Chapter 45: You Said I Was Your Favorite: Chapter 45

I’m restless. Anxious. Two emotions I rarely deal with but shit.

It’s late. Past ten and I still haven’t heard a peep out of Daisy. I’m tempted to go over to her house and make sure she’s okay, but I don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama with her dad so I remain in my room, pacing the floor. Hoping like hell Ralph wasn’t too upset with her when she came home.

He probably was.

And it’s all my fault.

I’m in bed when the text finally comes and I check it immediately, frowning when I read what she said.

Daisy: I can’t see you anymore.

Wasting no time, I immediately call her. She answers on the fourth ring, her voice the barest whisper. So low, I can barely hear her.

“Please don’t call me anymore, Arch.”

My heart seizes in my chest, threatening to stop beating. “What the fuck, Daze? What are you talking about? Why can’t you see me anymore?”

She remains quiet and I swear I hear her sniffling. Like she’s crying.

“Is it your dad? Did he tell you that you can’t see me?” I press when she doesn’t say anything.

More crying.

I sit up in bed, my gaze going to the window. I wish I could see her house from here. See her bedroom window and the light on inside and know that she’s safe and sound. That she’s still mine.

“This is bullshit. Your dad can’t tell you what to do. You’re eighteen and almost done with school. If you want to be with me, you can.”

“I can’t. I can’t do this,” she croaks into the phone, and fuck, I can literally feel how sad she is. It’s washing over me, leaving me wrung out. “Everything’s too complicated right now, and I don’t see how we can fix it. It’s probably for the best anyway. We’re too different. We would’ve never worked.”

“You really believe that?” I retort, letting my frustration shine.

None of this sounds like Daisy. More like it sounds as if someone—her dad—fed her a bunch of lines and she’s regurgitating them.

She goes silent and I wait for her to say something.

Anything.

“I have to,” she finally says on a sigh. “There’s someone better for you out there, Arch. And I don’t think it’s me. Goodbye.”

The call ends.

She’s gone.

I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen like she’s going to magically call me back and yell, “got ya!”

Of course, this doesn’t happen.

Without even thinking, I throw my phone across the room. It hits the wall and bounces off, skidding across the floor and I shove my hands in my hair. Pulling.

Hard enough to make it hurt.

But I still don’t feel a single fucking thing.

I’m up at the butt crack of dawn because I couldn’t sleep and I’m striding across campus by seven-thirty, making a stop in the dining hall to pick up a coffee and a blueberry muffin. I’m starving since I didn’t eat dinner last night and I need a hit of caffeine to function.

I’m also hurt. So freaking hurt that she’d dismiss me from her life that easily. I don’t care if her dad says she can’t see me. The fact that she’s agreeing with him is what kills me.

This is some straight-up bullshit. Doesn’t she know how much she means to me? How much I need her in my life?

Fuck this. She can’t just dismiss me. Doesn’t she know who I am?

Yeah, I sound like an arrogant asshole even in my own head, but come on. I’m fucking Arch Lancaster. I run this school. Who gave her the right to just kick me aside and tell me it’s over?

The moment the thoughts cross my mind—and this isn’t the first time that’s happened either—I know it’s just my ego talking. It’s easier to be all, do you know who I am, rather than focus on the pain that’s currently growing inside me like a living, breathing thing. My heart is shriveling, shrinking in size every second that I continue to exist and Daisy isn’t mine. Pretty soon it’s going to be gone completely.

What’s crazy is I finally give it to someone for the first time in my life and she immediately throws it back in my face.

Like what the actual fuck?

My luck is for shit.

“You look like you want to kick someone’s ass.” I turn with a snarl on my face, my mood not easing whatsoever at finding JJ standing in front of me. He immediately takes a step back, holding his hands in front of him. “Damn, bro, who shit in your bed?”

Fucking disgusting, what he just said. “Bad morning,” I mutter.

“I’ll say.” He falls into step beside me uninvited. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” My world is just imploding. It’s no big deal. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

JJ is frowning, practically jogging beside me to keep up. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

I glare at him. “Isn’t that what I just said?”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man. I just—” He clamps his lips shut, facing forward as we keep walking, heading toward the library. There’s a bench in front of the building where you can see everyone coming and going on campus. The perfect spot for me to drink my coffee, inhale the muffin and watch for Daisy.

“You just what?”

“I just…haven’t seen you look like this before.” He hesitates. “Or act like this before.”

“Like what?” I lift my head, squinting against the sun. It’s so wild how your life can take a completely different turn, leaving you ragged and questioning everything, yet the world just keeps on turning.

Life goes on. It doesn’t stop for your pain or suffering. It skips right past it, leaving you and all that pain in the dust.

I hate it.

“Like someone kicked your dog and killed it,” JJ says, as blunt as ever. “You’re rarely in a bad mood unless Matthews decides to give you shit.”

“For once in my life, I’m not pissed at Matthews,” I say truthfully, falling onto the bench and pulling the muffin out of the small white bag. I take a big bite and practically choke it down. So fucking dry.

“A miracle has occurred.” JJ settles onto the bench next to me, his gaze lingering on my face. Like he’s trying to figure me out. “Girl trouble?”

I exhale loudly, hating that he nailed it. “Yeah.”

“But you don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Considering you’re messing around with my ex’s best friend, I definitely don’t want to talk about it,” I say, sipping from my too hot coffee before I take another bite of my too dry muffin.

I can’t win today.

“Hey, I take offense to that. I won’t say shit to Mya if you don’t want me to. Though they aren’t as close as they were. I think Mya is sick of her shit.”

“Really?” I’m not that shocked. Cadence has treated Mya terribly for years and Daisy said something about it too.

Shit. Daisy. See how easily she returns to my thoughts? She was such a huge part of my life how can I just forget her?

I can’t.

“Yeah, she’s over Cadence. And just so you know, I consider you one of my best friends. I would never spill your secrets.” JJ actually sounds hurt.

And I immediately feel bad.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m all wound up over this and I wasn’t trying to insult you, I swear. If Cadence ever found out I was having trouble with Daisy, she’d gloat like the bitch she is.”

“I won’t tell her anything. I won’t even mention it to Mya,” JJ promises.

“Thanks, man.” I take another sip of coffee, scanning the area for Daisy. No sign of her yet.

“Did you and Daisy break up?” JJ’s eyebrows shoot up when I glance over at him.

“She dumped me.”

JJ’s mouth drops open. “Seriously?”

I nod, a lump sticking in my throat, making it hard to speak.

“I’m—surprised.” He shakes his head. “You spent a lot of time with her. Seemed like you were into each other.”

His words make my chest ache. We were totally into each other. I was into her.

I had it bad for her.

Hell, I still do. My feelings for Daisy can’t change overnight. I’m not a fucking machine.

As if she could sense we were talking about her, Daisy appears out of nowhere, walking across campus, heading for the building where our English class is. Her head is bowed, her hair pulled back into a single braid just like she used to wear it, and it’s like what happened between us never existed.

I’m back to being me and she’s back to being the little ghost that floats around campus, everyone looking right through her.

Except for me. I see her.

“Yeah, well, it didn’t work.” I flash JJ a smile but it feels more like a baring of teeth so I let it fade quickly. “Maybe I’m not meant to be in a relationship.”

That’s a complete lie. I’m dying to be in a relationship with only one girl. She just chooses not to be in one with me.

I rub at my chest, hating how down I am. Knowing that nothing will fix my mood except for Daisy.

“Me either.” JJ chuckles, holding up his hand for a high five.

I don’t give it to him, a scowl forming on my face. “What about Mya?”

He drops his hand, shrugging. “What about her?”

“You two aren’t together?” I’m so fucking confused.

“I haven’t made anything official, and she hasn’t asked. We’re just hanging out and fucking around. Why can’t it just be that?”

Because if you were into her, you wouldn’t want it to be just hanging out and fucking around. You’d want to be with her all the time. Your thoughts would be consumed with her. You’d see things, or something would happen to you, and you’d immediately want to tell her. Because she’s it for you. You can’t see or think or taste anything else.

Just her.

Her.

“I can’t take anything seriously,” JJ continues, clearly on a roll. “Just like you.”

His words haunt my thoughts when I leave him on the bench a couple of minutes later, right before the bell rings. When I’m walking down the hallway and pausing in the open doorway of Mr. Winston’s classroom. I stand there and watch Daisy sitting in her usual spot, pretending to read the open book sitting on her desk in front of her.

I know the truth. I see the way her eyes flicker up and immediately glance down when she catches me watching her. I don’t care if she sees me staring.

I want her to see.

“Are you joining us today, Mr. Lancaster? Or do you prefer to remain in the doorway?” Mr. Winston asks good-naturedly.

I enter the classroom without saying a word, heading straight for Daisy. She keeps her head bent and I swear her shoulders visibly shake, which makes me feel like shit.

Of course, I feel bad. I’m not a monster.

I keep walking past her, not sitting in the desk behind hers. I choose not to torture myself today. Sitting behind her, smelling her, having to resist reaching out and touching her silky hair…

My self-restraint isn’t that strong.

Instead, I sit in the back of the class like I used to. Kicking out my legs and nudging the chair in front of me, crossing my arms in front of my chest. The look of pure disappointment on Winston’s face doesn’t faze me. I’m sure he’s bummed I’m not sitting at the front like before. The happy, pussy-whipped chump I was not even twenty-four hours ago.

This is the new me. The old me.

The still fucked-up over Daisy me.