moved past this," he says, voice still extremely loud for such a small, quiet place we're in.
"My parents want to just move past it, but I'm not them. I need answers," I tell him.
A look of understanding comes to him. "Just because your dad cheated, doesn't mean I did. Your ex-boyfriend cheating doesn't mean I did, either. I'm not them, Lyndon."
My throat tightens at that being thrown in my face, but I push it aside and step closer, voice lower and much calmer than his. "If you weren't with her, then where were you?"
Jalen's jaw clenches, eyes hardening, turning into the darker shade of blue I will never be a fan of. "I can't believe you're doing this."
I tilt my head. "Really? You can't believe I'm doing this? You're the one doing this to me, to us, Jalen!"
He turns away, fists clenching as he observes the garage filled with expensive cars, and unless I'm seeing things, he looks like he's getting ready to hit something.
"I'm trying to save us," I say softly, hoping my tone can calm him down. It shouldn't be this way. I should be the angry one, and he should be trying to comfort me. "Just tell me what happened that night. We can work through it."
The words are meant to coax him into being truthful, even if being truthful means admitting he cheated, but I can't help wondering if I mean them.
If he said he cheated, would I stay? Would I be like my mother?
My heart aches at the thought of him actually cheating on me, but the pain is worse at the thought of actually leaving him.
I'm so screwed. I knew I would be from the beginning, but I honestly didn't think I'd get this bad.
"There's nothing to work through," he says angrily. "I didn't cheat on you, Lyndon!"
I watch him, and with just one glance at me, his anger multiplies, no doubt due to the fact that it's very clear I don't believe him.
"Then tell me where you were. Please just be honest with me!" I beg.
Why is it so hard for him to tell the truth? I'll never understand why he feels the need to lie.
"I spent all night worried out of my goddamn mind," he confesses lowly, seeming to talk more to himself than to me. "The thought of you out there, upset, and trying to drive while feeling that way," he continues, shaking his head. He lets out a bitter laugh. "And then this."
I bite the inside of my cheek, torn between screaming at him because of his toneâat the fact that he seems to be blaming me for thisâand crying because of what a mess this relationship is.
"Why can't you just believe me!" he practically shouts, but the anger fades into hurt. It's clear as day in his eyes.
"Because you're always lying!" I shout back, hating how my voice cracks with the last word.
It's obvious we're both hurting, and we're trying to cover it with anger. This isn't how it should be. At all.
Jalen nods to himself, shutting his eyes once more and then setting them on me, taking a dangerous step forward. "So you never believe anything I say? Every word out of my mouth is a just a fucking lie to you, Lyndon?" he asks, tone similar to mocking.
"Honestly, they might as well be. It's too damn hard to tell with you. Maybe if you'd just be honest, we wouldn't have this problem," I answer snidely, inching closer.
Jalen runs his tongue over his teeth, eyeing me up and down, then clenching his jaw. My body feels warmer at the look in his eyes, but his harsh tone instantly has me heated for a completely different reason. "And you're just an honest little angel, huh? You do no wrong?"
If anything like this happens again, or you feel this way, just know you can come here.
I clench my fists tighter, ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach, and the fact that we're practically chest to chest, causing tingles to erupt within me for all the wrong reasons. "That's right. Compared to you, I haven't done a damn thing wrong in this relationship. You're the one ruining it by constantly making me doubt you, Jalen."
A bark of laughter escapes him, but it's not genuine at all. "I make you doubt me? Wow. Okay," he sneers. "If you still have doubts all this time later, then why the fuck are you sticking around, Lyndon?"
Narrowing my eyes, I shout, "Because I love you, you fucking idiot!"
Instantly, whatever heat was between us, due to the anger and accusations and overall closeness, is washed away, as if a bucket of freezing cold water was thrown this way.
My throat tightens at the revelation, but I'm not shocked at all. I knew Jalen had a hold on me, one that was far too insane to be considered a silly crush or a simple liking. No, it was more than that. It always has been.
I love Jalen Uccello, and part of me seems to always have, for quite some time now. Why else would I stick around? Why else would I make excuses and care more about pleasing him than satisfying my own self with answers?
I let him get away with far too much, more than I've ever let anyone else do. And that's because of the way I feel, the way he makes me feel. I've never experienced this before. My relationship with Liam can't compare.
This is entirely something else, and though I've said the words to Liam before, I've never meant them the way I do now. I'm utterly and completely in love with Jalen, to the point where it's sickening.
Jalen's face morphs into shock as he takes a step back, looking so lost. He looks unbelieving, struggling to find the words to respond as his mouth opens and closes three times before ultimately shutting, and remaining that way.
But his face softens, previously harsh and stormy eyes reverting to a calm water, resembling one of those early summer days when the temperature is just right and a perfect breeze blows by.
Mixed in with his confusion is content, and what looks like hope. For the briefest second, I wonder if he'll say it back. If he feels the same.
As the different emotions flood his eyes, his face finally settles on... nothing. He gives away nothing.
But before it can hurt me any further, and before he can finally voice his thoughts, the door to the garage swings open.
Jalen's half open mouth shuts, whatever words he settled on forgotten as his gaze settles over my head, on whoever's just entered.
Preparing to face his bitch mother once more, I sigh and turn, but I become shocked with the sight before me.
Emiliano Uccello stands in the doorway, an aura of authority and annoyance surrounding him. His steely gaze settles on his son, and I don't need to turn around to know Jalen's glaring just as strongly back.
I take a breath, deciding this is my chance to escape the awkwardness that's bound to come at what I've just revealed.
But I'm not allowed the opportunity to do so, as Emiliano's eyes flicker to me quickly, before he makes a sound of disgust and looks back to his son.
"Honestly, Jalen, when will this end?" he begins, and I have to once again bite the inside of my cheek to avoid snapping back. He can't wait until I'm gone to express how much he can't stand me? It's not like he'll have to deal with me much longer. Not after what I just fucking revealed. "When will you stop playing these games?"
I freeze. Did he just say...?
He can't possibly be referring to the infamous games I hear about in school. How in the world would Jalen's father know about Arlin Preparatory's gossip?
Unless it's... true.
No, it can't be.
I regain mobility, turning my head to Jalen, gauging his reaction.
He remains still as a statue, jaw clenching so hard I can almost hear his teeth grinding. His hardened gaze is set firmly on his father, but it's obvious he can feel my stare. He avoids it.
"It's becoming embarrassing to watch," Emiliano continues when no one else will speak. "I mean, for God's sake, the level of disrespect you show to your mother and I is one thing, but all of these girls who don't have one ounce of respect for themselves? Jesus, it'sâ"
"That's enough," Jalen cuts him off in a hard tone.
Emiliano chuckles. "Oh? You want to tell me when something is enough? You have a lot of nerve, boy."
He steps closer to Jalen, going right around me as if I don't exist. As if I don't matter. And it's safe to say that's how I feel.
And judging by what Emiliano's saying, and Jalen's silence, that seems to be a fact.
I don't matter. I never did. Not to him.
"I've had enough of you bringing girl after girl around here, parading them around as if the relationship will actually go somewhere," Emiliano says as he steps closer to his only son. He stops right in front of him, bringing them almost eye to eye if it wasn't for the few inches Jalen has on his father.
But no matter how much taller Jalen is, he still looks small compared to the older man, and Emiliano knows it. He knows what his words are doing. It's clear in the sneer present on his face as he speaks.
"We both know they mean nothing to you. And you mean nothing to them. Stop trying to break away from what we've set up for you, Vincenzo. We're helping you. We're saving you. We always have. And if you keep trying to ruin this, we'll have to keep saving you from your damn self."
Jalen keeps his eyes on his father, but from where I am, I can see the anger fading as the sadness and hurt takes over. My heart breaks at the sight of his father completely diminishing him right now. His words are so hurtful, and it's hard to believe a parent would actually speak to their child like this.
But I can't find sympathy for Jalen, not when his father adds, "We can postpone the wedding a few years if you'd like. I'll give you that. I'll compromise. But you must stop with the games and the girls. No more of this nonsense. I don't want a repeat of the Chloe Martinez situation."
My heart drops to my stomach at the name. Chloe. The rumors from school. They're true. They're all fucking true.
"I don't need anymore angry fathers coming to my doorstep, raging about my son deflowering their daughter and then ignoring her. I didn't raise you to disrespect women like that, Vincenzo. And I sure as hell did not raise you to disrespect your mother and I so much that you sleep with every girl under our roof, treat them on our dime, and take them to your mother's art exhibits to drag our name through the mud, making it look like you're cheating on the Rousso girl with... these other girls."
Emiliano's eyes flash to me as he says the last words, and I feel the bile rising to my throat, taste it in my mouth. I'm going to throw up. Right here, on his shoes. I feel it. His eyes go back to Jalen, who refuses to even glance my way once. For some reason, that hurts the most. The fact that he won't even acknowledge that I'm in the room, hearing every single fucking word.
My stomach continues churning, even as Emiliano raises a hand and places it firmly on his son's shoulder, shaking him a little as he looks into his eyes. "I believe we understand each other now. I can't promise there won't be consequences if you do not listen this time."
Jalen doesn't move, doesn't say a single word. He stares aimlessly into his father's eyes, but it's as if he's not really paying attention.
It's like he's here, but he's not present.
"Jalen," his father calls out. "Do we understand each other?"
Jalen's jaw ticks, but his eyes focus on his father, flickering around his face before he nods once.
Emiliano smiles, seeming satisfied with Jalen's nonverbal acception. "Perfetto," he says happily, releasing his son and taking a step back. "Call the Rousso girl. She says she hasn't heard from you in months. That's no way to treat your future wife."
The nausea comes back in full force, more so when Jalen nods once more at his father's words. Perfectly content now, Emiliano turns away, facing me.
"It's been lovely getting to know you, mio cara," he tells me. Jalen scoffs behind him at the obvious endearment he uses. Emiliano ignores it, smiling at me as he says, "I am so sorry for my son involving you in his games, and for that horrible dinner we hosted months ago. Jalen has a lot of growing up to do. Thankfully, that growth will not be your problem." He flashes me another grin, but all it does is make me feel more sick. "May I walk you out?"
I open my mouth, but no words come out. My voice is gone, and even if it was here, I honestly doubt I'd have anything to say. There seems to be no appropriate way to respond here.
I look to Jalen, stupidly wanting some guidance, as if he's my teammate.
"You should leave," Jalen finally speaks. The only words he's said since his father came in and gave his speech, and they're directed at me. Pushing me away, telling me to go.
I shouldn't be shocked, though. Jalen was never on my team. He's always been against me, we've been playing a game. It's always felt like he had some sort of upperhand, and now I know he did. Because he knew the rules, he knew what the end goal was. Meanwhile, all I knew was that I was falling in love. At the end, he won, and all I'm left with is the knowledge that I've been played, lost in a game I had no idea I was even apart of.
Emiliano holds the door open, and as I pass him, I say, "I can walk myself out."
He nods, smiling once more as he tells me, "Of course. You do know your way around here after all, seeing as my son was constantly having you over, just waiting for one of us to catch him." He pauses to chuckle, then adds, "Plus, it's not a long walk at all. Your car might as well be on my front lawn."
I roll my eyes at his words, and quickly rush down the hallway, finding the front door and practically throwing myself into my car. I purposely reverse it on the front lawn, hopefully leaving track marks in my wake.
Fuck that lawn, fuck that house, and fuck all the fucking Uccello's.
Their sick, asshole family can rot in Hell.
My hands tighten around the wheel, anger flooding me like a motherfucking tsunami.
Even till the end, Jalen's parents were dicks to me. And I dealt with that shit, with the sneaking around and disapproving looks, all because that's what he wanted.
I know I agreed to do it for that reason in the beginning, but damn it, Jalen made me believe it was all worth it half way through. He made me feel like it was us against them, us against the world almost, especially with the way his friends and my family and our schoolmates hated us together.
We were supposed to be partners, and just as I was debating whether to fully trust him or not, trying to find the truth, I got it. Boy, did I get the fucking truth.
I didn't matter to him. I don't matter to him. I never did, and I was never going too.
"Oh god," I croak out, feeling the tears stinging my eyes. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. So motherfucking stupid!"
I bang my fists against the wheel, once, twice, repeatedly, until I'm no longer gripping it, full on attacking the thing as if it's caused all my problems.
"What is wrong with me!" I shout into the car, as if I'll receive an answer. "What the hell is wrong with me!"
Tears stream down my face, and I no longer fight them. I deserve to cry. That's all I deserve. After being so stupid and beliving he actually cared, I deserve the right to cry.
I pullover, realizing it's dangerous to drive like this. Just because my life is shitty, doesn't mean I need to cause an accident and ruin someone else's.
Sob after sob rakes through my body, choked sounds echoing around the car as I let it out. And it doesn't stop. It just keeps going, and going, and going, seeming never ending.
It feels like it is never ending, like I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. Maybe not always, every second of everyday, but anytime I think back to this moment, think of Jalen, I'll get this feeling. This broken, and hurt, and downright painful feeling.
I bury my head into my hands, hoping that'll drown out the sound of my cries, but they just get louder, ringing in my ears like a bell.
I begin wishing I had warning bells, signs telling me to stay awayâbut I did. I just didn't listen. I ignored them all, choosing to believe Jalen. And where did that get me? At the end, I started doubting him, or maybe I doubted him all along. But never enough to leave, to even consider leaving. I stood through it all. I made it easy for him to play me.
I fell in love. I'm not sure if that was his goal, because he stood around long after the sex. At this point, it doesn't even matter what his endgame was. He had my heart in his hands and crushed it like it meant nothing, whether he knew just how much he had it or not. He won.
And the sad part is, I still love him. Granted, it's only been a few minutes since this revelation, but it hasn't changed a damn thing.
And I'm scared it never will.
"How could I let this happen?" I ask myself through the tears. "So many people warned me. Fuck, my own mother did! And I still stupidly let this happen." Another sob comes through. "Everyone knew but me. Everyone knew what he was."
That realization makes it hurt me. Being the only one in the dark. Now I feel like the whole fucking school knew he was playing me for sure, and yet I ignorantly walked by everyday in the halls, telling myself to ignore it, listening to his words as if he really was looking out for my best interest.
Really, he was covering his own ass.
"How could you let this happen..." I trail off, glancing up at the mirror.
Then it dawns on me. This isn't entirely my fault. Besides the fact that Jalen's the most to blame, other people played a role. How much did David know, Malia, Daniel? Even fucking Elijah is friends with them. Holy shit, was Cortney in on it? Of course she was! That's why she left me alone, seemed to stop caring. She put on a show in the beginning, just as I suspected she was, and then she stepped back, because she knew what he was doing.
"Oh god," I say with a groan, quickly retching my door open and throwing up, barely making it onto the ground.
Once I stop gagging, and the chills leave my body, I down a whole bottle of water, trying to decide what to do next. I can't go home. Focusing on my parents' mess won't help me deal with mine. No, I need answers.
And so my first stop is Daniel. Because he's friends with him, which means he had to have known something. I refuse to believe he didn't.
I reach his house in no time, and luck seems to be on my side when the front door swings open just as I'm about to knock.
"Hello," an extremely older woman greets, confusion leaking into her voice, but the welcoming tone is still present.
"Uh, hi," I say, trying my best to look sane though my hoarse voice and puffy, red eyes give a different impression. "Is Daniel home?"
She nods hesitantly. "Yes, he is. He's with his... friend. Who are you?"
I bulldoze around her, having no time for stupid questions.
Okay, this is her house it seems like, and I'm getting the impression that this is Daniel's grandmother. So obviously it's not stupid to question who I am. But I don't have the time for it. Not with the hurricane of thoughts rummaging through my mind.
I follow the muffled voices I hear, praying that it's leading me to where Daniel is with this friend that was mentioned, and not David and someone else. If I see David, I'll go absolutely in-fucking-sane, because there's not one doubt in my mind that that motherfucking knew everything that was going on.
He all but warned me from the beginning. At every party, in the halls, at lunch. He made it so blatantly clear, and I ignored it all. I didn't want to see it, especially coming from him.
I just didn't want to see it all, or believe it. Even now, I'm waiting for the joke. The punchline. The explanation to it all.
But there isn't one. Not one that can change how I feel or what's happened. There are no excuses, Jalen didn't even try giving one. That solidifies just how true it all is.
Deciding not to knock, too frazzled and hurt to think clearly, I barge through the door, letting it slam into the wall, and stepping into the room like I own it. Or like I'm gonna ransack it.
Before the door can fully open, I get a glimpse inside, and what I find would've been the most shocking and insane thing I've ever seen if what happened earlier hadn't occurred.
Noah's kissing Daniel, or Daniel's kissing Noah... whatever. Either way, their lips are connected... in a kiss... that's way too intimate to ever be passed off as something friendly.
Noah's gay? Bisexual? Since fucking when?
Any questions regarding Noah's sexuality fade when he roughly moves away, pulls his fist back, and lets it collide with Daniel's nose.
"Dude, what the fuck," he says to Daniel with narrowed eyes. "What the fuck was that?"
Daniel tilts his head back, eyes watering as he brings both hands to his surely broken nose. His voice is muffled when he tries responding with, "Noah, I canâ"
"Nah," Noah dismisses, standing. His eyes land on me, and I think if he hadn't just been kissed by his best friend, he'd have been shocked to see me there. Instead he just shakes his head and steps closer to me. "Lynnie..."
He doesn't complete the sentence, and I don't blame him. Too much shit is happening at the moment. Him and Daniel kissing. Me popping up out of nowhere. Daniel bleeding on the floor.
Daniel stands, still cradling his nose. "Lyndon? What are you doing here?"
If it was any other day, I'd laugh hysterically at the way his voice sounds. Or ask one hundred questions regarding that kiss I just walked in on. But it's not any other day, it's instead becoming the worst day of my life, and I'm starting to really believe that even fifteen years from now if I sit and think back on this, I'll still regard it as such. What could possibly top this?
What could be worse than falling in love with a boy who was only playing you, simply to entertain himself, and piss his parents and future fiancée off in the process?
"Did you know?" I ask, still struggling to get words out. My throat still feels tight, and my eyes hurt from the crying. My head is pounding, and so is my heart. Anytime I breathe, it hurts. I hate this feeling. "Did you know what Jalen was doing?"
"What? What are you talking about? What did Jalen do?" Daniel asks, trying to look at me before realizing he can't if he doesn't want the blood to come rushing down. He tilts his head back again. "Is this about whatever happened on New Year's Eve?"
"What happened on New Year's Eve?" Noah asks from the doorway, originally trying to leave before his nosey ass heard Jalen's name.
I close my eyes as another string of tears hits me. God, I had been so stuck on New Year's Eve and if Jalen did anything with Cortney. Meanwhile I had bigger problems. Him cheating seems like nothing compared to what he really did. At least if he cheated, that meant the relationship was real at one point, and he chose to be with someone else after. But what he actually did was so much worse. Because it means the relationship wasn't real. It was a lie. It was all one big lie.
"Lynnie, whatâ" Noah asks, reaching out to touch my shoulder.
I dodge the touch, moving toward Daniel. I grab his hands and bring them down from his nose, not caring about the blood on me. His eyes widen as he looks at me, before squinting due to the pain he must be feeling. But I couldn't care less.
"Did you know?" I grind out, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Lyndon, I don't even know what you're talking about," he quickly says, shaking his head.
"The games, Daniel," I say firmly. "What did you know about the games?"
Daniel gulps, visibly nervous. That gives away everything I need to know. No words needed.
"I can't believe you," I mutter, turning away, feeling another wave of betrayal hit me.
Jalen played with my heart, and now Daniel played with my mind. Was he ever really my friend? Was this part of the games too?
Is he even really gay? Where do the lies end?
"What is wrong with you people!" I shout in his face, not giving one fuck if his mom is still here or that he's still bleeding onto the carpet. "What is wrong with all of you!"
"Lyndon, wait, let meâ" Daniel tries saying.
"Let you what? Lie to me more? Just like every-fucking-one else has?" My voice cracks at the end, and despite how embarrassing this is getting, I don't stop. "That means everything I've heard is true. Playing with girls' hearts and getting into their pants is what Jalen does."
Daniel shakes his head. "It's not... it's not like that."
I send him a wide eyed look. "Then what the fuck is it like, Daniel?"
He sighs, placing one hand under his nose as he says, "Some, just some, rumors held some truth, I think, but Jalen isn'tâ"
"Hold the fuck on," Noah interrupts this time. "You knew all those rumors were true, and you didn't warn my sister? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Daniel looks to Noah, hurt flashing in his eyes. "I didn't know for sure. Jalen and David don't tell me everything. Theyâ"
"But if you had a feeling, an inkling, any sort of idea that Jalen did this shit, how could you not fucking tell her?" Noah asks angrily, stepping into the room again. "How many times have I told you the shit I heard about that prick? And how many times did I ask you to try talking to her about their relationship?"
I remain still, feeling even more shitty that Noah knew from the beginning that this relationship was wrong, yet I even ignored his warnings. My own brother, my flesh and blood. We have our differences, and our fucking mess with our family, but I should've listened.
Instead, I chose a boy I didn't know. A boy I never got to know, even though I fell in love with some altered version of him. It doesn't matter. I chose someone else, a stranger, to believe in and to be my solitude here. I should've chosen my family. Sure, they've let me down too many times to count, but they've never hurt me like this. And they never would, not on purpose. I know that for sure, or at least I hope that's the truth.
After all, I don't seem to have the best judgement when it comes to choosing people to rely on.
"It was just rumors," Daniel says pleadingly. He turns to me, seeing Noah as a lost cause due to what just happened between them. "Lyndon, we talked about it."
"Daniel, you never told me he sleeps with girls, ghosts them, and then plays with their hearts and feelings. You never said that. Ever," I tell him firmly. I'd like to believe that I'd have the common sense to leave if my friend, who knew Jalen, said that to me. But he didn't. "You encouraged our relationship."
Daniel swallows hard, releasing his nose and stepping toward me. "Lyndon, I swear to you, I didn't know Jalen did this. How do you even know for sure? This could just be another rumor."
I shake my head rapidly. "It's not. And you know it. You know what your friend of ten years is capable of."
He remains quiet, and that's all the proof I need to know that even if Daniel truly didn't know for sure if the games are trueâwhich is entirely possible considering how much he has distanced himself from Jalen and Davidâthat doesn't mean he doesn't know how Jalen is, who Jalen really is. And with the look on his face after my words, it's clear he knows I'm right.
"Wait, Lyndon... what did he do?" he asks gently, eyes watering once more, but this time, I don't think it's from the pain of his broken nose.
"Don't pretend to care now," Noah tells him in a hard tone. "The time to care was when she was starting to get with him. It's obviously too late."
Daniel ignores Noah, focusing on me, speaking in a lower voice. "Was... was he faking still? Was that the game? Make you think it turned real, but it never did for him?"
He sounds confused, like he's genuinely trying to put the pieces together.
"Woah, what? Your relationship was fake? The fuck is going on!" Noah shouts from behind me.
I cover my face with my hands, willing the tears away, but they still come, and I hate that this is what I've become. I feel like I'll never stop crying.
"I don't know," I tell Daniel once I drop my
hands. "All I know is he played me, and so did all of his little friends who knew. Including you."
I spit the words out, wanting someone else to hurt too, even if it is Danielâwho's already in physical pain. But it doesn't matter. I just don't want to be the only upset one.
"Lyndon..." Daniel states, coming even closer.
"Let's go," Noah demands, hard gaze set on Daniel. "We got enough shit going on. We don't need to deal with this."
"Noah, wait!" Daniel calls out, panic coming to his face. "We need to talk!"
Noah laughs. "We have nothing to talk about."
"Come on. You cannot be serious," Daniel says pleadingly. "Lyndon," he says to me, "I'm sorry about what's happening, but I need to talk to your brother."
I shrug. "Seems like he doesn't want to talk to you. And I don't blame him."
Another dig he probably doesn't deserve, but misery loves company.
"We're going. You know we have other shit to deal with," Noah says bitterly to Daniel. "Last thing we needed was all of this."
If by this, he means the kiss or the games, I don't know. But he's right. Our lives are enough of a shitshow as it is being a part of the Prince family. We don't need this extra mess.
"Come on," Noah calls out to me again, grabbing my arm with his hand, pulling me along beside him.
Daniel thankfully doesn't protest anymore, or even follow us out the door. His grandmother is still standing in the doorway when we reach there. She casts us a confused look, but gently touches Noah's forearm when he tries passing.
"Hey, what's going on?" she asks softly.
Noah takes in a deep breath, trying to keep his anger in check long enough to politely answer. "This is my sister. We need to go. Sorry."
He rushes out the door after that, still pulling me along.
"You drove, I'm assuming?" I nod my head to his question, back to being unable to form any words. "Give me the keys."
I do as he says, climbing into the passenger seat right after. He quickly slides into the driver's seat and races down the street, far away from the Williams' mansion.
Once we're a safe distance away, everything hits me again.
Jalen. His dad. The games. Daniel. David and Malia's possible involvement. Everything. It's too much. Too damn much. And to top it all off, I still need to go home and deal with my parents. And Knox. And whatever mess Noah and I still have between us, because we surely don't agree with how eachother is choosing to handle our father's infidelity.
Thinking of my father's unfaithfulness brings back the sting of Liam's. How hurtful it was. How at fault I felt. And it reminds me of the way Jalen's possible cheating made me feel. How much worse it was. Nothing could compare to what I actually found out today, though. That feeling takes the cake.
But honestly, they all have a common denominator. It's not even about the cheating. It's about what it means, what it symbolizes.
I don't matter.
My father didn't take into consideration how his actions would affect me. Long before he cheated he was absent from our home, leaving me to feel so unwanted and unimportant.
Liam did the same. Rather than trying to make our relationship work or even having the decency to tell me he didn't think we stood a chance, he went behind my back with my best friend. Both Liam and Jessica felt I didn't matter, that they could do whatever they wanted because they didn't care about me.
And Jalen. He played me from start to end. I never mattered at all. At least with my father and Liam, at one point they cared. At one point I did feel loved. With Jalen, it was all a sick, twisted game, where my feelings were completely discarded. I was just another play thing to him, when he had slowly become my everything.
Maybe that's my fault for relying so much on him to bring me happiness. For using him as the one good thing to come out of moving back to New York. In reality, he's the worst thing to come out of this.
And the only thing. I spent so much time and energy on him, on us. Wasted time and energy I can't get back. Moments and memories that will only hurt me from here on out.
How can I walk the halls of Arlin Preparatory after this? How can I drive around this neighborhood anymore when that was our thing? How could I talk to any of my so called friends when they're all connected to him?
He's ruined me, and if that was the goal of his game, then he deserves a fucking medal, because he succeeded, and did a damn good job at doing so.
I rest my elbows on my knees, tossing my head into my hands to let out another round of cries before going home. I'd rather cry in front of Noah than let my parents see me like this. No matter how embarrassing letting this asswipe see me like this is.
But embarrassment over crying is the last thing on my mind. Not when I feel so humiliated for ever believing Jalen cared.
God, how could I actually think he cared? Or that there was a chance he loved me back?
"Oh my god," I croak into my hands. "Oh no."
Noah's hand reaches over to touch my shoulder. His hold is awkward, and slightly uncomfortable, and way too stiff to offer any sort of support, but he doesn't remove it, even when I flinch away.
"What?" he asks lowly, almost too low for me to hear, as if he doesn't really expect me to answer.
"I told him I loved him," I whisper around another sob. "That's the last thing I said to him."
Noah's hand tightens it's hold on my shoulder.
"Do you?" he asks even lower this time, giving the impression that he doesn't really want to know the answer.
I wish I didn't. I wish I could say no, that it was an in the moment thing, and I hadn't meant the words. But I know that would be a lie. I mean them more than I mean anything else I ever said in my life. And I certainly feel them more than I've felt anything else in my life.
I don't say this out loud, both because it's too hard to admit and I can't get any words out.
But the continued sobs coming from me as I sink to the floor of the car crying says it all, and it's obvious Noah knows it as he remains quiet, gripping my shoulder for dear life.
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A / N:
And There It Is.
Thoughts? Feelings? About the games, Lyndon and Jalen's "relationship," or just on the characters / plot in general?
Glad to finally get to this point in the story and have it out there. See you soon!