2 4
Aftermath
The fourth time my phone rings in a row is enough motivation to make Jalen and I untangle ourselves from each other. I know it's either Mom or Noah calling without even having to check, and though I'd normally not care, I quickly gather my clothes and put them on.
Jalen watches me dress myself, before taking the hint that it's time to go and grabbing his own clothes.
"I guess you did have a certain time you had to be home?"
His voice is low as he tells the little joke, but the hesitation to speak at all is clear as day.
After finishing pulling my dress over my headâa task in itself due to it having been tossed to the trunk and inside outâI occupy myself with strapping my heels. Once that's done, I keep my gaze down, trying to find my coat while avoiding looking at him.
A warm hand touches my arm. It's an innocent action, but it sends a chill through my body, especially when I finally look at Jalen.
My coat is lightly pushed into my arms, and my cheeks warm at the fact that he knew what I wanted and found it, while I can't seem to think about anything else except him.
"Thanks," I murmur shyly.
Jalen's lips form a crooked smile, before he nods toward the door. "C'mon, let's get you home."
He follows me out the door, walking me to the passenger's seat, waiting until I'm seated before going to the driver's side.
In that time, I feel frazzled. The one beer I had comes back to mind.
Once he sits, he glances at me, and for a brief second I worry he won't be able to drive since he drank as well. But I see his eyes aren't glazed over, and none of his movements are sloppy. Obviously we both have different tolerances for liquor, and of course I'd be the one more affected.
Jalen sends me a small smile, and I return it, feeling myself relax a little.
The drive to my house is silent. Jalen parks in front, and I make no move to get out, knowing this is the part where we address the elephant in the car.
But before either of us can do that, I notice the light in the living room of my house is on.
"What the fuck?"
"What happened?" Jalen asks, not understanding what I'm looking at.
"Who the hell would be up at this time?" I continue, ignoring his question.
Jalen sighs, then motions with his head to my phone. "Probably whoever called you, Lyndon."
I glance at the screen, seeing the four missed calls are from my dad. Fuck my life.
I bury my head in my hands, as if that will save me from dealing with this bullshit.
Jalen gently pulls them away, succeeding in bringing my eyes to his, something I haven't been able to do. Looking into them is reminding me of what we just did, because Jalen hadn't taken his eyes off of me the entire time we were together.
"I gotta go," I say, whining a bit so he knows I don't want to leave him, but I have too. I need time to process, and I need to see what my father's going to say.
He nods his head, frowning, before covering it with another smile. "S'fine. It's been a long night."
I nod my head, worried to leave this car, leave him. But I do, quickly rushing into my house.
It barely registers in my mind that the front door is unlocked, meaning whoever's waiting up for me saw Jalen's car outside.
"It's late, Lyndon. Too late for you to just get home," comes a reprimanding, feminine tone.
My head whips toward the couch, seeing both of my parents sitting there. I can't believe they stood up waiting for me, or that they've each claimed a side of the couch as theirs. They're not cuddled together like they were when I left. No, they're each sitting there staring at me, worried and angered looks on their faces.
They've never looked more like parents than they do right now.
Too bad I can't take the time to enjoy it, or realize I hate it and would rather have them be too involved with each other to care.
No, all I can think about is Jalen and what we did, the soreness between my legs and my halfway zipped up dress serving as a constant reminder.
"I asked you to leave that boy alone," Mom says.
I really can't have this conversation with her, or either of them, right now. Not when everything is still so fresh. I can still smell his cologne as if he's here, and feel his hands on me.
"I'm going to bed," I announce, walking toward my room, not caring if they still want to talk.
Footsteps follow, causing me to quicken my pace. As I reach my room and try closing the door, a hand stops me, and for the first time ever, I'm fucking grateful to see my father. I'm not equipped for a screaming match with Mom at the moment.
His eyes land on mine. We stare at one another, both holding the doorâtwo mirrors reflecting back at the other.
"You don't have to tell me where you were or what you were doing," he begins, voice low and stern. "But I do need to know that you're okay, Lyndon. All we need is for you to check in once in a while."
Sounds reasonable enough, but the fact that it's him standing here saying it, that he used we as if he and Mom are a unit, angers me.
"You didn't seem so concerned about me checking in when you left us."
His face remains emotionless.
"You need to check in, Lyndon," he says after a moment, ignoring my comment. "If it's not with me, it better be with your mother. Don't make her worry like that."
"Goodnight," I dismiss, trying to close the door again, and this time, he lets me.
I quickly shed my clothes, breathing a sigh of relief when my bra is off. I laugh at how crazed I was to get dressed that I somehow managed to actually clip my bra on inside out.
I catch my reflection in the mirror, laughter stopping when I spot a hickey on my neck, and more of them trailing all the way down to my stomach.
Oh my shit. Jalen, what the hell!
But my annoyance over the marks subsides as I remember when he was doing it. My cheeks redden again, and it makes me wonder how in the fuck I'm going to be able to fall asleep tonight.
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I tossed and turned all night, unable to fall asleep. And when I finally did, well, let's just say my dreams weren't pleasant.
Actually, no, scratch that. One of them was very pleasant. But the things that followed, the next dream altogether, was a nightmare.
Jalen ghosted me in them. He pushed me aside after getting what he wanted, just as he did to all those other girls the people in school say he used.
It's embarrassing how fast my heart was beating when I finally woke up. I didn't realize how worried I was about what would follow last night's events, how scared I am for Jalen to reject me.
What if this changes nothing for him? Are we going to go back to fake dating, pretend last night didn't happen? Will something like that happen again? Does he think we're gonna be... friends with benefits?
I shudder at the thought. I've always been a relationship girl, sex being something I never took lightly. Up until twelve hours ago, Liam had been the only person I'd slept with, and I made him wait a whole year before we did anything.
Jalen waited about two or three months. I feel foolish for giving in that quickly, but part of me also feels proud for having the willpower to have resisted for that long. I may not have wanted to admit it, but Jalen's had me drawn in for a while, almost from the very beginning. And when I remember last night's events, I feel like giving myself a pat on the back for being able to hold off all that time.
But do I regret it? Do I regret anything from yesterday?
Dinner with his parents was a fucking disaster, and maybe I should've kept my cool to keep helping Jalen, but hearing his mom continously bash my family drew the line.
I may have a rocky relationship with my dad, and even with Malia and her mom who I haven't seen in years, but blood is still thicker than water. Family always comes first.
Calling out his mom got us to finally leave that place, so it wasn't all that bad. It got me and Jalen alone, him to willingly open up to meâthough there was a little pushing on my partâand... well, for things to change.
Or did nothing change at all?
How could it not? How could I look at Jalen the same, be around him like normal, as if last night was just... nothing?
I get the sick feeling that's exactly what it was to Jalen. We kept the friends title all this time, even though we were sharing kisses whenever we were alone. How stupid am I to think actually having sex will change that.
Am I overthinking? Maybe, a little. But are my thoughts so far-fetched? Is it so wrong to think that Arlin Preparatory's bad boy wanted to sleep with me, and then move on?
I regret it. I regret it so much.
My phone vibrates, pulling me out of my thoughts and halting the tears threatening to escape.
Dude: U busy ?
I hate the way my heart softens at the fact that he texted me, rather than calling, as if he knows a call would be too much for me.
And he spelled the words right on the first text. Granted, he used one letter to abbreviate a word, but he still got it right, and that brings a smile to my face.
Okay, maybe I don't regret it that much.
I tell him I'm free, and he quickly begins typing. The bubbles appear and disappear on my screen several times, before ultimately vanishing. My heart feels like it stops beating, the realization that he is going to ghost me becoming too real.
I begin to feel sick, and this feeling intensifies when my phone starts ringing.
Despite the urge to throw up, I answer the call with a barely audible, "Hello."
"Hey," Jalen breathes into the phone. "Good morning."
"Good morning," I echo, cringing at how robotic my voice sounds. There's an awkward silence, so I fill the void by adding, "What's up?"
Jalen's light chuckle comes across the line, somehow calming me and worrying me all at once. "Nothing much. How about you?"
"Same," I reply, facepalming right after.
Silence spreads over the line again.
And then, at the same time, we say, "Soâ"
Cue the awkward laughs and both of us saying, "No, you go first."
I clamp my hand over my mouth, realizing this'll all be easier if Jalen takes the lead.
He lets out one more laugh before clearing his throat. "So, I was wondering if you had any plans today."
"Uh," I begin, taking a moment to decide if I should lie or not. I'm assuming he's asking because he wants to talk about last night's events. I'm just not sure what he's going to say, or if I'm ready to hear it. "I think my parents wanted us all to spend the day together."
"Oh," Jalen replies, and my eyes widen at the disappointed tone in his voice.
Usually, I have to watch his body language and eyes just to understand how he's feeling. But that one syllable practically screamed that he's upset. Or am I hearing things?
"I wanted to see you," he says after another moment.
I remove the phone from my ear and mouth holy shit to myself in the mirror. I take a deep breath, bring the phone back up, and say, "Oh, well, maybe I can try getting out of it?"
There's nothing to get out of. Even if my parents had wanted to all be together today, I'd lock myself in my room to avoid it.
"That'd be great," Jalen says, and I can almost hear the smile he has on his face.
Is he excited to see me? Or, oh no, is he wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible? Toss me aside as soon as he can?
"Let me know if you're able to skip family day, and I'll come pick you up. We can goâ"
"I can meet you at the school in an hour," I hurriedly say.
Suddenly, I want this to be over quickly, too. If he's going to throw me to the side like he has to apparently every other girl he's been seen with, then I want it done on my terms and somewhere I'm familiar with.
So far, Arlin Preparatory has been the only place I've become accustomed too since moving here. If I'm about to get dumped by my fake boyfriend, I at least want to know where I can go run off and cry after.
"Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up?"
"No, I'm good," I reply, already thinking of how I can take the car and leave before anyone notices. "So, one hour?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Okay, bye," I say.
"See you," he adds before the call ends.
Ugh, is he saving his goodbye for later?
My phone almost slips from my hands due to how sweaty they've gotten. I'm so fucking nervous.
Waiting for this next hour to pass is going to feel like a lifetime.
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My legs are tired as Arlin Preparatory finally comes into view.
I ended up having to bike over here. Apparently, Noah needed the car to go hang out with his track friends. I suggested he should just run there, seeing as that's what's helping him bond with all of those assholes, but instead of even contemplating my suggestion, Noah pushed me aside and ran to the car. He drove off before I could make it out the front door.
The only options I was left with was calling a cab, calling Jalen, or biking it here. So, I dusted off my old and rusty bike from the garageâthe same one I told Mom not to bring with us because I wouldn't need it, and the same bike I told Dad not to buy me because I would never use itâand started pedalling to school.
It's empty here. I've never seen the school look so dead, but considering that it's a Sunday afternoon and every student that goes here would of course have plans, it shouldn't come as a surprise.
I'm just grateful no one's going to witness what's about to go down. My stomach churns just thinking about it. Not even twenty four hours have passed, and it already seems like everything's gone wrong.
I've never been dumped before. How does this work? Do we sit and ignore the issue for a bit, then he'll let me down gently after some laughs? Or will he say it right away? I'll walk up to him, he'll say we need to talk, and we'll go from there.
I guess it depends on him. Is he gonna take the bandaid off slowly, or rip it off real quick?
Wait a minute. Why am I going by what he wants? He's the one who's about to break up with meâwell, fake break up with me. Because that has to be what he's doing, there's no other choice.
I know myself, so I know I cannot keep this charade going. I can't pretend to be his girlfriend or be around him all the time after what happened. I can't keep pretending my feelings aren't there. They're too real and too strong to keep tossing aside.
The only choice we have is to cut off all ties. I won't allow myself to stick by his side and let these irritating feelings grow. I'll end up hurt, and I've been hurt enough in my past relationship. I don't need too, and definitely don't ever want too, feel that pain again.
As I chain my bike to make sure it's secure, I hear Jalen's motorcycle pulling up.
In that moment, I make my decision.
I lock eyes with him after he takes his helmet off, and motion with my head to the bleachers. I hear him following me after he turns his bike off, so I take a seat in the first row and wait for him to catch up.
He takes his time, walking far too slow, making it painfully obvious that he's planning on dragging this out.
Oh fuck no. I don't soak bandages. I was never a wimp like Noah and Knox. I ripped that shit off the second the bleeding stopped, and though I'd be in pain those first few seconds, I was fine after.
I was fine after Liam, and I'll be fine after Jalen.
I hope, my stupid subconcious adds on.
Ugh, come on, I was doing so good convincing myself!
But was I really? Will I really be okay with Jalen ghosting me?
He finally takes a seat, keeping a safe distance between us. For some reason, seeing the empty space hurts, which makes my answer super fucking clear.
No. I will not be okay if he ghosts me. At least, not right away.
I take in a deep breath, open my mouth, and... nothing. Nothing comes out.
"Scared to fall again?"
I turn toward Jalen, taking in his cheeky smile and head motion toward the higher benches. Then I remember the embarrassing tumble I took down the bleachers in front of him, realizing he's trying to make a joke. I flash him a faint smile, but with the way his brows furrow, it's obvious he can tell I'm not in a joking mood.
His words ring in my head, and the different meanings they could hold make my chest tighten.
Am I scared to fall again? Yes. Hell yes.
"Have you eaten?" he asks, noticing I'm still not talking. "There's a really good food truck a few blocks up. We used to cut and go there allâ"
"Jalen," I interrupt, finally finding my voice at the mention of we. I don't know who the hell he's referring too, and it can simply just mean David and him, but for some reason, I get a sick feeling that's not what he means. That he's talking about someone else, other people that I don't know.
I glance at him again, feeling the full burn of his gaze. His face is blank, giving nothing away.
"Let's just..." I trail off, trying to find the words. "Let's just get this over with, okay?"
Jalen blinks. "Okay."
I nod my head. "Yeah, okay, so..."
Silence comes over us again. I wait for him to say something, anything that can let me know where his head is at. No more jokes about bleachers or mentioning food. No more dancing around the topic.
But he says nothing. And I begin to realize that he never really does.
Any serious conversation we've had, I've initiated. Jalen cracks a joke, hides behind a smile, and only reveals his thoughts and feelings when I pick at them.
My aggravation grows at this new thought, making me say, "If you're not gonna talk, then I'm leaving."
Just as I put my hands on the bench to lift myself up, Jalen speaks.
"What the fuck is going on?"
My head snaps his way, my own irritated eyes meeting his aggravated blue ones.
"What do you mean what the fuck is going on?" I say, imitating his deep voice. "We came here to talk, no?"
Jalen's jaw clenches, and I quickly realize it's because of the way I just spoke. I said the words slow, as if... as if he couldn't comprehend them. I feel like smacking myself because that's what his mother did that day, and I'm sure it's what she does all the time.
"No," Jalen replies in a hard voice.
"No?" I echo, confused.
"No," he repeats in the same tone. "I said I wanted to see you, Lyndon. And if you had let me finish talking, I would have been able to ask if you wanted to go eat or something. But of course, you dictate everything, asked to meet here, and then..." he trails off, shaking his head and letting out a bitter laugh. "Then you said we needed to get this over with. So, you fucking tell me what needs to be talked about. 'Cause I'm lost."
I stare at him blankly for a moment, taking it all in. He seems really angry, and somehow, that makes my anger deplete. Suddenly, I don't feel like fighting, but sadly, I seem to have already caused one to happen.
But how can he not know what needs to be discussed? Was the boy even there last night? Did I sleep with someone else and get them confused? How can he think us having sex shouldn't be talked about?
Because it means nothing to him.
"I'm not a dictator," I finally say, feeling like defending myself is the only appropriate response. If he's not gonna make a big deal out of what happened, then neither am I. "I thought we were gonna talk about how much of a disaster last night was."
Jalen's eyes shift away, looking out toward the big, empty field, before coming back to mine. They're just as emotionless as I expected them to be.
What an asshole.
"It's fine," he says with a shrug. "My parents would've never liked you anyway, so that wasn't the goal. Just needed them to meet you. See that you're very real, and not going anywhere."
Ignoring the sting at how sure he is that they'd never like me, I nod my head. I don't respond, because I honestly don't care. This wasn't what I wanted to talk about, but apparently, it's the safer topic for us.
"And you're not... right?"
I resist the urge to roll my eyes, not at his words, but at the way my chest tightens when I hear the hesitancy in his voice. And though I tell myself not too, I glance his way anyway, and the deep blue of his eyes makes me direct my gaze to the field.
"I don't know," I answer honestly. "Last night was... a lot."
I feel like patting myself on the back for keeping it vague enough, believing that this is my way out without making it obvious I caught feelings.
"Hm," Jalen hums in thought. "So, is it my parents that's driving you away, or is it me?"
I wish I had sat higher up so I could roll myself down the bleachers. That'd allow me to avoid his question and those eyes I feel burning a hole through me.
All I want to do is shout fuck my life! since he's obviously seen right through me, but I can't do that without making myself look more stupid.
"Your parents are a lot to handle, Jalen," I say, releasing a forced laugh.
When I glance his way, it's clear he doesn't believe one word I'm saying.
"They talked a lot of shit about my family. All of my family," I add, feeling a little weird as I remember that Malia may be my family, but it's clear that she's Jalen's friend, and that they must know each other a lot better than I do.
"And last night was just too much for you to handle," he says matter of factly.
There's something about the tone of his voice that annoys me, and that annoyance rises when he raises an eyebrow, as if challenging me.
"It wasn't too much. Your family's crazy is just not worth it," I defend, hoping my words aren't too harsh.
Instead of being faced with an angry or upset Jalen, I get the opposite. He smirks, and, other than finding the look attractive, I get a sick feeling, worried for what he's about to say.
"My family's crazy isn't worth what? The sex?"
My eyes widen, shocked at the word being thrown out there. We were doing such a good job at avoiding that topic.
"Uh," I say dumbly.
Jalen lets out a laugh that doesn't sound humorous at all. "Don't worry, Lyndon. Nothing else needs to be said. You're off the hook."
I look at him confused, not expecting the conversation to have taken this turn.
Yet, I really shouldn't be shocked. I came here knowing I was gonna get dumped, and that's technically what's happening.
But instead of taking this as a sign or even as a blessing to get out of what will no doubt only get messier, I stay seated, and continue talking.
"No more fake dating?" Jalen shakes his head, making me add on, "So, it's over?"
"Yup," he says. "We got it over with."
This doesn't sit right with me, because those were my words, not his.
"Okay," I nod. "As long as you're good with that, and as long as that's what you want."
Jalen's brows furrow. "I'm doing what you want, Lyndon."
"When did I say I wanted that?"
"That's all you've been fucking saying."
I pause for a second, trying to figure out what his intentions for today really was.
"All I said was that we needed to talk, because last night with your parents was insane. But if you want it to just be over, then okay."
"Stop making it sound like this is my decision."
"But it is," I argue. "You decided we would fake date, and now you're deciding that it's done."
Jalen doesn't respond, instead he places his elbows on his knees and his head into his hands. He looks stressed, and it makes me feel bad.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out," I say as an effort to smooth things over.
What I should really apologize for is agreeing in the first place. I knew it wouldn't work, because I knew how I felt, and that those feelings would only grow.
"Are we gonna stage some big breakup fight?"
Jalen's head rises at that, face blank until he sees the stupid smile I have. He covers his laugh with a cough, before going back to a serious face.
"We'll do whatever you want, Lyndon," he answers.
No we won't. Because this isn't what I want.
"Cool. Can we say I dumped you?"
"Well, you did."
What?
"You technically dumped me," I reply.
"You basically told me too," he counters.
"We just went over this, Jalen. This is all on you."
He sighs heavily. "It's always been all on you. Don't pretend it hasn't."
"I'm not pretending," I say, and I'm actually telling the truth.
"Right," he says sarcastically, then adds on, "Why stop now? We've been pretending for almost a whole month."
I can't think of a reply to that. I'm speechless, and stupidly and foolishly hurt. I knew it was all fake, I knew it. Yet I let myself get wrapped up in it and him anyway, and now I'm the one who's gonna walk away pained. Jalen will be fine.
"You're right." It takes everything in me to spit the words out. "At least it's over now. And so is this conversation. I told my parents I'd only be gone for a few."
I guess I'm not done pretending, because I hadn't even told my parents I left. But I need an excuse to leave. The longer I sit here, the stronger the urge to cry is. And I refuse to let him see me cry over this.
I place my hands back on the bench to push myself up, like I'd done earlier, but again, Jalen stops me. And rather than it being his voice that does so, it's his touch. He wraps his large hand around my wrist, grip tight enough to stop my movements, but loose enough that it doesn't hurt.
But the feeling of his skin on mine is all the same, and I can't take the reminders it brings.
"Please don't touch me," I say in a clipped tone.
He drops his hand immediately, and I finish standing.
"Lyndon, wait, IâI shouldn't have said that."
"Jalen, it's fine," I say, avoiding his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow in class, okay?"
"No," he says, rising from his seat. He towers over me easily, and it's safe to say I feel a little intimidated. "I cannot let that be the last thing I say to you."
"Last thing? We're never gonna talk again?"
Damn, he really is ghosting me.
"Come on. We both know you're gonna avoid me for at least a few weeks after today."
I shake my head. "I just said I'd see you in class."
"And that was bullshit," he replies. "You ran from me for days after we kissed. There's no way you'd talk to me right away after last night."
I bite my tongue, unable to think of a reply, because he's right, and it scares me just how well he seems to know me.
"That's why I asked to see you. I wanted to make sure we were..." he trails off, trying to find the right word. "Good. I wanted to see if we were good."
"We're great, Jalen. Goodbye," I say, trying to walk around him.
He easily blocks my path, and we find ourselves standing barely an inch apart.
I can't stop myself from looking up, taking in just how beautiful he truly is. His high cheekbones and long lashes mixed with those blue eyes and pink lips make my knees weak. Top it off with the frown on his face and the sad look in his eyes, and I'm a goner.
"Jalen," I murmur, and that seems to be all I can say.
"Can I speak?" he asks, voice calm and soft. I nod, ready to follow my original plan and just let him take the lead. Clearly, I'm a mess. "I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said we've been pretending. And if my parents really are the reason you don't want to do this anymore, then I'm sorry for bringing you there. I know how they are, and I knew it wouldn't end well."
I stay quiet, taking in what he said, searching his eyes for any hints as to whether or not he's telling the truth.
Does this mean he hasn't been pretending? Is he actually sorry for bringing me to his parents? Because if I'm being honest, they were a lot to handle, and it did feel like too much for me.
But that was never the reason for why I wanted to walk away. It's always been about Jalen, and I'm starting to think it always will be.
His parents and all the issues that come along with them take a back seat in my mind.
I focus on Jalen, and only on him. It's risky, but I don't care.
"Why did you want to see me today?"
Jalen tilts his head to the side, pondering the question.
"I wanted to see if we were good," he says.
"And that's all?"
He closes his eyes and sighs. "I don't know, Lyndon."
"How do you not know? It's a really simple question. Just tell me what you were thinking."
"I was thinking that I wanted to see you. I don't know what else to say. I woke up and thought about you, and figured the smartest thing to do was see if you were busy," he states.
"That's it? No other thought went into it?" I probably sound annoying, but I need these answers. I need clarification. I can't take mixed signals anymore.
Obviously, he's attracted to me. He has to be if he freaking slept with me. But I need to know if it goes deeper than that, if there's more to it.
"No," he says, and for once, I can tell he's being one hundred percent honest. "There was no plan, no ulterior motive, Lyndon. I didn't think it through. I barely thought at all. I... I just wanted to see you."
"And now that you did?" I hate the desperation I hear in my tone. Can he hear it too? "What about when you got here and saw me? What did you want then?"
Jalen smiles. "I wanted to take you out. And before you ask, no, I didn't have a specific spot in mind. All I knew was that I didn't want to be here."
He motions toward the field and the building to the side.
"And now?" I ask, voice so low I barely hear myself. "What are you thinking now?"
"That we're playing a really unfair game of twenty-one questions. Clearly, you don't know the rules," Jalen says with a smirk.
Flashes of when we played the night we met come to mind, and I feel upset with how similar the situations are. Sure, things have changed, and I know him better now, but the feelings are still the same.
He's still so hard to figure out, and he's still making me feel like he has all of the answers, but refuses to share any of them with me.
It still feels like we're playing a game.
"If I don't know the rules it's because you didn't tell me them. But what else is new," I say snidely.
"Lyndon, what do you want from me? I told you why I asked to see you. You're the one who turned it into something else. What were you thinking was gonna happen today?"
"I thought we'd agree fake dating isn't working, and end it," I answer honestly.
Jalen goes still, suddenly having no joke to make.
"At least we agree on something," he finally says.
Ouch.
"Awesome. I appreciate the honesty. Can I leave now?"
Jalen lets out a groan of annoyance, before making sure I can't get past him.
"You're giving me a fucking headache, Lyndon."
"Oh, boo hoo, go pop some aspirin," I say while rolling my eyes.
"All I wanted was to go get something to eat," he continues, ignoring my remark. "Maybe walk around a bit. Even go see a damn movie."
"Wait, that sounds likeâ"
"A date? Yeah," he says, nodding his head. "And that could've happened if you hadn't dictated everything."
"But... that would mean..." I can't even form full sentences.
Was I wrong? Did I misread this whole thing?
"Doesn't matter," he dismisses. "You've made it perfectly clear where you stand."
"No!" I practically shout. "It does matter. All I wanted was for you to be honest."
Jalen lets out a bark of laughter. "You want me to be honest? Okay," he nods his head and takes a step closer, leaving no space between us. "You honestly drive me in-fucking-sane. I've got enough people in my life making me fucking crazy. I don't need anymore. And yet, I still find myself wanting to be around you. I really am a fucking idiot."
"Really?" I say in a soft voice, ignoring the subtle insults thrown in there. "I'm gonna cry."
"Exhibit A," Jalen announces, motioning with his hands around me. "Who in the fuck starts tearing up when someone's honest after they asked, no, demanded they be!"
I blink my watery eyes away. "Calm down," I say, giving him a light shove. "Don't think for one second that you don't make me just as crazy. Being around you always has me on edge."
"Is that a good or bad thing?" he asks, voice low.
"I really don't know. All I know is that... I don't mind it," I say in the same low tone.
Jalen looks me over, up and down slowly, before murmuring, "Works for me."
And then his hands cup my cheek, lips meeting mine in a kiss that makes my heart skip a beat.
But before he can deepen the kiss, I pull away, knowing more needs to be said.
I'm not letting history repeat itself. I need things clarified.
"Jalen," I begin, bringing my hands to cover his wrists, hoping the gentle touch eases the hard tone in my voice. "Weâ"
"Be my girlfriend," he murmurs softly.
I look at him, angling my head back to try to see if he's bullshitting me, but he doesn't let me budge.
Instead, he rests his forehead against mine, hands still cupping my face, thumbs brushing against my cheeks gently.
"I want you to be my girlfriend," he says in the same soft tone.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach.
"Are you for real?" is all I can manage to ask.
Jalen's quiet for a second, eyes intently watching me. He licks his lips, and says lowly, "Yeah, I think I am."
"You think you are," I begin questioning.
"Lyndon," he groans, pushing his forehead further against mine and closing his eyes.
His frustration makes me laugh, and the sound he makes as he says my name also has my cheeks reddening.
"Sorry, sorry," I state. "But, come on, you should have expected that response."
He pulls his forehead away from mine, but doesn't take a step back. One hand drops from my face, moving to cup my hip. He squeezes it lightly. "What I expected was an answer."
I watch as he bites the corner of his bottom lip, a nervous habit I've noticed he has. I smile at him, watching for the right dimple to appear as he smiles back. This only makes me smile more.
Here I was thinking Arlin Preparatory was the most familiar place to me, when really, it's Jalen. He's my familiar place, the one I've grown accustomed too. I can't even think of a moment where he hasn't been since moving back here.
"Yes," I answer with a wide smile. "I'll be your real girlfriend."
His lips are quickly on mine again, and this time, I let him deepen the kiss.
"Can we go eat now?" Jalen asks when we stop to catch our breaths.
I nod my head, feeling slightly dizzy from everything that's just happened.
But when Jalen locks his fingers with mine, walking us toward the parking lot, I feel grounded. I feel like I belong.
"This is your bike?"
I look toward where he nods. "Yeah. Got a problem with it?"
"No," he says with a shake of his head. "Just didn't think yellow was your color."
"I love yellow," I defend.
"Good to know," he says with a cheeky smile. "But just to clarify: you like regular yellow, or this ugly mustard color?"
"Ha ha," I say. "It's just a little old, that's all."
"A little?" he asks with a raised brow.
I shove him with my free hand, and our laughs mix together when he pulls me along by our connected hands.
"I think it'd be safer if we took my bike," he says.
"Too bad I don't have a basket. Could've just thrown you in there."
"Damn," Jalen says in fake disappointment, snapping his fingers. "Too fucking bad."
"Whatever. You said there's a good food truck around here? Let's just walk there."
"You don't wanna ride my bike?"
"No. Your bike sucks."
"You suck."
"No, I don't."
"Damn, you don't?"
"Jalen!" I scold with a laugh. "Keep it up, and me and my beautiful bike are gonna go home."
"Okay, okay," he says quickly, trying to hold in his laugh. "Let's walk there."
I follow his lead, just as I should have earlier.
Jalen brings our hands up to his face, planting a sweet kiss on the back of my hand.
And once again, a wide smile comes to my face.
I can't believe I thought he was gonna ghost me.
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A / N:
This chapter took me a while to write. I had so many different drafts of how this was going to go, but once I actually sat and started writing the dialogue, a lot changed. I really feel like Lyndon and Jalen just took over. This shows the dynamic between them perfectly: both extremely stubborn and passionate. I hope you guys enjoyed. I cannot wait to continue writing this story! Like I said in the last update, this story is far from over. We still have a ways to go. Don't think just because L&J are officially together things are over! See you soon!