Chapter 47: You Said I Was Your Favorite: Chapter 47

It’s been over a month since the day Daisy broke up with me over the phone with no real explanation. A month without hearing her laugh or seeing her smile at me. A month without holding her in my arms and kissing her. Touching her naked body and slipping inside of her.

I didn’t get to be with her nearly enough. What Daisy and I shared, it was more than fucking.

And I’ve turned into a complete sap, but only when it comes to her.

I miss her.

I’ve tried to move on. To carry on with my life and pretend she never came into it. I tell myself it wasn’t even that big of a deal. I barely knew her. We spent…what? A couple of months together?

That’s nothing. Just a blip in time. A mistake that should’ve never been made. I pretend that I’m over her and I’m the same carefree jackass who gives in to his impulses and does whatever the hell he wants, whenever he wants to, but those closest to me know the truth.

I’m not the same. I haven’t really returned to my old self. That part of me feels like a stranger I don’t want to reunite with. I’d rather be the guy who felt on top of the world because he had Daisy by his side.

Daisy and her cute ass name and cute face and hot as fuck body. With the braid and the skirt and the loafers and the white lacy socks. The girl whose body belonged to me. I stole every single one of her firsts and I feel like I earned them. They’re mine.

Just like she is. She always will be.

She doesn’t realize it yet.

It’s late October and everything’s shifted. The mornings are crisp and cold and we’ve had a few rainstorms come in. We just finished midterms and I aced everything. I didn’t even have to apply myself—it’s all too fucking easy. I went home over a long weekend and essentially begged my parents to let me leave Lancaster Prep after the fall semester, but they refused.

“Enjoy your time at Lancaster Prep while you can,” Dad said with a sly smile. “You’re only young once.”

“I have expectations once you graduate,” Mother said with a tiny sniff. “Familial obligations that only you can fulfill.”

What the hell my mother was referring to, I have no clue. She probably has me married off to at least three different girls and I could give a shit about any of them. Besides.

The only girl I’m interested in won’t even look in my direction.

We haven’t really talked since that day when I followed her to her house during lunch. When I told her she owned my heart. That wasn’t a lie. She’s still got it, though she probably doesn’t realize it. Hell, she might even believe I’ve moved on. From her viewpoint, I’ve fallen back into my old habits. Hanging out with JJ and the rest of the guys. Cadence and Mya and a few of their friends all sit with us at lunch. Or get together with us after school. We party sometimes together on the weekend, but I haven’t touched anyone.

Not a single girl.

Though they’ve all tried—minus Mya, who’s still messing around with JJ. And especially Cadence. She’s been throwing herself at me whenever she can, and I constantly push her away and tell her no. I’m not interested.

Not at all.

Think she’d get the hint, but I’m starting to believe that Cadence is a glutton for punishment.

After the tension that midterms always brings, we’re all looking for an opportunity to party and the annual Halloween bash is this weekend. We’ve been planning it for weeks, me and all of my friends. Edie and her friends too. If there’s a Lancaster in attendance at the school, then it’s usually up to them to organize the party.

It’s been the distraction I need. If I’m with my friends and my sister putting together an epic blowout then I won’t find myself glancing around in search of Daisy. Though she’s not easy to find. She’s in hiding most of the time nowadays. I’m guessing in the library or in the admin office—which I’m not working at anymore. I got called into Matthews’ office later that day, after I talked to Daisy by her garden, and he told me I had to work in the library with Miss Taylor during second period from now on. She has me shelving books every single day and it fucking sucks.

I’d rather torture myself by staring at Daisy in the office for a solid fifty minutes, knowing I don’t have the right to touch her or kiss her any longer.

I’m also a glutton for punishment, I swear to God.

It’s Tuesday afternoon and the last class of the day. Statistics with Mrs. Nelson. The moment I settle into my desk, I peek underneath it, always hoping I’ll find a book that Daisy left behind. It never happens.

Wait a minute…

Until now.

Glancing around, I make sure no one is paying attention to me before I pull the book out and settle it into my lap. I stare at the cover. It’s another one of those cartoonish illustrated covers, and this one features a couple standing next to each other, him looking down at her while she smiles up at him. She’s blonde and has braids. He’s tall and has golden brown hair.

Huh. The resemblance is pretty spot on.

Nelson is talking to a couple of students who surround her desk, so I thumb through the book, checking to see if she’s left me any notes. I know this is Daisy’s book. She’s annotated a few passages and she’s doodled in the margins. There’s one section that gets me near the end of the book. It’s highlighted in pink and pretty simple, but it feels like a swift kick to my heart.

I realize that in this very moment I still love him. I’m still in love with him.

And I don’t know what to do about it.

She’s drawn little hearts all around the two sentences, and every single one of them has a jagged line down the middle.

All the hearts are broken.

Did she mean for me to see this? Did she want me to know? Or was this an accident and this all means nothing? What if this isn’t even Daisy’s book at all? Hey, another girl could sit at this desk and like reading romance books. She could even enjoy drawing inside them and highlighting all of her favorite parts. You never know.

Weirder things have happened.

“Hey, Mrs. Nelson,” I call to the teacher when the students leave her desk and she’s all alone.

“Yes, Arch?”

“Who sits in this desk sixth period?” I shove the book back into the storage slot. I know what her answer is going to be, but I asked the question anyway.

“Daisy Albright.” She tilts her head, her gaze narrowing. “Didn’t you two have a little…thing going on?”

I shrug, playing it cool. “We were friends. Now we’re not.”

A frown forms. “That’s too bad. I like the idea of the two of you together.”

“Why?”

She seems taken aback by my question. “Why?”

“Yeah, why do you like that idea?” I need to know her opinion.

“Well…she’s quiet. You’re not. She’s sweet. You’re not.”

“Hey,” I protest.

Nelson smiles. “I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. You two are opposite personalities and I think you would balance each other out nicely.”

“I’m not her type.” I lean back in my chair, kicking my legs out. “She wasn’t into me.”

“Really?” She sounds like she doesn’t believe me.

I nod, enjoying this conversation. Nelson seems a little stunned by my confessions, and it goes to show that faculty gossips about us. Not that I’m surprised. “Sometimes people can be a little too opposite, you know?”

Her smile is thoughtful. “Interesting.”

The bell rings and she immediately starts talking, asking for last night’s homework. I pass mine up, my thoughts going to the book seeming to burn a hole in the desk, and I pull it back out, staring at the cover, knowing Daisy’s hands were just on it.

It’s definitely her book. Now the question is, did she leave it behind by accident or on purpose? And if it was on purpose, then she most likely meant for me to see that message via the passage she highlighted.

I lean back down and peer into the storage slot, spotting something else in there. Reaching inside, I wrap my fingers around it and pull it out.

A pastel blue highlighter pen.

Hmm.

This is definitely not an accident.

The teacher starts talking about a new section from the textbook and I tune her out, flipping through the romance book Daisy left for me, my eyebrows climbing when I find an extra hot scene.

This book has some spice. And I almost laugh out loud at a part Daisy highlighted.

Good girl.

She swallowed every drop.

Shit, I’m sweating.

I skim the scene, shifting in my seat, hoping no one notices I’m getting all fired up over a sex scene in a book. But it’s not even the words that are getting to me. It’s more the knowledge that I know Daisy read this and liked it and highlighted it. Is she still getting off while reading this stuff? Does she touch herself and think of me?

Yeah, can’t try and visualize things like that right now. Way too distracting.

Instead, I uncap the highlighter pen and run it across a few sentences that I hope will get a rise out of her. Once I’m finished with that, I grab a piece of paper and write a note to her, feeling like I’m living in a goddamn movie. Most people would just send each other a text saying, I miss you and discuss things like rational humans.

But this is Daisy who I’m dealing with. She’s not big on confrontation.

After reading over the note at least five times, I fold the paper and place it in the book, then stash it away where I found it. I’m impatient for the rest of the period, relieved when the bell finally rings, signaling the day is over.

Thank God.

I’m walking across campus, feeling aimless when I run into JJ, who for once in his life doesn’t have Mya with him. He may claim he’s not in a relationship, but they sure act like they are, and every time I see them together, I feel a pang in my chest. I don’t like to identify what it is, but deep down, I know.

Jealousy.

“Wanna get the hell out of here?” JJ asks, glancing around like he’s afraid someone is going to spot him.

“Sure. What are you thinking?”

“Anywhere but here.” JJ starts walking. “Come on.”

I follow him to the parking lot, noting his determined steps and the scowl on his face. JJ seems pissed, and he’s rarely angry.

“What’s your problem?” I ask once we’re in his car and he’s starting the engine.

“Fucking Mya.” He shakes his head, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles go white. “We got into an argument.”

I don’t ask him what about. If he wants to volunteer that information to me, he will.

He drives in silence for a few minutes, turning so we’re headed into town and finally, he speaks.

“She said she’s tired of me not fully committing to her and if I can’t do it, she’ll go find someone else who will.” He pauses for only a moment. “I told her to go ahead and find someone else then, if she believes I’m not good enough for her.”

“I don’t think that’s what she was saying…”

“Felt like it,” JJ says, speaking right over me. “I’ve told her from the start that I don’t do serious. She knew this and she’s still wanting more from me than I can give.”

“Why can’t you give it to her?” I think of Daisy and how I believed I wasn’t someone who could be serious either. Though really, I was committed to Cadence, even though I regretted that decision pretty quickly. But I stuck it out.

I guess I’m a commitment type of guy, which is a little fucking mind-blowing.

“I don’t know. Because I saw the way my parents fought when I was a kid, before they finally got a divorce. How they used their kids like weapons against each other. Love is bullshit, man.” JJ hits the steering wheel.

“It’s not so bad if you open yourself up to it,” I say, sounding like the sap I’ve become.

“Please.” He makes a dismissive sound. “I had a front row seat to the disaster that was your relationship with Cadence. That was a nightmare.”

“My relationship with Cadence doesn’t count.”

“For real. What other relationship are you talking about?” He sends me a quick look, his eyebrows rising. “You and jail bait?”

Fury fills my blood, leaving me hot. “Don’t call her that.”

“You still hot for her? You don’t talk about her.”

I can’t. I don’t want to. “I’m in love with her.”

JJ goes completely silent. It’s not until he’s pulling up to the curb downtown and parking the car that he finally speaks.

“In love? You?”

Nodding, I avert my gaze, staring at a store I ran into with Daisy. The day before our world imploded. “Tell me I’m an idiot.”

JJ remains quiet and I turn to face him, only to see the sympathy flickering in his eyes. “You’re an idiot.”

“I am.” I nod. “I fell in love with her and she ended it with me.”

“Why?”

“She said we were too different.” That’s not the only reason though. I have suspicions and maybe that’s why I don’t push.

I think the breakup has everything to do with her dad, and while I probably can’t change his mind, I’m still tempted—a month later—to go to Ralph and ask him what the hell is up.

Why does he hate me so much that he doesn’t want his daughter to come near me? He must think so low of me, and I don’t get it.

I’m a fucking catch.

I treated his daughter like gold.

Daisy makes me want to be a better person. I still want to be a better person, even though I’m not with her. I still want to do it for her. In the hopes that she’ll see and realize that she misses me.

Pathetic. That’s me. I’m not an idiot. I’m a pathetic fool who’s hung up on a girl who’s so closed-off, she’s probably already forgotten all about me.

“Women,” JJ mutters, shaking his head and I can’t help it.

I start to laugh. Because he’s right.

Daisy’s my favorite person in the whole world.

But she’s also become my worst nightmare.